feelings

[cross blues]

Sometimes I have feelings so intense I don't think I can control them. It usually happens when I think about the past or after I see a certain girl. I start thinking about how great my life used to be and how much I want to go back. In the present I'm totally lost and my life seems meaningless. I guess it's a feeling of sorrow but not the usual kind. I can't really explain it other than to say I feel empty inside. Once it starts, there is nothing I can do except wait for it to subside. When it happens, I can't stand to be around anyone. I sit by myself in the dark until it leaves me. I'm NOT thinking about suicide. I just wish there was some way to control whatever this is. I always thought I was sound mentally, but lately this thing is controlling me more and more. I hate to think I'm wasting my life, but I know that's exactly what I'm doing...

Does everyone have feelings like this or do I have some kind of problem?

[The Falcon]

i can actually sense where you are coming from, prozzak

i, too, often feel like this. with me, my "empty" feeling stems from myself thinking i'm not living up to my full potential. i can't exactly describe why i'm not living my life to the fullest because when i really think about life, i feel as i don't need to accomplish anything at the moment. and these feelings get to me. you all are going to think i'm crazy, but...to overcome my "empty" feeling, i picture myself sitting on the corner of a building rooftop. kind of like a city skyscraper. almost as if i'm a super hero and that it's up to me to watch over the city and protect it's citizens. sort of like i feel it's my responsibility to make sure they are all safe, all the time...

...yeah, i know...crazy...

KoD

[Weatherman]

For starters, I would highly suggest you see a professional psychaiatrist about this. You may not feel suicidal, but a messed up mental state can fester and turn your head into a real mess, and that wouldn't be good.


I would also suggest you take some time the next time this starts happening to work over in your mind why you think this happens. Really think hard about why thinkign about this one girl puts you in said state. Maybe when you figure out why it's happening, you can figure out a way to stop it.

[Terminatah]

It usually happens when I think about the past or after I see a certain girl. I start thinking about how great my life used to be and how much I want to go back. In the present I'm totally lost and my life seems meaningless.No better way to ruin the present than by glorifying the past. Concentrate on finding ways to enjoy yourself now, and your future can put your past to shame.

-Terminatah

[Rune]

I do know what you mean, I had spells similar to those when I was younger but Terminatah is right, you have to put it behind you and get on with living your life and enjoying it.

When it happens again make it the last time, create a positive mindframe and use it to tackle this negativity once and for all because its not doing you any good resurfacing time and again, you're better than that. Shutting yourself away from everyone else might seem like a good idea, again I've done it so I feel your pain but in the long run all it does is get you more deeply entrenched in your own downer. Its hard to do it but you can shake it off, the past is done with Prozzak, you can't go back and meddle around with it but you can affect the way the rest of your life runs and the way you feel from this moment onwards.

I don't think you've got mental health problems and I'm sure you don't belive you have either, but its very easy to start imagining you have one and that's what starts the downward spiral. Clear your mind, think of the positive aspects in your world, despite what the media might say there is still so much that is good in life, even the smallest thing can raise a smile if you'll let it. :)

[Damien]

I'm alot like that, only it's my present problems and feelings that make me think about the past.

[Shnay]

There is a very good chance that these feelings are part of clinical depression. While it's true that almost everyone feels this way sometimes, having these feelings persist can be a sign of something larger. While most would lead you to believe the phrase "mental illness" refers to solely the Charles Mansons of the world, it is a much more encompassing term for many conditions. Depression is one of them.

While many people may simply be able to "cheer up" after awhile, some cannot. And no amount of positive thinking can just turn this around. This is a medical problem, and (if this is in fact what you have) it needs to be treated.

As you may know, it can be treated through a number of ways. Therapy and/or medication can be excellent treatments and have helped people who were at one time without any semblence of hope.

I'd suggest the first thing you do is to talk to your parents, a school councelor, or a teacher, whoever you feel most comfortable with. A friend can also be a great person to talk to, but in this case, you likely need to talk to someone else. It'll likely be a bit embarassing, but it is definitely for the best. These people will want to do all they can to help you, and in the end, that'll make all the difference.

Ultimately, though, it is you who will have to do the most work. I have had a lot of experience with depression, and I know it's a very rough ride. And, to be perfectly honest with you, it takes a long time before it gets any easier. But, once you do begin to get over it (as it's often not something that can be completely overcome) you'll feel wonderful.

Perhaps this is just a passing thing. If you're a teenager, emotions will often be greatly exaggerated in your own mind due to your hormones goin' wild. But, from your description, it sounds like something more. I wish you the best of luck, and if you ever want to PM me to talk about it, feel free.

[Jaguar]

I get feelings like this all the time. Sometimes I find them almost uncontrollable. I start keeping sharp objects nearby, threatening to cut my wrists or something before a friend calms me down. Life wears down on you and sometimes it gets hard. I did find a way to control these feelings. Whenever I get them I just write about them in my online journal or real life journal (my Rants.) I feel a lot better afterwards.
Then having good friends also helps, and not just friends your age. I have a few friends who are old enough to drink and are full of wisdom.
Things like this just happen. You may not be able to get rid of them immediately, but you can control them.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

No better way to ruin the present than by glorifying the past. Concentrate on finding ways to enjoy yourself now, and your future can put your past to shame.

-Terminatah

Sounds like a fortune cookie or horoscope or something...

[jeffrey 228]

prozzak, I have to confess that I'm also in the same mood and feelings as you and I wish I would be able to get a girlfriend and such, but living here and being a poor person has it's big limits and just things are not the same as usual, plus I don't got that many friends in real life because I am also going through a mental disablity that has already cost me half of my friends since this year's Anime Convnetion and at school, to the point they want a restraning order on me, and that makes me feel sad and lonly because these type of people don't lik,e how I look or what Helth problems like my Aspergers disorder or any other things that may annoy people, but life goes on as the old saying.

[Stewie]

Maybe you need a change.

If you're in college, try changing majors (or even universities).
If you work, try changing jobs or starting a new career, maybe even going back to school.
Try moving (even within the same town). Just being in a different place literally can help you get to a different place emotionally.

If those changes are too big, then do something smaller. Get a new hobby. Start hanging out with a different group of friends.
Start volunteering. Nothing makes me feel better than helping out those who are less fortunate. It really puts things into perspective.

Seeing a psychologist/therapist (whatever you want to call it) might not be a bad idea. You may not have serious mental health problems, but talking to someone can help you. Especially when you don't know exactly what is wrong.

I don't know. Maybe this is all stupid.
I am feeling similar to you right now. My life was never that great before, but I do feel like I'm going nowhere right now. I'm thinking about joining the Marines.

[Drachentöter]

I cannot tell if your feelings are normal human angst or "depression" which I find is a very hard "medical condition" to pinpoint. Personally, I don't invest much in what doctors have to say about "hormonal/chemical imbalances" because...emotions are emotions. They're not tangible, I don't see how they can be treated.

Anyway, I think you're perfectly normal. I feel frustrated at the world and depressed often. There are times when I see everything as unfair and pointless. I feel like the odds are stacked against me and I have no chance of suceeding. Recently I was stressing over being a "nobody." My presence doesn't affect anyone positively or otherwise. Though, I am fifteen so this may be expected...

I find music therapeautic. Especially music that reflects your own feelings, whether they be sadness or rage. Writing may also help. Keeping a journal can allow you to vent privately, without involving others.

[Shnay]

It is very hard to tell (especially just be reading something) if someone is more depressed than an average person. But, for me, the phrase "I guess it's a feeling of sorrow but not the usual kind" really stood out as possibly being something more than just an average angst. Perhaps (well, hopefully) it's not, but just in case it is, it's important to provide options.

[The Guard]

Prozzak,

Try this the next time those feelings come upon you:

Find a nice, comfortable, quiet, dark place, sit down, and close your eyes. And just breathe. Slowly. Evenly. Be aware of the breath going in and out of you, be aware of your muscles, be aware of your heartbeat, and just let yourself relax. It's a kind of simple meditation, and it works more often than not. If you go to sleep, that's ok. That often helps these things.

[RogueMartian]

Prozzak,

This happens to me all the time.

I believe Daria said it best when she said "find some other way to feel". Although she was merely messing with the feeble minded fool that she went to school with, the advice is still sound. Whenever your depressed, don't go to a dark corner and sit. Do yourself a favor and write a story, start sketching, do your homework, go for a walk, call one of your friends and complain about how much you hate one of your teachers, but seriously, that sitting in the dark thing has got to go. I used to do that in high school, just sit and stare at something. But it only makes you more depressed. Don't glorify the past. Remeber how much your childhood sucked. You couldn't watch good movies, you had no clue what people were talking about, you had to go to bed when you weren't tired, you couldn't get candy when you wanted, you couldn't go anywhere except the playground. Trust me, even if you are the child of rich people who spoiled you rotten, the past was not that great.

If your depression is really bad, then do as weatherman said, go to a shrink. But either way, don't depress yourself further, you only get so long in life.

[cross blues]

First I want to say thanks to everyone who responded. I think some of the things you said might help me if I could just get motivated to make a change somehow.

I should have included this in my first post but it was one of those moments, so I wasn't thinking clearly. I am 20 years old. After a year of college I quit because I couldn't get into the major I wanted, and staying just for general ed. credit would have been a waste of time and money. My family is middle class, so college is a strain but possible. However, since I dropped out of school (including failing a few classes) they don't want to "waste" any more money on me. Now I work in a factory 9 or 10 hours a day, 6 days a week trying to save some money for a school somewhere. I have no idea what school or major, absolutely no idea...

As for making the present better than the past, I don't see how that's possible. The few friends I had in high school are in college now, so I have no friends. I have no desire to make new friends either. After seeing how people act, I just feel better alone. My extremely limited free time is spent gaming, watching anime or movies, or trying to get to the gym (another thing I quit doing a long time ago.)

I'm not trying to glorify the past either, I really was that happy. I even remember thinking, "I have everything I could ever want. I wish things could stay like this forever." Everything came so easily then. The girl isn't something I can just put on the shelf either. I know it sounds pathetic but she changed my life and since then, no other girl has made me feel that way. I've even lost interest in girls and dating because I'm not into being with a girl I don't care about. (and there are none I care about) Maybe I'm just afraid to grow up and take on the responsibilities of life and of love... I don't know.

I've been to numerous doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists. None of the tests showed anything wrong, none of the therapy worked, and none of the medicines worked. I used to try so hard to shake this feeling, but eventually I realized nothing I could do would work. The uh... diagnosis, if you want to call it that, was chronic fatigue syndrome. What that means is the doctors couldn't find out what was wrong with me, so they gave up and put me in the unsolvable mysteries pile.

I was pretty close to suicide before, thinking a life with this feeling wasn't worth having. I still think that sometimes, but I don't want to destroy my family by doing something selfish like that.

My condition is beside the point though. If I could live with it in high school, I should be able to deal with it now right? I wish that was true...

Well I guess I got way off the subject. I was just typing what I felt. If anyone reads it, hopefully you can understand. And thanks again for trying to help me.

[RogueMartian]

Chronic fatigue? I thought that was for people who couldn't stay awake? This lady I worked with once had a husband who had that, and she had to work two full time jobs because he couldn't work anymore. If you're going to work 6 days a week, i think that you were misdiagnosed. I think you just have a basic case of depression. Which is the BS medical term for you think life sucks.

Dude, you are only 20!!! It's not the end of the world. If you want to go to college, this is the U.S. its NEVER too late. I know several people who dropped out of college and didn't start back up until they were middle aged and were jealous of their KIDS!! Hell, two of my family members did that. I myself was a university dropout (due to depression similar to what you described in your first post) and started back up in community college(which is way cheaper and much easier to get financial aid for BTW) before going to a university again. I even changed majors and am SO much happier now. However if you liked your other major, then work hard and you can still get into it. What do you care if you finish when your 22 or 25 or even 50? You aren't in a race. I still get into the depressions that caused me problems, but I try to keep myself busy to keep my mind off of it.

However if you have decided that college isn't the route, let me tell you, college is not the end all be all of existence. College isn't for everyone, and I truly hate that everyone thinks it is. While I know many people who are in college(and a few who have graduated), I know just as many people who aren't. Bill Gates was a college drop out, go to IMDb.com and check out how many of those actors or directors quit school. If you aren't the college type, you have something college kids don't have: FREE TIME. Do something outrageous with that time. Buy a camera and make movies, draw, write, do something fun. Start karate, go to a small local airport and get a pilot's license, go to a scuba shop and get a scuba license, work hard all year so you can have two week vacations in the bahamas scuba diving along the reefs, you don't have kids right? You have what college kids and middle age people don't have: "SERIOUS DISPOSABLE INCOME". You're not rich, but you don't have to be Bill Gates to enjoy those things.

I know i sound like an oversimplifying pollyanna type right now, believe me that's what i thought when my dad gave me that speech that I just gave you. But from what you describe, I think I know how you feel. You really don't want to let those depressions get the better of you and spend the rest of your life lamenting high school do you?. So what if high school was great? So what if you don't date? If you want to be happy, you got to do it for yourself. Maybe I don't know anything, but I do know from experience, sitting in a room depressing yourself further is a complete waste of time.

[Weatherman]

As Rogue said, Community College. or part-time night courses at a regular school. might be the way to go if you want to continue you're education without spending an ungodly sum of money on it. Someone has to offer something that you like to study, even if it's just bird watching or designing a better street curb. :p

As for the friend's thing, I would highly suggest you go to anipike (www.anipike.com) and look up your local anime club. It's really a great place to meet new friends, since you all have something in common already.

You might want to explain what you mean by "she changed my life" and why she's not in your life anyomre as that might help clear up al ittle more of this.

[The Guard]

You don't have to know what you want to do with the rest of your life right now, man. You're 20. Trust me. I'm 20, I have serious depression, and I've been to some horrible places, even very recently, and I'm learning new things about myself every day. Just kick back and have fun for a while. Let the world turn without you if you need to. There's nothing wrong with being confused. We're all confused. Every one of us. And there's nothing wrong with wanting to be alone, but be aware that there are people out there worth being with, worth making friends with. You just have to look harder to find them sometimes than the "bad" people.

[Shnay]

I'm sorry for assuming you were younger before. As I'm sure you know, the more information you can provide, the better.

Anyway, there has been some great advice given already. Basically, I agree with everyone that you should not be in a hurry to get things in a certain direction. Take some time to find out where you want to be in the future, and then work to make it happen. Best of luck.

[cross blues]

For some reason I feel like I'll be old when I turn 25. That's why I'm in a rush to do things now. I don't want to waste my youth, especially not by feeling and acting the way I am now. This is the last time I'll post on this thread, I don't want to get in trouble for posting too much or whatever. I just wanted to explain one thing...

You might want to explain what you mean by "she changed my life" and why she's not in your life anyomre as that might help clear up al ittle more of this.

Everything I knew changed the first time I saw her. I felt like my eyes opened up to life for the first time. I had never seen anyone so beautiful and the way she looked at me that day... I had no choice but to love her.

She's not in my life any more because I never told her how I felt. Our relationship at best was lukewarm, and there was another guy she seemed to get along really well with... so instead of wondering if she would think of him while we were together, I told her "just be with him since that's what you want anyway." She insisted I was the one she wanted, but a week after we split up she was with him. It's a little more complicated than that but I'm tired and you don't want to read a whole page so I'll just leave it there.

We weren't together for long, but I never felt that way before her and haven't been close to any kind of romantic feelings since. Maybe I made her into something she wasn't. I'm not even sure if the real girl can live up to what I have made her in my mind. We've drifted farther and farther apart since I graduated and haven't seen her in months. I'm not even sure if we're friends now. It's been time to let go for a while now, but I just can't.

[PowerZord]

For some reason I feel like I'll be old when I turn 25. That's why I'm in a rush to do things now. I don't want to waste my youth, especially not by feeling and acting the way I am now. This is the last time I'll post on this thread, I don't want to get in trouble for posting too much or whatever. I just wanted to explain one thing...



Everything I knew changed the first time I saw her. I felt like my eyes opened up to life for the first time. I had never seen anyone so beautiful and the way she looked at me that day... I had no choice but to love her.

She's not in my life any more because I never told her how I felt. Our relationship at best was lukewarm, and there was another guy she seemed to get along really well with... so instead of wondering if she would think of him while we were together, I told her "just be with him since that's what you want anyway." She insisted I was the one she wanted, but a week after we split up she was with him. It's a little more complicated than that but I'm tired and you don't want to read a whole page so I'll just leave it there.

We weren't together for long, but I never felt that way before her and haven't been close to any kind of romantic feelings since. Maybe I made her into something she wasn't. I'm not even sure if the real girl can live up to what I have made her in my mind. We've drifted farther and farther apart since I graduated and haven't seen her in months. I'm not even sure if we're friends now. It's been time to let go for a while now, but I just can't.


I know how perfectly how u feel. i will explain ya later

[Weatherman]

Then I have to ask, what is preventing you from seeing her again? Is she still with that other guy or what? I get the feeling this situation is having a bigger effect on what you're going through then you're letting on.