Jackie (Teen Titans fan fic please give a feed back)

[Raven13]

Alright…..just so you people’s don’t get confused the girl in the story has all the same powers as Raven. Also Jackie manly tells the story from her prespective. Also this is my first fic so it is not the best. Hope you like it!!






“Jackie…JACKIE wake up this is the third time is class that you have fallen asleep.” Mr. Conwell yelled in my face.



“O sorry I said I’m just really tired.” I said even though last night I just stayed up all night practicing my powers.



I know that Mr. Conwell had hated me since I had entered Jump City High School. He would send me down to the office anytime just to make me mad. My opinion is that he has hated our family ever since my mom had dated him in High School.



“Jackie this is your third check on your time out sheet.” He had said with pleasure and happiness.



O gosh I thought to my self. That meant that I had to go down to the office and fill out an time out sheet. What is that you ask, well it is the worst ting possible for me. I means that I have to go do to the office and fill out this 2 sided paper for a long time with the principle hovering over me. Also the worst is if you get 3 time out sheets you will have a Saturday detention for 5 HOURS.

So I got up and grabbed the paper from his hand. Then I stormed out the door and started walking. On the way there I then got curious and decided to check out the sheet and se some of the questions.



1. What did you get a time out sheet?

2. Will you do this act in the future?

3. How can you improve your behavior?



As I looked at #1 I was thinking what I should write. I was not very creative but I could think of something fast I guess. Well I had to because I was just about to pull the handle open to the office door.



~ ~ 40 minutes later and Jackie returns to the classroom with her time out sheet filled out and ready to read. ~ ~



“Hmmmmm…… yes ………ok.” I heard Mr. Conwell mumble. “Well very surprisingly good, exept for # 1 you have a ? mark. Well since you can not write your explanation out on paper I think you should explain it in front of the class.”

O no I thought, well I had to then really think of something fast this time. “MY HOUSE CAUGHT ON FIRE.” I screamed it was the best idea that was also a good excuse. Then I could tell that Mr. Conwell was not buying my idea. “and it happened at 2:00 in the morning.” O that was not a good thing I said again to my self.



I then looked around the room and saw that everyone was laughing at me. I saw faces of me and then I saw the snot group. The meanest group of girls in the school and they just had to be in my class. They hated everyone that was not as cool or pretty as them. I then lost control and a desk started to rise with a black around it. It then started to lift above the group off snots.



“AHHHHHHHHH” screams were filling the room very fast and they were all caused by me. Mr. Conwell then try to lower the desk with his hands, but my powers were to strong for anyone. Then I came back to reality.



please give a feed back and i do exept critisem and pointers or things that i have to improve on!!!!

[T.T.Raven4]

Everyone loves to have Raven's powers. (Don't worry, my dude does too)

Good. I liked how it related to life. There is always a group of people who you just wished were dead, and there's always the teacher that hates you. Good.

No Gripes really pop into my head, so I'll leave you with the, Good chapter, Write more. And in case you haven't noticed, we like to give death threats when we want more, so as you've guessed, WRITE MORE OR FEEL MY WRATH! (Or at least what's left of it )

[Raven13]

haha yea i see u do lol


well i should be posting more tommarrow i really agree also that it would be awesome to have ravens powers lol

[Raven37]

That was pretty good for your first chapter ever. I definitely liked howyou put in a real life perspective. Very creative. My only gripe is work on your grammer. Everything else is great.


-Raven37

[Matt A]

I do believe you said earlier that you were rubbish at writing...on the face of it, I'd say that you share the common delusion that most of us writers on here, including myself, seem to have. In other words, you may think that you're rubbish, but you're blatantly not.

For the most part, I agree with what T.T. said. Perhaps a bit more detail could have been added here and there, but that's just nit-picking. Which we all seem to do a lot.

[Raven13]

yea not to good at grammer never payed attentiong in english class it probley would of helped now

[nevermore]

Originally Posted by T.T.Raven4

Everyone loves to have Raven's powers. (Don't worry, my dude does too)

Everyone does. My character started out like that when I making up his powers. Eventually it somehow got to the shadow powers.

Anyway, great start. better than my starts. Keep this going. Who knows where it will go.

[Raven13]

thanks yea i think i have a really good idea on where it might be going the starting points r always hard to do and i dont no how good grammer will be but i will try to get more into detail also next time

o and please im not ready to die

[Aquagirl15]

oooooooo that was good! one thing you should know in the words of my special friend nevermore: death threats are the upmost form of flatterly or something like that. so consider death threats a compliment. write more or suffer the wrath of bologna man!!!!!!(don't EVEN ask)

[Raven13]

Well thanks for the complemint lol yea i think that this might be a really long story yea i kinda knew that death threats were a good thing lol but thanks for the info lol

[Raven37]

JESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is soooo my death threat!!!!!!!!!!! Bologna Man is mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Stick to yours: 'write more or suffer!' Anyway, I can't wait to see what will happen in your next chapter! You've got me wondering already! Write more or suffer the wrath of Bologna Man!!!!!!! (my death threat!)


-Raven37

[Aquagirl15]

i just did that to make u mad... anyway WRITE MORE OR SUFFER!!!! there that make u happy?

[CaligoRae]

Its ok. I just miss the fact that Raven isn't unque (sp?)But other then that it was great.

[Raven13]

Chapter 2







When I then came back the desk had suddenly dropped to the ground smacking one of the snots rate over the head. It had to be the leader also……….Lacey. She was very pretty on the outside but not so pretty on the inside. Blonde hair with highlights, very small, and she looked liked a pig the way her nose was shaped. She was the nastiest person that you could ever run into.



Then I decided to run over and pretend that I was concerned about her. “Are you alright I asked her.” But the only thing I heard was crying and there was a gigantic lump on her head. About the size of an egg I had estimated.



The nurse then was called down rate away to look at it. When she had entered the room it looked liked she had just ran the mile. Well as the fat old woman sat down to check Lacey, everyone was staring at me like I had committed a murder. As I backed away my fellow students seemed to grow closer. To save me the bell had rang, and thank the Lord that it was the last day of the week. Now I had some time to practice my powers and maybe never have an accident like this ever again.



I had finally gotten home wanting to go straight to my room and sit there and practice more.



“So honey how was your day at school?” my mom had asked like she knew what happened. She also had the same powers that I had and she had taught me how to control them and the basics. Why I wanted to practice alone was because my mom would baby me and yell at me for doing things wrong.



“Uhhh……. Well it was great and I got an A on my spelling test.” I had lied rate up my throat and she didn’t even know.



“That’s nice……. O and honey don’t forget that Mrs. Johnston I coming over tonight for dinner. O and she is bringing her nice young daughter Lacey. Also don’t forget to meditate tonight I now how your temper can be.” My mom had stated.



“O MY GOSH” I screamed in horror.



“What’s wrong honey.” My mom had said. She actually did not know that I hated her guts and she hated mine. Our parents had been friends for a long time also they had lots of things in common like both of there husbands had left them (both me and Lacey’s father).

As I ran up to my room I suddenly had a vision. At first I did not get the meaning but then I broke it down into parts and I had figured out the meaning.



~ ~ THE VISION ~ ~



~ ~ First there I was in the middle of the city walking. For some reason I was blue and everyone else was white. Then out of the crowd came a gigantic blast of wind and rock. The rocks were hitting me no one else. It was kind of like they knew that I had powers or maybe I was a threat. Then I had used my powers to block it out and all the sudden it was gone. Then I was suddenly in I was in a new city and everyone was blue like me. ~ ~



As I walked to my to my room I just laid in bed until I was fast asleep.



Then the door bell rang and I saw the nightmare of my life we were ready to destroy each other.







~ ~Alright that chapter was kinda dumb because I was blanked out and I could not think of anything it was hard (u guys could of thought of something better probably) but I have a really good idea for the next chapter . Please give me pointers!!!!!!!!!!!

[T.T.Raven4]

Ah, nothing smells better than a good Teen Titan's fan Fiction.


This was good. I didn't undertsand the vision, but besides that, it was good. Write more please!!

[Aquagirl15]

i think i kina understand the vision. like when she was blue she didn't fit in, but then she got to a new city and did fit in. just a thought.... let me know if i'm right.

-Aquagirl15

[Crowgirl]

Love this!!! Two girls are about to slit each others throats??? Awesome!

I mean, wait, not awesome...

[Raven13]

haha yea the next chapter is really going to focuse on Lacey and Jackie (the battle) lol

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

[Sproxie]

oooooo I like.... post more soon!

[Raven13]

Chapter 3







As she walked in the house it seemed as if she was going to start tearing down our house. I also hated her mother as well. She was just like Lacey and just as mean.



“O come in come in I have dinner ready it is on the table. Well we don’t want it to get cold.” My mom had said with joy and excitement. Only if she had known what I was going through when I had my worst enemy at my house.



Then we all sat down and my mom had blessed the food. We all then started grabbing platters and putting tons of food on our plates. Then Lacey looked over at me at that exact moment I had a very severe migraine. It ached so bad through out my head.



“AHHHHH” I had screamed at the table. Then everyone looked at me at a few seconds they just continued eating. For some reason though Lacey kept staring at me but then she stopped, and the pain then went away. I was almost like she was sending a force field or maybe I was doing it my self. No my powers would never reverse the healing power I also had possessed as I thought to myself.



After we were finished eating mom then had to say:



“O Jackie why don’t you take Lacey up to your room and show her around the house.”



O MY GOSH mom how could you do this to me, leave me alone with the biggest jerk in the world I thought to my self.



“Ok………… come on Lacey.” I had said with a shrug and a fist ready to punch her lights out. We were both unhappy to walk up the stairs into my room.



As we got there Lacey had then turned and shut the door behind us.



“I no you did it Jackie.” She had screamed and with anger in her eyes.



“What are you talking about did what.” I had a bad habit of lying all the time about my powers. Maybe she knew though.



“O you no what I’m talking about don’t lie. I know you had something to do with that desk.” She had said with more rage and anger.



“O whatever how could I make a desk rise in mid air? What do you think I had super powers or something!” I had this time screamed it back at her and that really set her off.

She had then pounced on me and started to try to rip out my hair.



“AHHHHHHHH” I had screamed in pain and she had screamed that same thing in anger.

I was actually very tough and I could really hurt someone or even put the in the hospital if I wanted to. This on the other hand was one of those times that I could do that.



I then rolled over top and got up. She had also and we both had our fists ready. I then came at her so fast that a little bit of flight helped me. BOOM I had gotten her in the nose blood was every where. I had then had a continuous punch at her head as she was scrambling around screaming for help.



“HELP HELP HELP” she had screamed with all her might. I was actually winning. Then my fun and enjoyment ended when both of our moms can running through the door.


Alright this chapter was alot better than the last one in my opinion!! Please give a feedback i only had 2 feedbacks for the last chapter (o yea and Lacey is a real girl at my school but she is not that mean. even though she comes close to it.)

PLEASE GIVE A FEEDBACK