Another useless thread. Oy.

[Danielle]

'K, I just want to know what people think about this. In my family's kitchen, a medium-sized wooden paddle hangs on the wall. It reads like so (that doesn't make sense.):

THE POTCHER
-to be used on:

A RUG that shags
Or a SHLUMP that brags.

A NUDNICK that bores
Or an ELEPHANT that snores.

A GONIF that prowls
Or a DOG that howls.

A YENTA that tattles
Or a KIBBITZER that prattles.

A BOYCHICK that screams
Or a GIRLCHICK that dreams.

A FRESSER that licks
Or a SCHMECKER that picks.

A SHMUTZ that repels
Or a MISHOOGANER that yells.

A HEBREW that displeases
Or a SHEBREW that teases.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

WARNING: To be utilized with care and only in emergency conditions.

{BAM!} http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/cry.gif










































































http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/mickeysmly.gif

AAH! HOW DID YOU GET HERE?! GO AWAY, GO AWAY! AUGH!

You're not the only one who can have fun with smilies, DR BELCH.http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/phaser.gif (Not quite as violent, thank goodness.)

[The Mad Hatter]

Yay! Useless Yiddish! Call me a schmuck, but I love the stuff.

Not anything quite as cool in my kitchen, unless you count the magnetic poetry strips.

[Calhoun07]

http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/ut1/redeemerwhore.gif
p e r s i f l a g e

Beneath the bantering surface
greenslick brownfurry logs
become hungry alligators,

wait for incautious prey.
Beneath the easy smile,
light laughter, ready joke,

one impervious motive
makes ready to rend flesh
beneath flimsy bronze skin.

http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/ut2/bluecap.gif http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/ut2/Instagib.gif

[DR. BELCH]

I love it! Sort of a Dr. Seuss-ish cadence; it trips off the tongue easily. Is it just for showing or is it actually used for butt-whoopin'? My kitchen just has a few cat head magnets on the fridge, plus a keyholder I made myself in junior-high shop class. Though there is a window that faces a cotton field, if you want a pleasant view while washing the dishes....

As far as smilies go, I like the clever ones. Let's see--

Here's a horny little devil.... http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/evil/icon_smileevil.gif

This is me writing my review of The Zeta Project. http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/other/pukeface.gif

Get a load of this tongue action.... http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/tongue/lickout.gif

Ow! My eye! http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/mfinger/pokeeye.gif

This is why in prison you never bend over in the shower when you drop the soap.... http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/otn/funny/smileysex5.gif

[Danielle]

Originally posted by calhoun07
http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/ut1/redeemerwhore.gif
http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/ut2/bluecap.gif http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/contrib/ut2/Instagib.gif

Oh, G-d! You're just as vile as the other guy!

Originally posted by the "other guy"
Is it just for showing or is it actually used for butt-whoopin'?

When we have guests over, it's just for showing. When we have no guests over.....well, you get the picture. http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/rofl.gif No, honey, I can't reach your tushie if you're sitting like that. http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/smilie.gif Not like that, either. http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/spotting.gif Um.....okay. Just stand still, alright? http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/smiley-kots.gif Okay, that's it, missy! http://www.smilies.org/basesmilies/spanking.gif

I'm having a lot of fun with these smilies.


This is me writing my review of The Zeta Project.

I can't find the smilie, but I'll just say this: my sentiments exactly.


This is why in prison you never bend over in the shower when you drop the soap....

This is a PG board! Not only that, but IT'S DISGUSTING! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!

[Jack]

:confused: :confused: Say, where do all those violent smiles come from??????????????:confused: :confused:

Jack:confused:

[Danielle]

Originally posted by Jack
:confused: :confused: Say, where do all those violent smiles come from??????????????:confused: :confused:

Jack:confused:

[Danielle]

Originally posted by Danielle
NOTHING!!!!

Sorry. I was meant to reply to that. Must've hit 'enter' key to fast.

They come from various places; http://www.smilies.com, http://www.smilies.org...those are where mine come from. As for calhoun07 and DR BELCH...I have no idea.

[Danielle]

Originally posted by Danielle
They come from various places; http://www.smilies.com, http://www.smilies.org...those are where mine come from.

3 posts in a row...but that's not why I'm posting.
'K, links are:
http://www.smilies.com
http://www.smilies.org

[Craig Marinaro]

My, aren't we in a hurry tonight! Got someplace better to be?

-C
Official ToonZone Index Card Cutter.

[Romanesque]

My, aren't we in a hurry tonight! Got someplace better to be?

Can't speak for her, but at the moment, *I'm* stuck right here! How about you?

Romey
--Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

[Craig Marinaro]

Well, you may be stuck where you are, but fortunately, I'm far, far away from where I am at the moment! I'm having a neat out-of-body experience. So I may be in the quiet of my den, but *I* am far off on the Barbary coasts, fighting pirates and eating beaver stew!

-C
Official ToonZone Turtle Waxer.

[Romanesque]

Oh that's nothing... I'm actually stuck in the middle of a collapsed multiverse, held together by nothing but twelve portals, six Beams, and a tower. And if you ask me, they aren't doing a very good job. Especially that turtle you've been waxing! He thinks he can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he's so lazy, everything keeps falling off! You really should have gotten a job waxing freshwater terrapins. I hear they're much more active.

Romey
--Mysteeeeerious.

[Sharklady]

> He thinks he can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he's so lazy, everything keeps falling off! <

This begs the question: exactly where on a turtle are it's shoulders?

[Craig Marinaro]

Well, the turtle used to open for Wayne Newton in Vegas. He sang old Doors songs in a peppy jive style while breakdancing. But he unfortunately sprained his neck one night while doing a triple-windmill and simultaneously singing "Yes, the River Knows." The result was tragic: he was kicked off the stage by Newton. And a kick from Wayne Newton being the most humiliating, degrading experience imaginable in the entertainment industry today, the turtle could never again pursue his dream.

He's been picking up the loose ends, though. Carrying the world, while not nearly as significant or satisfying a job as performing in some sleazy filthy smoky dive, pays the bills. And he was recently engaged to marry Jane Fonda! And carrying the world has the added bonus that he can rock the stage whenever Mr. Newton performs. So, he's content for the moment. He has that wonderful, never-say-die attitude, so I wouldn't be surprised if there are big things in his future! Never underestimate a tortoise with ambition.

-C
Official ToonZone Sock Drawer Organizer.

[Romanesque]

Wow... I actually heard about that. Wasn't his name Bob? Or was it Mr. Jinkiedoodles of Northwest Zirmbistaland? I can never get those two straight. You may find this hard to believe, but I met the guy once. Really! He was umm... buffing his car. Yeah, you get the idea. No need to rub it in. I'll polish off this paragraph by saying he was quite a nice guy. He even sold me a chunk of the Gulf of Mexico for only a few thousand dollars! What a deal!

So he engaged Jane Fonda?! What was he thinking? She's not his type at all, nononono. I've only seen him once, but I know he'd be more suited to the type with 27 arms and 38 eyes... I spotted just such a lass on my way to Europa, last year. Nice place. A little chilly above the glacial crust, but the oceans aren't bad. Just have to watch out for the maneating Jellofish.

Romey
--They sting.

[Narfpinky]

Originally posted by Romey


Can't speak for her, but at the moment, *I'm* stuck right here! How about you?

Well, I'm right here, and I'm getting nowhere fast.


--Are you pondering what I'm pondering?

Well, I think so, Romey, but this time you wear the tutu.



Narfpinky
-or-
Big Ears
-or-
Spazzy Beatle-Headed-Doofus with the I.Q. of a Mule Hoof

[Sharklady]

That reference to the turtle carrying the world on it's back- a nod to a *very* old creation legend- reminds me of a oft-told (and allegedly true) academic anecdote:

------

A scientific lecturer gave a talk about the origin of the universe to an adult-education class. While hanging around to answer post-lecture questions, he was approached by an elderly lady.

"I hope you know that description of yours is all nonsense," she said. "The earth actually rests on the back of a giant turtle."

"I see," replied the scientist. "And what does the turtle stand on?"

"The back of another turtle."

"And what does that one stand on?"

"The back of *another* turtle."

"And what does...?"

"It's no use, sonny. It's turtles all the way down!"

------

Which has always begged a question for me: All the way down to what?

[Craig Marinaro]

I've tried to convince him to go for a 27-armed 38-eyed type gal, but he insisted that he could never get along with someone like that. I once set him up with a date with a perfectly nice girl who had a good two dozen or so arms (tried counting, but some of them were in rather obscure places, and I didn't want to appear forward). Among them were 5 firearms and 7 nuclear defense arms.

He does like Jellofish. In fact, Ms. Fonda used to be a Jellofish! Very few people knew that. She used to float around Europa all day, all bouncy and jiggly. But then they approached her to play the part of Barbarella in the film Barbarella, and she got plastic surgery to take a more human form, which the producers insisted would make her more attractive to human males. So, in the film, she floats around in human form, all bouncy and jiggly.

Europa used to be quite a dish too, you know. She seduced Zeus to the point that he snuck her into a little motel called the Greecey Spoon, and took his private sweet to his private suite. He disguised himself as a bovine so as not to be recognized!

But his wife Hera was sick of putting up with his bull, and followed him all the way there! She walked in on them at the moment of climax!

...yes, Zeus was just reading her the scene where Romeo thinks Juliet has died, and decides to take his own life! Hera barged in, and chased him out of the room so fast that he nearly stumbled over his costume, she firing lightning bolts at him all the while. Thus, the story of the Battle of Bull Run!

What do people do behind closed doors? Does the fact that the doors are closed contribute to the lewdness of the act? Do the doors themselves, in fact, commit the larger sin than the person behind the doors? What if the same acts were done in front of closed doors? How do doors feel when people pass through them? Do doors feel love? What if doors could speak? Would they have loose lips? Why is there a music group named after these fascinating pieces of wood? And more importantly, why did a turtle injure himself while performing one of their songs? Is this song cursed? Is there, in fact, a curse on anything associated with these deadly, depraved, vile, vulgar rectangles? Do they represent all that is corrupt and ugly in the world?

"No," says Nora Wiley of Wilmington, Delaware. "No, they don't." Find out why, tonight, on 60 Minutes 3: This Time It's Personal.

-C
Official ToonZone CD Case Repairman.

[Sharklady]

It's official: this is one of those evenings when Craig has gone over the edge.

Like I said, there's a nice view from there.

[Romanesque]

It's official: this is one of those evenings when Craig has gone over the edge.I'm scared. =X

[Danielle]

I just figured that out. Now I'm going to reply to everyone's post. :eek:

No, I can't. Why? See for yourself:

Originally posted by Craig
My, aren't we in a hurry tonight! Got someplace better to be?

Yes, in fact, I do. Not someplace better, but I need to be cleaning. The entire house. Top to bottom. The whole enchilada. The- "Quit it!" Sorry.

Originally posted by Sharklady
Which has always begged a question for me: All the way down to what?(the turtles)

All the way down...to the MYSTERIOUS UNKNOWN, WHERE THE NUMBER OF TURTLES IS INFINITE!

Need to type fast...my mother's glaring me with this get-off-and-start-cleaning-or-see-if-you-get-to-go-on-the-computer-next-week look.

Posted later...
Like I said, there's a nice view from there.

Dare I ask where where is?

Alright, alright, I'm going...

[Danielle]

Originally posted by Narfpinky (or is it Nftnat?...no, it's Narfpinky)
Well, I'm right here, and I'm getting nowhere fast.

There's a very simple solution to that. Just follow these two simple steps:

[list=1]
Stop running
Get off the wheel
[/list=1]


Narfpinky
-or-
Big Ears
-or-
Spazzy Beatle-Headed-Doofus with the I.Q. of a Mule Hoof

Who's head, Ringo's? Maybe it was John's...

Originally posted by the 'Man With No Title'
Well, the turtle used to open for Wayne Newton in Vegas. He sang old Doors songs in a peppy jive style while breakdancing. But he unfortunately sprained his neck one night while doing a triple-windmill and simultaneously singing "Yes, the River Knows." The result was tragic: he was kicked off the stage by Newton. And a kick from Wayne Newton being the most humiliating, degrading experience imaginable in the entertainment industry today, the turtle could never again pursue his dream.

He's been picking up the loose ends, though. Carrying the world, while not nearly as significant or satisfying a job as performing in some sleazy filthy smoky dive, pays the bills. And he was recently engaged to marry Jane Fonda! And carrying the world has the added bonus that he can rock the stage whenever Mr. Newton performs. So, he's content for the moment. He has that wonderful, never-say-die attitude, so I wouldn't be surprised if there are big things in his future! Never underestimate a tortoise with ambition.

For some weird reason, this reminds me of a certain incident involving Dudley Puppy and Pete Rose. Craaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiig?? :p


Oh. Um. Thatt's it. I'm gonna go listen to music for the first time in 7 weeks.
Alright, so I had a break in the middle. It was still torture.

[Nftnat]

Aaaaaactually, Jack, that's Java Jive; we did that song once in college choir.

[Nftnat]

I didn't know the Turtles opened for Wayne Newton in Vegas; was that when Flo & Eddie couldn't even use their own names? And why were they singing Doors songs? Unless the Turtles & the Doors were one & the same in secret. But for the love of Charlie Rich, enough about those closed doors. Imo this whole experience has proven that Craig & Romey both not only have gone over the edge, they've cleared the horizon. They're space cases, the pair of them.

[Nftnat]

Originally posted by Danielle


There's a very simple solution to that. Just follow these two simple steps:

[list=1]
Stop running
Get off the wheel
[/list=1]



Who's head, Ringo's? Maybe it was John's...

I thot Paul was the walrus. Or was it Yakko? Or Scratchy? Eh, they're all barefoot in that opening.

For some weird reason, this reminds me of a certain incident involving Dudley Puppy and Pete Rose. Craaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiig?? :p

And thanks for thinking that was me, Danielle. Sometimes I think I'm going around in circles, too. As the Red Queen said, it takes all the running you can do to stay in one place; to get somewhere else you must @ least twice as fast. Otoh, as my Mom says, blessed are they who go around in circles, for they shall be known as wheels.


Oh. Um. Thatt's it. I'm gonna go listen to music for the first time in 7 weeks.
Alright, so I had a break in the middle. It was still torture.

[DR. BELCH]

Romey alludes:
I'm actually stuck in the middle of a collapsed multiverse, held together by nothing but twelve portals, six Beams, and a tower. And if you ask me, they aren't doing a very good job. Especially that turtle you've been waxing! He thinks he can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he's so lazy, everything keeps falling off!
Turtles seem to be a recurring symbol in Stephen King novels; they appear in both the Dark Tower books and in It. Also, to get back to Dr. Seuss, there's his tale of Yertle the Turtle, who got tired of holding the weight of the turtle word on his back and illustrated his frustration by belching. Needless to say it's a favorite piece of mine; there are times I've felt like ol' Yert, with everybody wanting a piece of me all at once. Then there's the Turtle Man in the Flash comic books; Calhoun07 was asking about him in another thread in a forum far away.

Sharklady queries:
This begs the question: exactly where on a turtle are its shoulders?
That's like asking how the little buggers mate. Presumably the turtles know the answer, but they aren't talking.

Romey:
Are you pondering what I'm pondering?
PINKY: I think so, Brain--poit!--but I'm afraid Dana Plato's passed on.
BRAIN [tersely]: Don't tax me, Pinky. I'm still working on the Carolyn Jones question you posed some months past. By Copernicus' beard, that dress defies all precepts of Einsteinian physics.

Danielle:
There's a very simple solution to [not getting anywhere]. Just follow these two simple steps:
(1) Stop running
(2)Get off the wheel
And three--mind your tail doesn't get hung up in the spokes, unless you want your skin ripped off your back, like that boy Kenny on South Park....

[Inque]

Originally posted by Romey
Oh that's nothing... I'm actually stuck in the middle of a collapsed multiverse, held together by nothing but twelve portals, six Beams, and a tower. And if you ask me, they aren't doing a very good job. Especially that turtle you've been waxing! He thinks he can carry the weight of the world on his shoulders, but he's so lazy, everything keeps falling off! You really should have gotten a job waxing freshwater terrapins. I hear they're much more active.

Romey
--Mysteeeeerious.

I'm stuck in New Jersey. :confused: :(

[Nftnat]

Um, Belchie, wasn't the actual plot of that that Yert was determined to be high enough to se the whole world no matter how many turtles he had to stand on top of? He was going on the assumption that he ruled as far as he could see; therefore, the further he saw the further he'd rule.

[Narfpinky]

Advice given by Danielle...


There's a very simple solution to that. Just follow these two simple steps:

[list=1]
Stop running
Get off the wheel
[/list=1]

Oh, thank you, Danielle, NARF! That's very helpful, but, you see, I'm not on my wheel, and I'm not running...Just standing here in the middle of the cage.

Dr. Belch, Dr. Fine, Dr. Belch warned me of...

And three--mind your tail doesn't get hung up in the spokes, unless you want your skin
ripped off your back, like that boy Kenny on South Park....

And another thing I learned is to not get your head caught in the pencil sharpener.


Narfpinky

[Sharklady]

> Also, to get back to Dr. Seuss, there's his tale of Yertle the Turtle, who got tired of holding the weight of the turtle word on his back and illustrated his frustration by belching. Needless to say it's a favorite piece of mine; there are times I've felt like ol' Yert, with everybody wanting a piece of me all at once. <

To expand on the point Niftnat was trying to make, that's not quite how the plot goes.

Yertle was the tyranical pond turtle who regarded himself as ruler of all he could see, and so, in order to see more, ordered all the other turtles to stand atop each other's backs, to make a platform from which he could view far vistas. But when he aspired to extend his 'throne' past the moon, the turtle at the bottom of the stack (an unassuming chap named Max) emitted a belch of protest, which literally dislodged Yertle from his high seat, and set all the subjugated reptiles free. At story's end, Yertle is "King of the Mud, that is all he can see."

Interesting Historical Note: Seuss reportedly based the Yertle character on Adolf Hitler.

[Dante Bunny]

Bring some more up:cool: I'm telling ya' those threads rules I'm going to make my own and then......


(a grown man coming to my kitchen and fixing a sandwitch)


Hey, who are you?


Man: you remember me.

No I don't.

Man: Brother Man, up stairs, 5th floor.

Look, uh, Brother Man, you can't come out here and fixing a sandwitch in our kitchen in the middle of the night.

Brother Man: I know Mike, but need to fix me some sandmiches so I need to get my grub on. Oh, yeah I just borrowed your Ro-bot so I could.......

Wait, wait, wait, hold up. You borrowed my robot out of my top secrect lab of mine?

Brother Man: That's right, Mike, I need to save the world like thos' Powa Puff Girls. Later (Climb out of the window)

Man, I need a security system.



[That was a bit from Martin when Brother Man keep coming into Martin and Gina's apartment and raid the refrigerator]

[DR. BELCH]

Nftnat and Sharklady are right. It has been a while since I've read Yertle the Turtle, and I got the details a bit mixed up. Still, I do get to feeling like Max, that little turtle at the bottom sometimes, wondering, "Why am I carrying all these losers on my back and letting them use me?" Usually I get that feeling before dinner when I've washed about ten milllion dishes that I could have sworn I'd just washed the night before and I'm about to throw down my scrubber in protest. "Wash your own [expletive deleted] dishes! I'm going out for a walk!" Mind you, I enjoy cooking, but I hate the cleaning involved, and the lack of appreciation doesn't help matters.
The last Dr. Suess book I recall reading was Green Eggs and Ham, which I read several years ago to a class of first-graders in the voice of Louis Farrakhan.