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#1
11-12-2004, 07:43 PM
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Reborn
Ok, this is my first fic, so I'm making the first chapter short so I can see if anybody likes it enough to reply.( And I know slade is dead, but I have to use him here. Not in this chapter. Oh well.)
************************************************* Chapter 1 Terra Terra hugged Beastboy tight. Just a few hours ago she got out of the rock she was imprisoned in. After months of hard research, the scientists finally found away to get her out. They finally unlocked and looked at each other, smiling. Then Terra looked at the rest of the titans. "Am I still welcome here?" she asked. Starfire smiled and flew over to hug her. She embraced her even harder than the first time she met her. "Hey, Star, can't - breath-" Terra choked. "Oh, sorry, and of course you are welcome here." said Star, pushing away, her cheeks red. Terra smiled, "Thanks. Guys, uh, can I ask a favor?" "Sure." Robin said, grinning. Raven frowned. She still wasn't over Terra trying to kill them and betraying them. "Uh, there are two people I would really like to see, and I wan't you to meet. Maybe they can come over for, a few days?" Terra said. "Of course!" said Beastboy before anyone else could answer. *************************************************** I know, it's horrible, but it's my first. I know. HORRIBLE! 
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#2
11-12-2004, 08:04 PM
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Ok, that wasn't too bad, a nice way to set up the plot. However, you should never use the "I'm making a short chapter to see if anyone replies" excuse. Always write as much as your inspiration will allow, as much as your imagination can create, because once you've had that initial flash, and if you lose it, you'll never get it back.
Couple of things about this chapter 1)Too short. Fine, nice plot setup, but so much more could have been done with it. 2) work on characterisation. Not sure if i can believe the Titans would so readily accept her back, although again this could be because of the length of the chapter. If more despriptions of their thoughts and feelings had been put in, or more dialogue between them, it may have seemed more realistic. 3) More detail. Write a desription of the room they're in, write something about what happens when terra is revived, something! Again, this is to do with length, but good descriptions that draw in the reader and allow them to imagine or even see the location makes a world of difference. To me, this chapter is just set in a plain room with a floor. That's it. The plot i must say seems promising, but be careful: many of the "Terra's revival" fics go awry, or end up looking similar. Please don;t think i'm being harsh, I just want to offer advice and your story could turn into one of the all time greats. Keep writing! Lord Welshi
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Me: so Luke, you wanna go do something tonight? Luke: Can't, I'm meeting charlotte... Me: OK, so tomorrow we can... Luke: nope, meeting Charlotte. Me: Dude, you are totally whipped! Luke: I prefer to think of it as self flagellance, actually...
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#3
11-12-2004, 09:18 PM
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Listen to Lord Welshi. He's is considered to be the greatest writer on this forum! (At least that's my opinion.) I'm jealous, I've been wanting him to post, and your first post is from Lord Welshi. Again listen to his advise.
As for the accepting Terra too quickly thing, this makes sense, espeacially if you've seen aftershock. But again you could have put in more detail. (My fanfic started out like this, but I recovered quickly.
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"The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness also keep out the joy" -Jim Rohn "Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, but trusting them enough not to."
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#4
11-12-2004, 10:26 PM
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Be very careful about ressurection things.
Second, They accpeted her way to quickly. Remember what she's done to them? Not nice stuff. Keep that in mind, and yea, listen to Welshi.
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[im_a_little_glow-tag_short_and_stout=red]~TTR4~[/im_a_little_glow-tag_short_and_stout]
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#5
11-12-2004, 10:29 PM
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This is a nice start, I'm not very good at giving out advice so just listen to Lord Welshi, and Kregor8 and Reid if they post anytime soon.
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*************(¨`·.·´¨)************ *******(¨`·.·´¨)`·.¸.·´(¨`·.·´¨)******* **(¨`·.·´¨`·. ¸.·´*`·.¸.·´`·.¸.·´¨`·.·´¨)** ** `·.¸.·´*`·.¸.Sprox 083·.¸.·´*`·.¸.·´** **********(¨`·.·´¨) (¨`·.·´¨)******** ***********`·.¸(¨`·.·´¨)..·´********* ***************`·.¸.·´************ Can anyone fill me in on why i can't log off my account here??  
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#6
01-15-2005, 01:00 PM
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Is this going to be finished?
Anyways, I thought it was too short, and agree with what Welshie said. They trusted her way too quickly. And it wasn't the Titans who got her out? Hmm... that seems awkward. But other than those things, I totally agree with what everybody else said.
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Guy 1: Hello? Guy 2: Greetings, this is an anonymous message... from Ernest... Fics: II: The Color Wheel III: Teen Titans: Evaporation
 Is over! Go look at the end!!
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#7
01-15-2005, 04:20 PM
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well i have advice to give. so it was too short and seemed... uh pushy like you were thinking about great things, but didn't know how to them on paper (or computer).
 many fics start out like this, but it's ok. if you listen to what people say, it makes things a lot eaiser. so just take everyone's advice and you'll be fine! (hey, it worked for me!) 
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"I'll repeat what I've said so often before, that what seems the easy way out is usually the most dangerous." ~Kuruma Yuskue: "You're a strange guy, even for a demon. I was all hepped up and angry, ready to take it out on my next opponent but now..." Jin: "I'm a new foe, and it's a new match. Going in mad just takes the fun outta it. And that's no way to live -or die." SBM The chapter has arrived.
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