Dave's worst girl problem ever...

[The Guard]

Ok, so I lied. This is the least problematic of them all. But I could still use the valuable advice I get here on Toonzone.

Ok. So there's this girl. And I've liked this girl since I met her, but I've started liking her even more as we got to know each other. The odd thing is that we haven't gotten to know each other in person, because she's had a boyfriend for the last couple months. And, with the exception of a few moviewatching sessions and visits at her job, our "relationship" has been restricted to the internet and the occassional school sighting. All right. This girl is one of those rare, quiet, thoughtful ones that doesn't worry about stupid pointless things. She's kind of hard on herself. Probably because no one's ever treated her like she deserves to be treated. She's had a string of "horrible dating experiences" since high school, and her last boyfriend liked her, but he didn't call her, didn't come see her, didn't get her anything for Christmas, and basically never interacted with her. So she was hurting. And because I was the one she talked to, I know pretty much everything there is to know about her. Her attitude toward sex, her attitude toward pretty much everything, her history most of the important things in her past, ect, ect. So I've been talking to her for a few months now, just helping her with stuff, and being the ear that she needs, and now I want to ask her out for all those selfish reasons. :). I went in two nights ago to the store she works at (an electronics store) under the pretense of buying a TV (I really was going to, until we found an extra 36-inch deal in the basement), but I was going to ask her out as soon as I got a chance. Anyway, she came over and talked to me for a while, but had to leave. So, rather then get her yelled at, I left, figuring I could do it later. Nope. A guy she worked with asked her out right after I left. And, according to her online journal, she hates to put people in a position where they'll get hurt, but he kind of wore her down and she decided they could go out to dinner. She doesn't seem all that eager about it. She claims that she'd rather go out with somebody she's sure about so that she knows no one will get hurt. Anyway, though I'm slightly pissed that I didn't ask her out sooner (she needed, and still needs some time, I think), none of this changes how I feel about her, but I'm trying to decide if it's ethical to tell her, or ask her out myself. The last thing I want is for her to have to deal with TWO guys she's not interested in, or trying to decide which one to go out with, or any number of crazy, only-Dave-worries-about-this-kind-of-stuff things. So I need opinions. For one thing, I didn't actually have a set THING to ask her out to, let alone "dinner and a movie". She skis, but I don't, so I can't ask her to that. Thoughts? Opinions? And don't say "You're clueless about women. Because I'm not, really. I just overthink wayyy too much.

[ZorBrak]

Heh I never knew your name was Dave :p. You're not alone in "overthinking" this stuff, I go nuts about these kinda things too...but...He asked this chick out right after you left?! akk! Man this is the kinda stuff that happens to me every time >_<. Regardless you say she doesn't really like 'em...but you don't wanna give her any more problems so....akk ermm...ask her to lunch or maybe a cup of coffee since that could be a fairly casual date and probably wouldn't stress her. She'd probably really appreciate that kind of thing if she's having a lot of problems and enjoys talking to you. Let me know what happens dude....this kinda situation sounds all too familiar to me >_< :eek: o_O

[DisneyBoy]

:) Us guys need to form a support group - I just posted one of these!

Dear Dave,

................You are not clueless about girls. It's very important that you're able to see how interveining at this time could put added pressure on her. You clearly respect her and want things to go smoothly. In my (limited) experience, avoiding the typical "Will you go out with me please" is a must when it comes to girls you are uncertain about. If both you and she are clearly interested in one another, sooner or later you'll eventually make excuses to see one another and before you know it, folks will be telling you she's your girlfriend. However, things become much more complicated when you aren't sure how the gal feels about you. Here's my advice:

Wait it out. Right now, if she's having as much guy trouble as you say she is, she needs a friend more than anything else. She trusts you with her thoughts and feelings - that's a huge honor. Once she deals with her feelings for Bozo (aka: guy who asked her out :D ), she can be free to deal with her feelings for you. A friendship can last years, so the most important thing is to preserve that, which you already seem intent on doing.

As for what to suggest as a "date", keep it informal. Just "hang out" in more interesting places. Try the old "I happen to have an extra ticket, would you like to come?" routine, or "I could use a drink, let's get a coffee once you finish work!" If she feels like you're putting the moves on her, things may become awkward. be warm, be friendly, be supportive, and most of all remember:

You're happy on your own.

Dating is thrown in our faces as a must for every person over the age of ten. If you think of dating like Christmas shopping, it'll really bring things into perspective. The best gifts are the ones you stumble upon and say "Wow! This is perfect", but sometimes planning ahead and tracking down the right gift (as you are doing with this girl...stick with my metaphor if you can) can be even better, and safer, since those "perfect gifts" don't fall into our laps often. The most nerve-wracking way to go about it is to search frantically for something that you can get, because you spend too much time worrying if the recipient will like it or not. Did that make sense?

So in summary, hang tight my friend - it'll all work out! Be there for her, figure out what it is you're really feeling, and try to do what you'd appreciate someone else doing for you. I think you're very well equiped to handle this ;)

[The Guard]

I needed that. Thanks. :)

[Outlander00]

MAN, you have WAYYYYYYYyyyyyyyy more woman problems than most guys I know! :p

You know what... I'm going to go against some of the advice I have given to you in the past, and say... Throw caution to the wind and take chance. Be charming but not over bearing... also, be yourself. :D

[Weatherman]

For starters, I'm guessing this isn't "dances in underwear" girl, correct?


Now then, I'd say wait and see how this "date" goes. Listen to her grousing about it, then see what the circumstances allow for. if she says she's never going out with him again, bingo, there ya go. If it's not quite that rosy a senario, well, you may have to bide your time.



Oh, and offer to go skiing with her sometime. It's really easy to learn with a good instructor, and it's something you guys can do together. :)

[Steve Jester]

Originally posted by Weatherman
Now then, I'd say wait and see how this "date" goes. Listen to her grousing about it, then see what the circumstances allow for. if she says she's never going out with him again, bingo, there ya go. If it's not quite that rosy a senario, well, you may have to bide your time.

Weatherman took my idea!

[The Guard]

For starters, I'm guessing this isn't "dances in underwear" girl, correct?

You are correct.

[Dark Vicious]

Originally posted by The Guard
Ok, so I lied. This is the least problematic of them all. But I could still use the valuable advice I get here on Toonzone.

Ok. So there's this girl. And I've liked this girl since I met her, but I've started liking her even more as we got to know each other. The odd thing is that we haven't gotten to know each other in person, because she's had a boyfriend for the last couple months. And, with the exception of a few moviewatching sessions and visits at her job, our "relationship" has been restricted to the internet and the occassional school sighting. All right. This girl is one of those rare, quiet, thoughtful ones that doesn't worry about stupid pointless things. She's kind of hard on herself. Probably because no one's ever treated her like she deserves to be treated. She's had a string of "horrible dating experiences" since high school, and her last boyfriend liked her, but he didn't call her, didn't come see her, didn't get her anything for Christmas, and basically never interacted with her. So she was hurting. And because I was the one she talked to, I know pretty much everything there is to know about her. Her attitude toward sex, her attitude toward pretty much everything, her history most of the important things in her past, ect, ect. So I've been talking to her for a few months now, just helping her with stuff, and being the ear that she needs, and now I want to ask her out for all those selfish reasons. :). I went in two nights ago to the store she works at (an electronics store) under the pretense of buying a TV (I really was going to, until we found an extra 36-inch deal in the basement), but I was going to ask her out as soon as I got a chance. Anyway, she came over and talked to me for a while, but had to leave. So, rather then get her yelled at, I left, figuring I could do it later. Nope. A guy she worked with asked her out right after I left. And, according to her online journal, she hates to put people in a position where they'll get hurt, but he kind of wore her down and she decided they could go out to dinner. She doesn't seem all that eager about it. She claims that she'd rather go out with somebody she's sure about so that she knows no one will get hurt. Anyway, though I'm slightly pissed that I didn't ask her out sooner (she needed, and still needs some time, I think), none of this changes how I feel about her, but I'm trying to decide if it's ethical to tell her, or ask her out myself. The last thing I want is for her to have to deal with TWO guys she's not interested in, or trying to decide which one to go out with, or any number of crazy, only-Dave-worries-about-this-kind-of-stuff things. So I need opinions. For one thing, I didn't actually have a set THING to ask her out to, let alone "dinner and a movie". She skis, but I don't, so I can't ask her to that. Thoughts? Opinions? And don't say "You're clueless about women. Because I'm not, really. I just overthink wayyy too much.

Dave I am not gonna quit on you I have helped you tenfold and until you pay me back it's time I help you again

So this girl is shy but opens up to you unforcefully?

I'm amazed Dave you have found someone good, (Clap) (Clap) (Clap) so you want her? (Nudge Nudge) go for the ask out the first chance you get just spill your guts out to her and she will be yours oh, yes she will be yours.

[The Guard]

Ah, the wisdom of WAYNE'S WORLD. :)

[Dark Vicious]

Yes Iknew it would get through to you