boy/girlfriends

[Flavia]

So, I was wondering, do you ever had a boy/girlfriend who was a pain in the ass?
Lol. :D
I mean, like making you feel bounded , not letting you talking or making friends with anybody (not even over the internet), controling each and every step you take and screwinng with your privacy (specially internet, using your name, icq and e-mail, or even loggin in toonzone as you)?

I'd reeaaally like to know, and if the answer is yes, what happend, how was it, and if you felt after breaking up (like if you had done the right thing - if you did break up...), even if you really liked him/her.

;)

[Chris Sanders MSX]

Well for a while. I was that guy. I have serious jelousy issues. It's never been that I didn't want my girl to have a life or that I meant to invade her privacy it's just that I've been burned before and it made hard for me to trust females.

But after a few good experiences, I learned better but I still have the jelosy issues but I usually keep stuff to myself. I don't even like it when another guy talks to my girl, online or offline. I used to get mad about stuff like this and let it be known but now I know it's a little nuts so I just don't say anything.

[meatwad945]

nope because i havent had one

[Nightflower]

Originally posted by Chris Sanders MSX
Well for a while. I was that guy. I have serious jelousy issues. It's never been that I didn't want my girl to have a life or that I meant to invade her privacy it's just that I've been burned before and it made hard for me to trust females.

But after a few good experiences, I learned better but I still have the jelosy issues but I usually keep stuff to myself. I don't even like it when another guy talks to my girl, online or offline. I used to get mad about stuff like this and let it be known but now I know it's a little nuts so I just don't say anything.
Yeah, I'm kinda like that -_-' What's worse about me is that I know I'm being nuts, but I do it anyway.

How's that for mysterious, insane girl for you?:P

Seriously, I think in certain aspects, I am a bit controlling and unfair...long sticky story...not going to go there. Like Chris, I think a lot of it has to do with me not being able to trust as easily as before.

BTW, Flavia, if you're speaking from a personal experience...that's not normal if a guy does that (Um, especially regarding the Internet stuff, and using your user IDs).

[Flavia]

Yes, it is a personal experience :( sometime I think I can't breath.

[Galaxia]

Well, my BF can be a pain in the ass sometimes, but he'd never invade my privacy (log on AIM as my name, check my e-mail, etc).

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

I think if anyone is experiencing this, they should seriously have a talk with their partner about it. Shutting someone off from their friends and life is the first sign of a bad future relationship, possibly even an abusive one. Tread carefully.

IMO, of course.

[Flavia]

:( That's the problem, I was always a comunicative person, but he just doesn't listen. He's that chauvinist kind of guy and everthing. He thinks he knows what he's doing and nothing enters his stupid head! Grrrr. I mean, in a short time I can already see myself screaming and advancing towards him. :mad:

his last one:
"You can't talk so friendly with those guys of toonzone"
"What you think you're doing blinking* to everybody? You think you can flert with anybody like this?"
*by blinking he means : ;) , post this emotion... :rolleyes: I mean, the guy is sick :yawn:

[BrendaBat]

I think if anyone is experiencing this, they should seriously have a talk with their partner about it. Shutting someone off from their friends and life is the first sign of a bad future relationship, possibly even an abusive one. Tread carefully.
Leaping Larry JoJo is right. Controlling men often turn abusive. I think you should dump this guy NOW before his behavior gets worse! No one has the right to tell you when you can see your friends and when you can use the internet!!
From what you said in your first post, this guy sounds intorrible. Find someone else, Flavia. You diserve better.

[Flavia]

Yes, I know you guys are right, they get abusive. I know because he already is. The "before worse things happen" it's past.

He doesn't like how I act, I can't understand why he doesn't listen to me. He start that machuvinist thing and I start to scream. Than thing start to get worse, you see...

I feel extra stupid now

[thiago]

:(

[Flavia]

Originally posted by thiago
:(

You always twist things when you want to. They don't have anything to do with what is happening.

[Weatherman]

Dump him...NOW! And make sure you have some friends around when you go out for awhile. it sounds like he would try and do something if you did dumo him, and I don't want to see that happen. Just get rid of that bum. lLet him date the airhead he seems to really want, not someone as gifted as you. ;)

[TimTwoFace]

Hmmm...I can't say that I've ever been in an abusive relationship like this. I was in a relationship with a girl at one point that I would label as "emotionally abusive", but never controlling like this. She couldn't control me for her own personal career-oriented gains and therefore I dumped her.

Either way, it's an emotional burden. No relationship should be THAT controlling. Break up with this guy ASAP if you feel there is less good in it than bad. That's a pretty easy judgement call.

-Tim

[Flavia]

What you said about less good in it than bad made me think.
I believe it got this crazy because in the start there was more good than bad... so I let it pass, and then, again and again. Until the present situation. :mad: That is unbearable. I can't stand another humiliating scene in public.

*look down*

[Weatherman]

Ohh dear........well, if you don't want to talk about it in public, that's ok, but I don't think anyone else here has ICQ. We all use AIM, YIM or MSM. Still, please, do yourself a big favor, DUMP HIM!! FAST! I don't like where this "relationship" seems to be headed, fast. Best of luck to you......*makes owrried noises* :(

[Flavia]

uh-oh, no, I didn't mean here in toonzone, because I'm feeling better talking about it. What I mean is having those scenes in the middle of street or something in real life you know, like he pusshing and pulling me hard!!!

I fell to the ground not only once, and his excuse is that I answer it (why, if I don't give it back he'll hurt me MORE!)

These are all things that I always considered sad... I always said "those poor women... but they are so stupid to accept them back!" And now it's happening to me :mad:

[batboy2001]

Hmmm, might I inquire why you like this guy? I mean from what you said above, he sounds like a jerkass. He doesn't own you.... Doesn't seem worth it.

[Steve Jester]

Originally posted by Weatherman
Dump him...NOW! And make sure you have some friends around when you go out for awhile. it sounds like he would try and do something if you did dumo him, and I don't want to see that happen. Just get rid of that bum. lLet him date the airhead he seems to really want, not someone as gifted as you. ;)

Agreed, and this from a guy's POV.

1) Dump him because he's starting to be abusive. Abusive boyfriends need a good dumping.

2) I also agree woth the bring some friends, preferably those that are from the local Rugby team (if you lived in the US I'd sugest guys from the football team) because he likely to go off on you.

3) Make sure it's the good Rugby players :D they play dirty.

BTW, Flavia, is thiago your boyfriend?

[Flavia]

BTW, Flavia, is thiago your boyfriend?
Yes :yawn:

Hmmm, might I inquire why you like this guy?
Simple: He past the first two years being the perfect guy, and then, in th last 5 months or so, he strated to change but in a very sutil away. Things got this way very slowly...

That's why it took me so long to be so drastic in my acts, because I belived he would change.

*look to the amount of homework to do*
Grrr, yesteday I told him I wasn't going to see him, Because I needed to go to a friends house and get the homework o do. He said I wasn't going alone and that I should waite for him (I needed to use the subway) Then, nowing the way he acts, I said "yeah, ok, just come early because I have a lot of homework to do and I need to start it today". We got there onlu 8 o'clock and I could do a thing. He said "uh, why didn't you went alone?duh" :mad: jerk

[Chris Sanders MSX]

Yeah, Pretty much dump him. Abuse isn't anything you should give a second chance about.

[Nightflower]

Adding my voice to the chorus, I don't think you realize how bad the situation seems to have gotten and that you shouldn't tolerate this at all. Break up with him. If you can't stand it anymore, you don't have to.

[Failure]

Abuse tends to escalate over time. If you've tried to discuss it with him and he hasn't responded positively, then it's best to let go. You do not want to get trapped in a hurtful relationship. Tread carefully.

[James]

Originally posted by Chris Sanders MSX
Yeah, Pretty much dump him. Abuse isn't anything you should give a second chance about.

Beautifully put. I think that's the whole thing in the nutshell. Things don't get better. If there is abuse, it will get worse. Get out, find someone who cares for you and holds that sacred element of all relationships.

trust

[Flavia]

Ummm *SNIFF* He seemed to be like that... thngs changed slowly I didn't notice what could happen.

*look to the amount of homework again*

Well, I'm going off line now, maybe until tomorrow, so if any agressive post happens, it's not me, you all already now that..
Ummm, bye for now

[thiago]

Flávia you is the only person who I loved these years all and my life too. if I made things bad was because my love for you is excessively. With everything still I love very of you .thiago

[Y3k-Bug]

Originally posted by Flavia
He past the first two years being the perfect guy, and then, in th last 5 months or so, he strated to change but in a very sutil away. Things got this way very slowly...

That's why it took me so long to be so drastic in my acts, because I belived he would change.

So this is a fairly recent attitude change? What brought on this sudden personality shift? Has something really awful happened in his life that may be changing his mental outlook?

Forgive me for not jumping on the bandwagon and saying you should dump him Flavia (lovely name by the way), but I'd like to look at this from every possible angle before passing judgement on a 2+ year relationship.

Would the two of you consider taking counseling?

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Originally posted by Y3k-Bug
So this is a fairly recent attitude change? What brought on this sudden personality shift? Has something really awful happened in his life that may be changing his mental outlook?

Forgive me for not jumping on the bandwagon and saying you should dump him Flavia (lovely name by the way), but I'd like to look at this from every possible angle before passing judgement on a 2+ year relationship.

Would the two of you consider taking counseling?

Counseling assumes that both participants are willing to acknowledge the problem.

[Steve Jester]

Posted by Flavia:

Grrr, yesteday I told him I wasn't going to see him, Because I needed to go to a friends house and get the homework o do. He said I wasn't going alone and that I should waite for him (I needed to use the subway) Then, nowing the way he acts, I said "yeah, ok, just come early because I have a lot of homework to do and I need to start it today". We got there onlu 8 o'clock and I could do a thing. He said "uh, why didn't you went alone?duh" :mad: jerk

If he's been saying these types of things a lot lately (aka within the past month) go with the plan i mentioned eailrer.

Oh, thiago, if your reading this, your about to recieve a PM.

[Galaxia]

Originally posted by Flavia
He's that chauvinist kind of guy and everthing. He thinks he knows what he's doing and nothing enters his stupid head!

See, that's how my BF is - he always has to be right about everything! He will argue with me over the supidest things until his face turns blue, and then he ends up being wrong. He's very hot-headed sometimes. He never listens to me either. Like, I was going to put up shelves in my room, and we went to the hardware store to buy them. He thought he knew exactly where they were, so we spent like 20 minutes looking for them. We could have gotten out of there a lot faster if he actually asked someone where the shelves were.

Like everyone else said, break up with him. Make your life a lot easier ;)

[Steve Jester]

Originally posted by SJJ
Beautifully put. I think that's the whole thing in the nutshell. Things don't get better. If there is abuse, it will get worse. Get out, find someone who cares for you and holds that sacred element of all relationships.

trust

ALL HAIL SJJ!

Seriously, ^^ that is what you need in a relationship. Without trust, there isn't much of a relationship.

[thiago]

The unica thing that I can say is this "I loves the flávia as I never loved nobody

[thiago]

:( :( :( :( The only thing that I can say is this "I loves the flávia as I never loved nobody
forgive my mistake. :( :( :( :(
:( :( :( :( :( :(

[Flavia]

OMG, And you told me you could speak english fluently. :yawn:

"I speak english better than you!" :confused: This just makes another example.

(Sorry for talking directly to him on the thread)

[thiago]

thanks for thus speaking with me

[Nightflower]

Erm... if you guys have problems, maybe you guys should discuss it in private.

[thiago]

sorry :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( sorry

[batboy2001]

Originally posted by thiago
sorry :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( sorry Eh, here is some advice man. I think maybe you should just back off a little. :) Two years is alot of time invested. But you seriously don't own Flavia, and your trying to keep her close is actualy driving her away. Have some trust in her, eh.

[Flavia]

Originally posted by Nightflower
Erm... if you guys have problems, maybe you guys should discuss it in private.

YES! People are not interested in reading our personal discussing, this is not Bounding-boyfriends anonimous or something.

I thought stuffing my PM was already enough, don't send me personal messages through the board. :mad:

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Kids these days. :rolleyes: ;)

[Barb Gordon]

Luckily I've never had a boyfriend like this. Well mostly because I've only had one boyfriend and he was the greatest, and also because I'd never get involved with a guy like that! Hope everything gets worked out for you Flavia. A boyfriend, or girlfriend for that matter,should never make you feel pressured, insecure or just plain bad. You should do things for each other, not one person bossing the other around. A relationship involves two people who should have the same amount of input in everything.

~Barb

[murmur]

My last gf got very jealous. But she knew it and made a conscious effort not to be controlling. She didn't succeed very well at this effort and partly as a result of that we broke up. The truth is that she was rebounding and she hadn't gotten over her cheating ex. Most people have some kinds of issues like that, where they get over bad exes or childhoods. I'd never call that abusive. The ones to really watch out for are the ones that are completely unapologetic about it; that think there's nothing wrong with "owning" their lover and doing things to them without their consent. I have never nor would I get involved in a relationship with someone like that.

[Flavia]

Ummm, I read a lot of "never would get involved with" yes I know, and you're all right, but used to say the same, he wasn't like that, well, he didn't showed it.

[murmur]

Flavia, you are right. And I apologize. It's easy to sit on some high horse and say that would never happen to me, but it's really just wishful thinking, even if I am careful. Maybe I'm just lucky it hasn't happened yet.

[Flavia]

beautiful, now he's acusing me of having other people. of course, the problem is never him!

He had stuffed my PM, now he's in the ignore list, he's calling at 10 pm (current time here) and annoying my garndparents. Damn, he should stop insisting he's just making me want to stay away from him! :mad:

[TimTwoFace]

Geez Flav, he's just getting worse and worse here - he's desperate to find a way to catch you off your guard, make you feel guilty, and then get you back while you're vulnerable. Or something like that.

My advice is the go cold turkey on him. Really. If you guys are still friends for some reason (???) then you can work on rebuilding the friendship later. As thing stand, though, this is definitely not a relationship that's working out. You've already tried to make it work, it didn't, so you should bail.

-Tim

[Joe Wagner]

I'm going to stick with the consensus here and say that you need to get rid of this guy. As a gentleman I could never rationalize why any man would treat his girlfriend/wife/friend/acquintance in this manner. This type of treatment shows a lot of jealousy and fear - neither one of these lead to trust within a relationship. Like SJJ said trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Having been involved in a relationship for almost three years now I know how important it is to have trust in the relationship and be able to talk. Without these the couple can't communicate with each other.

-Joe!

[Nightflower]

Originally posted by Joe Wagner
I'm going to stick with the consensus here and say that you need to get rid of this guy. As a gentleman I could never rationalize why any man would treat his girlfriend/wife/friend/acquintance in this manner. This type of treatment shows a lot of jealousy and fear - neither one of these lead to trust within a relationship. Like SJJ said trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Having been involved in a relationship for almost three years now I know how important it is to have trust in the relationship and be able to talk. Without these the couple can't communicate with each other.

-Joe!
Ugh, yeah. -_-' That's a problem I have...honestly, I never used to be like this, but now I'm too jealous. I'm afraid to say I don't trust my boyfriend at all. I'm trying to change, but if any of you have any pointers, feel free to throw 'em at me.

[Weatherman]

Best I can say is stop doubting and just go with it. Trust is something that has to be built overtime, and it will only begin to build if you let it do so. Good luck Nightflower, and Flavia, it's definatly for the best that you dumped this guy. I tried asking him to keep it private and I got an untranslateable message that was apparently full of profanity. :rolleyes:

[Flavia]

Thank you all for the comments :(
Nightflower, you realizing that is the first and bigest step ;)
Weather man, I read those privete messenges (cause he's cookies are in my computer sice the last time I logged for him when we were still together ) and belive me, you don't wanna know what that was :eek:

[BeastBoyWonder]

I also advise getting rid of him...I think that relationships should build from good friendships, and thiago doesn't appear to be being a very good friend. For me, friends come first. If they can't act maturely or responsibly, or if they can't stand my friends and want to keep me from them, then I would let them go.

[Beat]

I had a girlfriend once. When I moved away, I remember kissing her goodbye after my last exam in our school. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done...

Latley, not too much. One girl's been flirting with me, but she's going out with this hip-hop head guy. And I don't feel like beating his face in. ;)

[Meson]

My current girlfriend was like that, especially with my girl friends. She did eventually cool off, and now only beats the crap of other women if she's jealous....

[BeastBoyWonder]

For me it gets kind of awkward sometimes, because most of my close friends are female, so if my girlfriend were like that she would freak out soooo much.

[Flavia]

Originally posted by ragingdrummerboy
For me it gets kind of awkward sometimes, because most of my close friends are female, so if my girlfriend were like that she would freak out soooo much.

You see, That's a good point. He has a bunch (I mean a lot, but a real whole lot) not jus girl friends, but girls saying: "So what that you have a girlfriend?" "Let's go over there you know... and..." blah, blah. They already called me and threatened me and all.

Imagine if I'd freak out and forbade him of going to those places that I know they wil'be there fpr sure? No possible way, he was going to meet his friends and have some fun. I trusted him afterall.

Why couldn't he? You guys are milles away from me for God's sake!

;) Flávia