The art of conflict divided by gender.

[I.R Joey]

Wow that sounds like a sophisticated topic, wish it was one.


Anyhow, something I just read in a post (one of Nightflowers, bless her) got me thinking. Is the way girls pick on and bully eachother really that diffrent then the way guys do. At the risk of endorsing a sterotype I'd have to say yes. Quite honestly guys just tend to make threats and start rutting (wait a minute maybe that's just the jocks or big horn sheep I forget which) but girls I notice tend to be more subversive. As by chance I came out XY (which is male right, biology students?) I really don't understand the nuiances of feminine behavior (and I'm single how 'bout that.) Anyway, I'd really appreciate it if some of you girls chimed in.

[Rabbiterose]

:dot:

From what I know, girls seem to go for the psychological way of bullying. I mean it could be as small as name calling to out right big and emotionally damaging as 'forced isolations'--treating the victim as a pariah to her peers. Many girls just love to do the bullying in their own little clique groups. The larger the group and longer the isolations the more damage it does to the victim. I should know because I was a victim in which in the long run made me wary of people. :(

Girls also like to start rumors more than guys do.

[Rune]

To be honest I think this whole question of picking on / bullying could prove a sensitive subject, for all we know - and it really upsets me to think of it, there could be some TZ members both male and female who are suffering the consequences of bullying or have nasty memories of being bullied. I suffered from it when I was at elementary school and it's something that as a parent you don't want to think of happening to your kids or kids you know.

Rabbiterose is right though, when I was a kid, boys who had a grudge were far more likely to either cut whoever had annoyed them off dead and forevermore ignore them or else take it to the fist level which often attracted attention from the kid's parents, teachers and ultimately the police. Girls were / are different, that's not to say there aren't some who will smack you as soon as look at you but usually its far more subtle and psychological, whispers behind your back, notes on your desk or in your textbooks or locker, mockery & derision in the playground, gym class or canteen, we all know what happens, many of us have seen it and many of us ignore it simply glad its not us being picked on. Girls of course don't always just pick on girls but that's another story.

[DianaGohan]

While I haven't personally done it (or really payed attention to when it was done to me) I have noticed other girls do it (when I was in High School) whenever they had a grudge against some other girl. It's just a diffrent way of teasing/insulting, since the girls I saw it to it tried to first ignore other said girl before using the psychological way of insulting them. However, it could be a lot diffrent in other places.

[Digu Volz]

As by chance I came out XY (which is male right, biology students?)

Uh-huh... And it isn't dying out either.

[Steve Jester]

Is it me, or is my highschool different? See, there's a fight between two guys once a month, but there are fights once a week between the girls. And usally it's "Mary Sue" and 5 or 6 of her friends and "Christie May" and 5 or 6 of her friends.

Anyway, weird school aside, I think there is a difference in a normal world.

[The Guitar Slayer]

The way I've seen it, guys only get at each other physical, being as many believe that actions speak a lot louder than words and think mind games are a waste of energy. Once they have it out, it's over. Forget it.

Meanwhile, girls can stew about it for months, even years. They chew on each other through rumors and insults and words. Finally, when they finally do physically fight, the cycle starts again and continues, as the female half of the race tends to harbor resentment for longer than guys. "I hate her because she stole my man" turns into "I hate her because she punched me."

For me, once it's over, it's over. I'll usually talk to the person, and if they still have an issue with me and talk, I ignore it. I'm not interested enough in your pathetic life to care enough to hate you, so nyah. :p

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

I'm glad I'm not a girl, because I would have hated to deal with that crap. Generally, girl bullying has seemed a lot more crueler and mean-spirited to me than boy bullying--just punch my lights out and get it over with. On the other hand, with all the scheming ideas I give to my sister (she doesn't go for revenge or scheming--she's the good one of the family), maybe I would have been pretty darned tough to mess with were I a girl. :D

[I.R Joey]

Girls can incapasitate guys faster, then guys can do some to them. One hit at ground zero and...well they may not have the drive to be so physical anymore.

[Pyro]

Sure, there is some basis behind these sterotypes, but I think we're forgetting that guys can be just as cruel in the same way as girls, and not just solve everything by fighting. From my experience, guys can spread rumors, insult, hold grudges, judge, form cliques, etc. just as well as girls. Jealousy can be just as prevalent in guys as in girls. Even if on the surface they treat each other well, they still like to talk about people behind their backs.
And I know how girls can be. I've seen and heard it through their points of view through my sister, and through the group of girls I was surrounded by in school for 5 years because of where my name fits in alphabetical order. It still amazes me how some girls can hold a grudge. But girls can be really violent if they want to.
So basically, I think that bullying depends on the person dishing it out, not the sex of the person.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Sure, there is some basis behind these sterotypes, but I think we're forgetting that guys can be just as cruel in the same way as girls, and not just solve everything by fighting. From my experience, guys can spread rumors, insult, hold grudges, judge, form cliques, etc. just as well as girls. .

Yes, we call these types of guys sissies and gomers. :p

[Mackenzie Rainelle]

While it's true that most members of the female gender prefer psychological torture over a long period of time ( and sometimes physical torture as well, if my Modern History class was any indication...), most of the spectacular brawls I've seen at school also involved girls. Guys, they'd throw a few punches, roll around on the ground, slam each other a couple of times, then get separated by the teachers. The catfights I've seen, on the other hand, typically involved using whatever was available as a weapon (including keys, long nails, hard plastic lunch trays, the stairs, a wall, a row of lockers, etc.) and at least one of the combatants getting taken to the clinic.

[Pyro]

Yes, we call these types of guys sissies and gomers. :p
lol, I guess my old school must have had a lot of sissies and gomers.

[sKorpia]

I'd like to add to Mackenzie Rainelle's observation. When girls fight, it's because we hate. When boys fight, they tend to be pissed and then get over it really easily. So for girls, it's more likely that you'll observe psychological warfare rather than physical because brawls of the type described only happen after enough pressure has built up. And even then it's rare because you need to have 2 girls who are willing to duke it out. Oftentimes the victim would rather try to ignore or cope with the abuse instead of stand up for herself by telling an authority figure (and thereby becoming further ostracized by being labeled a tattler).

Why is it easier for guys to get over being angry or upset? If my father explodes, 5 minutes later he's okay again. What's up with that? And I can still conjure up anger towards girls I haven't seen or talked to in a decade when I remember slights and being taken advantage of. Why do girls nurture grudges for so long? I know there are exceptions, but all I would like now is some working theory.

[Digu Volz]

IWhy is it easier for guys to get over being angry or upset? If my father explodes, 5 minutes later he's okay again. What's up with that? And I can still conjure up anger towards girls I haven't seen or talked to in a decade when I remember slights and being taken advantage of. Why do girls nurture grudges for so long? I know there are exceptions, but all I would like now is some working theory.

If I were to theorize, with no evidence whatsoever, I'd say it's because girls are permitted to be less mature than a guy is allowed to be at the designated teenage, uh, age yet physically/mentally are more mature than children, so more capable of such things as grudges. Also, men usually fight over stupid things -- or at the spur of the moment -- that they realize are stupid after the fact, thus having no grudge to bear.

Then again, there are a lot of men that aren't mature, but those are more personal problems than social/environmental.

[Nightflower]

If I were to theorize, with no evidence whatsoever, I'd say it's because girls are permitted to be less mature than a guy is allowed to be at the designated teenage, uh, age yet physically/mentally are more mature than children, so more capable of such things as grudges. Also, men usually fight over stupid things -- or at the spur of the moment -- that they realize are stupid after the fact, thus having no grudge to bear.

Then again, there are a lot of men that aren't mature, but those are more personal problems than social/environmental.
I don't believe that. For one thing, it's a common fact that girls mature faster than boys, although I realize that's no indication of how mature they are mentally or whatever. But it's been in my experience, that the majority of teenagers are immature, although guys and girls might be more immature in different areas. I mean, guys will still be laughing at fart jokes or at some poor sap falling down the stairs or wary about how they're acting so that people don't think they're gay. Maybe that's not considered immature behavior, but that's another argument altogether.

I don't even think the ability to hold a grudge is a sign of maturity anyway. That ability is what makes men like Heathcliff or Inigo Montoya famous :P

I think the reason is that girls tend to be more sensitive or take things more personally or care at all about things that affect social status, whether it's yours or someone else's.

Pyro~ManiacX, I was wondering when someone was going to say "we shouldn't stereotype." :p As much as I am for not generalizing, I think in this case, it's mostly true. Not true for every case- there's always girls who prefer fighting, and guys probably do talk behind other guys' back, because it's only human nature- but I've rarely seen a group of guys standing around during gym class, whispering and staring meanly at some poor particular boy. :P

I think there's definitely a difference between when girls and guys fight, or at least one gender having more tendencies to do some certain thing than the other. While I think most girls tend to be more like that than guys, I also think a lot of the times the bullying is started by one particular girl who has some personal problem.

In my experience, if a guy ever resorts to name-calling, or behind-the-back BS, it's because he's a bully anyway, and not because he's got some personal grudge.

When they "fight", girls are awful. They're catty and judgmental. There's talking behind the back, starting rumors, turning your friends, and discrediting anything you say or do. For example, if you're nice to a guy or if you say something funny to some guys, they'll immediately tell everyone that you're in love with the guy, or you're a pathetic flirt or attention whore or something.

The worst part is that it's very hard to call it on the girl, because it's so subtle, it's hard to prove that something is happening at all. That's why I think girls don't simply tell them to stop or get help. On top of being called a squealer, who would you to tell to stop if they're all doing it? And how would you prove that they're doing anything, especially when they deny it? Once, when my friend started going out with a guy that my so-called other friends deemed to be socially below us, they alienated her and unofficially shoved her out of the group, either by avoiding her or making it so uncomfortable to be with them, that there was no point. But at the same time, they had the nerve to ask her where she's been and why she never hangs out with them anymore!

[Digu Volz]

As you yourself admitted, the maturation is physical and not mental, which is about the same for both sexes (although even physical maturation has become more random with puberty being documented at 9 years of age). I'm not denying boys aren't immature, however I think they are less immature than girls, if only because they are more readily governed by (male/female) society in how they should act, while girls are provided more leeway with which to mature in interests and personality traits.

[Lucky Bob]

Hard to say.

I've never been in a knock-down, drag-em-out fight. I don't get mad easily, and I'm not one to carry a grudge longer than 24 hours. I'm with the Guitar Slayer. If your life is so sad that you can't think of a better pastime except ticking me off, I can find something better to do.

That said, I do notice a distinct difference in the way girls and boys bully. Guys tend to be more direct, since we naturally don't tend to trust our emotional compasses quite as often. Girls prefer the slower, more subtle approach. Sports Illustrated's Rick Reilly wrote a pretty good column (http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/inside_game/magazine/life_of_reilly/news/2002/04/03/life_of_reilly/) on the subject. Here's an excerpt:

"You think it's hard coaching in the Final Four? You think it's tough handling 280-pound seniors, freshmen with agents, athletic directors with pockets full of pink slips? Please. Try coaching seventh-grade girls. After working with boys for 11 years, I helped coach my daughter Rae's school basketball team this winter. I learned something about seventh-grade girls: They're usually in the bathroom. In one tight spot I was looking around madly for my best defensive guard to send in. "Where is she?" I yelled. "In the bathroom, crying," our little guard in the blue rectangular glasses said. "Her friends kicked her out of their group today." Worse, when one girl ran to the bathroom crying, three others automatically followed to console her, followed by three others to console them, followed by three others who didn't really want to go but were sucked in by seventh-grade-girl gravitational pull. This would always leave just me and the girl in the blue rectangular glasses, who would slurp on her Dum-Dum and shrug."

I can see that happening. :D