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Barb Gordon
12-16-2003, 09:22 PM
Okay, I normally don't like to spill my whole life story, no matter how boring or intriguing, to a mass audience...but I just can't contain this and would really like to see some other viewpoints that may help me out a litte. So please endulge me by letting me rant a wee bit.

So to start off, this semester has been quite a whirlwind one. I had to take math and bio which I did miserably in, and had to deal with grieving a lot over my dad's passing earlier this year. I missed a lot more classes this semester than I normally ever would. I was very tired, sometimes being very alert and perectly fine, but then other times sleeping over 10 hours or just feeling so dead after school. My mom and I figured that I was just finally dealing with my dad's death and it was hurting me a lot physically. That was certainly some of it...but after a doctor's visit for a small lump on my neck two weeks ago, it turns out I had mono - and didn't even know it! So that explained why I felt so exhausted all the time, and was having an ugly time with this semester, I mean it was just such a ****** one I wanted to cry alot of the time. So all of that has come and gone and been dealt with.

In the midst of all this I was starting to get a crush on this guy I met through a friend. We had a lot in common, love costuming and stuff, and we've hung out alot with friends and a few times alone over the past three months. He's 23 (in another week), doesn't go to college, and has done drugs and partied hard in his past. He's not the brightest stick in the bunch and he's a bit of a goober. Despite all that he's very sweet and I was thinking I might try going out with him. I went out and asked him after a friend had done some poking around for me and stuff. The guy said no, though did mention that he found me attractive and that I was on the top of his list, because right now he didn't know what he was doing and where he was going. That's a smart move, I don't want to go out with someone that's totally lost. But some close friends had said that if he said no than he was a total idiot and didn't know what he was passing up. That if he didn't realize just how special I was, and even had to think about choosing me over someone else than he didn't deserve me.

I work at a jewelry store, and last Thursday we had our annual Christmas party. Our general manager is super nice and awesome, very religious as far as being very involved with the church and knowing like every single person in the county we live in and then some. The owner of our store wanted a bit more security for the Christmas season, and so he managed to get the general manager's youngest son (he's 22) to be our security guard for the next month. It's only for a month because the guy is leaving for the Navy to be in the medical field come he beginning of January. Well I got to hang around with him a little since we were both there helping out with the party. (He is so seriously attractive and hot) I also spent all day Saturday and Sunday working with him. n Sunday he asked me if I wanted to go out with him or something - one of the big malls in our area had a small outdoor ice rink set up for the holidays. So we did that after working all day Monday together. We went ice skating and checked out the shops, and got some ice cream at ColdStone's (god it was good!) because I'd never been to one before even though they're all over the place. We talked a lot, found out we had a lot in common. He loves cartoons too, we compared a slew of random cartoon shows that we all watch ranging from Recess to Rugrats to Batman to Gargoyles. He's also pretty literate, likes Shakespeare which thrilled me, and enjoys going to the movies. He's a great guy, adores his little dog and is close to his family. We held hands all last night, and when I was dropping him off at his house we stood for over ten minutes outside, even though it was freezing and windy, hugging and glancing at constellations. And then he kissed me. I'm 20, this is the first date I've ever been on, and it's the first kiss I've ever gotten. I still can't believe I've gotten one. It wasn't making out or french kissing, nothing like that, but it was a wee bit more than just a quick peck on the lips. It was weird, rather funny too, because I wasn't exactly sure what to do, and hell, I don't even know if it was good or not. But it felt very very nice.

I pride myself on being a well rounded young lady. I don't move fast, and I'd smack the heck out of any guy that tried to make a move on me or even think I might be a loose sort of girl. I've kept it at the front of my thoughts that this guy is going away in a month, and as my mom mentioned earlier - if a guy is getting shipped away in less than a month, he's going to want to get some.
I don't know if a nice kiss on the date is too fast or not, but I'm certainly not going farther than that no matter how awesome I think this guy is. I need to get to know him alot more even if he's leaving soon.

Well an hour or so ago a coworker called me on my cell. She'd just heard from the guy about our date last night. We hadn't told anyone, except his dad but that's cause he works with us, dur. It came about accidently but then she made him spill the beans on what we'd done, lol. She said he has a bit of a low self esteem and wasn't sure about how I felt about last night. He was a bit nervous wondering what I thought about him. I swear my coworker friend was giddy and grinning from ear to ear recounting what he'd said to her, like about me being unlike any girl he'd ever met, how he found me beautiful and intelligent and sophisticated. He was concerned, what with him leaving in a month, about whether I would agree or not if he asked me. My friend had assured him as I was a wonderful person and would most definitely agree. She was calling me to tell me what he'd said, and just to check out my general feelings about him compared to his own about me. I'm assuming that by "asking me" she means he wants to ask me to go steady, even though he'll be in Illinois for 6 months. If it's anything like engagement and something, than he is very bizarre - despite what I feel towards him that goes against my feelings and better judgements entirely because I still don't know him as well as I should.

The best thing to do in the short time we have is to go out with him more and get to know him better. I already am very enamored with him, and am utterly estatic that such a good looking, intelligent and sweet young man would feel this way towards me. On the one hand, he could be a sleaze trying to move fast on me. I have that in mind, but with knowing his father and the kind of upbringing this guy has gotten, he would be such a disgrace to be a person like that. Plus I know my brother in law, the guy's father, and the two older guys at my work would so seriously rip him apart from limb to limb if he hurt me in anyway possible. These men watch over me like a hawk, and most if not all of them have been very protective of me like mini father figures now that my dad is gone. So that leaves the other side, that this guy is very cool, we like each other a whole lot, and it's just bad timing that we finally met each other with him going off a few weeks afterwards.

This entire situation has been thrown my direction so fast, my head is still spinning. I was still trying to determine whether my feelings towards the first guy and his less than desired lifestyle was a crush or not (regardless I do consider him a very dear friend) when I met this second guy. And now all of this has come rushing forward with this new guy.

What to do is the big question. Overall I know I just simply need to get to know him better. We've already connected on many different levels which is the best. And if he truly is a nice sweet guy, than I'm on a cloud nine. But what if he asks me to go serious with him, to go steady and be his girlfriend even though he'll be away? I so strongly desire to say yes so very very badly. Taking the time to figure him out more is the only thing keeping me at bay.

So....there, I've spilled my guts. Sorry for the overly long post. Thoughts, if any?

~Barb

DianaGohan
12-16-2003, 09:41 PM
That was a very nice story Barb Gordon. And while I haven't been in this exact situation before, my advice (well opinion) would be (if possible of course) to not try and rush into a relationship with the guy if he's going away in less then a month. After all, (if there's time when he gets back) you still have time to get to know him AFTER he gets back from Illinois right? I may be wrong on this issue, but remember, this is just my silly little opinion. Do with it what you will.

Weatherman
12-16-2003, 09:51 PM
Wow, nice novel there Barb. :p Planing to publish? ;)

I'd say just take things as they come and enjoy the moment. By the time he's heading out you'll be getting back to classes, so enjoy the break. Before ya know it he'll be back in town. Sounds like you guys got something good, so far.:)

Barb Gordon
12-16-2003, 10:00 PM
Lol, told you it was long. Heck, I don't write most RPG's entries that long!

Heh, I actually don't got back to college till Feb 2....we have long breaks :D After the 6 months in Illinois he may be back in San Diego for more training which is only 2 hours from where I am now. Just think.....Navy uniforms like in Top Gun.... :anime:

~Barb

DianaGohan
12-16-2003, 10:11 PM
You Like Them In Blue Too Huh?

But Probably Not The Blue I'm Referring To.

So uh what did you think of my advice?

"First off, your advice was stupid, idotic and pointless. And your question was just plain off topic. Why don't you shut up and be useful for once."

And you wonder why you never have any love stories.

"I keep telling you, because I don't want any. Shut up!"

Whatever.

Barb Gordon
12-16-2003, 10:37 PM
lol, far from it hon! I thought it was perfectly spiffy advice. I definitely need to just breathe and take it slow.

~Barb

DisneyBoy
12-16-2003, 10:49 PM
:) Go Barb Go.

You've been twenty exactly how long and your love life is already is full, chaotic swing? :p

These are my thoughts. Firstly, never ever be afraid of long posts. Getting to the point is so overrated. Secondly, interesting situation with guy number one. You ask him out, he's mature enough to admit he's not in the best of places (or he's a liar and just ain't interested, for reasons unknown) and you part ways. I think what tells you the most about your situation is the line "he's a bit of a goober". Frankly, I feel it speaks VOLUMES! If he's goober, then no matter how snuggly his body may seem, or how attractively rough-around-the-edges he may appear, you won't want to chill with him intellectually for very long. If his not being in school wasn't really an issue, I doubt you would have mentionned it in your post. I get the impression that you are leery about him, and therefore suggest that you give yourself, and him as well, time to think about your friendship a bit before seeking something more out.

Thirdly, Mister "Gone in a Month" seems to have really wooed his way into your heart! I'm happy that you had a romantic kiss on a winter's eve with your romantic stranger...but now I'm a tad bit worried as to whether it would be better for you to have that perfect memory end there, or try for something more and risk disappointment. I'm glad you have firmly set your boundaries down, as far as intimacy goes, but let's not forget your heart. You've been through a lot, and jumping into a committed relationship of sorts may be a little premature. Spend time with him...continue to enjoy each other's company. Who knows? Before he leaves, you two may be a real couple, ready and willing to not see others. Heck, you may be an almost-couple, and still wait for one another! My point is just that getting a chance to clear your head is important right now. It's like giving someone a credit card and showing them Ebay for the first time! They're overwhelmed by everything they've been dreaming of, and usually tend to make more than one impulse buy.

Please don't impulse love. You're new to this whole romance thing, and (as old-fashionned as I'm sure this will sound) won't regret having your feet firmly planted on the ground before making a decision about anything. It's a lot to deal with all at once, so just chill with him and see how you feel in a week or two...

...but for the moment, enjoy floating on cloud nine, you lucky little devil you! :D

The Falcon
12-16-2003, 11:17 PM
You Like Them In Blue Too Huh?

But Probably Not The Blue I'm Referring To.

So uh what did you think of my advice?

"First off, your advice was stupid, idotic and pointless. And your question was just plain off topic. Why don't you shut up and be useful for once."

And you wonder why you never have any love stories.

"I keep telling you, because I don't want any. Shut up!"

Whatever.
umm...i know the blue she's talking about :D

BLUE Falcon

Nightflower
12-16-2003, 11:29 PM
Congrats! :D

Goodness gracious, so much fuss for a kiss! I know everyone has different values, but I really don't think a kiss is going too fast, even if it's on the first date. I kiss my platonic friends all the time, male and female. *wonders if that would freak anyone out*

Sorry to hear that you got mono. :( A couple of my friends got it during my senior year.

I'm glad the goober turned you down. Speaking from experience, it's probably not a good idea to go out with someone like that.

I'm glad your date went wonderfully, and again, given what you said about him and just in my opinion, I hardly consider a no-tongue kiss to be going too fast. Speaking of which, my technical first kiss was playing spin-the-bottle in Grade 8. ^_^' His leaving in a month might be a problem though.

I'm incredibly sorry about your father, Barb. :( If you ever want to vent about something, you can always PM me. (Laptop still broken, so AIM's not that reliable these days >.<).

murmur
12-17-2003, 12:27 AM
The advice posted so far is pretty good. I agree with DisneyBoy about the first guy. He isn't really worth your time. The only possible use for him I could think of would be as a short term fling and I know that you have no intention of doing that. So from now on, when I refer to "the guy," I am referring to the second one, the one with more potential. Basically, I'm also here to add words of caution, but hopefully, it will add more perspective:

Firstly, I'm still wondering what "asking you" means. I'm not as sure as you are that he means going steady. That sounded like a fabulous date, and hey, that first kiss...I'm quite jealous; mine wasn't nearly as romantic. But still, that was only one date! Remember, physical/sexual contact is NOT the only way for things to move fast, especially for someone who values intellectual connection as much as you. That's not to say you should stop yourself from talking to him, or kissing him for that matter; just try to stay objective. Don't always let your feelings be your guide, regardless of what your favorite movie says. Commiting yourself to a long distance relationship for six months without knowing the guy for one month probably isn't the best move for you right now, even if he is an angel.

I hope this isn't overstepping, but since you volunteered it...You may also be emotionally rebounding from your father's death (not to mention the mono). On the one hand, I'm sure you could really use the happiness, and by all means you should be happy. Just don't let it blind you too much. It's easy to ride on a feeling and just let it take you away, especially after being on a low. On top of that, there's the pressure of a first relationship and all the new things that means to you...Come to think of it, it's a wonder your head isn't spinning around!

In any case, don't be ashamed to splurge your thoughts here. You've been through a lot of ups and downs, through no fault of your own, but sometimes you have to really use your head to avoid continuing the roller-coaster ride. Best of luck...not that I'm bowing out of the topic...it sounds like there's more to come.:)

DisneyBoy
12-17-2003, 12:55 AM
Nicely put murmur. You really managed to get at what my tired head just couldn't quite put into words.

;) *hugs Barb and murmur and Nightflower and everybody*

Sailor Chibi Otaku
12-17-2003, 01:00 AM
:) Go Barb Go.

You've been twenty exactly how long and your love life is already is full, chaotic swing? :p

Oh yeah?? I've been 23 for four months now and I never been kissed!! :(

I'd like someone my age or older to try and beat my record of complete lonliness!! :(

Samurai Karasu
12-17-2003, 01:04 AM
Well I kissed a girl I was going out with but only on the cheek. I am such a loser even if I am only 13.

kiddiesunshine
12-17-2003, 01:17 AM
I can't beat that, but I got my first 5 years ago when I was just 16. She, an upperclassman (Junior to my Sophomore. Whatever) and I were hanging out in back of the school one day. We were talking, mostly about nothing, and then it got quiet...

I froze...
I looked out the corner of my eye...
She was staring at me, as if she was preparing for something...

I couldn't think of anything more to say and my heart was pounding and, when my heart starts pounding like it did that day, I know I'm ready for anything. What else was there left to do?

I leaned forward...puckered up..and went for it...AND MISSED.
I had the whole thing carefully calculated, but she had moved slightly to the right, so I ended up kissing her on the left side of her mouth.

After that disaster, I actually uttered, "Well that was awkward."
Like I said, when my heart is pounding, I can do or say anything.
She forgave me by showing me how it was done right. It was slow, soft and warm and her mouth was sweet. Excellent and unforgettable.

FavreFactor
12-17-2003, 08:50 AM
Many people today are getting kissed at a really yound age now. Its like thats all they care about these days is who can get kissed first...

TimTwoFace
12-17-2003, 11:40 AM
Hey Barb , just read your romantic epic there. :p After hearing about mystery guy #1 for the last few months in passing...well, I'm assuming that's the same dude...it's a shame to see that things don't look that promising there. Good friends are great, and he seems to really like you - but just how much of a goober-head is he? If he's the sort that can't take anything seriously then yeah, I wouldn't suggest a serious relationship with him. If it's about the not-so-good things he's done in the past though, I wouldn't hold that against him, as long as it is in the past and he's moved on. If he did that stuff in his teens and has long since changed his ways, I don't think it'd be fair to hold that over his head as a lead reason why he'd be unsuitable.

As for mystery dude #2...sounds like a good guy, and it's a shame that the circumstances of your first date weren't more ideal, what, with him leaving for the military in a month or so. That said, I think you already are pretty clear about how you feel about him - don't rush things just because he'll be gone for a while unless you're willing to put up with a potential let-down.

I see no reason to be at all worried over a kiss on the first date, though. Like Nightflower said, I too am rather physically affectionate with my friends (well, the female ones anyway) with kisses and hugs and that sort of thing. Anyway, from how you described it, it sounded very nice. My first kiss - years ago now (man, I'm old) kind of unfolded in a very similar fashion. :anime: :anime:

So basically, all you have to consider between the two is which is more important:

A) Ideally, who do you feel more compatible with, if they were both geographically close to you?

B) How much "goober" could you put up with before you say it's enough?

C) In your current situation, which would make you happier - promoting your friendship with gooberhead (man, we need to get a new name for this guy) into a romantic relationship or a relationship with another guy who will be physically out of your life for six months, and then be a two hour drive away afterwards?

I'm not suggesting which way you should go, just how you should approach it. :)

-Tim

ToonamiFanatic
12-17-2003, 01:43 PM
Oh yeah?? I've been 23 for four months now and I never been kissed!! :(

I'd like someone my age or older to try and beat my record of complete lonliness!! :(

I am 23 and a guy and just got my first kiss few months ago. so your not the only 23 year old

Barb Gordon
12-17-2003, 02:07 PM
Went to see ROTK last night, er this morning, with the goober guy and some other friends. It is loads of fun to be around him. He's good looking and funny, but I think he definitely prefers to just be single. He's always surrounded by good looking girls and when I first met him I had to wonder whether he was gay or a player. A mutual friend really wanted me to go out with him and was supporting me in trying because he thought I would be a wholesome and stable influence on him. The guy still does Marajuana sometimes. That's his deal if he wants to, it's not for me to judge him on his lifestyle....but if he's doing that, the mutual friend said he was slipping back to his old ways, and that's just very saddening and disheartening. So for now I just want to be a really good friend to him and be a reminder that he's got great people around him who don't do drugs or anything and that he doesn't need to either. Going out with the second guy tonight, I'll see how things go. He called last night and it was a lot fun talking with him about all sorts of things. Still not entirely sure what he things our stage is at the moment, so I'm definitely planning on laying everything out in the open tonight to see exactly where he is on everything.

*hug* I love you all, all your advice has been so incredibly awesome and helpful. I never thought I'd make a relationship thread, but now that I have, it's rather fun. It's great to see what others have experienced, what they suggest, and whether it's an option that you may have not even considered before.

~Barb

Leaping Larry Jojo
12-17-2003, 05:29 PM
Oh yeah?? I've been 23 for four months now and I never been kissed!! :(

I'd like someone my age or older to try and beat my record of complete lonliness!! :(

Well, I'm 25, and every woman I've been with in my life (about 3) didn't want to be kissed on the lips. They'd do anything else but kiss me on the lips. Remember Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman? How her character would do anything except kiss someone? Well, that's my experience.

And no, unlike Pretty Woman, they weren't prostitutes. At least, I don't think they were. :)

Majin_Megabyte
12-17-2003, 05:31 PM
This doesn't really count oh well. Me and friend of mine who is an girk close friend of my went to see Lilo and Sitich. We sit by each other sometime in the middle of the movie she put her head on me. After the movie She kisses me on the cheek, after that I kiss her back on the cheek. Even through she is 3 years younger then me we are close friends.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say I'm 17, and I don't have an girlfriend.

Ajax
12-17-2003, 09:32 PM
Wow... after reading about all you guys and girls who never been kissed before, I fell like a manwhore. My first kiss on the lips was when I was 12 years old. Nowadays for me kissing a chick on the lips means nothing, it's like saying hi.

But if you ask me giving up your first kiss on your first date is pretty rare where I'm from. For example when I was around 13 and 14 I went around with a lot of chicks who have never been kissed, i always would have to wait 1 week or so before I got one. And even now when I am older and with older chicks, they don't like giving up a kiss on the first date, usually becasue they don't want there boyfriend thinking there hoes. Because only the easy chicks are the ones who kiss any dude on the first date. (not saying that your one of course :D ) Some girls think that kissing on the first date is going to fast and some think of it as nothing, it just depends on who you are.

kiddiesunshine
12-17-2003, 10:03 PM
I'd hate to come to a point where kisses mean nothing. There's so much and so little that goes into the kiss that when it happens, you never forget it. I remember every time I kissed a girl. Granted, it only happened twice in my 21 years on this Earth, but it still sticks with me. I'd love for it to happen more, but I have this invisible barrier that somehow repels the opposite sex. I'm a nice guy and I look pretty good, but that doesn't seem to be good enough. Oh well. Back on topic, even when kisses begin to lose all meaning to you, you should still be able to reminisce about the first time. I'm glad I can.

Osiris
12-18-2003, 07:40 PM
Very nice tale Barb. My only advice is this- stay away from Mr. Goober. I have two older sisters with their share of relationships. Guys like that can clean up their act but I wouldn't say they were date worthy material, especially for a first relationship. They've got some serious overhead involved that often makes the relationship not neccessarily worth it. As for this other guy, I'd be careful around him too. He sounds like a great person and everything but it seems like he has a schedule that is determined to make any relationship difficult. I, myself, like things as close to perfect as possible and would not want a relationship where a big build up of emotions (like when he's about to come back) has a chance of falling flat (like when something unexpected happens and he is delayed, possibly indefinately). If my post feels somewhat cautious if not downright negative it is because, as I stated before, I do have two sisters. Believe me, you gals can make some "interesting" decisions when situations such as these arise. But hey, what do I know? All that really matters is that you are satisfied at the end of the day. So, good luck with whatever happens.

Chosen Raven
12-19-2003, 12:02 AM
Oh yeah?? I've been 23 for four months now and I never been kissed!!

Sweet. I'm not the oldest one to have never been kissed.(21)

I kiss my platonic friends all the time, male and female. *wonders if that would freak anyone out*

:eek: Nightflower, would you be my platonic friend? :moon2:


Remember Barb, the best way to find a decent guy, is to be a decent girl ect ect. Looks like your still going to be looking, since the Goober (definitely) isn't for you and the other guy is going away soon. Good luck.

Outlander00
12-19-2003, 09:44 AM
Man... Im gone about a week, and all this happens!! :p

*hugs* Congrats, Barb! Im glad you found a guy who is good for you (instead of waiting for guy #1).

As far as you and guy #2, just take it slow and see where the relationship goes. I think that is what is forgotten in a lot of relationships... Is that to have fun with the person your with as well as the other important factors (having something in common, being able to talk to them, etc.)

Go! Have fun and be merry, my little pirate!! :D

murmur
12-21-2003, 11:10 PM
;) *hugs Barb and murmur and Nightflower and everybody*Awwwwwwwww. What a sweet guy. Barb, you should forget about the other two guys and get together with Disneyboy.:anime: