Asking a girl out.

[Matthew Williams]

Okay...

I have a girl who I am interested in.

A little background: me and her go to the same college, we have the same major, and we're even in the same class next semester. (Third one in a row we've been in.) We call regularly, at least weekly, but we haven't hung out too much outside of school. (Work schedules and other things. I work nights, she works days. :P)

I feel very comfortable around her, very interested in her. I'm also scared to ask her out because we only got to know each other really good this past semester, although we regularly spend up to an hour on the phone when we call. But chiefly, I want to be sure that I ask her out in a way that, if she says no, we can still have a good friendship. We have a good friendship now and I don't want to ruin that if I ask her out. Problem is, I take disappointments hard and I'm afraid I might take it way too hard if she declines.

She's coming down the shore when I go down next week; that's the plan, at least. I'm planning to ask her out there, possibly at a restaurant or on the beach... maybe not something TOO romantic so it doesn't freak her out.

So yeah... I wanna ask her out. But I want to ask her out in the RIGHT WAY so that I don't ruin or botch anything. I'm not sure what that "right way" is, or even when the right time would be with this girl. So... do you guys have any advice? :D

[Digu Volz]

Okay...

I have a girl who I am interested in.

'kay, listen carefully.

Go outside.

Cut down a tree (if you are inadequately equipped visit a hardware store and tell them you are looking for a women; they'll understand)

Carve the tree into 3 - 6 large clubs, then...

BAM ! Show off your schweet whittling skillz ! They are sure to impress. This'll be most effective if she's a baseball fan. You might even make it to the Olympics !

--
Anywho, seems like you shouldn't worry about her and worry about yourself. Until you can accept disappointment, I wouldn't bother, since that is what seems will affect your relationship. Of course, if you want to ignore me, just ask her out to the beach and bring a picnic lunch (or no, depending on how much time you can spend together; a restaurant would do just as well, though a fast food joint would work as well for a casual date). That makes it fairly ambiguous, which allows you to consider it a date.

Word.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

This is what I've done in the past with people I know:

"If I were to ask you to go watch a movie with me, would you consider it hanging out with me, or going out with me?"

Don't need the pressure? Put it on her instead!

:D :anime:

[Tienshin]

Just let it fly dude. Let it fly. If you feel you need an angle...then make some small talk, and make use of the scenary, go for coffee, ice cream, etc. Best bet, ask her what she likes, then work it in. Most importantly, if this girl is the true bomb diggity, it will happen anyway....and you wont even realize it.

Truth be told..if she is interested she'll let you know. Dont worry so much about HOW to ask her out...chat with her. Thats where the true battle begins :)

[EinBebop]

Do what I did in high school.

Just call her. If you get nervous at the last minute, hang up as soon as she picks up the phone.

Do this several times if you need to... just keep hanging up on her over and over again, until you either get up the nerve or she unplugs her phone.

Of course, when I was in high school, we didn't have caller ID. She might get really mad at you, or even call the police.

Disregard everything I just said.

[Sublime420]

Alright...

Drop a quarter in front of her, and when she's bending over, just stick it in. :eek:

I've done all I can, you'll have to take it from there.

On second thought, no.
The other guys right. Accepting rejection is pretty much half the battle in anything. or, you need to convince yourself you don't care.
Going into something nervous NEVER helps the situation.

[Romanesque]

Imagine for a moment that you're not interested in her in any way, outside of just being friends. Consider her interests, and try to find something you can see yourselves going out and doing together on that basis. Then, make a date of it.

If you've never been anywhere together outside of class or campus before, consider going with her somewhere in a group. This works best if you have any mutual friends. It won't really be a "date" sort of date, but it's a basis to take her out again somewhere else, minus the extra company. Ask her out on the way back. ;-)

Above all else... just do something. Rejection is never fun, but wondering about what might have been for the next few years isn't going to be a blast, either.

--Romey

[Jaguar]

Simply just ask her and pray she says yes. If she doesn't...well...love hurts. :(

[Teleroboxer]

If you've never been anywhere together outside of class or campus before, consider going with her somewhere in a group. This works best if you have any mutual friends. It won't really be a "date" sort of date, but it's a basis to take her out again somewhere else, minus the extra company.
This is a good idea if you want someone else to pick her up on your "date."

Imagine for a moment that you're not interested in her in any way, outside of just being friends.
A man and a woman, if they are heterosexual, cannot just be friends.

[Romanesque]

This is a good idea if you want someone else to pick her up on your "date."

If someone's so desperate that they'd worry themselves over something as unlikely as that, they don't deserve the date they're after.

A man and a woman, if they are heterosexual, cannot just be friends.

I must be the anomaly, then. Life must be incredibly lonely for all those other males out there.

--Romey

[Teleroboxer]

If someone's so desperate that they'd worry themselves over something as unlikely as that, they don't deserve the date they're after.
I just know it happens and its the guy's fault for not making it crystal clear he is interested.

I must be the anomaly, then. Life must be incredibly lonely for all those other males out there.
One or both delude themselves into believing it is just a platonic relationship like the ones they have with others of the same sex but it isn't. They attempt to suppress, or "not feel", emotions or ignore what the other is feeling to maintain the current arrangement. "We're just friends." lol

[dark knight acolyte]

Some words of wisdom I find myself using often: "Of all the words of mouth and pen, no words hurt worse than 'what could have been.'"
It applies to a number of situations, but it really hits home here.

Simply, if you don't ask her...if you keep your feelings introverted, it'll eventually frusturate you to a point where it'll affect your friendship anyway...I've seen it a million times. You say nothing; eventually, whether she felt for you or not, she moves on, finds someone else....you get upset at the situation, she thinks you're upset with her....or some other strange combination occurs that affects the friendship.


Let me put it this way: what really marks a great friendship is communication and understanding. You're worried about losing the friendship? Simply, as long as you don't make it an altimatum, and as long as you're genuine and understanding.....if she's really the great friend you believe her to be, she won't judge you on it or view the friendship any differently. A friendship is a great basis to build something on, so if you're friendship is really that grand, the communication and understanding by which to start a relationship is there.
Matters of the heart are rarely easy; and what is special if it isnt' earned? Take it out on the limb *smack*. You have to take the chance; you don't want to wonder forever. Talk to her...get her interests...then, see if she wants to do something sometime based on those. OPEN HER CAR door for her, and pay for some things based on reason (unless she adamantly insists that you don't pay at all)...make it your treat, but not overbearingly...just casually pay and if she asks, simply say, "Hey, its well worth it for great company and you pay me right back by being a friend." Don't get tense...know that you are friends, can talk about whatever, and if she didn't want to be with you at LEAST as a friend she wouldn't have come along....have a nice time. Then, ask her how she feels about the idea of seeing whta's there between you two as far as romance goes....and run with it.

Either way, put it the HECK out there, seriously. Don't become an old bitter man looking back saying, "Wonder what could've happened with that sweety-pie...."

[The Falcon]

**THE PERFECT PLAN**


ask her out on a date in person...this is crucial
if she says yes, the HURRAY!!! you have a date. if no, go to step three
laugh hysterically and say, and this is important "YOU THOUGHT I WAS SERIOUS?!? WHOA!"
this way you still have a friend if she rejects you

ok. in all seriousness, just let things go where they go. first, you need to start hanging out with her more so people get the idea that you two are an item. sooner or later, either of you will ask the other "so, are we an item?"

Falcon

[Romanesque]

I just know it happens and its the guy's fault for not making it crystal clear he is interested.

Perhaps after a dozen consecutive "nights out" on a just-friends basis, to the point where it becomes just another element of the friendship, but the chances of her being "snatched" by someone else on the first night out seems rather slim. It'd also be extremely rude on her part to let herself be "picked up", no less rude than you diverting your attention to another girl the whole time. Just because two people aren't actively dating doesn't mean it's ok for one to ditch the other while they're out together. Heck, even if both people out aren't respectively male & female, it's less than tactful.

Then again, I should know better than to hold anyone to my own standards...

One or both delude themselves into believing it is just a platonic relationship like the ones they have with others of the same sex but it isn't. They attempt to suppress, or "not feel", emotions or ignore what the other is feeling to maintain the current arrangement. "We're just friends." lol

I take it that no amount of arguing is going to persuade you otherwise, eh? Now, I'm sure that the vast majority of males out there can't let themselves be "just friends" with a female and that there are plenty of females out there with the same problem in regard to males, but the majority is not everybody...

You also assume that suppressing emotions has to be involved. It's better to just acknowledge you like the other person, even if you keep it to yourself, and not act on it for the sake of the friendship. Just being friends is a lot easier if you're honest with yourself. Not every emotion needs to be acted upon. :shrug:

Though I still say that such emotion isn't always going to be there, even if I'm in the minority.

--Romey

[Teleroboxer]

Now, I'm sure that the vast majority of males out there can't let themselves be "just friends" with a female and that there are plenty of females out there with the same problem in regard to males, but the majority is not everybody...
Those who are asexual or homosexual could have purely platonic relationships with the opposite sex so you are right. I don't see this as a problem but just apart of the nature of how we relate to others.
but the chances of her being "snatched" by someone else on the first night out seems rather slim.
You sure are a gambling man.
It'd also be extremely rude on her part to let herself be "picked up", no less rude than you diverting your attention to another girl the whole time.
If they have not at least talked about being exclusive to each other then there should be no expectation that they might.
Just because two people aren't actively dating doesn't mean it's ok for one to ditch the other while they're out together.
You can pick a person up without ditching your friends. Sometimes when you pick someone up you can get her friends to join your friends.
Heck, even if both people out aren't respectively male & female, it's less than tactful.
If it happens once in awhile and he or she is your friend then they should understand.
You also assume that suppressing emotions has to be involved.
I posted much more. That is a pretty glib assessment.
It's better to just acknowledge you like the other person, even if you keep it to yourself, and not act on it for the sake of the friendship. Just being friends is a lot easier if you're honest with yourself. Not every emotion needs to be acted upon.
It's better to recognize the true nature of the relationship, how she feels, and how you feel. With this understanding one should work with it and not around it.

[JohnCrichton]

Heart of the samurai, dude.

Never fails.

Fear not the outcome, and think not about success. For if you do.. you'll get nervous and you'll lose focus on the task at hand.

This goes for the date as well.

Get all jittery and your history.

If you keep you mind on the task at hand and worry about nothing else, you can ask with confidence and then have fun in that order.

Best of luck. ;)

[a.k.a. Skarr~~]

Read all my old love stories. TZ memories 4 ever...

[Matthew Williams]

Couple more points.

As for a date, in the sense of "just us two", we've already BEEN on one. Night of Wizard World East, to be exact. Walked around, talked, went out for coffee, then walked the entire length of Center City Philadelphia. It went extremely well, even with the stack of comics I lugged around all night with me.

Since then, we've called every week, basically. At least every week, mostly. We haven't hung out since then, however, due to a variety of factors. She was in Florida for about a month with her friends, where she had an accident that forced her onto crutches. When she recovered from that, I moved back to night work, working to midnight on weekends, and her work's been screwing her around as well.

I know I said I take certain things hard, but this one feels... different. With previous crushes I got into big "missing you" fits when the girl in question was far away for as little as one week. Here, she's away for three and I'm actually taking it... well. So I think that I'm starting to accept that "no" won't be the end of everything.

And, as far as phone asking... definite no. This is being done in person.

[Romanesque]

Those who are asexual or homosexual could have purely platonic relationships with the opposite sex so you are right. I don't see this as a problem but just apart of the nature of how we relate to others.

I meant, regardless of sexual preference, there... :shrug:

You'll probably find that most gays will insist that they can still have platonic relationships with other members of their gender, and I see no reason to doubt that. I don't see why the same can't be true of heterosexuals in regard to the opposite gender.

You sure are a gambling man.

Or maybe I'm just not paranoid. ;-)

If they have not at least talked about being exclusive to each other then there should be no expectation that they might.

If they're just friends, then she can do whatever the heck she wants when the two aren't together. It's her own business. However, I'm talking about simply courtesy while you're out with a friend. Unless you're taking her out to a bar (which seems like a odd choice under the circumstances...) or any such place you'd expect her to be hit on, I still say it would be rude.

You can pick a person up without ditching your friends. Sometimes when you pick someone up you can get her friends to join your friends.

Ehh, I don't think that's always true. Or even mostly true... Not something I'd do, or would appreciate someone else doing, anyway. Even if you're not ditching the others outright, you're still going to end up excluding them, or worse yet, leaving the person who invited you out to tag along as a third or fifth wheel.

Maybe I wasn't clear enough in my original post... I was suggesting taking her out with you with friends, the idea being to spend some some time together while tagging along with the group. There's a slight difference between that and a similar situation in which you're both equal members of the group, with no mutual ties or expectations.

If it happens once in awhile and he or she is your friend then they should understand.

I disagree, simply on the basis of my own opinions about things, in this case. Won't argue over it.

It's better to recognize the true nature of the relationship, how she feels, and how you feel. With this understanding one should work with it and not around it.

You skipped over "for the sake of the friendship," in your reply. Yes, there are times when expressing your emotions needs to take a back seat. If he or she is dating someone else, engaged, or married, I'd say that's a pretty good reason for putting aside and getting over your own feelings. If it can be done in that case, it can be done in other cases as well, in any situation that would upset a friendship or make things awkward.

Anyway, that's still assuming that one person has feelings for the other, which I still say doesn't have to be the case in every male / female friendship... :rolleyes:

--Romey

[BrendaBat]

I know I said I take certain things hard, but this one feels... different. With previous crushes I got into big "missing you" fits when the girl in question was far away for as little as one week. Here, she's away for three and I'm actually taking it... well. So I think that I'm starting to accept that "no" won't be the end of everything.
Awww, how cute! :anime:

Seriously, if you want to know if she likes you the way you like her, look for the "signs". For example, is she more touchy-feely with you than with her other male friends? Does she flirt with you? Y'know, stuff like that.
Hope this info helped. Good luck, Romeo! :D

[The CUTE One]

Yeah, Im back... but anyway,

I've pretty much taken a whole year off from dating. I had my first bf last year and he turned out to be a real creep. He seemed to like my interests and stuff, but that was just a put-on. He only wanted me for a few minutes in the bed, so to speak.

He was in 3rd base afte the 4th or 5th date...and by the last date, when I didnt do it with him, he just decided to just avoid me for six weeks. He ruined my holiday season literally. When I come back from my new job one night, I happen to see a car parked across the street from my house..... it was him. That was his way of making a comeback. (My dad followed him to see who it was lol)

I swear, for 2 months he kept calling....emailing me (like he wasnt doing for the last six weeks) and then he finally came to my house on V-Day. He was there for 25 minutes and wouldnt leave. We kept thinking if we didnt answer the door, he would just go away. Not him. My dad finally got rid of him.

He's sent me a few emails back in May, June and one a few weeks ago. He still bothers me, but it doesnt phase me anymore. I'm over it.

Okkay......so.... just thought I'd share this story.

Cutie











Imagine for a moment that you're not interested in her in any way, outside of just being friends. Consider her interests, and try to find something you can see yourselves going out and doing together on that basis. Then, make a date of it.

If you've never been anywhere together outside of class or campus before, consider going with her somewhere in a group. This works best if you have any mutual friends. It won't really be a "date" sort of date, but it's a basis to take her out again somewhere else, minus the extra company. Ask her out on the way back. ;-)

Above all else... just do something. Rejection is never fun, but wondering about what might have been for the next few years isn't going to be a blast, either.

--Romey

[Angel_Baby]

Okay...

I have a girl who I am interested in.

A little background: me and her go to the same college, we have the same major, and we're even in the same class next semester. (Third one in a row we've been in.) We call regularly, at least weekly, but we haven't hung out too much outside of school. (Work schedules and other things. I work nights, she works days. :P)

I feel very comfortable around her, very interested in her. I'm also scared to ask her out because we only got to know each other really good this past semester, although we regularly spend up to an hour on the phone when we call. But chiefly, I want to be sure that I ask her out in a way that, if she says no, we can still have a good friendship. We have a good friendship now and I don't want to ruin that if I ask her out. Problem is, I take disappointments hard and I'm afraid I might take it way too hard if she declines.

She's coming down the shore when I go down next week; that's the plan, at least. I'm planning to ask her out there, possibly at a restaurant or on the beach... maybe not something TOO romantic so it doesn't freak her out.

So yeah... I wanna ask her out. But I want to ask her out in the RIGHT WAY so that I don't ruin or botch anything. I'm not sure what that "right way" is, or even when the right time would be with this girl. So... do you guys have any advice? :D

I'm gonna say go for it! because if you don't ask and see what she says you may not get the chance. I know it's a little nerve racking (believe me I know!) But go for it !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~jenn :p