not an eating disorder---but it may be someday.

[rodney]

My girlfriend is completely obsessed with her weight. Not a day goes by that I don't hear at least one comment about how fat she thinks she is, and now those comments are preceded by her saying "And I don't want you to tell me that it's not true because I know it is". She's dieting now, and I think it's okay if she wants to lose a few pounds, but I think she's really using this to shield deeper issues of self worth. I'm afraid about what will happen if she's unable to meet her goal, or if she achieves her goal and doesn't have the feelings of euphoria that she's certain that will be experienced with the loss of 15 or 20 pounds. Will it be 10 more? What if that doesn't work?

I'm 100% certain that she doens't have an eating disorder, but I think that the emotional patterns for such a thing are set in place.

How can I help her to set a realistic goal, and then stop when it's reached, and improve her self esteem at the same time?

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

My alarm bells would be ringing by now, if she isn't really fat.

Did you ever bring up the issue that you were worried about her health? Or about setting a realistic weight goal for a "fit" person?

How much does she weigh, by the way?

[Blue]

Talk to her mopm or dad and see if she has had any problem's with this in the past. I know one of my friends had this man she almost killed herself she fainted in school.

[Steven C]

So is she fat? You said she could stand to lose a few pounds.
I hope shes not like 5'0 and 150lbs or something like that.

[Steve Jester]

My friend, what your girlfriend is experiencing is the beginning of annorexea, definately an eating disorder. By the sounds of it your girlfriend is skinny, but thinks she's fat. She's atempting to loose weight because of it. My alarm bells would be going off right now. Talk to someone about it, trust me.

[Shnay]

I would go to a doctor (preferably a fitness specialist) with her, and talk to the doctor about what is healthy and what is not. Perhaps if the doctor warns her about health risks, she will realize she has to keep things reasonable.

Also, if things seem to get worse, I'd contact a therapist and talk about what your worries, then see hwat the shrink thinks.

[Digu Volz]

How long has she been dieting and how far along is she in this diet/current body type ? Chances are she won't listen to words, from anyone, if she's just started this diet and is overweight, and your best bet would be to wing her onto a different diet depending on how healthy her current one is (I'm assuming it isn't since you mentioned wanting to help her set a 'realistic' one). I think if you treat this as personal improvement instead of 'losing weight' it could work out, with you even working out with her, if you like. Be very concise and specific with her/your goals and take a significant role in it or see that she can have the guidance of someone experienced in losing weight. If you support her with this and really show interest and enthusiasm (and concern, if things get dangerous), things should be fine. Of course if she's under or average weight or has a model fixation, a therapist/intervention/whatever would have to happen. While this could become an eating disorder, I don't think it is one yet and acting like she already has one might alienate her, which would prevent her from discussing antyhing related to the topic with you. Not that you don't have eyes...

So basically, how is she built/her weight ? Someitmes you weigh more due to factors that unrelated to fat.

[rodney]

She's 5'5" and about 155-160lb, due to an unrelated illness (her body fat index should be between 25-30%, and hers is 30.5% so there's not much more fat on her). So, while I wouldn't say that she's skinny, I wouldn't say that she's fat either. I agree that *some* weight loss is in order, especially because of diabetes risk with the the condition that she has (polysistic ovarian syndrome). I just want her to do this for the health reasons, and not to change her body image, because I think that's mainly affected by how you view yourself, and I don't think she'll ever be really happy with that.

Still, we talked about it a lot last night, and her goal is to lose 10 lb by October. I think that's healthy, and as long as she does it by sticking to a healthy diet and moderate exercise, I'll be supportive.

[Steve Jester]

Her diabiteies risk, no matter what her condition is, does not jump drasticly if she's 5 tenths over her sugessted body fat index range (which I think the body fat index is bull, but that's not this discussion).

She looks like to be the perfect weight for her size to me. That's just my opinion though.

[Digu Volz]

It seems you have everything under control. Technically, she's overweight but not obese (and thus at little risk for diabetes weight-wise). The cool thing is, she's in a prime position to improve her health, if she so desires, which is always a good idea if you don't already. Losing ten pounds by October is perfect, actually, (two pounds per week is the average) and it won't even cut into your snuggling time.

Yay, no eating disorder ! *desparately wants a thumbs-up emoticon*

[rodney]

Yeah, I never thought that she had a disorder, but what scared me is that I saw/see the *potential* for such a thing to be there.

If she sticks to her goal though, and does it the right way, all will be fine, and the 10 pounds will do her some good.