The Shadow (Teen titans) (post now

[nevermore]

this is my first fan fic so try to read as much as you can. Post honestly. In otherwords, don't post what you don't mean. thankyou and enjoy the story.

chapter 1

A new friend

It was an unusually quiet day at titans tower. All the Titans, except for Raven were in the kitchen.

Cyborg looked at a clock that was built into his arm. "Where is Raven? She's been gone for 2 hours and all we did was send her for groceries!"

"Maybe she got lost and fell of a cliff," Beast Boy joked.

"Sorry no such luck,"

Beast Boy turned to see Raven standing right behind him with a bag in each arm and holding an additional two bags with her powers.

"Ahh Raven. You're back. Hehe. Oooops." Beast Boy ran off as fast as he could but he ran into something. "Woah, what was that?"

"I don't know his name but he does go by Gut." Raven answered.

"Hahaha. Gut!?! What kind of name is that." "It's my nickname, long story." Now all the Titans could see him. He was about the same hight as Raven, but his hair was blonde and it covered his right eye. He was dressed in baggy black pants and a black T-shirt. His skin was pale, but not as pale as Raven's, and his visible eye was dark green. His voice was calm and emotionless. Robin at first jumped at the idea that he was Slade's apprentice but when he asked Gut he just said, "Who's Slade?"

Cyborg was the one who had to ask, "What are his powers?" "I have no powers." Gut said. "Then why is he here?" Starfire asked. "Is he your boyfriend?" Beast Boy said mockingly.

"No he's not," Raven said in a slightly angry tone, "If you recall Halloween is today and he said that he knows a way to scare us more than anything else."

"Well we'll see about that" Cyborg said

[nevermore]

so, what do you think so far? should I keep writing and reveal Gut's terrifying event?

[Sproxie]

oooooo
cool!

Originally Posted by Rae

Short but sweet

I like it!!!

dont post too soon, wait for a little more feedback

[oneeyemonkeypie]

I liked it. It's a good start.

Generic welcoming version: Good job! Keep it up!

Honest version: it shows promise, but some things just don't work. The introduction of Gut was strained and rather contrived. You don't just waltz in and say "I'm here to scare you." Also when Robin confronts Gut about being slade's apprentice, you could have expanded that scene. Use lots of detail and describing words, like so:
============================================
Robin sprung up hastily, his cape flowing behind him. He ran towards the mysterious visitor. Gut’s visible eye opened in shock at the sight before him. Robin advanced with practiced speed and grabbed Gut’s shoulder, slamming him into the wall. Gut let out a grunt as the wall jarred his lungs, making it hard top breathe.

“Who do you work for?” Robin hissed angrily.

“What are you talking about!?” shouted Gut at the diminutive warrior. The other titans looked on in shock at Robin’s outburst.

“Slade…you know him?” Robin said questioningly.

“I’ve never heard of him in my life!” yelled Gut at the strange teen. He shoved Robin away from him, the titan still eyeing him warily. Raven stepped up.

“Robin, he isn’t Slade’s apprentice. There is no Slade anymore!” she shouted at him.

==================================================
I ususally make chapters such as the one you posted like 3 or 4 pages single spaced. Try to put as much detail in as you can and explain everything thouroughly (but don't let it get boring.

I did like it though, and would read more chapters if you posted 'em. (Don't take any offense, this is constructive criticism.

[Unix]

i agree with OEMP's generic version, and would also read more of this if it was posted, but i felt it was forced alot. there was something about the way Robin reacted that made me feel at fist as though you were trying to give a clue or lay a red-herring, but pushed too hard.i also felt as though you had some slightly unresolved issuse with the charrie, and didn't quite know how to write him so as to display him properly, or was that the way it was supposed to come out, hes that sort of person...i'm now very curious about this. But then again, maybe i'm taking this in all wrong, so hopefully you'll post your next chapter and all will be revealed (so to speak)

[raven54]

welcome to the forum, nevermore!

I also agree with el mono and Unix. Details are your friend! like, why would Robin randomely ask "Are you Slade's apprentice?" without anything to prompt him to? also, i'm not sure if Raven would bring anyone to the Tower as she's probably the most suspicious of the Titans... not unless a( there was a real need, or b( her suspicions were somehow laid to rest. since you don't really say, well... yeah. Aaaaanyways, i'm not tryin to be b*tchy or anything- just tryin to help if you play your cards right, this could be great.

if you need any help with anything around the forum, don't hesitate to PM one of us

ooooo... you're from minnesota too!

[nevermore]

thanx. I laughed so hard at your version oneeyemonkeypie. All right back to buisness. ( I had to switch computers, I have to feed my brother)

chapter2
scare in the tower

Beast Boy decided that to build the feel of terror, they should watch a scary movie. It was the scariest movie that they had ever seen. Each Titan screamed at least once, but their visitor was quiet throughout the entire movie. Raven was the only one that noticed this but she didn't say anything. When the movie was over, everyone was too terrified to even move. Beast Boy broke the silence. "Alright, I think it is time for Mister Scare Your Brains Out to show his terrifying thing." "Yeah, let's see what you can do!" Gut got up slowly, as if a trance, and stood in front of the tv with his head down. He seemed to be muttering something under his breath. The Titans were confused at this strange behavior. "Dude, what are you doing?" Suddenly Gut's head shot up with his hair covering his eyes. So you want to know what I can do?" He said. His voice was deeper and had a cold edge that sent a shiver down everyones' back, "Well I'll show you what happens when you meet a cursed person." Suddenly, hair moved out of the way of his right eye. Everyone gasped. Gut's right eye was looked the same as a raven's. "I think it's time to show you his powers!" "But he said that he didn't have powers?" Raven said. "Oh he doesn't....there mine now." The boy said. He muttered a few words and the lights went out. "Now it is time to feel the power of Nevermore!" He immediatly turned into a shadow. He looked just like himself just as a shadow with beady purple eyes. "Ahhhh! We're doomed!" Beast Boy yelled. "Titans, run!!!" Robin yelled. they all ran out, but Gut was right on their tail. He now was a shapeless shadow. The only thing that was the same was his head could be seen. His teeth were bared and his eyes were red as fire. He was hard on their tails. Right as he was about to catch them they ran into Raven's room and shut the door. Big mistake. Immediately Starfire began to freak. "What are we going to do? We are trapped in this creepy room and under pursuit by a shadow that used to be our friend but now is under the influence of a curse and..." "And what's wrong with that?" The voice of the cursed boy came from behind them. they all turned around to see Gut materialize from the floor. They all screamed and ran out of Raven's room. Every time they screamed the shadow seemed to get faster and every time they went into a different room, it found a scarier way to enter.
"Ohhhhh we're doomed we're doomed we're doomed!" Beast Boy exclaimed. "You know it," Gut said as he appeared behind them, but farther than usual. All of a sudden Raven started laughing. "Oh no. Raven's lost it." Cyborg said. "I thought she had lost it before," Beast Boy remarked. But then they saw why Raven had started laughing. the shadow had stopped moving. "Sreams make him stronger but laughter makes him weaker," Raven explained. "Titans, laugh!" Robin yelled. They all started to laugh. Gut had fallen to his knees and was holding his head. All of a sudden, a shroud erupted from his body and vanished. Gut was back to normal. Although he was unconcious, his raven eye was still open.

[Sproxie]

raven.... laughing....screaming...?
im a little short of words now...

[nevermore]

well they had to lift the curse somehow. I just didn't know who to make figure it out first, but it also showed something that you wouldn't normally see.
don't worry I'm thinking

[oneeyemonkeypie]

hmm...interesting.

I am lost, though.these chapters are moving fast. I like it, i think.

one thing to help unconfuse me:

start a new paragraph each time a new person starts talking.

[raven54]

^si. it also makes it look like you wrote more than you actually did

[nevermore]

sorry about the confusion. I'll try better next chapter.

chapter3
the shadow powers

Gut woke up in a dark room. At first he tried to move, but he was strapped to a table. This confused him.
"I can just use my powers to get out of this," he thought to himself. He turned into a shadow. he flattened himself and left the table and became solid again. As soon as the straps hit the table, he found out what the straps were for.
The doors opened and the Titans entered. The straps set off an alarm.
"Is he...normal?" Starfire asked.
"Yeah," Gut replied, "and seeing that all of you are normal, I guess that you lifted the curse."
"You bet we did!" Beast Boy said rudely. "You scared the heck out of us!"
"So, what did the curse mean when it said, 'It's time to feel the power of Nevermore'?" Raven asked.
"Well," Gut said hesitantly, "It's my real name."
The Titans were full of questions.
"Was your eye changed by the curse?" Cy asked.
"No, I was born that way."
"Who put a curse on you?" Beast Boy asked.
"I'm not sure," Nevermore said obviously troubled, "I thought I had defeated him years ago."
"Who?" Star asked impatiently.
"Huh? Oh, no one," Nevermore said absentmindedly, "I think I'll go home now."
"We can drop you off," Robin offered, "Where do you live?"
"In an alley downtown, just drop me off in the park."
"Why?" Beast Boy asked, "You could stay with us and be a Titan."
"Yeah! You'd be a good edition," Cy added.
"How about training with us?" Robin asked.
"Why not?" Nevermore answered.

After seeing the rest of the Titans do the obsticle course, Nevermore decided to try it. He got to the start and the count down started. 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, "Begin!" Robin shouted. Nevermore starded running. Suddenly, iron fists began popping out of the ground. Nevermore quickly used his shadow powers to turn into a shadow and skim accross the iron surfaces of the fists. Next, a bunch of disk lauchers popped up and started shooting exploding disks. Nevermore started muttering some words and held up his hands. Right when the disks hit his hands he stopped muttering. Booooooooooom!!!!!
There was a huge explosion. As soon as the dust settled, the saw Nevermore standing there unharmed. He immediatly took off only to find himself falling into what seemed to be a bottomless pit. When he didn't escape the pit, all the Titans gathered around to see what had happened. When they looked into the pit, they heard a beeping noise. They turned around, and to their amazement, they saw Nevermore standing at the finish in his shadow form.
"What're you lookin' at?" Nevermore said mockingly.
"Dude, how'd you do that?" Beast Boy said in amazement.
"All I had to do was turn into a shadow," Nevermore said as if it was no big deal, "I used to do it all the time."
"You used to?" Raven asked.
"I haven't used my powers for a few years." Nevermore said.
Robin was about to ask more questions when his communicator started beeping. "Titans, trouble!"

[Sproxie]

Why am i always the first to post?
this chapter was pretty good, but would the titans really be that hasty in accepting nevermore? escpecially after he scared the hell outta them? otherwise good job.

[nevermore]

sorry, I had a huge test today and I'm kind of tired. I'll work harder on the next chapter.
That's funny, you're always first to post!!!!

[nevermore]

No one posts anymore . Oh well . I'm working on the next chapter. trust me it's going to be much better (I hope. you're a tough crowd). I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow, I'm very busy.

[oneeyemonkeypie]

it's only been an hour, most of the time you only get a post a day.

And there's no rush, slow down and enjoy it. Also, it gives you more time to work on your chapters to make them better.


*SHAMLESS PLUG TIME!*
Go try and read my fic, it's in my sig. It's long and requires a lot of time to read, but everyone who tried it liked it. Your character basically joined the titans in the exact same way mine did, but I wrote like 5 pages about it. It's a great example of how simply adding details can make chapters much longer, and usually better. You might learn a few tricks (unless you think learning only belongs in schools )

[nevermore]

Okay I'll try to make my chapters longer. (sits and concentrates for a moment) all right here goes

chapter 4

The spellcaster

The Titans rushed to the control center to see what the trouble was.

"What's going on!?!" Nevermore asked as he entered.

"It's Cinderblock," Robin said, "he's at the jail."

Cinderblock had was a block away from the jail. He was walking slowly and then stoped. He heard the voice in his head again. "Go to the jail and stop a good distance away. If you don't get caught......get Plasmus." Cinderblock was following his master's orders exaclty. He was standing there for at least an hour when he heard a crash in an alley.

"Shhhhh!" all the Titans told Beast Boy to try to keep it down. He had just crashed into a trash can. While he was getting out of the trash, he saw a tall shadow farther down the alley. Beast Boy ran toward the person, but the shadow vanished. He was so confused that he forgot that he was still running and he ran right into the wall.

Nevermore turned around, "What are you doing?" he whispered.

"Uhhhhh, nothing." Beast Boy said guiltily.

"Well whatever you're doing, try to keep it down," Raven said with an emotionless tone.

They looked around the corner of the alley only to see Cinderblock standing in the middle of the road.

"Who's that?" Nevermore asked.

"Cinderblock, he's one of our regular enemies," Robin explained.

"Why is he standing there?" Starfire asked.

"I don't know, but we're about to find out," Robin said. "Titans, go!"

They all jumped out of the alley, but Cinderblock was ready. Before Beast Boy had the chance to transform into an animal, Cinderblock had hit him right back into the trash can he had crashed into earlier. Starfire had attacked from behind but for some reason, it didn't seem to harm him the least bit. Cinderblock quickly turned around and grabbed Starfire. Before she could even blink, she had flown right into the trash can right next to Beast Boy.

Cyborg was amazed and perplexed. "What the heck? He's faster than he ever was before!"

"And stronger." Cinderblock had Robin in his clutches. Cinderblock was holding him tighter and tighter, making it harder for him to breath.

"He's gonna blow!!!!" Beast Boy yelled putting the lid on his trash can.

"Azarath Metrion Zynthos!" Raven yelled. Suddenly, the trash can Beast Boy was hiding in was covered in black energy. I lifted of the ground and flew at Cinderblock's hands. At first, Beast Boy thought it was just his imagination, but before he hit Cinderblock he looked out of the trash can to see Cinderblock. He covered his eyes and gulped, bracing himself for impact. The trash can hit Cinderblock so hard that he let go of Robin. The trash can was completely destroyed and Beast Boy went flying straight up. Before Robin could get up Cinderblock was upon him. He was about to kick him when Beast Boy fell on Robin. Cinderblocks kick hit both of them. They flew about sixty yards before they hit the ground with a sickening thud. Cinder block advanced towards Raven. Before he hit her, Raven brought up a shield of darkness. This didn't help at all. Cinderblock's blow was so strong that it went right through the sheild and sent her flying. Cyborg jumped at him intending to punch Cinderblock, but he used his enhanced speed to dodge the attack and he caught Cy in midair. Cinderblock threw him with persice accuracy. As Robin and Beast Boy were recovering from there fall they looked up and saw Cyborg falling. They tried to move but it was too late. Cyborg fell right on them. Noone could move because Cyborg was out cold. Suddenly, Nevermore appeared behind Cinderblock and launched his attack. Too late. Cinderblock already knew he was there and stepped to one side. Nevermore ran right past him and Cinderblock caught him from behind. He picked Nevermore up and slammed him into the ground. No matter, Nevermore got right back up. Cinderblock was charging at him. Nevermore knew he had to act quickly.

He quietly muttered under his breath, "You shall move nevermore!" At this moment, he raised his hands and at the same time, Cinderblock punched him square in the hand. Nevermore skidded a good twenty yards before stopping. He stood absolutely still in a heroic pose. Then his fase showed pain, "Yeowch!" He shook his hand vigorously, "My hands are burning, does he always punch that hard?" By now all the Titans had recovered.

"Not normally, but really close Robin said. Now all their attention had been directed to Cinderblock.

"Titans, ready," Robin said. They all prepared for an attack from Cinderblock. All exept for Nevermore.

"Ummm, why isn't he moving?" Beast Boy asked, putting down his guard.

"Because I put a spell on him," Nevermore explained, "But it's only temporary, so we had better confine him and soon."

"But with his strength, he would just breack his cell, would he not?" Star asked.

"Not for long," Nevermore approached Cinderblock and placed a hand on him. "Be still and silent, the spell on you is about to be broken, return your speed and strength to wich you have recieved!" With a glow of his raven eye wich was now visible, Cinderblock seemed to get tired. He could now move but he was also weakened.

"Titans, go!" Robin yelled. This time Cinderblock wasn't fast enough. Starfire and Cyborg were blasting him with all they had. Raven used her powers to lift him off the ground and then slammed him to the ground. While Cinderblock was stunned, Beast Boy turned into and eagle and flew over him only to change into a brontosaurus and slamming Cinderblock even deeper into the ground. Robin threw an exploding disk, wich knocked Cinderblock out of his hole. Lastly, Nevermore used a spell to make a chain out of rubble to tie Cinderblock in. Cinderblock had been defeated.

"Awsome!" Beast Boy exclaimed.

"Since when can you cast spells?" Cyborg asked

"They don't last long and I can use them only once a day, but I have been able to use them all my life" Nevermore explained. Although Robin was still suspicious of him, he offered Nevermore the chance to become a Teen Titan.

"Really? Even after I nearly destroyed you or make disconfigured, you're still giving me a chance?" Nevermore said in disbelief.

"Sure," Cy said, "We need someone with talent like your's."

"Wow. How can I turn down an offer like this? I'll join your team."

"Well then, here you go," Raven said handing him a communicator, "Welcome to the Teen Titans."

[Reket]

it's all good! Can you have spaces between paragraphs though? Makes it easier to read

[Sproxie]

good job
post soon

[oneeyemonkeypie]

yes, it is longer.
nicely written. I noticed you are putting more detail into the events also.