DianaGohan
12-14-2003, 10:16 AM
Like I Said Before, Another Week
Another Zoids Fuzors Talkback.
Another Zoids Fuzors Parody Talkback.
Enjoy.
Warning: This parody contains situations and refrences that are not apporiorate for persons under 16. Do not continue if you are under that age or easily offended.
R.D: Hey wait, aren't I just 16?
I didn't know you could count that high R.D.
R.D: Shut up. Besides, don't you remember the contract? You can only have 3 R.D is stupid jokes every other week.
Let Me See That *Reads Contract, and then writes something on it*. Look here, it says I can only have 3 R.D's Mom is stupid jokes.
R.D: Your mom is stupid!
Boy, don't talk to my momma like that!
R.D: Then just start the parody.
Alright then.
"THE BIG BATTLE ROYAL THAT'S BRUTAL AND PAINFUL AND MADE R.D GO "OUCH, THAT HURT ME OWWWIE!"
SCENE: AT AN EXECUTIVE TV BOARD MEETING.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: As an executive, I only care about ratings. Which is why I suggest we have a Kids Next Door and Dragonball GT Marathon throughout the entire month of January. Kids will love it.
CN EXECUTIVE TWO: But what about those fans of quality shows?
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: F*** him. That's our policy.
CN EXECUTIVE TWO: Okay then. (Looks over paper). The next part of our Agenda is that Zoids Battle Royal Thing. And we need another guy to fill in the slots.
TRACEY: Ooooooh, but R.D in. He's so hot!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Oh, and Batman too! (Everyone stares at him). And he'll
get more ratings.
CN EXECUTIVE FOUR: Yeah, he will! In fact, (makes some more phone calls) I think a whole rooster change is in order.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: But what about the fans? Aren't they expecting to see real Zoids Pilots, not just characters to drum out ratings?
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Remember the policy.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Oh. F*** them indeed then.
SCENE: HELMUT AT THE GRAVEYARD THEN GUMMY ENTERS YO!!!!!
HELMUT: You just die a little more everytime I see you don't you?
GUMMY: Hey there ya noxious weedtumbling boyo!
HELMUT: God, I want to kill you accent.
GUMMY: Me too.... pilgrim. Anyway, what you doing?
HELMUT: Oh, just putting more flowers on The Simpsons grave. Did you see last week's episode? Totally ruined the Season 3 Classic with Krusty's father in it. And now they're having ANOTHER Christmas special. What kind of series would be cheap enough to need to drum up ratings with a Christmas Special?
R.D: Hey guys, it's Christmas! Let's deck the halls and sing some carols!
HELMUT: ..... Go away before I hurt you R.D.
R.D: Meanie.
GUMMY: Yeah well anyway, that Marvis plotline still aint wrapped up. But lookings at the episode list, we won't have to worry about that for awhile.
HELMUT: Yeah, but let's pretend to do something about that so the audience thinks we actually care about the plot.
GUMMY: Yup yup yup yas Fraken beans mick Horseback.
HELMUT: Okay, now that just was gibberish.
GUMMY: I know. I know.
SCENE: BACK AT THE BASE OF STORM MOCKING
R.D: Wow, I get to be on television... again?
TRACEY: Yeah that's right. You are such a hottie.
R.D: Hey Matt, I think she's in love with Andrew Lloyd Webber.
MATT: Seriously, did your parents drop you on the head when you were a child?
R.D: Yes, many times!
HOP: (Superfast) NOR.DyoumustnotbeinthisracebecausebeinginthisraceisbadandyoucannotbeinthisracebecauseitisbadandyoushouldnotbeinitandItoldyounottobeinitsodon'tbeinit.
R.D: But it's a Battle Royal.
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: Yeah, and Speed Racer got very bad ratings. That's why we don't have it on anymore.
HOP: Fine, uh but can I be a producer?
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: I guess. It will be just like when we made George Lucas a producer....
SCENE: AT THE CLONE WARS DEVELOPING STAGE
GEORGE LUCAS: Okay, first off, we have to have a five minute long speech on what the Jedi are, and then insert some scenes that I pass off as romance between Anakin and Amaidala, and then we have 20 minutes of talking about how bad the Dark Side is and all about how my theories of space work and-
GENDY TARTAKOSKEY: Hold up. There are only 20 Chapters and each is 3 minutes long. We don't have time for any of that crap.
GEORGE LUCAS: Hey listen! Star Wars is my baby! No one's touching it except me, no matter how old and stupid my ideas have gotten since Episode One.
GENDY TARTAKOSKEY: But-
GEORGE LUCAS: No buts! (Gets hit with a knife by Jar Jar Binks).
JAR JAR BINKS: Mesa sorrysa about the creatsa mesa killsa but mesa just look stupidsa because of him.
GENDY TARTAKOSKEY: Well looks like I'm directing Episode Three (Fans Cheer).
BACK AT THE BASE!
HOP: I don't know if I want a knife through my head-
R.D: I do! (Sticks one through Hop's head). There you go buddy!
HOP: Damn you R.D!
TRACEY: Anyway, let me introduce you to the pilots you'll be facing off against.
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: Actually, we changed that remember?
TRACEY: Oh, right.... higher ratings. Well that part of the show we'll have to wait. Let's go over why I think R.D is so hot!
R.D: Wow, so she was really in love with Wesley Snipes this entire time!
MATT: No you idiot it was... you know what, never mind. Just keep playing in your pretend world moron.
HOP: Hey, how much will I make as a producer?
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: Uh.... 20$.
HOP: Hey! I ain't signing for that. (Another knife is stuck to his head). And now I am not ain't signing for that.
R.D: Oh my god! It's Janet Jackson!
SWEET: How many times do I have to tell you my name is Sweet?
R.D: Hey, when did Janet Jackson get as white as her brother?
SWEET: It's a good thing I love you so much that I won't be bothered by that comment.
MATT: Didn't you marry Chao or something?
SWEET: That was so two weeks ago! Now I need a diffrent drum to bang.
TRACEY: Hey, aren't you the female lead character?
SWEET: Let me check (Looks at theme song) Well, since I'm next to R.D, yes I am.
TRACEY: But you don't even have a Zoid.
SWEET: I had a Zoid once, but then they took it away.
SCENE: FLASHBACK TO THE ZOIDS REMOVAL AREA!
ZOIDS REMOVAL TECHNICAN BILL: Mam, we can't allow you to keep that Zoid.
SWEET: What, is it a crime to take a Zoid, use it to break into prostitution rings, steal hookers, have sex with them, run through town naked, have my Zoid destroy the police station and drink a keg of beer when I'm clearly underaged?
ZOIDS REMOVAL TECHNICAN BILL: No... It's several crimes.
SWEET: Well I hope you're happy now. I am never getting another Zoid again.
END FLASHBACK.
SWEET: And I never got another Zoid again.
TRACEY: Then you basically suck. I should be with R.D.
SWEET: You don't have a Zoid either.
TRACEY: But I am a CN EXECUTIVE. I can do what I want.
MATT: She's got you there Sweet.
SWEET: You know, I kind of wish she would get me.... there.
MATT: Why do I hang out with you people?
TRACEY: Hey R.D, if you win this battle, I'll give you something special.
R.D: A trip to Kidney World?
TRACEY: No.
R.D: A dollar?
TRACEY: No.
R.D: The internet?
TRACEY: Forget it. I'll just buy you dinner!
R.D: Alright, I love Palm Springs!
TRACEY: Why do I always fall for the stupid ones?
SCENE: IN THE CN EXECUTIVE HALL, 4 FIGURES ARE SITTING AT A TABLE. THE CN EXECUTIVES ARE WATCHING FROM OVERHEAD.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: So who did you replace the regular Zoids pilot with?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Well first off, I tried to get Batman, but he said "Rot in Hell" so I gave him Watchtower Duties.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: I thought Superman gave him Watchtower Duties in "Comfort and Joy".
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: No, that was me. I did however manage to get Goku to pilot The Blade Liger!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Which one?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: The kid one.
CN EXECTUIVE THREE: Which kid one?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Well, since Dragonball GT got higher ratings, it must be better, so I got that one. Then, I got Dexter boy Genius from "Dexter's Laboratory" to pilot the Genosaur.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: You did tell him that we were fighting with Zoids right?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Uh.... that's your job.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Damn it!
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Then, because we need a female and high ratings, I got Kuki aka Numbah Three from Kids Next Door to pilot the Terrace.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Now I know Zoids fans are gonna torch us!
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Torch us all they want, we're still be getting the high ratings. And finally I got Brak to pilot the Red Horn!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Uh, how exactly is R.D suppose to Almost LOOSE against these guys.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Oh come on! R.D's stupider then Nickelodeon and MTV combined! Anyway, let's see what hilarious conversations these guys are having.
AT THE BOARD
DEXTER: I am Dexter, Boy Genius, and Dee Dee better stay out of my laboratory!
NUMBAH THREE: Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh, pretty table!
DEXTER: You stay out of my laboratory too!
GOKU: Hi, my name is Goku!
BRAK: Hi, my name is Brak!
GOKU: Hi Brak, My name is Goku!
BRAK: Hi Goku, My name is Brak!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Well.... I'm not laughing.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: I'm sure someone out there is.
CORRADO: This sucks.
ANIME GUY: What?
CORRADO: We get a cameo and I don't even get to plug my new story.
ANIME GUY: Well plug it now.
CORRADO: Well, check it. It's about these people-
AT STORMY MACHINNNNNNNA AGAIN!
CORRADO: (In background) Dammmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn ittttttttttttttttttt!
R.D: Hey, I think that was Hanson!
MATT: No, it wasn't.
CORRADO: HANNNNNNNNSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SUCKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
MATT: Shut up now!
R.D: That wacky Hanson and they're crazy new songs.
MATT: I'm so glad next week I'm gonna be kicking your ass to the curb.
HOP: Heh, those wild and crazy kids! (a knife gets thrown at his head). Would somebody please take these off?
SIGMA: No can do. My little part in this episode is mainly trying to mention the fact that it's Sweet's Birthday.
HELMUT: Yeah, I already got her my present.
SIGMA: What you get her?
HELMUT: A pack of condoms.
SIGMA: Hey, that was my gift!
SWEET: That's okay. I'm going to go with R.D up at the top of the base. I'll just take the condoms now.
HOP: Can someone please take these off now?
SIGMA: We're not in the story anymore.
HELMUT: Yeah, we're in the Lost Character land. Hey look, there used to be twelve dwarfs.
SMOKEY: What? Smokey, Punchy, Drinky, Horny, and Spanky not good enough names for Disney?
SIGMA: Actually... yeah.
SMOKEY: Why do I only learn this now!
MATT: Hey R.D, are you even gonna go to second base with Tracey?
R.D: I don't know if that's allowed in Football Matt.
MATT: 7 More days... 7 more days.... just 7 more days and counting.
SCENE: AT THE TOPPIE OF THE BASIE
R.D: Look, I'm in deep thought....... I wonder how they get all those candy shapes into a Wonderball.... and if Jesus is real and Santa Claus isn't, does that mean that Jesus puts the presents under my tree each year and he drives around on the 12 Apostles?
SWEET: R.D, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Let's have the sex now.
R.D: Hmmmmm, that sounds familiar....
FLASHBACK TO WHEN THE TWO WERE 6
6 YEAR OLD SWEET: R.D, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Let's have the sex now.
6 Year OLD R.D: But mommy said no between meal snacks!
R.D (VOICEOVER): And that's when the radioactives monkey came.
FLASHBACK OVER
R.D: The End.
SWEET: Hey, there's still a minute before the commerical breaks.
R.D: Okay, I'll chase you around some then.
SWEET: You do know what that will lead to right?
R.D: Yeah.... Robin's autograph. I really like Teen Titans.
SWEET: Stuff you! (Jumps off the building).
R.D: But now how are me and Sweet suppose to have sex?
COMMERICALS- YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THEM
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: OR ELSE!!!!!!!!
ACT TWO!!!!!
CN EXECUTIVE TWO: OR ELSE!!!!!!!........... something.
SCENE: THE BATTLEFIELD
R.D: Time to do the fusion!
GOKU: Oh boy, he's gonna do the fusion dance!
R.D: Fusion dance?.... Hey, these aren't the Zoid Pilots that were suppose to be here.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: No, but they produce better ratings!
R.D: Okay, but I ain't doing a fusion dance.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Actually, according to these charts, Fusion Dance produces better ratings, so do it!
R.D: Stupid ratings. Okay. Fuuuuuuuuuuu.ssssssiiiiiiiiiiioooooonnnnnnnnnnnn... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
GOKU: Yeah, Fusion dance!
NUMBAH THREE: I want to dance too!
R.D: These guys aren't even pilots.
DEXTER: That is where you are mistaken, because I Dexter, boy genius, have spent many years in the art of piloting many machines for the glory of science!
R.D: Okay.... but what about the rest of them?
DEXTER: Uhhhhh, I think that Numbah 3 piloted a Hipptoy Hop Robot Bunny Mech, and uh Brak rides a bicycle, and Goku rode a cloud for years.
R.D: Well this should be easy.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Wow, look at the ratings. We're already at a 2.6. We could climb all the way to the 3's or even the 4's at this rate.
MATT: Hey Sweet, how did you survive that fall anyway?
SWEET: I don't know, but I did get this *****en jacket because of it.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Hey no bad words!
SWEET: Oh. Can I use sexual innuendo?
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Can the Justice League use Sexual innuendo?
SWEET: I want to give R.D the suck and dry!
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: There we go.
DEXTER: Okay you fools, now remember the plan.
GOKU: Right. You jump over there, I spin around like a top, Brak gets us some cookies, and Numbah 3 hits the bell 2 times.
DEXTER: No you idiot! The combat plan!
GOKU: You mean that wasn't the combat plan?
DEXTER: No it wasn't! You three attack like idiots, I stand back and use my genius to help out when necessary.
BRAK: What about the cookies?
DEXTER: Uh.... if we win, I'll give you cookies!
NUMBAH THREE: YAYYYYYYYYY COOOOOKKKIES! (Seriously) Let's play ball!
ANNOUNCER: And now the fight as begun! And it seems that R.D is doing his usual plan of rushing into the first thing he sees!
R.D: Hey, I have a plan. First I'll take out the powerful Genosaur while these guys are spinning around and-
NUMBAH 3: Super flying smackdown tackle!
BRAK: Banana bolt!
GOKU: Kamehameha!
R.D: Hey, those aren't registered- (Gets tackeled, slips on a banana peel and hit by a Zoid Kamehameha).
SWEET: Hey, triple teaming's not cool!
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Sure it is. Remember Peter Pan Meets The Nazis?
PETER PAN MEETS THE NAZIS!
WENDY: What would mother think of me becoming a facist communist?
NAZI ONE: She'd say do it for the gizard!
WENDY: Okay then for the Gizard!
PETER PAN: Hey, there are 12 Nazis and only one Peter Pan. Luckily I brought this cloner along with me just in case.
NAZI TWO: Ha! Everyone knows cloning is illegal.
PETER PAN: Okay then, I'll- Hey, this is 1942. No it isn't.
NAZI THREE: Jump him before he says some more smart things.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: I remember that. It got a 3.1 rating. Good times, gooood times.
ANNOUNCER: And R.D is getting smacked around... and smacked around... and smacked around..... and uh, smacked down some more.
GOKU: Spirit Bomb!
R.D: Oh no, my wing!
NUMBAH THREE: Mega Wing Missle Bolt!
R.D: Oh no, my E-Shield!
NINTENDO: Available if you collect 20 E-Trading Cards and buy a Gameboy Advance.
BRAK: Hubbabaloo!
R.D: Oh no! My coffee mug!
DEXTER: Do you surrender yet R.D?
R.D: No! I'm the hero! Surley there will be some last minute thing I can pull out of my ass to save me!
DEXTER: Then it's my turn to hit you. Science beam!
R,D: Ahhhhhh, my Zoid leg's broken, and I now understand what the Theory Of Relativity Means!
HOP: Well, looks like R.D's dead. (Another Knife is thrown at his head). Who keeps doing that?
GUMMY: Heh heh, stupid pilgrim.
MATT: You know, how can this be an R.D episode if he loses in it?
HOP: How can your mom go to bed.... at 7;30.... when, uh, she's at my house, with the professor, with the Spoon!
MATT: Can I borrow one of you're knives Gummy?
GUMMY: Sure, here you go pilgrim.
MATT: Thanks. (Throws it at Hop).
HOP: Hey, that's my other eye!
BRAK: Baloney Sandwich!
NUMBAH THREE: Rainbow Monkeys!
GOKU: Rice And Bread!
R.D: Man, I got more hammered then George W. Bush at his birthday.
GEORGE W BUSH'S BIRTHDAY
R.D: I think you've had enough man, you're drunk.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Oh yeah, well time to bomb Iraq and Afghanhistan some more.
R.D: I knew Drunks started the French And Indian War and the War of 1812, but World War 3 as well? Oh well. Bartender, pass me another Scotch!
R.D: And look now, I've a timer too. Kind of like "Wild Cards", except it's a minute long and never mentioned again.
SWEET: R.D, use the force!
R.D: Uh, have anything a little less cliched?
SWEET: Well uh, you know that episode of Samurai Jack on after this where Jack becomes a Chicken?
R.D: Of course! (Takes random passing Zoid and rips it open and sprays the insides of it at the other Zoids).
SWEET: Well, I mean use the Morph-O-Ray from Ratchet and Clank and turn everyone of them into Chickens, but you know, whatever works.
GOKU: Take this! Kaio-Ken!
R.D: Oh yeah, well look at this convienant appearing at the last second power! Mega Kaio-Ken!
GOKU: Mega Super Hyper Kaio-Ken!!!!
R.D: Ultra Supreme Mega Super Hyper Champion Kaio-Ken!!!!!
GOKU: Uh..., what was that?
DAFEATEDDDDD!!!!!
R.D: That's one down and.... uh (Goes off and works on some science equations and runs some tests in a lab coat and then comes back) this many left (holds up three fingers).
NUMBAH THREE: Hey, I'm Three! Super Rainbow Monkey Charge!
R.D: Ha ha! Now my Zoid gained the ability to fly again! Overused Laser Claw Attack Thingie!
NUMBAH THREE: Uh oh! Parachute that only appears at the last second attack.
BRAK: Hey, can I have my bath now?
R.D: Sure come over here a minute.
BRAK: Yeah boy (Brak Zoid comes over and R.D's Zoid chucks it into a wall).
R.D: What about you Dexter? Do you need a bath?
DEXTER: No, I already took one.
R.D: Then take another one! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Runs over and smacks Dexter's Zoid down. It makes glass breaking noise in the background).
MATT: Wow, R.D actually did it. Even though that Victory seems just as contrived as Justin Timberlake being the most popular artist of 2003.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Look, the ratings climbed to a 4.4. Now all our shows will have crossovers in them.
IN THE NEXT TEEN TITANS MEET THE JUSTICE LEAGUE MEET STATIC SHOCK, SPECIAL GUEST DUCK DODGERS, LITTLE RICHARD, AND HOMER SIMPSONS DISCUSS THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT TAKING DRUGS AND SKATEBOARDS!!!!! CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!!
SCENE: AT THE RESTURANT
HOP: Well a good job R.D. (Another knife is thrown at his head). Hey, why do I have all these knifes in my head.
MATT: They're crowns. You're the king.
HOP: That's right. I am the king. (Falls down) One last thing Sweet. I'd like to name my own price for your big sweet ass. (Falls unconcious).
SWEET: Sorry, but that's taken.
MATT: R.D finally had sex with you eh?
SWEET: No stupid! Me and Tracey are a couple!
TRACEY: Yeah, and if you don't like it, you're a homophobe and we can arrest you! (Tracey and Sweet kiss).
R.D: Well, looks like everyone got what they wanted. I even got something for Sweet for her birthday. Take it MC ZOIDIE!
MC ZOIDIE: You're one year older! One year wiser! Rock and roll star, king, czar, and a kaiser! A roomful of friends! A mouthful of cake! Every present is for you,
And it feels pretty great! You're the girl of the hour, The V.I.P. You get the first slice, Of the P-I-E, But first blow out the candles, And make a wish, Put a smile on, 'Cause it's your birthday, *****!
EVERYONE: Go Sweet! It's your birthday! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!
SWEET: Actually, I kind of lied about it being my birthday. I only said that so everyone would forget here would forget to celebrate the Parodess's birthday which was a few days ago.
OH YOU ARE GOING DOWN HOE!!!!!
(DianaGohan comes down and starts fighting with Sweet. After a minute, Tracey joins in to).
R.D: Ah, Lesiban cat fight action.
MATT: Who could want a better birthday? Or Christmas?
R.D: Happy Holidays everyone!
THE END.
Remember to comment and review here people. I need them... badly.
EDIT: And for Corrado's enjoyment, I express his feelings on Hanson.
Another Zoids Fuzors Talkback.
Another Zoids Fuzors Parody Talkback.
Enjoy.
Warning: This parody contains situations and refrences that are not apporiorate for persons under 16. Do not continue if you are under that age or easily offended.
R.D: Hey wait, aren't I just 16?
I didn't know you could count that high R.D.
R.D: Shut up. Besides, don't you remember the contract? You can only have 3 R.D is stupid jokes every other week.
Let Me See That *Reads Contract, and then writes something on it*. Look here, it says I can only have 3 R.D's Mom is stupid jokes.
R.D: Your mom is stupid!
Boy, don't talk to my momma like that!
R.D: Then just start the parody.
Alright then.
"THE BIG BATTLE ROYAL THAT'S BRUTAL AND PAINFUL AND MADE R.D GO "OUCH, THAT HURT ME OWWWIE!"
SCENE: AT AN EXECUTIVE TV BOARD MEETING.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: As an executive, I only care about ratings. Which is why I suggest we have a Kids Next Door and Dragonball GT Marathon throughout the entire month of January. Kids will love it.
CN EXECUTIVE TWO: But what about those fans of quality shows?
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: F*** him. That's our policy.
CN EXECUTIVE TWO: Okay then. (Looks over paper). The next part of our Agenda is that Zoids Battle Royal Thing. And we need another guy to fill in the slots.
TRACEY: Ooooooh, but R.D in. He's so hot!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Oh, and Batman too! (Everyone stares at him). And he'll
get more ratings.
CN EXECUTIVE FOUR: Yeah, he will! In fact, (makes some more phone calls) I think a whole rooster change is in order.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: But what about the fans? Aren't they expecting to see real Zoids Pilots, not just characters to drum out ratings?
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Remember the policy.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Oh. F*** them indeed then.
SCENE: HELMUT AT THE GRAVEYARD THEN GUMMY ENTERS YO!!!!!
HELMUT: You just die a little more everytime I see you don't you?
GUMMY: Hey there ya noxious weedtumbling boyo!
HELMUT: God, I want to kill you accent.
GUMMY: Me too.... pilgrim. Anyway, what you doing?
HELMUT: Oh, just putting more flowers on The Simpsons grave. Did you see last week's episode? Totally ruined the Season 3 Classic with Krusty's father in it. And now they're having ANOTHER Christmas special. What kind of series would be cheap enough to need to drum up ratings with a Christmas Special?
R.D: Hey guys, it's Christmas! Let's deck the halls and sing some carols!
HELMUT: ..... Go away before I hurt you R.D.
R.D: Meanie.
GUMMY: Yeah well anyway, that Marvis plotline still aint wrapped up. But lookings at the episode list, we won't have to worry about that for awhile.
HELMUT: Yeah, but let's pretend to do something about that so the audience thinks we actually care about the plot.
GUMMY: Yup yup yup yas Fraken beans mick Horseback.
HELMUT: Okay, now that just was gibberish.
GUMMY: I know. I know.
SCENE: BACK AT THE BASE OF STORM MOCKING
R.D: Wow, I get to be on television... again?
TRACEY: Yeah that's right. You are such a hottie.
R.D: Hey Matt, I think she's in love with Andrew Lloyd Webber.
MATT: Seriously, did your parents drop you on the head when you were a child?
R.D: Yes, many times!
HOP: (Superfast) NOR.DyoumustnotbeinthisracebecausebeinginthisraceisbadandyoucannotbeinthisracebecauseitisbadandyoushouldnotbeinitandItoldyounottobeinitsodon'tbeinit.
R.D: But it's a Battle Royal.
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: Yeah, and Speed Racer got very bad ratings. That's why we don't have it on anymore.
HOP: Fine, uh but can I be a producer?
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: I guess. It will be just like when we made George Lucas a producer....
SCENE: AT THE CLONE WARS DEVELOPING STAGE
GEORGE LUCAS: Okay, first off, we have to have a five minute long speech on what the Jedi are, and then insert some scenes that I pass off as romance between Anakin and Amaidala, and then we have 20 minutes of talking about how bad the Dark Side is and all about how my theories of space work and-
GENDY TARTAKOSKEY: Hold up. There are only 20 Chapters and each is 3 minutes long. We don't have time for any of that crap.
GEORGE LUCAS: Hey listen! Star Wars is my baby! No one's touching it except me, no matter how old and stupid my ideas have gotten since Episode One.
GENDY TARTAKOSKEY: But-
GEORGE LUCAS: No buts! (Gets hit with a knife by Jar Jar Binks).
JAR JAR BINKS: Mesa sorrysa about the creatsa mesa killsa but mesa just look stupidsa because of him.
GENDY TARTAKOSKEY: Well looks like I'm directing Episode Three (Fans Cheer).
BACK AT THE BASE!
HOP: I don't know if I want a knife through my head-
R.D: I do! (Sticks one through Hop's head). There you go buddy!
HOP: Damn you R.D!
TRACEY: Anyway, let me introduce you to the pilots you'll be facing off against.
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: Actually, we changed that remember?
TRACEY: Oh, right.... higher ratings. Well that part of the show we'll have to wait. Let's go over why I think R.D is so hot!
R.D: Wow, so she was really in love with Wesley Snipes this entire time!
MATT: No you idiot it was... you know what, never mind. Just keep playing in your pretend world moron.
HOP: Hey, how much will I make as a producer?
CARTOON NETWORK EXECUTIVE ONE: Uh.... 20$.
HOP: Hey! I ain't signing for that. (Another knife is stuck to his head). And now I am not ain't signing for that.
R.D: Oh my god! It's Janet Jackson!
SWEET: How many times do I have to tell you my name is Sweet?
R.D: Hey, when did Janet Jackson get as white as her brother?
SWEET: It's a good thing I love you so much that I won't be bothered by that comment.
MATT: Didn't you marry Chao or something?
SWEET: That was so two weeks ago! Now I need a diffrent drum to bang.
TRACEY: Hey, aren't you the female lead character?
SWEET: Let me check (Looks at theme song) Well, since I'm next to R.D, yes I am.
TRACEY: But you don't even have a Zoid.
SWEET: I had a Zoid once, but then they took it away.
SCENE: FLASHBACK TO THE ZOIDS REMOVAL AREA!
ZOIDS REMOVAL TECHNICAN BILL: Mam, we can't allow you to keep that Zoid.
SWEET: What, is it a crime to take a Zoid, use it to break into prostitution rings, steal hookers, have sex with them, run through town naked, have my Zoid destroy the police station and drink a keg of beer when I'm clearly underaged?
ZOIDS REMOVAL TECHNICAN BILL: No... It's several crimes.
SWEET: Well I hope you're happy now. I am never getting another Zoid again.
END FLASHBACK.
SWEET: And I never got another Zoid again.
TRACEY: Then you basically suck. I should be with R.D.
SWEET: You don't have a Zoid either.
TRACEY: But I am a CN EXECUTIVE. I can do what I want.
MATT: She's got you there Sweet.
SWEET: You know, I kind of wish she would get me.... there.
MATT: Why do I hang out with you people?
TRACEY: Hey R.D, if you win this battle, I'll give you something special.
R.D: A trip to Kidney World?
TRACEY: No.
R.D: A dollar?
TRACEY: No.
R.D: The internet?
TRACEY: Forget it. I'll just buy you dinner!
R.D: Alright, I love Palm Springs!
TRACEY: Why do I always fall for the stupid ones?
SCENE: IN THE CN EXECUTIVE HALL, 4 FIGURES ARE SITTING AT A TABLE. THE CN EXECUTIVES ARE WATCHING FROM OVERHEAD.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: So who did you replace the regular Zoids pilot with?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Well first off, I tried to get Batman, but he said "Rot in Hell" so I gave him Watchtower Duties.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: I thought Superman gave him Watchtower Duties in "Comfort and Joy".
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: No, that was me. I did however manage to get Goku to pilot The Blade Liger!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Which one?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: The kid one.
CN EXECTUIVE THREE: Which kid one?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Well, since Dragonball GT got higher ratings, it must be better, so I got that one. Then, I got Dexter boy Genius from "Dexter's Laboratory" to pilot the Genosaur.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: You did tell him that we were fighting with Zoids right?
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Uh.... that's your job.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Damn it!
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Then, because we need a female and high ratings, I got Kuki aka Numbah Three from Kids Next Door to pilot the Terrace.
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Now I know Zoids fans are gonna torch us!
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Torch us all they want, we're still be getting the high ratings. And finally I got Brak to pilot the Red Horn!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Uh, how exactly is R.D suppose to Almost LOOSE against these guys.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: Oh come on! R.D's stupider then Nickelodeon and MTV combined! Anyway, let's see what hilarious conversations these guys are having.
AT THE BOARD
DEXTER: I am Dexter, Boy Genius, and Dee Dee better stay out of my laboratory!
NUMBAH THREE: Yeahhhhhhhhhhhh, pretty table!
DEXTER: You stay out of my laboratory too!
GOKU: Hi, my name is Goku!
BRAK: Hi, my name is Brak!
GOKU: Hi Brak, My name is Goku!
BRAK: Hi Goku, My name is Brak!
CN EXECUTIVE THREE: Well.... I'm not laughing.
CN EXECUTIVE FIVE: I'm sure someone out there is.
CORRADO: This sucks.
ANIME GUY: What?
CORRADO: We get a cameo and I don't even get to plug my new story.
ANIME GUY: Well plug it now.
CORRADO: Well, check it. It's about these people-
AT STORMY MACHINNNNNNNA AGAIN!
CORRADO: (In background) Dammmmmmmmmmnnnnnnn ittttttttttttttttttt!
R.D: Hey, I think that was Hanson!
MATT: No, it wasn't.
CORRADO: HANNNNNNNNSONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN SUCKKKKKKKKSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!
MATT: Shut up now!
R.D: That wacky Hanson and they're crazy new songs.
MATT: I'm so glad next week I'm gonna be kicking your ass to the curb.
HOP: Heh, those wild and crazy kids! (a knife gets thrown at his head). Would somebody please take these off?
SIGMA: No can do. My little part in this episode is mainly trying to mention the fact that it's Sweet's Birthday.
HELMUT: Yeah, I already got her my present.
SIGMA: What you get her?
HELMUT: A pack of condoms.
SIGMA: Hey, that was my gift!
SWEET: That's okay. I'm going to go with R.D up at the top of the base. I'll just take the condoms now.
HOP: Can someone please take these off now?
SIGMA: We're not in the story anymore.
HELMUT: Yeah, we're in the Lost Character land. Hey look, there used to be twelve dwarfs.
SMOKEY: What? Smokey, Punchy, Drinky, Horny, and Spanky not good enough names for Disney?
SIGMA: Actually... yeah.
SMOKEY: Why do I only learn this now!
MATT: Hey R.D, are you even gonna go to second base with Tracey?
R.D: I don't know if that's allowed in Football Matt.
MATT: 7 More days... 7 more days.... just 7 more days and counting.
SCENE: AT THE TOPPIE OF THE BASIE
R.D: Look, I'm in deep thought....... I wonder how they get all those candy shapes into a Wonderball.... and if Jesus is real and Santa Claus isn't, does that mean that Jesus puts the presents under my tree each year and he drives around on the 12 Apostles?
SWEET: R.D, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Let's have the sex now.
R.D: Hmmmmm, that sounds familiar....
FLASHBACK TO WHEN THE TWO WERE 6
6 YEAR OLD SWEET: R.D, I'm not going to beat around the bush. Let's have the sex now.
6 Year OLD R.D: But mommy said no between meal snacks!
R.D (VOICEOVER): And that's when the radioactives monkey came.
FLASHBACK OVER
R.D: The End.
SWEET: Hey, there's still a minute before the commerical breaks.
R.D: Okay, I'll chase you around some then.
SWEET: You do know what that will lead to right?
R.D: Yeah.... Robin's autograph. I really like Teen Titans.
SWEET: Stuff you! (Jumps off the building).
R.D: But now how are me and Sweet suppose to have sex?
COMMERICALS- YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THEM
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: OR ELSE!!!!!!!!
ACT TWO!!!!!
CN EXECUTIVE TWO: OR ELSE!!!!!!!........... something.
SCENE: THE BATTLEFIELD
R.D: Time to do the fusion!
GOKU: Oh boy, he's gonna do the fusion dance!
R.D: Fusion dance?.... Hey, these aren't the Zoid Pilots that were suppose to be here.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: No, but they produce better ratings!
R.D: Okay, but I ain't doing a fusion dance.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Actually, according to these charts, Fusion Dance produces better ratings, so do it!
R.D: Stupid ratings. Okay. Fuuuuuuuuuuu.ssssssiiiiiiiiiiioooooonnnnnnnnnnnn... HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!
GOKU: Yeah, Fusion dance!
NUMBAH THREE: I want to dance too!
R.D: These guys aren't even pilots.
DEXTER: That is where you are mistaken, because I Dexter, boy genius, have spent many years in the art of piloting many machines for the glory of science!
R.D: Okay.... but what about the rest of them?
DEXTER: Uhhhhh, I think that Numbah 3 piloted a Hipptoy Hop Robot Bunny Mech, and uh Brak rides a bicycle, and Goku rode a cloud for years.
R.D: Well this should be easy.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Wow, look at the ratings. We're already at a 2.6. We could climb all the way to the 3's or even the 4's at this rate.
MATT: Hey Sweet, how did you survive that fall anyway?
SWEET: I don't know, but I did get this *****en jacket because of it.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Hey no bad words!
SWEET: Oh. Can I use sexual innuendo?
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Can the Justice League use Sexual innuendo?
SWEET: I want to give R.D the suck and dry!
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: There we go.
DEXTER: Okay you fools, now remember the plan.
GOKU: Right. You jump over there, I spin around like a top, Brak gets us some cookies, and Numbah 3 hits the bell 2 times.
DEXTER: No you idiot! The combat plan!
GOKU: You mean that wasn't the combat plan?
DEXTER: No it wasn't! You three attack like idiots, I stand back and use my genius to help out when necessary.
BRAK: What about the cookies?
DEXTER: Uh.... if we win, I'll give you cookies!
NUMBAH THREE: YAYYYYYYYYY COOOOOKKKIES! (Seriously) Let's play ball!
ANNOUNCER: And now the fight as begun! And it seems that R.D is doing his usual plan of rushing into the first thing he sees!
R.D: Hey, I have a plan. First I'll take out the powerful Genosaur while these guys are spinning around and-
NUMBAH 3: Super flying smackdown tackle!
BRAK: Banana bolt!
GOKU: Kamehameha!
R.D: Hey, those aren't registered- (Gets tackeled, slips on a banana peel and hit by a Zoid Kamehameha).
SWEET: Hey, triple teaming's not cool!
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Sure it is. Remember Peter Pan Meets The Nazis?
PETER PAN MEETS THE NAZIS!
WENDY: What would mother think of me becoming a facist communist?
NAZI ONE: She'd say do it for the gizard!
WENDY: Okay then for the Gizard!
PETER PAN: Hey, there are 12 Nazis and only one Peter Pan. Luckily I brought this cloner along with me just in case.
NAZI TWO: Ha! Everyone knows cloning is illegal.
PETER PAN: Okay then, I'll- Hey, this is 1942. No it isn't.
NAZI THREE: Jump him before he says some more smart things.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: I remember that. It got a 3.1 rating. Good times, gooood times.
ANNOUNCER: And R.D is getting smacked around... and smacked around... and smacked around..... and uh, smacked down some more.
GOKU: Spirit Bomb!
R.D: Oh no, my wing!
NUMBAH THREE: Mega Wing Missle Bolt!
R.D: Oh no, my E-Shield!
NINTENDO: Available if you collect 20 E-Trading Cards and buy a Gameboy Advance.
BRAK: Hubbabaloo!
R.D: Oh no! My coffee mug!
DEXTER: Do you surrender yet R.D?
R.D: No! I'm the hero! Surley there will be some last minute thing I can pull out of my ass to save me!
DEXTER: Then it's my turn to hit you. Science beam!
R,D: Ahhhhhh, my Zoid leg's broken, and I now understand what the Theory Of Relativity Means!
HOP: Well, looks like R.D's dead. (Another Knife is thrown at his head). Who keeps doing that?
GUMMY: Heh heh, stupid pilgrim.
MATT: You know, how can this be an R.D episode if he loses in it?
HOP: How can your mom go to bed.... at 7;30.... when, uh, she's at my house, with the professor, with the Spoon!
MATT: Can I borrow one of you're knives Gummy?
GUMMY: Sure, here you go pilgrim.
MATT: Thanks. (Throws it at Hop).
HOP: Hey, that's my other eye!
BRAK: Baloney Sandwich!
NUMBAH THREE: Rainbow Monkeys!
GOKU: Rice And Bread!
R.D: Man, I got more hammered then George W. Bush at his birthday.
GEORGE W BUSH'S BIRTHDAY
R.D: I think you've had enough man, you're drunk.
GEORGE W. BUSH: Oh yeah, well time to bomb Iraq and Afghanhistan some more.
R.D: I knew Drunks started the French And Indian War and the War of 1812, but World War 3 as well? Oh well. Bartender, pass me another Scotch!
R.D: And look now, I've a timer too. Kind of like "Wild Cards", except it's a minute long and never mentioned again.
SWEET: R.D, use the force!
R.D: Uh, have anything a little less cliched?
SWEET: Well uh, you know that episode of Samurai Jack on after this where Jack becomes a Chicken?
R.D: Of course! (Takes random passing Zoid and rips it open and sprays the insides of it at the other Zoids).
SWEET: Well, I mean use the Morph-O-Ray from Ratchet and Clank and turn everyone of them into Chickens, but you know, whatever works.
GOKU: Take this! Kaio-Ken!
R.D: Oh yeah, well look at this convienant appearing at the last second power! Mega Kaio-Ken!
GOKU: Mega Super Hyper Kaio-Ken!!!!
R.D: Ultra Supreme Mega Super Hyper Champion Kaio-Ken!!!!!
GOKU: Uh..., what was that?
DAFEATEDDDDD!!!!!
R.D: That's one down and.... uh (Goes off and works on some science equations and runs some tests in a lab coat and then comes back) this many left (holds up three fingers).
NUMBAH THREE: Hey, I'm Three! Super Rainbow Monkey Charge!
R.D: Ha ha! Now my Zoid gained the ability to fly again! Overused Laser Claw Attack Thingie!
NUMBAH THREE: Uh oh! Parachute that only appears at the last second attack.
BRAK: Hey, can I have my bath now?
R.D: Sure come over here a minute.
BRAK: Yeah boy (Brak Zoid comes over and R.D's Zoid chucks it into a wall).
R.D: What about you Dexter? Do you need a bath?
DEXTER: No, I already took one.
R.D: Then take another one! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (Runs over and smacks Dexter's Zoid down. It makes glass breaking noise in the background).
MATT: Wow, R.D actually did it. Even though that Victory seems just as contrived as Justin Timberlake being the most popular artist of 2003.
CN EXECUTIVE ONE: Look, the ratings climbed to a 4.4. Now all our shows will have crossovers in them.
IN THE NEXT TEEN TITANS MEET THE JUSTICE LEAGUE MEET STATIC SHOCK, SPECIAL GUEST DUCK DODGERS, LITTLE RICHARD, AND HOMER SIMPSONS DISCUSS THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT TAKING DRUGS AND SKATEBOARDS!!!!! CHECK IT OUT!!!!!!!
SCENE: AT THE RESTURANT
HOP: Well a good job R.D. (Another knife is thrown at his head). Hey, why do I have all these knifes in my head.
MATT: They're crowns. You're the king.
HOP: That's right. I am the king. (Falls down) One last thing Sweet. I'd like to name my own price for your big sweet ass. (Falls unconcious).
SWEET: Sorry, but that's taken.
MATT: R.D finally had sex with you eh?
SWEET: No stupid! Me and Tracey are a couple!
TRACEY: Yeah, and if you don't like it, you're a homophobe and we can arrest you! (Tracey and Sweet kiss).
R.D: Well, looks like everyone got what they wanted. I even got something for Sweet for her birthday. Take it MC ZOIDIE!
MC ZOIDIE: You're one year older! One year wiser! Rock and roll star, king, czar, and a kaiser! A roomful of friends! A mouthful of cake! Every present is for you,
And it feels pretty great! You're the girl of the hour, The V.I.P. You get the first slice, Of the P-I-E, But first blow out the candles, And make a wish, Put a smile on, 'Cause it's your birthday, *****!
EVERYONE: Go Sweet! It's your birthday! It's your birthday! It's your birthday!
SWEET: Actually, I kind of lied about it being my birthday. I only said that so everyone would forget here would forget to celebrate the Parodess's birthday which was a few days ago.
OH YOU ARE GOING DOWN HOE!!!!!
(DianaGohan comes down and starts fighting with Sweet. After a minute, Tracey joins in to).
R.D: Ah, Lesiban cat fight action.
MATT: Who could want a better birthday? Or Christmas?
R.D: Happy Holidays everyone!
THE END.
Remember to comment and review here people. I need them... badly.
EDIT: And for Corrado's enjoyment, I express his feelings on Hanson.