First Date

[Star_Fire_Chick]

I am very new at this so this will be sucky
Chapter 1

Starfire was sleeping peacfully in her bed when robin came in.'I hope I can ask her when she wakes up'robin thought.He sat slowy on her bed right next to her.With in a few minutes she awoken."Good morning Starfire"Robin says to starfire."Robin why are you here,you never come into my room unless you have to ask me something""Well starfire I wanted to ask you if..if...if you..you....you would go out with me???"As he stumbles Starfire is thinking 'did he just ask what I think he asked?'"Ok,well u can umm I guess u--""She puts her finger over his lips and kisses him on the check"I would love to go out with you."
how do u like it?

[Kregor8]

Ok, I'll tell you the same thing I will tell all beginning writters. Plot is very importaint (and from the looks of it, you have a romance brewing). But if your plot is good and your delivery is bad, it's like making a great soufflé and leaving it to spoil on the table. A sorry waste. Here are some tips to get your delivery up to speed.

1) Whenever a different person talks, begin a new paragraph. For instance:
"Good morning Starfire" Robin says to starfire.
"Robin why are you here,you never come into my room unless you have to ask me something"
This automatically makes it easy to see that a new person is speaking.

2) Puncuation is importaint. All speach that ends with "said X" or "X said" or "X muttered" etc... ends with a comma, then teh "said X" Also, direct address is set off by a comma. For example.
"Good morning, Starfire," Robin says to starfire.
See how that makes things look better?

3) Verb tense - very imporaint. If this is happening in the past (Starfire was sleeping), then keep it there by using past tense verbs. For example.
"Good morning, Starfire," Robin said to starfire.
See how it keeps the flow of the story?

4) Capitalization - also a must. You should already know why. This isn't AIM, this is writing a story, and it's serious stuff.
"Good morning, Starfire," Robin saidto Starfire.

5) Nix all unnecessary words. This is a principle I'm not always good at following, but it was the philsophy of the great E.B. White (Charlotte's Web, Stuart Little, Trumpet of the Swan). It makes things clear and concise.
"Good morning Starfire," Robin said.
You don't need "to Starfire." It's obvious that Robin is talking to her, because he addresses her directly. Instead, try this.

6) Use adjectives and adverbs. Show, not tell. Here are several things you could have done with that sentece.
"Good morning Starfire," Robin saidsoftly.
"Good morning Starfire," Robin whispered.
"Good morning Starfire," Robin said, his voice stammering and barely above a whisper.
Or you could go all out like this.
"Good morning Starfire," the Boy Wonder mumbled, his eyes averted, the sweat running down his neck.
"Robin, is something wrong? You look unwell. And why are you in my room? You shouldn't go into a girl's room without asking," Starfire admonished, a mischievious glint in her emerald eyes.

I hope I haven't overwhelmed you. And don't take this negatively. I want you to write more - I love to see new writers on the board. I just want you to be able to use the English language to do justice to the idea in your head. That's what drives us all, and you have to develop the skills to let it out. I'm sure you can do this, and I can't wait to see the improvements you make next chapter.

Ps. Read lots of good fics on this site, they'll inspire you. I'll recommend my fic, Perfect Vision (modest me ), Reid's fic, Black and White, (under "nuther teen titans fic), and both Rae's and Rrarbecy's fics. Also, Nevermore, a beginning writer, has a story on here that Reid and I have posted some advice for beginners on. He (or she? Sorry, I don't rememeber) has improved quite a lot from his first chapter. You can also read that as help and encouragement of how writers improve with writing.

Stay the course, and never stop writing!

7<regor

[Pookey]

That was awsome, write more please!!1 I will hunt you down if you don't!

[rrarbecy]

Looks promising.
Heed Kregor's advice though.

[oneeyemonkeypie]

Kregor8 is right, but I can sum it up easier.

Write more.

An event such as this one should by all means take between 3 and 4 thousand words to properly set up and deliver. The act of Robin sitting on her bed could be expanded to a whole paragraph in itself, like so:


Robin walked into the room, the door hissing quietly shut behind him. The very air itself seemed close and comforting, and the room was abundant with cozy hues of red and pink. He carefully picked his way over to her bed and sat down, the springs sighing slightly at the pressure. Robin leaned back and placed one hand upon the soft comforter, looking at Starfire. He saw her breathing shallowly, her head tilted back and her mouth open. He stiffled a chuckle, not wishing to wake her. Although she maintained a proper attitude while awake, she often slept like a rock, snoring and tossing restlessly.
Starfire mumbled something and opened her eyes dreamily, not fully awake. She noticed the figure leaning over her, looking down.

"Robin?..."

You get the idea. Just sit down and crank out as many images as you can, don't be afraid to work on a chapter for a week or so. Also, type it in word and copy it. You can save it and come back, or use spell check.

Nice first shot, tho.

[Sproxie]

i also definately agree with kregor8
but im not gonna write anything lengthy, just quote someone else,

Originally Posted by oneeyemonkeypie

Nice first shot, tho.

[starburn1116]

that was great

i love robin/starfire relationships !!

[Crowgirl]

I, like others, love Star and Robin relationships.

PLEASE WRITE MORE SOON OR HEADS WILL ROLL!

[RavenBlackfire3]

*gasps* you did so good squishy! but, ya, follow their advice!!! ^_^

[Crowgirl]

I wish you would post sooner....

Squishy, is that your nickname?

[RavenBlackfire3]

squishy is Star_Fire_Chick's nickname.

[raven54]

oooh! oooh! i have a friend who's nickname is Squishy!! 'cept everybody calls her Squish... ya know, from Finding Nemo? "i shall call you squishy, and you will be mine, and you wil be my squishy! *zap* ow! bad squishy!" or something like that...

[RavenBlackfire3]

Originally Posted by raven54

ya know, from Finding Nemo? "i shall call you squishy, and you will be mine, and you wil be my squishy! *zap* ow! bad squishy!" or something like that...

ya and she calls me dory!!!!!

[nevermore]

Well, I don't know what to post about, nicknames or the story......I'll just do both.

Nicknames are fun. I got mine from my brother when he was one year old. He tried to say my name and it came out all wierd.

Now back to the story, Star_Fire_Chick, take heed of Kregor8's advise. My fanfic started just like yours and it was like that until chapter 4. Capter 4 was better because Kregor8 gave me advise and I took it. Although I have only written 6 chapters, There is a huge difference between chapter 6 and 1. (I think that chapter 5 was my best work.)

[TerraWHRobin4]

Squishy? are you EVER gunna post more?????? im dying!!!!!!!!

[T.T.Raven4]

Originally Posted by Crowgirl

I, like others, love Star and Robin relationships.

PLEASE WRITE MORE SOON OR HEADS WILL ROLL!

That sums it up.

[Pookey]

Star_Fire_Chick....im waiting....I want to know more, PLEASE!!! !!

[TerraWHRobin4]

please!!!!!!!!!!! you have all these people waiting! and if you have a question (about what you told me about that i couldn't tell anyone else) then im me or pm me!

[r/s4ever]

alright...its been TWO years since you last posted...TWO years! are you ever going to post????