So... do regular single girls still exist?

[Style]

I'm 24. Lately, after a long period of inactivity, I decided to start looking for a new female friend whom I can date. (I'm loathe to say I'm looking for a girl friend.) So, I haven't hit many local scenes yet, but I've tried around on the internet, particularly myspace.

I'm searching for girls 21 to 24 within 10 miles of the area I live, and I tend to notice certain things:

many of them smoke.
Many of them drink and hang out in bars,
and many of them have babies.

Now, don't get me wrong: most girls I've seen on myspace only have 1 or 2 out of the 3 of these. But each one of these things is a deal breaker because.

to point one, smoking is unhealthy, but because I have a particular kind of asthma, I have to be real extra careful. so no.

to point 2: I guess I'm a bit of tea totaller. Don't oppose alcohol on principal, but I dislike how it tastes and smells and don't like the bar enviroment.

to point 3: look, let me be honest, I'm not expecting a virgin in this culture. But, I don't want to have a kid factor in from the outset of the relationship. Kinda puts more pressure on everyone, ya know?

Yeah, I'm kinda aware that maybe my best bet is to start hitting churches, but I haven't found one in my area with a plethora of single young people and I don't know how to look.

Or- are my expectations too high?

[The Falcon]

Or- are my expectations too high?Yes.

I've been in the same boat as you for a few years now. At the age of 24, if you're expecting to date within your age range, a child should be considered a given. You can date the woman without having to "date" the child. Many women actually prefer it. In time, if they feel you're something special, they'll introduce you to their offspring. Just gotta go with the flow of it.

The point about smoking, I'll give you that one. For most people it's a turn off. Even to other smokers. Weird.

And finally, I hate to break it to you, but you'll need to go to a bar to meet single women as that is where most of them are at. Hitting of women anywhere else (ie. church, Wal-Mart, on the street) will come off as creepy. At a bar, it's expected. Also, just because you're at a bar, doesn't mean you have to drink. There are plenty of other things to do. Pool, darts, sports on TV, hanging out with friends, buying a girl a drink...

Bottom line, if you want to set a list of standards for yourself, that's fine. More power to you. But if you're not going to go out and meet them, don't expect them to come banging on your door to meet you, either.

[DBZNarutoWarrior]

You should work as a cashier at a clothing store. Not one day/night goes by without at least 5 pretty women flirting (I assume that they are probably single). But basically when you start as a cashier then you will get a few numbers (just don't let the managers see LOL). But I'm sure you'll find somebody, just remember that the whole bar aspect doesn't really matter as long as they are single. Most girls go there to meet guys, not to hang out at every night when they are in a relationship.

[Strollymonster]

Step 1 to finding a girl: Get off the internet, you're not going to find them there.

Avoid bars and college scenes, nothing but the drinking and smoking.

Your best bet for your...particular requirements would be some kind of religious organization...a church or charity, probably.

[Megaman X]

I agree unless your a bit older, the internet is not exactly the best idea to find someone, of course this is advice coming from someone in year 2 of High school xD.

[Style]

Yes.

I've been in the same boat as you for a few years now. At the age of 24, if you're expecting to date within your age range, a child should be considered a given. You can date the woman without having to "date" the child. Many women actually prefer it. In time, if they feel you're something special, they'll introduce you to their offspring. Just gotta go with the flow of it.
There may be truth in what you say, but I still find it rather hard to accept. why so many young single women have kids already? I thought we had pills, condoms, and plethora of other birth control methods for that?

[purplehairedwonder]

Step 1 to finding a girl: Get off the internet, you're not going to find them there.Actually, both my siblings found their current significant others online (brother is 28, sister is 30).

As for whether "regular single girls still exist," I'd like to think I qualify as regular *hears snickers and glares* and I'm single, so yeah. We might be a bit rarer, but we're around.

[The Falcon]

There may be truth in what you say, but I still find it rather hard to accept. why so many young single women have kids already? I thought we had pills, condoms, and plethora of other birth control methods for that?If you want to be the condom police, you go right ahead. I'm just saying, "It's been done. Deal with it."

[Scorpio_G]

You can start off by not trying to look for a girlfriend. It sets you up for depression if nothing jumps off or if you broke up. Besides your 24 years old. 24 is now the new 14.

We're not our parents and quite frankly my Mom would have never married my father or had me and my twin brother if she was my age at this time.

You can get married in our late 30's if you want and have children even latter.

Maybe your going into the wrong club or bar? Many clubs are geared toward a demographic. Check online and see who they want inside. Teenagers? College kids? Ravers? Hip hop lovers? White/Blue Collar? Artist/Avantgard!?:sweat: Ask around.

If bars and clubs are not your thing join a club at your community center. You might not see young ladies at all but you might get a grandma who has a nice daughter. ;)

Or try hanging out with friends for a more intimate setting at your home or a park. You guys can walk around the neighborhood too and speak to each other. And it's great because you don't have to spend much. Ask them to bring along a friend or a cousin too.

You cant pigeon hole yourself just because something about them turns you off. Give them a chance!

There's also finding a FWB if you want that route but that is a different story and on a different forum, lol. :sweat:

[Style]

If you want to be the condom police, you go right ahead. I'm just saying, "It's been done. Deal with it."
condom police? what an odd concept I haven't come across before. I thought it was a societal goal to get more young people aware of contraception and why it's important to use. This "people do what they want and have the right to do it unsafely so don't you say boo about it" thing is way new to me.

I guess I'll drop this aspect of the conversation as it seems to be hitting a nerve I wasn't fully aware of. I really did not mean to offend anybody.

You can start off by not trying to look for a girlfriend. It sets you up for depression if nothing jumps off or if you broke up. Besides your 24 years old. 24 is now the new 14.

We're not our parents and quite frankly my Mom would have never married my father or had me and my twin brother if she was my age at this time.

You can get married in our late 30's if you want and have children even latter.

Maybe your going into the wrong club or bar? Many clubs are geared toward a demographic. Check online and see who they want inside. Teenagers? College kids? Ravers? Hip hop lovers? White/Blue Collar? Artist/Avantgard!?:sweat: Ask around.

If bars and clubs are not your thing join a club at your community center. You might not see young ladies at all but you might get a grandma who has a nice daughter. ;)

Or try hanging out with friends for a more intimate setting at your home or a park. You guys can walk around the neighborhood too and speak to each other. And it's great because you don't have to spend much. Ask them to bring along a friend or a cousin too.

You cant pigeon hole yourself just because something about them turns you off. Give them a chance!

There's also finding a FWB if you want that route but that is a different story and on a different forum, lol. :sweat:hmm, good post, I appreciate this one. again, from my first post, I'm looking for a female friend whom I can date a couple of times, then if we hit it off take it to the next level, and on so forth. I'm not trying to find a girlfriend right off the bat.

good suggestions though. and uh, FWB is not really my style.

[Master Moron]

Yes.

I've been in the same boat as you for a few years now. At the age of 24, if you're expecting to date within your age range, a child should be considered a given. You can date the woman without having to "date" the child. Many women actually prefer it. In time, if they feel you're something special, they'll introduce you to their offspring. Just gotta go with the flow of it.

A child a given at 24? Ummm...I'm 26 and I would say less than 25% of my peers have children.

And finally, I hate to break it to you, but you'll need to go to a bar to meet single women as that is where most of them are at. Hitting of women anywhere else (ie. church, Wal-Mart, on the street) will come off as creepy.


That's not really true. As long as you look halfway decent and know how to flirt you can get a girl's number anywhere. The only reason why it's easier at a bar is because you're drunk and therefore more confident. So, if Style doesn't drink, it's not going to help him much to try to meet women at bars.

Actually, both my siblings found their current significant others online (brother is 28, sister is 30).


I actually think Style should consider looking online if he's so specific in his tastes. I mean, I took a peak at the personal ads on Craig's list(I really don't do this all the time, I swear) and I saw an ad from a woman who said she doesn't smoke or drink at all and wants a guy who does the same. And I thought to myself, who would ever want to date someone like that? But, I guess she would actually be the perfect match for Style.

[The Falcon]

condom police? what an odd concept I haven't come across before. I thought it was a societal goal to get more young people aware of contraception and why it's important to use. This "people do what they want and have the right to do it unsafely so don't you say boo about it" thing is way new to me.

I guess I'll drop this aspect of the conversation as it seems to be hitting a nerve I wasn't fully aware of. I really did not mean to offend anybody.I'm not offended. Lol. Just trying to relate my thoughts to the situation.

[Shawn Hopkins]

I think you should be able to find a girl between 21 and 24 without a kid if you look hard enough. And most women in that range probably don't smoke, at least, they probably don't smoke tobacco. But if you want ones that don't drink at all or like going to bars and clubs then you're seriously limiting your options. That's where most of the dancing is, in case you didn't know, and women really like to do that. Church is about all you have left.

One other way to meet women is to increase your general social circle as much as possible and go to a lot of parties and things like that. At least that's worked for me.

I say, lower your expectations a bit, don't hold people to unreasonably high standards, expand your acceptable age range a bit and work on yourself. This is a two way street and you want to make yourself an attractive, dateable guy.

[Scorpio_G]

The only expectation you should really have is if they have children. If it were me SBF24 who dated a guy who had a kid I would be a little awkward and very afraid. I have no problem with kids. I actually enjoy playing with them, taking care of them and talking to them. But I also know what it's like having that awkward moment when you meet the guy your mom likes.

[Czar Gato]

Am I the only person in the history of the universe who actually finds the smell of cigarette smoke to be a turn-on? I generally don't date heavy smokers- especially women- because of the health factors, but I find the smell of cigarettes to be rather intoxicating.

[Scorpio_G]

Am I the only person in the history of the universe who actually finds the smell of cigarette smoke to be a turn-on? I generally don't date heavy smokers- especially women- because of the health factors, but I find the smell of cigarettes to be rather intoxicating.

I don't mind cigarette smoke but cigarette smoking looks cool, too bad it probably gives you cancer if you're a chain smoker. However I hate the smell of cigars and weed.

You know with all this money these companies have they should have made a nicotine free cig.

[Zeonic Freak]

A child a given at 24? Ummm...I'm 26 and I would say less than 25% of my peers have children.

Uh, depending on where you live, there are areas where you find girls with BF, Husbands, Kids, and all of the above in one setting. Theres people where i live who are like 25 and have 4 kids by then if not more.


That's not really true. As long as you look halfway decent and know how to flirt you can get a girl's number anywhere. The only reason why it's easier at a bar is because you're drunk and therefore more confident. So, if Style doesn't drink, it's not going to help him much to try to meet women at bars.
So hes hopeless because he doesnt drink? You can still talk to girls and not drink, unless you meet a girl who doesnt drink.


I actually think Style should consider looking online if he's so specific in his tastes. I mean, I took a peak at the personal ads on Craig's list(I really don't do this all the time, I swear) and I saw an ad from a woman who said she doesn't smoke or drink at all and wants a guy who does the same. And I thought to myself, who would ever want to date someone like that? But, I guess she would actually be the perfect match for Style.Craiglist? Seriously? Thats like the bottom low for finding people. Sure its something, but, have some standards. Craiglist is where people take pictures of their **** and post it up in order to get girls. And doesnt the police use Craigslist to find prostitution rings?

As for the cashier job, if your making like 10 more than what a cashier does, why demote your job to find girls? At least if your making good money, you can afford to put more into a girl than struggle to keep her.

Also, knowing friends who know girls helps too.

Yes Style, there are single women out there, and sometimes, you might find that they come to you. But, dont give up and give it your all, since thats all you can do. Im still single and i turn 23 next month. Im accully enjoying my single life for right now, and im not in a hurry to find a chick like i used to be...

[PC!]

I weep for a society where you have to STRUGGLE to find a single woman between 21 and 24 who hasn't already bore a child. :\

[Tapout]

My biggest problem with girls with kids isn't even the kid per se. If a girl anywhere near my age (26) has a kid and the father isn't in the picture, it means she's made some terrible and/or careless choices choices in the past.

[PRdude]

My biggest problem with girls with kids isn't even the kid per se. If a girl anywhere near my age (26) has a kid and the father isn't in the picture, it means she's made some terrible and/or careless choices choices in the past.

Perhaps you shouldn't always point the finger at her. There are guys who just wait until the last minute to show their true colors, and then they bail. He might just be an irresponsible coward. Maybe you've been associated with people who you thought were your friends, and then totally turn on you in the end? If so, perhaps you shouldn't always be to blame on account of poor judgement.

Man I hope what I said makes sense.

[Nightflower]

I'm turning 25 in a month and a half. Most girls I know my age or a couple of years older are still childless, though every year that I get older, there seem to be more and more that I know who are spawning.

[Tapout]

Perhaps you shouldn't always point the finger at her. There are guys who just wait until the last minute to show their true colors, and then they bail. He might just be an irresponsible coward. Maybe you've been associated with people who you thought were your friends, and then totally turn on you in the end? If so, perhaps you shouldn't always be to blame on account of poor judgement.

Man I hope what I said makes sense.
Of course guys aren't exactly innocent, girls don't reproduce asexually. But it's frickin' 2008. Its easy to not have kids, and girls can do it with a simple pill. And if a girls enough of a religious zealot to buy the church's no birth control BS, then she's more than enough of a zealot to not be having sex in the first place. I mean, I've been resigned to the fact that I'll die a virgin for 10 years now but if there was a birth control pill for guys I'd be on it just in case.

And to make it clear, I'm not talking about women who decided to settle down young and start a family. I know there's people like that out there doing well for themselves, and I wish them all the luck. I'm talking about morons (of both sexes) who just want to have sex and not take the necessary and simple precautions.

[PRdude]

Of course guys aren't exactly innocent, girls don't reproduce asexually. But it's frickin' 2008. Its easy to not have kids, and girls can do it with a simple pill. And if a girls enough of a religious zealot to buy the church's no birth control BS, then she's more than enough of a zealot to not be having sex in the first place. I mean, I've been resigned to the fact that I'll die a virgin for 10 years now but if there was a birth control pill for guys I'd be on it just in case.

And to make it clear, I'm not talking about women who decided to settle down young and start a family. I know there's people like that out there doing well for themselves, and I wish them all the luck. I'm talking about morons (of both sexes) who just want to have sex and not take the necessary and simple precautions.

It didn't occur to me that you were targeting just one specific aspect of it. I was thinking of the possibility that the pregnancy was planned.

[Jedigreedo]

Unless you live in a major city then you're probably not going to have much luck looking towards the internet for relationship help. I can definitely relate though, I've been browsing the wilds of the internets for potential people of the female variety to drool over in multiple contexts. However, my searching has been pretty disappointing - but not unexpected. I live in a fairly small city with nothing to really keep people my age around as they've gone off to live at college and aren't social online, or have moved away altogether.

That's obviously going to diminish the already tiny percentage of the potential population, but then you also have to figure that not everybody is a fellow internet addict. So, the perfect one could be out there; just not with a computer fascination. This means that, unfortunately, to properly conduct a significant search for the significant other, one must venture out into the various jungles of our surrounding areas in order to find her/him.

You could practically form a pretty harsh stereotype with the people I've found that are my age that stick around here during their expected college years. It's quite sad, really. Oh well.

Of course, some people get lucky and stumble across each other online. But from my experience, very few of them have ever worked out.

[Dr.Pepper]

Maybe its just my world, but I think that a majority of 24-year-olds don't have kids.

[SSJPabs]

I have asthma too but it takes a few hours at a bar before it starts to get to me if no one I am with is smoking. If they are, I just remind them of it and they blow their smoke another way. Occasionally I'll have to step out and get some air for a few minutes but that's it. Anyhow, it's not so much not taboo not to like the women with kids but that's just something you have to deal with. I think having expectations about children or no children is counterproductive though your mileage may vary if the person is great you are going to not mind the kid very much and at least it usually means the woman is more likely to be responsible (at least by necessity).

And finally, just because they go to the bar and drink doesn't mean that's all they do or they go wild there. You should at least get a chance to know the person.

[Mynd Hed]

A little research on Google reveals that the average age at which American women have their first child is 25 (although that rises to 26 in the non-Hispanic population, make of that what you will). So while it may not be true that MOST women of around 24 have a kid, from now on you're only going to find fewer and fewer non-child-encumbered ladies as the years go by. At least if you're looking for someone your own age or older: there's nothing wrong with dating someone a couple years younger, although obviously there's a limit. (-:

Of course, that number also doesn't reveal how many of those women are single and how many married, so a lot of women with children are already out of the picture for other reasons. So maybe things aren't as bleak as they look. (It's tempting to say, "But that still sucks, all the good women are married!" But remember, for every woman that gets taken off the market by marriage, that's one more bit of male competition out of the way, too. I'd call it an even trade.)

As for the whole bars thing, if you don't feel comfortable in that environment, then that probably isn't the best place for you to go to meet women, but that doesn't mean that you should eliminate women just because THEY like going to bars on occasion. Lots of people go to bars with friends, don't get overly drunk, and don't try to pick up guys/girls there. Just meet women somewhere else instead. If you meet a woman who's SO into bars that she won't go anywhere else with you, yeah, okay, that's a warning sign. But otherwise, there's nothing wrong with her having one interest you don't share.

And as for the Internet, there's nothing wrong with using it as one resource to meet women. It shouldn't be your only resource, and your success is going to be proportional to the size of the community you live in (as mentioned, it's easier to meet people over the Internet in a midsize-to-large city than a small town). Craigslist and MySpace probably aren't the best sites to use-- try something specifically geared toward dating instead. It might cost a little money, but, sad but true, dating tends to cost money.

The best way to meet women is through mutual friends, so if you haven't already, mention to your friends / coworkers / family that you're looking. Without seeming desperate, if possible. (-: And just try to socialize a lot in general so that you can meet lots of new people, not just women. Join a club, take a class, volunteer.

And be patient. I've never known anybody who was in a good relationship who didn't have to go through a LOT of crap to get there, but it IS worth it when you find it.

[The Guitar Slayer]

I'm 24. Lately, after a long period of inactivity, I decided to start looking for a new female friend whom I can date. (I'm loathe to say I'm looking for a girl friend.) Ok, so are you looking for? Long term? Short term? Girls are like snipers when it comes to guys -- they want specific things. Men are like machine guns -- spray fire, hit something, consider it a win. Tighten up your sights a bit in terms of what you want out of this. There will be drama if she thinks you're looking for a commitment and you're really not.

I'm searching for girls 21 to 24 within 10 miles of the area I live, and I tend to notice certain things:

Don't limit yourself to your own age. If you're going three years younger, go three years older. And why ten miles? It seems a bit..short.

Many of them drink and hang out in bars, Well, they're over 21. Yippee doo. I drink too.

Now, don't get me wrong: most girls I've seen on myspace only have 1 or 2 out of the 3 of these.

Ok, first problem. You're looking at Myspace. It's a cesspit. Anybody and their teenage kid who's lying through their teeth can use it.

to point 2: I guess I'm a bit of tea totaller. Don't oppose alcohol on principal, but I dislike how it tastes and smells and don't like the bar enviroment. I can understand the smoking thing, but if she's smelling like alcohol, she has already a bit much to drink and too often. :p And bars aren't the only places where women drink. If her drinking screws up her life or dictates her life, then you have concern. If she's having fun and getting a bit blitzed without making poor decisions, I think you're being a bit too stiff.

You're a bit demanding that she can't drink or smoke. How "pure" do you want her? Considering your small area and narrow age, I think that's really pushing it. And do you really want that? And Myspace is not exactly a great place for matchmaking. And you're a bit young to be "OMG biological clock is ticking." I'm 23 and a girl -- that's not even my line. :p

All of my major relationships have been with friends I had had for at least two years. Instant karma doesn't work in the dating world.

[veemonjosh]

Step 1 to finding a girl: Get off the internet, you're not going to find them there.

*cough*Kury & Kuwa*cough*

[Slipperman]

Like the OP, I do have some standards to what I look for in a girl; I don't want a girl who smokes, and I'd prefer not to have a g/f who already has a kid from a previous relationship...

Problem is, a lot of girls around where I live probably wouldn't want a guy like me (a slightly-chubby 29-year-old video-game/progressive-rock geek with Asperger's syndrome)...so I'd also like a girl who shares my interests and who would accept me for the dweeb that I am, and since I can't find any where I live who also happen to be sweet and decent-looking, and not be a smoker or a mother of another guy's child, I see the Internet/MySpace as my only option...:sad:

Also it doesn't help that it's usually the girls who have the higher standards for what they want in a guy, not us dweeby guys...:sweat: :shrug:

Tim (aka the Slipperman)

[Marinite]

Or- are my expectations too high? For this society? Yes. I have similar standard, even stricter to be honest (they do have to be a virgin) and have yet to meet someone who fits them. Granted, I'm not really looking for a girlfriend or anything, I couldn't care if I ever find one, but I see no problem with having high standards. I do not expect something out of a partner that I could not provide or follow myself, so I know what I'm looking for isn't impossible or unreasonable. One in a million, maybe, but not impossible. I just want someone who is an responsible and mature as I am, though unfortunately I've yet to see someone qualify in the 22 years I've been alive.

So don't worry about your standards. You just have to ask yourself if your standards are actually important to you or not. I myself would never lower my standards just because most people in society aren't able to follow them. If you can't find someone who fits your standards, that's their problem, not yours.

[Ajax]

Maybe its just my world, but I think that a majority of 24-year-olds don't have kids.I found this hard to believe but it might be because I live in a city were 85% of the population is hispanic. I know 22 year old girls who have 5 years old. I remember listening to a radio show where a disc jockey was doing this little calculation thing he found on the internet of "when will you get divorced based on what age you got married" thing. Every single caller that called in had gotten married in their teens and had kids in their twenties. So yeah...................

[Dr.Pepper]

I found this hard to believe but it might be because I live in a city were 85% of the population is hispanic. I know 22 year old girls who have 5 years old. I remember listening to a radio show where a disc jockey was doing this little calculation thing he found on the internet of "when will you get divorced based on what age you got married" thing. Every single caller that called in had gotten married in their teens and had kids in their twenties. So yeah...................
Maybe not a large majority, but still more than 50%.

[Lightning Tiger]

Maybe not a large majority, but still more than 50%.

No way, of 24 year olds?

[Master Moron]

Am I the only person in the history of the universe who actually finds the smell of cigarette smoke to be a turn-on? I generally don't date heavy smokers- especially women- because of the health factors, but I find the smell of cigarettes to be rather intoxicating.

You know what smells better? Weed.

So hes hopeless because he doesnt drink?

What? I said no such thing. I just said it was pointless to go to a bar if you don't drink.

Craiglist? Seriously?

I don't pick up girls on Craigslist. I was only on Craigslist to look through the job listings(Craiglist isn't a good place to look for a job either, I might add) and I took a peak at the personals.

Craiglist is where people take pictures of their **** and post it up in order to get girls. And doesnt the police use Craigslist to find prostitution rings?


You forgot bots. But, yeah, I wouldn't go on Craigslist as a primary means of meeting girls, but then again, I'm not looking for someone with specific qualifications as Style is.

Perhaps you shouldn't always point the finger at her. There are guys who just wait until the last minute to show their true colors, and then they bail. He might just be an irresponsible coward. Maybe you've been associated with people who you thought were your friends, and then totally turn on you in the end? If so, perhaps you shouldn't always be to blame on account of poor judgement.

Man I hope what I said makes sense.

What are you suggesting? Her boyfriend swapped her birth control pills?

Of course guys aren't exactly innocent, girls don't reproduce asexually. But it's frickin' 2008. Its easy to not have kids, and girls can do it with a simple pill. And if a girls enough of a religious zealot to buy the church's no birth control BS, then she's more than enough of a zealot to not be having sex in the first place. I mean, I've been resigned to the fact that I'll die a virgin for 10 years now

What? Dude, that's pretty freakin' sad. You shouldn't just give up on life like that.

Like the OP, I do have some standards to what I look for in a girl; I don't want a girl who smokes, and I'd prefer not to have a g/f who already has a kid from a previous relationship...

Problem is, a lot of girls around where I live probably wouldn't want a guy like me (a slightly-chubby 29-year-old video-game/progressive-rock geek with Asperger's syndrome)...so I'd also like a girl who shares my interests and who would accept me for the dweeb that I am, and since I can't find any where I live who also happen to be sweet and decent-looking, and not be a smoker or a mother of another guy's child, I see the Internet/MySpace as my only option...:sad:

Also it doesn't help that it's usually the girls who have the higher standards for what they want in a guy, not us dweeby guys...:sweat: :shrug:


I don't mean to be rude, but you can't have standards in women if you yourself don't meet up to standards. If you're chubby, go to the gym and start dieting. If you're into video games that's fine, but don't spend all day playing video games and don't talk about it obsessively. You can't cure Asperger's syndrome, but that doesn't mean you can't work on your personality. You can't just expect women to fall for your chubby, geeky self. You need to make yourself desireable.

[Style]

Everybody, all very good thoughts. I appreciate all of them. Some final clarifications.

-I get social standards, and I know smoking a drinking are common among young people today. I don't want to be judgmental about that, I really don't. but, I've been taught that if you are really looking for a good match, you need to match your own preferences to things as well as possible or it won't work. I don't smoke and I don't drink, so I could never be entirely comfortable with someone who does. and to put the show on the other foot, if I was with a girl and she smoked and/or drank, and knew I didn't, I don't think she'd be entirely comfortable with me either. And there's some family experience to back that up, but I need not get into it.

-Children. Every Woman has a different life, and I can't really judge. But, here's a family story why I'd rather begin a relationship with someone who does not already have children: I think woman who are single and have children are a lot more... forceful about the relationship. My brother once had a relationship with a woman with a child that lasted about 10 days. What happened in that 10 days? A brief online rapport, and they really hit it off and had deep conversations about there lives. A first date. After the first date, The "I love yous" came out. A second date, that was a "meet the family" kind of date, he met her whole extended family. They were "deeply in love" (at least my brother thought so.) after the second date, they were seriously talking about spending there whole lives together. Then they started talking about finances. It comes out for the first time that my brother's job isn't so good and his prospects are so good right now either. She flushes him. Says she doesn't love him and wants to see other people. Relationship over at day 10. and my brother in bed whimpering and crying, and my mom trying to explain to him that women with kids have different priorities. That's what I mean when I say "it puts more pressure on everyone."

So, that's my reasoning. I honestly didn't think I was coming off overly narrow, but I guess some of these things are givens by now. oh well. I'll admit, my thread title probably was not well considered. It does make it seem that I'm saying that girls who smoke, drink, and already have kids are "irregular," and I didn't really mean to say that.

[Mynd Hed]

-Children. Every Woman has a different life, and I can't really judge. But, here's a family story why I'd rather begin a relationship with someone who does not already have children: I think woman who are single and have children are a lot more... forceful about the relationship. My brother once had a relationship with a woman with a child that lasted about 10 days. What happened in that 10 days? A brief online rapport, and they really hit it off and had deep conversations about there lives. A first date. After the first date, The "I love yous" came out. A second date, that was a "meet the family" kind of date, he met her whole extended family. They were "deeply in love" (at least my brother thought so.) after the second date, they were seriously talking about spending there whole lives together. Then they started talking about finances. It comes out for the first time that my brother's job isn't so good and his prospects are so good right now either. She flushes him. Says she doesn't love him and wants to see other people. Relationship over at day 10. and my brother in bed whimpering and crying, and my mom trying to explain to him that women with kids have different priorities. That's what I mean when I say "it puts more pressure on everyone."

Well, not having dated anyone with kids, I can't say from personal experience whether a situation like that is the exception or the rule.

But I CAN say that ten days and two dates is WAAAAAY too soon to start in with the L word, meeting the family, talking about spending your lives together, etc. So it seems to me that that relationship was in a weird place to begin with. Whether the cause of that rests with your brother or the woman or both I wouldn't presume to say.

[PRdude]

What are you suggesting? Her boyfriend swapped her birth control pills?



Refer to post #23 (http://forums.toonzone.net/showpost.php?p=3088701&postcount=23), wiseguy. You actually missed it?

[Romanesque]

Just making an observation, but things seem to work out more often with kids if both parties have or have had kids. Do I have anything to back that up? Nope. Like I said, just an observation. :p

On the other hand, the cases I'm thinking of involved older couples (40+), which might have more to do with it.

--Romey

[Cartoonlover]

There may be truth in what you say, but I still find it rather hard to accept. why so many young single women have kids already? I thought we had pills, condoms, and plethora of other birth control methods for that?

This thread is going soon, I think.

[Scorpio_G]

...My brother once had a relationship with a woman with a child that lasted about 10 days. What happened in that 10 days? A brief online rapport, and they really hit it off and had deep conversations about there lives. A first date. After the first date, The "I love yous" came out. A second date, that was a "meet the family" kind of date, he met her whole extended family. They were "deeply in love" (at least my brother thought so.) after the second date, they were seriously talking about spending there whole lives together. Then they started talking about finances. It comes out for the first time that my brother's job isn't so good and his prospects are so good right now either. She flushes him. Says she doesn't love him and wants to see other people. Relationship over at day 10. and my brother in bed whimpering and crying, and my mom trying to explain to him that women with kids have different priorities. That's what I mean when I say "it puts more pressure on everyone....."


I know it's your POV of the situation with your brother's ex girlfriend but it seems to me that your brother's ex was looking for financial security out of him and not love. Unforntunetly there's a lot of women/men with or without children who look for a partner to get security. Consider that his silver lining in a gray cloud she dumped him and he's a lucky man might I add. ;)

[KPTitan]

Your best bet for your...particular requirements would be some kind of religious organization...a church or charity, probably.

I agree with that, partly because I belong to a religious organization myself. And that was about what I was gonna say too, is that's where you'll most likely find who you're looking for.