A New Dawn. (sequal)

Aquagirl15 · #1 12-06-2004, 07:15 PM

well hi again. this is my sequal to Raven's Old Friend this is just the prologe so not much here. but for you new people: read Raven's Old Friend first or you won't have a clue who one of the main characters are. i'll stop babbling and give you... A NEW DAWN!!!

PROLOGE

A girl in her late teens struggled to her feet. A demon with red eyes swam across her vision. Very unluckily it wasn’t in a dream. She had been knocked down for the hundredth time by Trigon. Her father, the one person that she had to blame for her being slightly evil. An older boy helped her to her feet. They stared at the huge red demon that they had been trying to beat for six months.

Trigon shot yellow energy at the pair and they parted; the boy running over to Trigon sword at the ready. The girl, who stood right in front of her father, yelled the words that controlled her powers,

“Azarath… Metrion… ZINTHOS!!!” She cried as the demon stumbled forward. He steadied himself and shot more yellow energy out of his eyes. The boy flew up on to Trigon’s back and Trigon threw him off. The boy lay unconscious and the girl ran over to him. She lifted him up and they flew away from the demon, letting the other Azaratheans fight so they could get some rest. The girl was Raven and the boy was Sparrow the heroes of our tale.

“Come in come in!” a pretty woman said ushering Raven into a small house.

“Mrs. Mankris we can’t keep this up much longer. He will destroy Azarath and there is nothing I can do!” Raven shouted desperately. This had gone on long enough. There was no way Raven could defeat him this time.

“Raven you are an amazing girl with amazing powers. You will go out there and you will defeat your father for good. Do you understand?” Mrs. Mankris asked. “Maybe not today or tomorrow or anytime soon but Trigon will one day fall thanks to you.” Raven didn’t answer. All the pain and suffering Azarath had been undergoing was her fault.

Trigon was her father and her responsibility. Raven’s head shot up and her eyes looked determined. She walked out of the house and faced Trigon once again. She used a curse that she had only used once and had hoped never to use it again. She chanted the words and held up a book. Raven imprisoned Trigon in the book that held Malchior. The sky turned from red to black and everyone stared Raven.

She had done it. And it had seemed so simple. Why hadn’t she thought of that earlier? Now Azarath was free from a menace that was always in the back of her people’s minds. Raven sank to the ground and breathed deeply. A silence had come over the crowd of warriors. Then an uproar of cheering and screaming at Raven’s achievement. She smiled and then another hush came over the crowd.

“I wish I could stay and celebrate with you guys but Sparrow and I have been missing from our home for too long.” Sparrow’s mother, Mrs. Mankris, ran out of the small dwelling and ran over to Raven.

“Dear you can’t leave now, not after all that’s happened.” She said

“Mom we have to get back to the Titans.” Sparrow’s voice said from the door way of the hut. Mrs. Mankris nodded but Raven and Sparrow could tell that she didn’t want her son to leave her again. “We need to get back to the place were missed.” Mrs. Mankris had tears in her eyes and Sparrow walked over to his mother. He gave her a hug and then looked at Raven. She nodded and the couple joined hands and flew up into the sky. Mrs. Mankris was the one they were going to miss the most but JumpCity was their home. They needed to go home.

Meanwhile at Titan’s Tower…

As told by Robin…

Things hadn’t been the same since Raven and Sparrow had left. It has been four months since the last time we had heard from them. I sensed things were getting worse and that was why they hadn’t been sending letters. I wanted them to come back. Now that the Teen Titans were temporarily a team of four things were getting difficult.

Beast Boy sidled into the living room where the rest of the team was. We were all eating breakfast and trying ignore the feeling of emptiness in all of our stomachs. Today was the day that Sparrow had become a Teen Titan six months ago. Half a year… Had it really been that long?

The team gave a sigh in unison. We missed Raven and Sparrow so much it was like having a constant stomach ache. Just then my communicator went off. My face grew much happier when I saw who was calling me.

“Raven!” I yelled to the team. They looked at me in disbelief and crowed around to hear her news

well hope you liked it. as always feedback is good!!

nevermore · #2 12-06-2004, 07:25 PM

First Post? FIRST POST!!! YAY!!!

I've posted first in both of Aquagirls fanfics!!! Sorry. It was good. You could have had the battle with Trigon go longer, but oh well. That's life.

Please post soon. I need to read more.

Aquagirl15 · #3 12-06-2004, 07:27 PM

wasn't six months long enough? JK i know what you mean. but it was hard cause we barely know anything about Trigon.

Sproxie · #4 12-06-2004, 07:49 PM

nice sequel! but that was a really short fight scene between Raven and Trigon... it actually sorta confused me like at one point she is fighting trigon... then she was talking to sparrows mom and then she's back fighting... or something....

otherwise nice way to start a sequel!

T.T.Raven4 · #5 12-06-2004, 08:57 PM

I agree, but it was a great prolouge. Write more!

Crowgirl · #6 12-06-2004, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sprox 083

but that was a really short fight scene between Raven and Trigon... it actually sorta confused me like at one point she is fighting trigon... then she was talking to sparrows mom and then she's back fighting... or something....

As much as I loved the beginning, I have to agree. Next time draw it out a little more.

IT STILL ANNOYS ME THAT YOU YOU MY WRITING TECHNIQUE!!!!!!! Grrrr......

Aquagirl15 · #7 12-06-2004, 09:53 PM

sorry guys! and like i said before: i'm sorry Crowgirl. Hey Nevermore used it too! i'm not the only one you should be ratting on! JK!! i was the 1st to use it, so don't rat on him. more tomorrow (hopefully)

CaligoRae · #8 12-07-2004, 10:02 AM

Coolness!!! This Is Soo Awsome. Pls Continue Soon!!!

Matt A · #9 12-07-2004, 02:57 PM

Muchos agreeos!

I've got no problem with short fights. Sometimes they can be too long...

Crowgirl · #10 12-07-2004, 04:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Aquagirl15

i'm sorry Crowgirl. Hey Nevermore used it too!

Couple of things:

I'm not ratting on anbody
I accept your apology
Anybody know where nevermore is right now?

Just kidding about the third, but when is the new chapter going to be up? Any time soon would be nice....

Raven37 · #11 12-07-2004, 04:38 PM

Okay, feedback time:

Complaints: (don't take this personally. I'm just trying to help.) I also agree that the fight scene was, like, 2 seconds long. Your an excellent writer and I truly enjoyed your other story, but I think you could've done a better prologue. The beginning for this sequel, unfortunately, wasn't as good as I expected it to be.

You didn't really explain what had happened in the six months that they were supposedly fighting Trigon in Azarath. Also, like I said earlier, you didn't really describe the fight scene when she trapped Trigon in a book. There are questions that were not answered like 'Which words did she use to trap Trigon?' and 'Where did she get the book? Did it just poof out of thin air? What kind of book was it?' If you be more descriptive, your story will be much better.

Two other complaints: 'sidled 'I've never heard that verb... was that a typo? And, 'She had been knocked down for the hundredth time by Trigon.' Hundreth? That's a big number. Were they fighting that long?

Okay, that's all my complaints, now for the positive feedback:

Positive: It has a very good plot! You've truly got me hooked! Your writing style is getting way better than when you just started.

It also makes me happy that you post very often.(Way more than me, but you know the technical deificulties I go through...) Anyways, POST MORE OR I WILL SEND THE SANDWICH SQUAD FOR YOU! (Bologna Man, Cheese Man, Bread Lady, and Olive Lady!) Muahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!

Nevermore might also send Iguana Man for you if things get intanse...

-Raven37

P.S. Aquagirl- can you spend the night at my house Saturday night?

nevermore · #12 12-07-2004, 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raven37

Nevermore might also send Iguana Man for you if things get intanse...

-Raven37

*Pulling on a long chain with something snarling at the other end* Man, what did Mom feed you? *Closes door as quicky as possible* Yes. I might have to send in Iguana man... That is, unless you post soon. Your story rocks. I use it as bait to lure Iguana Man into his cage.

Crowgirl · #13 12-07-2004, 06:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Raven37

POST MORE OR I WILL SEND THE SANDWICH SQUAD FOR YOU! (Bologna Man, Cheese Man, Bread Lady, and Olive Lady!)

WHAT IS WITH THE SANDWICH SQUAD!!! IT IS DRIVING ME INSANE!!!!!

Sorry, had to say that. Now when is the first chapter coming?

T.T.Raven4 · #14 12-07-2004, 06:14 PM

Ok, Raven37, my only disagreement about your gripes, was the fact of her being knocked fown for the hundreth time. It seemsed like a good exzaggeration (sp?) I mean, if you think about it, you think of how many times you've...forgotten to do your homework, you might exzaggerate and say something like that, but that's just a point. WRITE MORE!

Aquagirl15 · #15 12-07-2004, 07:44 PM

yes typo.

it happens. anyway i have Karate tomorrow and my brother hogged the computer today so i didn't get any writing done.

pobably won't get more done until thurs. IF i don't get much HW tomorrow i might get a small chapter out. very if and might though.

glad you liked it for the most part and i'm sorry i dissapointed you Rae37.

i'll try harder next chapter.

Raven37 · #16 12-08-2004, 08:30 AM

You didn't disappoint me. I was just giving some helping advice to make your story better.

And you know I always luv you Jessie!

(best-friend way.)

-Raven37

Aquagirl15 · #17 12-08-2004, 08:35 AM

oh and i'm gonna explain what happened in the six months too. some of it Raven and Sparrow will tell the others and some of it Raven will dream.

Raven37 · #18 12-08-2004, 08:38 AM

Ooh! There's the writing genius I know as my best friend! (or a.k.a. Bob!)

-Raven37

Aquagirl15 · #19 12-08-2004, 07:16 PM

1st chapter for tho!!!

Chapter One: Home Again

“Hey guys. It doesn’t look like you missed us too much.” She said sarcastically. I guess she realized that we looked a lot happier than we did before she called. “I have good news and bad news.” Now we looked worried, “Nothing to worry about. Sparrow and I are leaving Azarath. We’ll be there at Titan’s Tower probably early tomorrow morning. The bad news is that the battle with Trigon is far from over. I managed to trap him in Malchior’s enchanted book but who knows when he’ll escape.” Raven sighed.

“But don’t you need some funky incantation to get him out of the book?” Beast Boy asked.

“Yeah that’s for Machoior but Trigon isn’t bound to the book so he might be able to get out by himself. But never mind that, Sparrow wants to talk to you.” Raven’s face disappeared and Sparrow’s came over the communicator.

“Hey! How are you guys doing?”

“Not bad!” everyone said.

“You guys look in pretty bad shape.” I said.

“Nah, we’ve seen worse. Remember we been fighting for six months. So we’ve been knocked around quite a bit.” Knocked around didn’t really sum it up in my opinion but I remembered how Sparrow had made it seem like a small deal when he got hit by Barelei, so I knew there was more to it.

“If you can get here tonight try, I don’t care how late it is.” I told them.

“Fine, fine we’ll be there probably at 2:00 in the morning at the rate we’re flying right now.” Sparrow said. “We’ll call when we get closer.”

“BYE!!!” we all yelled. Then Sparrow was gone. I sighed. I knew that Sparrow and Raven could take care of themselves but I had a feeling something was wrong.

As told by the author…

In a dark alleyway two figures stood. One bent his head low as the other figure spoke to him.

“I am very disappointed in you. All that time I spent training you wasted. You failed your own mission. You didn’t kill Sparrow as you planned and now we have lost track of him and Raven. If you disappoint me this time I will make sure you are worked to the bone and until I am sure you will not fail.”

“Yes master.” The first figure muttered. This figure is Barelei and the other is Slade the villains of this story.

Barelei’s eyes glowed suddenly red after his father’s back had turned. Yes master indeed! You can’t expect me to be able to beat the Titans alone! You can’t even do it with the help from all the villains and criminals you can order around. Master, Ha! No one can command me!!! I just need a little help getting away from Slade without killing myself. He thought. Then Barelei had a wonderful idea. And he knew exactly who was going to help him to escape Slade.

As told by Cyborg…

This was great! Raven and Sparrow would be home tonight. I don’t think any of us will sleep until they get here. But we went to the video store and got some movies to watch until they get home so we won’t be sitting around twiddling our thumbs. We popped in the first movie at probably 10:00. It lasted until 11:30 so we watched another one.

It went on like that until Beast Boy conked out and was drooling all over Star. Then it was 1:00 so we didn’t have to wait long for Sparrow and Raven. I was hungry so I made sandwiches. They were gone pretty quick so I guessed everyone was hungry. Then we waited. I periodically checked my watch attached to my arm but most of the time only 10 minutes had gone by.

A noise outside jerked me from staring off into space. We all looked up at the ceiling. Well not BB cause he was still asleep. Then Barelei entered the tower. We all automatically went into battle pose.

“Relax what I’m looking for isn’t here so I’m going.” Barelei said and he did leave. We all sat back down. But I could tell everyone was wondering what Barelei was looking for. But luckily we didn’t have much time to muse over it. Sparrow and Raven appeared out of the wall.

“Raven, Sparrow it is good to see you!” Starfire yelled pulling both of them into spine breaking hugs. They yelled; Star blushed and apologized. Robin walked up to Raven and he smiled at her. She smiled back. They weren’t the type for hugging. Robin and Sparrow shook hands and patted each other’s backs. Then I walked over to them.

“Holy cow it’s good it see you guys again!” I yelled. I hugged Raven and Sparrow but I didn’t crush them like Star had. Their eyes were shinning with happiness at finally being home again.

“We left your rooms the way you had them.” Robin said. Well we didn’t have anything else to say to cover the silence that. Then we all formed a group hug. We stood there holding each other and then BB woke up.

“Dudes why didn’t you tell me they were here?” he asked groggily. We all shrugged. BB walked up to Raven and Sparrow. He hugged Raven and slapped a high five with Sparrow. Then we all headed to bed.

any better?

Raven37 · #20 12-08-2004, 09:02 PM

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?! THAT WAS GREAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But... I do have some gripes.

(just a few!):

Quote:

As told by the author…

In a dark alleyway two figures stood. One bent his head low as the other figure spoke to him.

“I am very disappointed in you. All that time I spent training you wasted. You failed your own mission. You didn’t kill Sparrow as you planned and now we have lost track of him and Raven. If you disappoint me this time I will make sure you are worked to the bone and until I am sure you will not fail.”

“Yes master.” The first figure muttered. This figure is Barelei and the other is Slade the villains of this story.

Barelei’s eyes glowed suddenly red after his father’s back had turned. Yes master indeed! You can’t expect me to be able to beat the Titans alone! You can’t even do it with the help from all the villains and criminals you can order around. Master, Ha! No one can command me!!! I just need a little help getting away from Slade without killing myself. He thought. Then Barelei had a wonderful idea. And he knew exactly who was going to help him to escape Slade.

1. Okay, The whole 'as told by the author' thing was a little out of place... It just didn't seem to fit in with the story. You wrote it well, but the point-of-view didn't really fit...

Quote:

A noise outside jerked me from staring off into space. We all looked up at the ceiling. Well not BB cause he was still asleep. Then Barelei entered the tower. We all automatically went into battle pose.

“Relax what I’m looking for isn’t here so I’m going.” Barelei said and he did leave. We all sat back down. But I could tell everyone was wondering what Barelei was looking for. But luckily we didn’t have much time to muse over it. Sparrow and Raven appeared out of the wall.

2. It seemed that Barelei just walked in took one look and left. If he was looking for something or someone *cough* Raven or *cough* Saprrow *cough*, he didn't really do a decent search, cause I mean, Raven or Sparrow could've been in other parts of the tower...

Okay, those are my only complaints. Overall, this was an excellent chapter and didn't, as you say, 'disappoint' me. It was very well written and interesting. You used perfect adjectives and made the story flow very well. WRITE MORE OR I WILL SEND THE SANDWICH SQUAD!!! Or, if that doesn't work, I WILL SEND THE EMPLOYEES FROM THE PINK STORE!!!!!!! Muahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!