Tienshin
09-17-2003, 12:15 PM
A couple days ago my girlfriend caught wind that her company may be looking to replace her with a more experienced employee. She is a marketing manager with only a few years experience, and she is completely new to the field she now works in. It seems that while her supervisors think she is a fine employee, they are looking for someone who can work independently, and has some background in the field (she works for a regional office supply chain) Of course this is bad news. But that’s part of the problem.
She has had 5 jobs in 4 years she was a victim of IT company layoffs twice, quit a job after filing a harassment claim against a coworker that the company didn’t resolve, another company she worked at folded after luring her away from another company. She hasn’t been exactly lucky.
I have always been supportive and helpful during these transitions, but no matter what I say she always takes these events personally and basically becomes uber-depressed. The last time she switched jobs, she was out of work for about four months, and every day we would have the same conversation where she would fret about being a failure, etc. And basically I became a therapist. I don’t mind being there for someone in need, but at a point it becomes over bearing, and our relationship really began to suffer because I would get frustrated, that we couldn’t even have a conversation without her feeling sorry for herself. And conversely she began to feel I was blowing her off and not taking her woes seriously. And luckily as things were starting to get really bad between us, she found her current position. Which leads us to this potential situation, where she may be replaced.
Well it has started again, We talked for two hours last night about it, and what her options are…and while I was trying to offer concrete advice (update resume, contact headhunters, be ready to interview) and trying to console her some…she was already on the being a failure, doubting herself, calling herself worthless routine. I thought we had come to the decision that since nothing was final in terms of the company letting her go, that she should simply prepare for the worst and have a sit down with her manager and discuss the issues. But since that conversation we have talked 4 more times in like a 3 hour span, and it’s the same self pity.
I feel terrible for getting annoyed, because she has had to go through some rough waters, but I feel like at a point she just needs to grow up and stop being such a baby about things. I don’t know if I can spend months being her personal therapist again, since she refuses to try and see things from any other perspective. I don’t know how to approach this, and I am worried I may lose it, and snap at her.
How can I take a step back and look at this situation and be helpful without becoming another problem?
She has had 5 jobs in 4 years she was a victim of IT company layoffs twice, quit a job after filing a harassment claim against a coworker that the company didn’t resolve, another company she worked at folded after luring her away from another company. She hasn’t been exactly lucky.
I have always been supportive and helpful during these transitions, but no matter what I say she always takes these events personally and basically becomes uber-depressed. The last time she switched jobs, she was out of work for about four months, and every day we would have the same conversation where she would fret about being a failure, etc. And basically I became a therapist. I don’t mind being there for someone in need, but at a point it becomes over bearing, and our relationship really began to suffer because I would get frustrated, that we couldn’t even have a conversation without her feeling sorry for herself. And conversely she began to feel I was blowing her off and not taking her woes seriously. And luckily as things were starting to get really bad between us, she found her current position. Which leads us to this potential situation, where she may be replaced.
Well it has started again, We talked for two hours last night about it, and what her options are…and while I was trying to offer concrete advice (update resume, contact headhunters, be ready to interview) and trying to console her some…she was already on the being a failure, doubting herself, calling herself worthless routine. I thought we had come to the decision that since nothing was final in terms of the company letting her go, that she should simply prepare for the worst and have a sit down with her manager and discuss the issues. But since that conversation we have talked 4 more times in like a 3 hour span, and it’s the same self pity.
I feel terrible for getting annoyed, because she has had to go through some rough waters, but I feel like at a point she just needs to grow up and stop being such a baby about things. I don’t know if I can spend months being her personal therapist again, since she refuses to try and see things from any other perspective. I don’t know how to approach this, and I am worried I may lose it, and snap at her.
How can I take a step back and look at this situation and be helpful without becoming another problem?