Let's Talk About Empathy

[The Guard]

I don't know how many of you are familar with this term, or what it means, but recently I have become convinced that I might be an empath. How do I know this? Well, this African American man in a black trenchcoat showed up and started talking about comics.

Seriously, though, I have a few friends who have told me some things about empathy. They seem to feel that it's a PSI ability, and that it can be developed, and used in many interesting ways. I don't know if I have it, but I do know that I can feel what other people feel. Not try to feel, but actually FEEL. If someone is hurt, they can be hiding it well, and I'll feel it. If they're upset, or scared, it registers somewhere in me. And I can transmit feelings. Even when I'm depressed, I've been able to kind of...reach out to people or something. And I can almost tell what people are thinking at times. I know it sounds weird, but it's kind of cool. Now, I'm kind of scared, because I feel like a mutant now (cooooool!), but at the same time, it's kind of interesting to me. Does anyone know more about this...not sure what to call it...thing?

[ButteredToast]

I can relate. I also have a twinge of empathy. I'm more on the recieving end than the giving, though. If there's a general bad mood in the offices where I work, I make it a point to steer clear of everyone and keep my door close because it's a bit unnerving...

For instance a little while back, we unfortunately had one of our telemarketers commit suicide... you can imagine what the mood was like. Well, it was nearly impossible for me to do anything for the next few days. It was like the high emotional content of the office was just hammering away at my defenses... extremely unpleasant. :(

[The Penguin]

This seems like a topic much better suited for the Cafe, so here we are.

[Singin' Stray Cat]

I think I understand what you're talking about. Although I guess with me, people just have a tendency to tell me their problems (even ones I've never met before! :eek: ), which I don't think is quite the same thing as empathy. Sometimes I actually do empathize with a person who shares their troubles with me; other times I just feel sorry for them. In the former case, usually the person has a problem or feeling that I've experienced myself at some point...which I think is what distinguishes empathy from sympathy (unless I'm mistaken, which happens pretty often :p ).

As for detecting other people's feelings...dunno if I can do that better than most people can. If I can, it's not a perfect art yet. But I have finished people's thoughts and sentences before (they'll usually say something along the lines of "Right" or "Exactly!").

Hmm...maybe other people I've talked to should've answered this question for me. They'd know better than I would what kind of "gifts" I had, if any.

[Digu Volz]

Originally posted by The Guard
not sure what to call it...thing?

It's empathy and, personally, it seems more like intuition (it's not just for women !!!) than anything abnormally psionic. Not that that is a bad thing.

[Bartak123]

I would consider myself disattached to an extent. Apatheticness is my friend...but I can fake emotions quite well.

Though I have a 'friend' who is almost totally disattached. He literaly has no feelings-his parents force him to go to a psychologist but nothing has happened. Apparently its some disorder, however the guy is incredibly smart and very logical. I showed him a picture of that girl who was disfigured during that car crash due to a drunk driver. He scrolled through and then carefully compared her 'before' and 'after' picture and said "hmm...interesting"

[Outlander00]

Originally posted by Digu Volz
It's empathy and, personally, it seems more like intuition (it's not just for women !!!) than anything abnormally psionic. Not that that is a bad thing.


not necessarily... Our minds are attuned to those kinds of intuition and it to the point where it can be considered that.

There have been studies that have suggested we are able to use our minds more than we are able to now... if we ever developed them that far during the evolutionary process.

I mean, Shaolin Monks learned to use their minds in ways (voluntarily control body functions, etc) that most of us have only been able to slightly comprehend....

So Im not surprised that our minds are able to do things such as empathy... Its just a question of how far can we go into developing our minds to do it.

[The Guard]

I just know what'll happen. Soon I'll be able to move objects with my mind. And then read minds. And then I'll fall in love, and be really happy, and discover that there's a tumor in my brain causing all this. PHENOMENON...what a depressing movie. :)

[RogueMartian]

I don't have empathy, I have apathy. :D

I've never met anyone who was psychic, empathic, had telekinesis, or any other cool fantasy psychic powers. So until I do, it will remain in the realm of fiction for me.

Empathy means that you actually FEEL what other people feel. So if a complete stranger walks past you, you will start crying because you will actually be as depressed or sad as they are. More than likely, Guard, you have good intuition. Intuition comes from studying people and understanding facial expressions and body language and reacting to it. I highly doubt you're empathic.

[The Guard]

I can sense what you're feeling right now. You're feeling...skeptical. See? I have a gift. :)

[RogueMartian]

LOL!

See that proves your not empathic, if you were, you'd be skeptical too.

[The Guard]

Leave me alone! My perceptions are distorted. I just watched BEING JOHN MALCOVICH.

[Andy Mancini]

There's a long line of empaths in my family, including myself. Empathy, to me, is a gift a person is born with. Like any gift, people can use it for good (Martin Luther King Jr.), not so good (Bill Clinton), or evil (Hitler). There is three thing I have noticed about people that use this for good:

1) They have a lot of enemies, even if they don't know it - Empaths can read people like a book, plain and simple. They can tell when someone is on the "straight and narrow", and also when a person is being a fake. Fakes naturally hate empaths, because they know that the empath knows exactly what they are, and fears that the person will tell everyone. In order to keep up being a fake, the dishonest person must make the empath an enemy. I have seen this exact thing happen to my grandmother and my dad, and it has happened to me on a few occasions.

2) They are very sensitive - We've all heard the phase "get over it", right? Well, most empaths have slight trouble doing that. I mean, it's not to a "mental disorder" level or anything, but they seem to take situations, both good and bad, to heart easier than most.

3) They have a hard time telling others their problems - Most empaths have people coming to them with their problems on a semi-regular basis. Do you realize how hard it is to ask for help when your the one usually giving it?


I know this sounds like one of the Weekly World News lists, like "Fifteen Ways You Can Tell Your Co-Worker Is a Professional Wrestler" (#12: Your co-worker wear lucha-libre [Mexican wrestling] masks at inappropriate times.") or Twenty-Five Ways To Tell If Your Dog Is Channeling Elvis, but it isn't. Those three things held true for every empath I've known that aren't bad people.

[The Guard]

Ok, now I'm scared. Those three things...yeah, that's me. I've got my share of enemies, although I know who they are. It's fun to pretend that I don't.

[Digu Volz]

Originally posted by Outlander00

I mean, Shaolin Monks learned to use their minds in ways (voluntarily control body functions, etc) that most of us have only been able to slightly comprehend....

Seems like self-hypnosis more so than any form of telepathy/telekinesis/whatever. It's all extreme focus and concentration, which is something many people can attain whether they have the Shinning or not.

[RogueMartian]

empathy
n : understanding and entering into another's feelings

Sympathy is being able to understand what others are feeling, but empathy is actually feeling what others are feeling. As for the criteria for being empathic:

1) They have a lot of enemies, even if they don't know it
-I have two problems with this criteria. First of all, who doesn't? Seriously, I'm sure everyone here has upset someone at sometime and now they have an enemy for life that they don't even know about. Second of all, if you're empathic of course you know who is your enemy and whose not. You feel what they feel, so a sudden sense of self loathing should happen whenever your around that person.

2) They are very sensitive
-Again, another VERY broad generalization. Lots of people are sensitive. Too many these days if you ask me. Being sensitive just means you're sensitive, not psychic/empathic/telekinetic or whatever. And doesn't this one fly into the face of criteria number 1? If you're sensitive, how would you not know someone hates you?

3) They have a hard time telling others their problems
-I'm as unpsychic and insensitive as it gets and I NEVER share my problems. I don't like too. They're nobody's business and I don't like people feeling sorry for me. I can easily find tons of people like that. This is another really broad category, you're gonna have to narrow these down a bit DJ.

[Digu Volz]

To be fair, dj_gir was more specific in his/her/its elaborations.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Originally posted by ButteredToast
I can relate. I also have a twinge of empathy. I'm more on the recieving end than the giving, though. If there's a general bad mood in the offices where I work, I make it a point to steer clear of everyone and keep my door close because it's a bit unnerving...

For instance a little while back, we unfortunately had one of our telemarketers commit suicide... you can imagine what the mood was like. Well, it was nearly impossible for me to do anything for the next few days. It was like the high emotional content of the office was just hammering away at my defenses... extremely unpleasant. :(

This is not a special ability, this is common sense.

[Andy Mancini]

Originally posted by Digu Volz
To be fair, dj_gir was more specific in his/her/its elaborations.
Yay! I'm an "its"! :) Seriously though, this concept is very hard to explain to skeptics/non-empaths. My dad has tried on several occasions to explain it to my mom, but she just gets the "deer in the headlights" look.

Oh, and for those keeping score at home, I'm a guy... or am I... ;)

[The Guard]

1) They have a lot of enemies, even if they don't know it
I have two problems with this criteria. First of all, who doesn't?

It's WHY they have enemies. Most people have enemies because they've done something to the other person, or the other person has done something to them, not because they can read the other person like a book, and that makes the other person uncomfortable.

2) They are very sensitive
-Again, another VERY broad generalization. Lots of people are sensitive. Too many these days if you ask me. Being sensitive just means you're sensitive, not psychic/empathic/telekinetic or whatever. And doesn't this one fly into the face of criteria number 1? If you're sensitive, how would you not know someone hates you?

I'm not sure what kind of sensitive he means. I don't cry when I see puppies that have been run over, but I do pick up on things that no one else does. People that are upset, and hiding it, that sort of thing. This could be intuition, but sometimes, there's almost no way to tell beyond "I can feel that you're upset".

3) They have a hard time telling others their problems

It's not that I CAN'T share my problems, it's that I see no reason to. I've never met anyone better at making people feel better when they're really down then I am. And yet, somehow I can't use whatever it is on myself. So other people, who are lost when it comes to their own piddling stuff, have REAL trouble trying to help me with my stuff. They tend to just go "uh huh" and "that sucks". Or "get over it", which is really pretty impossible sometimes.

Seriously though, this concept is very hard to explain to skeptics/non-empaths.

I think it's pretty straightforward. You feel what the other person is feeling. Actually feel it. So...if someone is depressed, really depressed, then you will feel depressed yourself, although it's kind of on another level. It's not your emotions, and you sort of recognize that, but...you're right...it is hard to explain.

[M'ral]

For the record, I haven't read a lot of scientific studies or anything about empathy, although the topic has fascinated me for many years, so my definition of "empathy" may not be the scientifically accepted definition. Most of my knowledge of empathy comes from anecdotes, case histories, and true and fictional stories that I've read (and often written). By my definition at least, "empathy" involves sensing another person's emotions, but not necessarily "feeling" them (in essence, I could look at a person I didn't know and sense through more than just knowledge of psychology that they were, say, angry, but I wouldn't experience that anger as if I myself were angry), or if the empath does experience the emotions he/she is sensing from another person, he/she is completely aware that those feelings are not theirs.

Is it psychic power or simply intuition? I have no idea, and IMHO it's beside the point (after all, intuition itself has often been argued to be a psychic power).

Do I believe it exists? Absolutely. I believe the human mind is capable of much more than we realize, and I believe that certain people, whether through genetic disposition, enhanced self-awareness, or some other factor, can tap into that potential in unusual ways. I also believe that abilities like empathy occur in degrees, so not every empath may meet the same criteria, or be the same strength or sensitivity, and even things as common and seemingly normal as sympathy and instinct may be forms of empathy and precognition, respectively.

And for my required anecdotes, I have had suspicions that I may be at least slightly empathic for some time. My evidence:
1) At least 80% of the time I know without thinking what people around me are feeling (often even what they're thinking), and if the feelings are particularly strong, I might get a twinge of it

2) I finish people's sentences and articulate their hard-to-explain thoughts without really thinking about it (and always get a "That's it exactly!" response)

3) I'm extremely sensitive to emotional atmospheres. What I mean is, when I confront a group of people, or if I enter a house or other place, I pick up on the overall, general feeling in that place or group. Kind of what ButteredToast was saying about his coworkers.

4) This one's kind of related to #3: I hate being in crowds. When I'm in a large group of people, I get this strange sensation of being overwhelmed with conflicting feelings. It reminds me of shows and stories you see with telepaths who can't turn off their power, and their minds become so crowded with other people's thoughts that they can't bear it, but it's rarely as bad as that (Christmases at my maternal grandmother's come close--the emotional atmosphere generated by fifty-odd people can be deafening).

5) My first impressions of people are often eerily accurate. For example, about two years ago my paternal grandmother, a widow of ten years, invited my parents, sister, and me to meet her new boyfriend. Even before I met him, I had bad feelings about him from what my grandmother had told me (even though all she did was praise the guy), and those feelings only intensified after I met him. He seemed nice, and actually tried to get my sister and me to like him, but for some reason I just couldn't like him. I couldn't shake the feeling that he was not the loyal, caring person my grandmother thought he was...I knew, somehow, that he would break her heart, and it worried me to no end when my grandmother started talking about selling her house and moving to a distant state with him. Then my grandmother fell ill, and was laid up for about a month. A few months later, she found out that the boyfriend (who refused to see her while she was sick) had cheated on her while she was sick. A couple weeks later, he sold his house and moved to Tennessee with his new wife, leaving my grandmother broken-hearted. Weird, huh? The weirdest part (for me anyway) was that my grandmother somehow knew how I felt about the guy (even though I had tried very hard to hide my feelings, and I damn well never told her about them), and she told me I had been right all along. That leads into #6:

6) I have trouble hiding my own feelings. That may not seem like a sure sign of empathy, but I've read in many places that empaths don't hide their feelings very well, and a lot of the time when I act out my feelings, I'm responding to the emotional atmosphere around me, especially when it's anger. But that's another point:

7) Like I said, I sometimes respond to emotional atmospheres my acting out the emotion I sense, especially anger. I'm normally a pretty calm, collected person, but my parents have a tendency to wake up angry, and even though they don't get a chance to say a word to me, I pick up on it so easily that I immediately start snapping. (for the longest time, I knew instantly when they got up, even when I was in another room, because I would suddenly feel like biting somebody's head off).

8) People love to tell me their problems. My sister has this particular "ability" a lot stronger than I do (I keep telling her she should be a psychologist), but I still have it, and sometimes it's difficult to deal with, especially when I need to spill my guts to somebody else. (I don't often, but once in a while I just have to) It seems to me that when I try to tell somebody my problems, it's like talking through water...somehow the message gets distorted (whether through the sending or receiving...I always understand what I mean), and the other person never seems to get what I'm talking about (unless it's my sister). Sometimes I feel like screaming, AM I SPEAKING A FOREIGN LANGUAGE OR SOMETHING?!...I guess since I usually understand what they mean, I expect the same from them, and the fact that they don't understand drives me crazy.

You know what's really bizarre about all this? It doesn't just apply to real people. I often apply my "intuition" to fictional characters as well (as a few people who frequent the DC Animated Universe board will testify), and although the characters themselves can't tell me I'm right, other fans often do.

Note: Everything in this message is my own personal opinions. I have little to no evidence to back up my statements. :)

EDIT

:eek: Yikes! I had no idea this was such a selfish message. I, I, I. Sorry folks! :o

The Guard, you sound like an empath to me, but like I said, I don't know anything about empathy beyond opinion and science fiction. I'd like to think that anyone who wants to tap into their mind's potential can do so, so if you truly think you're an empath, or have the potential to become one, and you like the idea, than by all means try to develop your skill! Even if empathy is just a scifi-lover's fantasy, paying more attention to the feelings of the people around you can only be a good thing. :)

[Andy Mancini]

Originally posted by The Guard
1) They have a lot of enemies, even if they don't know it

It's WHY they have enemies. Most people have enemies because they've done something to the other person, or the other person has done something to them, not because they can read the other person like a book, and that makes the other person uncomfortable.
Right on.

Originally posted by The Guard
2) They are very sensitive

I'm not sure what kind of sensitive he means. I don't cry when I see puppies that have been run over, but I do pick up on things that no one else does. People that are upset, and hiding it, that sort of thing. This could be intuition, but sometimes, there's almost no way to tell beyond "I can feel that you're upset".
Every empath I've known (me included) tends to put a little more thought behind things than "normal" people. The "things" in question are everyday occurances, such as rude but harmless comments that are made during the day. (You know the kind. No harm is meant by these, but they're rude nonetheless.) To a skeptic/non-empath, it appears that the person is being more sensitive than a "normal" person would be, or as my mom puts it, "overthinking things".

Originally posted by The Guard
3) They have a hard time telling others their problems

It's not that I CAN'T share my problems, it's that I see no reason to. I've never met anyone better at making people feel better when they're really down then I am. And yet, somehow I can't use whatever it is on myself. So other people, who are lost when it comes to their own piddling stuff, have REAL trouble trying to help me with my stuff. They tend to just go "uh huh" and "that sucks". Or "get over it", which is really pretty impossible sometimes.
Yeah, that's pretty much it as well.

[The Guard]

Every empath I've known (me included) tends to put a little more thought behind things than "normal" people. The "things" in question are everyday occurances, such as rude but harmless comments that are made during the day.

You mean they don't just spout rude comments on the spur of the moment like some people do? And fling insults? That's pretty accurate.

[Andy Mancini]

Originally posted by The Guard
You mean they don't just spout rude comments on the spur of the moment like some people do? And fling insults? That's pretty accurate.
Pretty much.