Tormented: A Poem From Nevermore.

nevermore · #1 11-09-2004, 11:42 PM

Since it is late it was easy to think of this. It is based on my character, and may be used in my fanfic, The Shadow, that's if you think I should. Enjoy if it is enjoyable.

The lights are out, darkness is around me.
And in this darkness, I know I am alive.
I live in the shadows, for the shadows.
It was in this darkness, that I learned to strive.
Strive to hold to what I believe in.
Strive to hold what I hold dear.
Strive to listen for the day.
The day when hope reaches my ear.
Listen for the hope,
Listen for less hate.
Listen so intently,
As I silently wait.
I wait for my wounds to heal,
the wounds that are so sore.
The wounds of a tormented soul,
That should be seen, nevermore.

nevermore · #2 11-10-2004, 05:34 PM

So what did you think? Post honestly. PLEASE JUST POST.

Aquagirl15 · #3 11-10-2004, 05:43 PM

yay! i'm the first to post on this! really really good nevermore. it decribes your character so well. that is how i thought he felt. tell more about raven knowing nevermore. maybe you can lead this into a relationship.

just a thought..

Sproxie · #4 11-10-2004, 05:45 PM

it's good, just a little, *cough* creepy... -ish.
(mainly the title, Tormented)

but if you havent yet, take a look at my user title.

nevermore · #5 11-10-2004, 05:54 PM

(with an increadibly creepy tone) Of course it's creepy, creepy is my friend.

(with normal tone) Hahahahaha. Me try to write about Nevermore and Raven in a relationship? Ha ha ha ha. I'm not one for writing romances in case you didn't know.

nevermore · #6 11-10-2004, 09:21 PM

I just wrote another chapter for my fanfic (The Shadow) and this poem will make some more sense if you read that first.

P.S. I still want to know if I should use this in my fanfic.

Aquagirl15 · #7 11-10-2004, 09:29 PM

sorry, i didn't know!

just a thought like i said. *tear,cry,sob*

look at that you made me cry! JK! not too many people are good at writing romances.

(but you are still hurtful)

nevermore · #8 11-11-2004, 12:02 AM

I'm good at it aren't I.

Kregor8 · #9 11-11-2004, 10:36 AM

This is pretty good. It takes quite a bit of concentration to write good poetry. Most of mine is all whacked out, so I like this.
Did most people feel it was really dark and creepy? Huh? Cause I didn't. It's not really a negative poem, which is good. If it's a description of Nevermore, it works nicely - I don't know if you would put in in the fic itself. It'd be hard to fit it in and not seem forced, if you know what I mean. All by itself, though, 7 stars. That's pretty good, because the best thing I ever wrote is the Haiku I use in my sig. I only give that 5 stars (which means people can read it, but I'm not to thrilled with it myself). The only thing I didn't like about this is the line
"Strive to hold what I hold dear"
You always use the same words to close to eachother. I know you were matching the first hold with the rest (I do that all the time when I write) but it just doesn't seem right.

Still, good poety is hard to write, and this is an example of good poetry. Congradulations.

Aquagirl15 · #10 11-11-2004, 10:44 PM

YES!!! you are good at that!

and it's not somethig to be proud of! what? do you get your fun by making little kids cry or something?

nevermore · #11 11-11-2004, 10:50 PM

NO!!!! I hate it when I make little kids cry, it always bugs me and I feel really guilty.

I'm not all evil you know.

Hey guess what, I'm posting another poem tomorrow!!!

Again it will be....different. I wrote it in school a while ago. I think that it's strange, but when I was writing it, I actually felt like I was my character and it was all wierd and stuff and I actually felt what he would feel if he wrote it. (woah! I am strange......cool.) Don't make fun of me because I'm different!!!!

Raven37 · #12 11-11-2004, 10:50 PM

Oh, jessie! your not that little.

Well.......maybe.....JK!

Oh, and I really liked your poem. It totally describes Nevermore well. Try witing some more!

P.S. Nevermore....different is good!

We're all different in our own special ways!

oneeyemonkeypie · #13 11-12-2004, 12:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kregor8

This is pretty good. It takes quite a bit of concentration to write good poetry. Most of mine is all whacked out, so I like this.
Did most people feel it was really dark and creepy? Huh? Cause I didn't. It's not really a negative poem, which is good. If it's a description of Nevermore, it works nicely - I don't know if you would put in in the fic itself. It'd be hard to fit it in and not seem forced, if you know what I mean. All by itself, though, 7 stars. That's pretty good, because the best thing I ever wrote is the Haiku I use in my sig. I only give that 5 stars (which means people can read it, but I'm not to thrilled with it myself). The only thing I didn't like about this is the line
"Strive to hold what I hold dear"
You always use the same words to close to eachother. I know you were matching the first hold with the rest (I do that all the time when I write) but it just doesn't seem right.

Still, good poety is hard to write, and this is an example of good poetry. Congradulations.

True, he needs to use a somewhat deeper reserve of synonyms, but this one actually sounded right.

"Strive to hold what I hold dear"

That sounds good. Sometimes you can use that as a legitimate writing technique, and I think he did (albiet on accident)

Oh, I liked this.
4/5 stars
_****

Kregor8 · #14 11-12-2004, 12:09 AM

Dude, if we weren't all a little whacked out, it would be pointless to even have a forum like this one.

Long live World's Finest! Long live the difference! Long live creepyness, and the normallity to balance it out.
Actually, I'm interested in reading the new poem. It should be good...when we get way into our writing, either it comes out perfect, or we don't notice how bad it really is. Either way, it makes us feel perfect.

nevermore · #15 11-12-2004, 12:13 AM

I have no idea if the poem I'm going to post tomorrow is good or not. (That's what this forum is for) It was the first poem I have ever written.

Aquagirl15 · #16 11-12-2004, 02:45 PM

i felt really bad when i hurt a little girl when i was pushing her on the swingset.

and i'm not small!

peorid! i hate it when people call me short!don't they think i know that!!! i'm not mad at you Raven37,it's just errr!you touched a nerve!

Raven37 · #17 11-12-2004, 03:01 PM

Aquagirl-Don't i always?........remember...Jesse....greatskate...and Jarrod...5th grade......oh, you're gonna kill me for that!

RUN AWAY!!!!

*sprints frantically away*

Aquagirl15 · #18 11-12-2004, 03:15 PM

DIE!!!!!!!! YOU'D BETTER RUN BECAUSE WHEN I GET YOU ERRRR!!!!!!

nevermore · #19 11-12-2004, 06:41 PM

Hahahaha.

You sure know how to have fun. (mom drinks some fruit punch and asks, "Why does this taste funny.") any way, here is my poem. (It may take a while for me to translate it. I wrote it in an alphabet I created.)

The Mind

What is there left to say? I've tried to talk,
But you didn't care.
You pretend to understand, but you don't.
How could you ignore my patient stare.
There's no one to talk to, no one there.
My life is full of sorrow.
My life is not easy. I hate the loneliness,
I always dread the morrow.
It always is a torture, it's filled with harsh insults.
So I hide in darkness.
Hiding myself from anger, hiding from hatred.
I also hide from sadness.
I endure every phisical pain, and mental pain.
My mind is strange.
It has been divided, from good to evil.
It will constantly change.
It will stay between, but it will stray to evil.
I wish I was banned,
Banned to darkness for my evil mind, and yet I wish
Wish that I could understand.

I don't think it's a good poem, but that's up to you.

Remember, this was the first poem I have ever written.

nevermore · #20 11-12-2004, 09:44 PM

I guess I was only good for one poem.....the first one on this page. (Y'know, Tormented. Man I suck at poems.) I'm guessing that this one was really wierd and confusing. (I think so....it's confusing for me!)

Please post what you think.