My life's a mess (sorry for complaining)

[Tash]

I wouldn't normally do this, because I don't want to sound whiny. However, I've reached the point where I've decided that I'm in serious need of help. I've let it go too long, and it's gotten completely out of control. I also understand that everyone has problems, so I honestly wouldn't be complaining about my own unless I was absolutely out of options.

To begin, I'll give some background. Asperger's Syndrome is the only thing I've been officially diagnosed with, but my inability to talk to people has carried over to the various shrinks I've visited, so they can't make a full diagnosis. (every session has consisted of me sitting very quietly, terrified of the shrink) Back in middle school, they had no idea what to do with me, so they sent me off to a reform school of sorts. (for lack of a better term. It was for the kids who would explode and needed to be held down by 4-5 teachers. I didn't fall into this category, so it was of no help) I was in a few special ed programs in High School, but I wasn't officially diagnosed with severe AS until late into my senior year, so they just figured I was doing well to go back into normal classes. Unfortunately, I didn't exactly pass High School. (which was my own fault. I consider this my first mistake)

Now that that's out of the way, I can explain my current situation. I'm 20 years old, almost 21. I'm living with my parents. (or rather, "parent") My little brother keeps me company most of the time, but I often feel like I'm preventing him from getting any friends his own age. I very rarely leave the house anymore, today was the first time in three-four months. (more on that later) I don't have a single contact outside of the house anymore, as all of my friends have moved on. Appearently, people find me unpleasant to be around, probably due to my lack of people skills. I also have some... "eccentric" (to put it lightly) tendencies, which most people find extremely irritating. My parents were also pretty harsh when I was young, so I have a phobia of being yelled at.

I tried going to the community college to make up my High School credits once. I got most of them made up, other than some English. (which is my worst subject, in case you can't tell from the way this post is written) I did my best to act "normal" during my experience at college. It went pretty smoothly, and I was able to get in some (extremely strained and uncomfortable) smalltalk with one of my classmates. As long as I didn't get to know anyone too well, I avoided unwanted attention. One day, we were assigned group work. A few weeks later, the due date was getting closer. My partner (who was absent most of the time) approached me about it, asking me if I even intended to work on it, and if I didn't, that he needs to get a different partner. In retrospective, he was probably trying to scare me into getting serious, but I misunderstood his intention. At this point, it took everything I had to avoid running off, but I calmly told him that it was alright to get a different partner. I can't really remember what happened next, but whatever happened made me stop going to school. I've tried getting work, but I have nothing to put on the "work experience" part of it. I've been to open interviews before, but they decide they don't want to hire me within a few minutes. (mainly because I haven't completed High School)

Today, I suddenly realized how severe my situation is. Throughout my life, I've only had one close friend. I've known him since Elementary school. The idea that there was still someone out there who was still my friend was the only thing that kept me going. Sadly, I ran into him today. He gave me a friendly greeting, but I've gotten to the point where I can't even speak to someone I know well. After I finished my business, I went home to write him an e-mail explaining what had happened. As I went searching various message boards for his e-mail address, it became clear to me that he had moved on with his life, and I no longer have any way to contact him. In retrospect, it was probably a bad idea even considering that to begin with.

After today, I finally feel that I've exhausted all of my options, so I openly turn to the internet for help. I have trouble keeping friends on the internet, too, so posting it on a public message board is about all I can do. I apologize if these type of threads bother anyone, or if I just sound whiny.

I can't live like this anymore, does anyone have any ideas? (keep the comments as positive as possible, because I'm terrified of what replies will be in this thread the next time I check it)

[Antiyonder]

I'm in the same boat myself for the most part (25 soon to be 26). All I can say is not to give up. My social issues stemmed somewhat from moving to a new state while in high school and while some students would offer to hangout with me, there confidence more or less intimidated me, so I was sure if they maintained a friendly attitude often.

I do have some friends (kids in the neighborhood), but with all of those child molesters you hear about on the news, I hesitate to hangout with them out of fear of giving that impression. Goodwill deemed me unemployable due to my social anxieties, though I did a bit of job training at the thrift store.

Some things I do to pass the time are recycling and library visits. Once I've managed my sleeping schedule, I do plan to go to the neighbors I do know to see I they have recyclable so I can be more active and do my contribution. Maybe see if the library will accept volunteers to work there.

[Desensitized]

You should probably try to finish off your high school, as it is VERY hard to get a job without finishing it.

But I do understand how you feel, I have problems being social because I just don't trust anyone. It's something I'm still working on, but it IS hard. Finishing your education would be your best bet, if you can.

[Daxdiv]

Ehh... the only friends I have are either at my job or someone I knew in High School, and I rarely hang out with that kid from high school since he moved on to having more friends. My older brother wants me to go out more, start a Facebook/Myspace thing, but I'm not into that. (I prefer to stay home, play games, write, and draw.) Parents at an early age tried to encourage me to have friends, but with the way that I was, I knew that wasn't going to happen. The only times I enter society is to either A. Go to School, B. Pick up a new Video Game, C. Go to work D. Do an errand for a family member, and E. Visit a Doctor. and I don't think interacting with people on the internet is a good source of social interaction, (despite its the only interaction thing I do. Even I didn't get into WOW that much. I think that saying something about my people skill online.)

Though I guess your behavior on this site through this post does explain alot about you. (Then again, I really don't know that much about you, nor should I expect you to know me that well.) So basically I can see what you mean. Despite me not knowing if I have AS or not.

[Captain Highwind]

I tried going to the community college to make up my High School credits once. I got most of them made up, other than some English. (which is my worst subject, in case you can't tell from the way this post is written) I did my best to act "normal" during my experience at college. It went pretty smoothly, and I was able to get in some (extremely strained and uncomfortable) smalltalk with one of my classmates.

In all honesty, you're a very level-headed poster. I don't see a problem with your English either. Everything flows pretty well.

If you're worried about getting a job, that will come with time. Also, be glad that you're with your family so that it's easier for you to find time to get on your feet. Alot of people usually rush off at the age of 18 and find it much more difficult on their own.

[Antiyonder]

In all honesty, you're a very level-headed poster. I don't see a problem with your English either. Everything flows pretty well.

It helps that we do not talk in person, thus our timid nature for the most parts are nonexistant online. For instance, for those of us who struggle to make it in the social ways have trouble starting a conversation because we can't think of something to talk about. Sure we can open a conversation with a hello or ask "how are you doing?", but people in public give you a nervous eye (like the idea of conversing for the sake of it is odd).

On forums, however, we have an easier time at finding those with common ground, thus we can go straight into the conversation without having to struggle with small talk.

[Captain Zechs]

To be completely honest, I have never really understood AS, maybe because I don't have it, maybe because I really have no problem whatsoever meeting new people and starting a conversation. But, I will try to offer some advice despite my...ignorance towards AS.

1. I really reccomend getting your GED, or diploma. You are really going to find it hard to make it on your own without either of those.

2. If and when you return to school, I reccomend just trying to open up to other people, nothing huge at first, just being friendly and such, then later maybe you can get to a point where you have friends. Honestly, I wouldn't trade the world for my friends, they really do help a lot, with self-esteem, and just knowing they are there for you. I realize the conversation part is a bit more difficult for you, but like I said, start small, then gradually get bigger.

3. When you do all of that, try going to college, another thing you really need nowadays to make it in the world...

Yeah, just some basic tips, probably ones everyone else will give. But honestly, I never would have gotten that from you given how well you compose yourself on here.

[The Guitar Slayer]

I would say, having a sister with severe social anxiety, you should go back to a shrink and possibly get on medication for that or get a blood chemistry work up to see if there's a hormone imbalance. They can correct that.

If you can't talk to the therapist, then bring in this post. If you had not said you had trouble with English, I wouldn't have known. Perhaps it's only in talking/oral communication you have trouble; you seem to have a good grasp on it all. You're also very self-conscious to start, so maybe apologizing is a reflex. At any rate, your post was clear, and maybe the doctors can help with what you're saying.

If you can't speak, then write. As part of trying to get "better," perhaps keep a blog online. Maybe nobody will read it. Maybe someone will. Just write either way -- you're putting your ideas out there, broadcasting like a radio signal. It's still communication even if no one has the receiver on.

[Antiyonder]

I would say, having a sister with severe social anxiety, you should go back to a shrink and possibly get on medication for that or get a blood chemistry work up to see if there's a hormone imbalance. They can correct that.

If you can't talk to the therapist, then bring in this post. If you had not said you had trouble with English, I wouldn't have known. Perhaps it's only in talking/oral communication you have trouble; you seem to have a good grasp on it all. You're also very self-conscious to start, so maybe apologizing is a reflex. At any rate, your post was clear, and maybe the doctors can help with what you're saying.

If you can't speak, then write. As part of trying to get "better," perhaps keep a blog online. Maybe nobody will read it. Maybe someone will. Just write either way -- you're putting your ideas out there, broadcasting like a radio signal. It's still communication even if no one has the receiver on.

The thing with Asperger's Syndrome is that while we're really conscious of our condition and surroundings (compared to those with more severe disabilities), AS ups our anxiety. Extra anxiety expands the fears we have (such as fear of rejection).

[.bg]

Not all people with Asperger's are afraid of talking to people, JSYK. I have a friend who's diagnosed with it and not only is he the most talkative person I know, he's an amateur comedian and has a high-paying job where he's made many friends.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Not to start another debate about AS, but I HAVE experience with people with AS, REAL AS, and I know people who work with AS people on a day to day basis and my experience with AS is far different from anything compared to what the majority of the people claiming to have AS tell me.

A lot of people (even doctors) misdiagnose AS in people who are, well, the plain and simple of it, just nerds, eccentrics or social anxiety sufferers. And there is a difference.

AS is a form of autism. Many people I know who have AS often have a disjointed thinking process. They will do many amazing things off the top of their head, like recite whole pages from novels, but then fail at simple things most people can do (like not knowing when to shake someone's hand when you meet them--i.e., doing it in the middle of a conversation, etc). Also, they can be prone to repetition, or interjecting something strange in the middle of a conversation. For instance, some people with AS I've met had trouble communicating to me what they wanted to say in english, and then began spouting off mathematical equations to try to better communicate what they want to say. It's a different type of mental wiring.

Another thing about AS is that many of the kids I've known who have it regularly get into fits, where they bang their heads against the wall, or hit their head with something repeatedly when frustrated. It often does not take much to frustrate them, and you may not understand WHY they may be frustrated in any given moment.

It's one thing to be really scared of people or social situations. Even a panic attack (hyperventilating) is NOT AS.

What many need to understand is that, AS sufferers aren't necessarily AFRAID of social situations, they simply are IGNORANT of certain social norms. They are basically wired differently. They can learn how to grasp social norms but their minds will still re-wire them into understanding it differently.

If you can crack a long and coherent post together, don't hit your head with things, but only freeze up or have panic attacks in oral situations, chances are you may NOT have AS (in fact, I'm betting you don't). Again, it's not that AS people are afraid of social situations--they actually don't KNOW what to do. People with SA KNOW what to do, they just panic when the situation confronts them. I know it sounds harsh, but AS is the SINGLE MOST ABUSED AND MISDIAGNOSED SYNDROME I KNOW.

[Antiyonder]

If you can crack a long and coherent post together, don't hit your head with things, but only freeze up or have panic attacks in oral situations, chances are you may NOT have AS (in fact, I'm betting you don't).

Disability or no, people tend to do well in typing their thoughts as oppose to talking in public for one simple reason. If you're trying to start a converstation with a group of people and fail, they'll laugh in your face or give off a negative look in their eye.

When you're typing online you don't have to worry about how you look or how your voice sounds, thus when forming a coherent thought online, the only thing you have to worry about is making your comments readable.

Again, it's not that AS people are afraid of social situations--they actually don't KNOW what to do. People with SA KNOW what to do, they just panic when the situation confronts them. I know it sounds harsh, but AS is the SINGLE MOST ABUSED AND MISDIAGNOSED SYNDROME I KNOW.

I will admit you're right in that I don't know what to do in social situations, but the fact is I fear reject as well. Disability or no, everyone has their own different behavior. For instance, some Toon Zoners will glady admit their interest in cartoons, and some are embarassed at the thought of of admitting their interests. Some people will agree to disagree with others concerning their opinions, others will have the mentality that any who disagrees with them is wrong as if their opinion is a fact.

Let's go a little further to demonstrate generalizations that can be proven wrong. Does everyone with an italian accent crave spaghetti? Are all asians top notch at martial arts? Is a person automatically PHD material just because he/she wears glasses?

Unless you have the telepathic abilities to read every mind on the planet, your opinions will be nothing more than opinions (not fact). As I've said on another post, assumptions can be a pretty messy way to look at a situation. If you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. Whereas if you make an opinion, but keep your mind open to the idea that you may be wrong, then you won't look foolish if proven wrong.

Yes I hear that generalizations are occasionally accurate, but part of generalizations are due to the majority of people who don't want to take the time to understand the different behavior habits of an individual. To put it simply, it give people a peace of mind to believe that everyone and everything is interchangeable.

[Lavenderpaw]

^I've diagnosed with it for years.I have friends,but I fear rejection (probably one of the reasons for my lack of boyfriends lately :shrug: ),I use to bang my head against the wall and still rock in a rocking chair to stop the abusive nature of it.The thing is,when I get to know a person well I have no trouble hanging around them but there are periods when I fear rejection even then.Especially when expanding the horizon of newcomers.I get afraid and distance myself from them...and sometimes (a lot of times) they think I'm being rude.What they don't understand,what I'm coming to find out,is that my being socially inept isn't going to get me anywhere.I've got to work on it.

It's all right to be afraid,but you can't let it rule your life.Or for the love of humanity,you won't HAVE a life.As I'm typing this,I'm beginning to believe every word I'm typing.I should probably get off in a little while.Maybe now.

[Draft]

I definatly second those who said you should finish HS/College. I also don't see what your problem with English is, that post was written very well and spelled well IMO.

I can't think of anything that can help you on the social front, primarily because i'm in a relativly similar situation you are on that front (couple friends I talk to on a regular basis, uncomfortable meeting/talking with new people), but my advice is definatly gettin a job will help you with that (Try McDonalds/EB Games, since they normally start at 16 for hiring)

[The Wolverine]

I know it sounds harsh, but AS is the SINGLE MOST ABUSED AND MISDIAGNOSED SYNDROME I KNOW.

You can't misdiagnose AS.

If you don't meet the criteria listed in the DSM, you can't be diagnosed with it.

[Tash]

If you can crack a long and coherent post together, don't hit your head with things, but only freeze up or have panic attacks in oral situations, chances are you may NOT have AS (in fact, I'm betting you don't). Again, it's not that AS people are afraid of social situations--they actually don't KNOW what to do. People with SA KNOW what to do, they just panic when the situation confronts them.
I really don't feel right debating the issue in a topic I made, but this post has been bugging me since I saw it earlier today. You say that people with SAD know what to do in said situations. However, that's only partially true. Given the nature of SAD, it can often develop as a result of another disorder. OCD, AS, and other disorders that make a person seem "abnormal" can lead to it developing. In some cases, it can even grow to the point where it overshadows the original problem.

Like I said, AS is the only thing I've been officially diagnosed with. I'm not denying that I probably have some related problems.




Anyhow, I'm feeling a better now that I've read the replies to this topic. I still don't think I'd be able to hold even a simple job for more than a week, though, and I just don't have the money to try a shrink again. (my parents don't believe in them. The only reason I went the first time was because the school mandated it)

Still at square one, but not in as bad shape as I was a week ago.

[Czar Gato]

If you can crack a long and coherent post together, don't hit your head with things, but only freeze up or have panic attacks in oral situations, chances are you may NOT have AS (in fact, I'm betting you don't). Again, it's not that AS people are afraid of social situations--they actually don't KNOW what to do. People with SA KNOW what to do, they just panic when the situation confronts them. I know it sounds harsh, but AS is the SINGLE MOST ABUSED AND MISDIAGNOSED SYNDROME I KNOW.
Please keep in mind that, as a syndrome, AS has varying levels of intensity. Just because someone doesn't display ALL the clinial signs of AS doesn't mean they don't have it to a varying degree. Also, a lot of the "real" symptoms you described- such as throwing meltdowns that involve self-harm- are generally not considered clinical symptoms of AS, but are rather indicitive of Kanner's Autism (the "Classical" form).

Also, some people learn to manage and "mask" their AS symptoms as they mature, often with the help of psychiatrists and professionals. I still do many of the typical AS behaviors when I'm by myself or around family- body rocking, hand flapping, etc.- but I can now control them around strangers and friends. When I was younger it was more of a challenge, as I was completely unaware of how odd I came across to people until my family members would explain these things to me.

[The Irishman]

Hey Tash, I can see where you're coming from on the friend/confidante thing. That's sort of what happened to me. I went off to college (another story) but when I came back, all my friends had either moved away or were away the majority of the time. There were plenty of weekends (and all last summer actually) where I literally had nowhere to go and no-one to see (although I did watch the entire series of Sonic Underground to the point where I knew every line). There's six in the family so they were good company, especially my younger brother, who was pretty sound about having me in with his friends the odd time. Which I appreciate now as it was time spent together. Anyways, I ended up moving to the US, two suitcases and a backpack with me. I have relatives and they helped me get adjusted but otherwise I was on my own. It's been tough, especially not knowing anyone, but it's been six months so far and things are improving. Still don't have any real friends, but there's always hope.

It can be really tough to make smalltalk with people. Personally I hate it and more often than not, would rather sit in silence; but sometimes if you make an effort, you can discover things you have in common or ideas and thoughts you agree on. This can often be helped by getting involved in groups or organizations that share your interests; for me that was the "Irish-American Drinking Club". Just joking, but I did meet a group of guys that were Irish in some form or another and we get on great.

All of this takes time, effort and guts. And if you fail, just try again. Who cares what the other person might think. I know for a fact there are people at home who have a very narrow, opinionated view of me as a person, but to hell with them. Their opinions and views don't matter to me now so I forget about them.

As for the education, you absolutely gotta finish it any way you can. If you have real, severe problems with a classroom you could try a correspondence course (if they still exist:sweat: ).

[Zeonic Freak]

Huh, head banging huh? My dad told me i did that when i was a baby, but i dont remember it. I think my biggest syndrome or whatever is that i do twitch my eyes from time to time, not sure if excitement or axianty triggers that (i do know a bit of caffine does, maybe). And i do have an active imagination (i guess thats not a bad thing), i do space out quite a bit (ok so yea, i do have ADD somewhat), and i have bad luck getting a GF (not sure whats up with that). All i can say is, every person has issues, thats just people. So with my "handicapps" and such, i can still fit in with society the best i can.

As for what GS said about using drugs or "medication", thats only masking the problem. Your wasting money on something that may never go away. I did Aderall and Ridilen for like 4 years of my childhood, all that did was mask my ADD and mask my eye twitching( and i never went above 70lbs, i was a bony kid), it never goes away even after not doing meds for a decade now. But i still belive that i wont let that affect who i am. And maybe i can control those thoughts and twitches in the future.

But seriously, finish school. I think the only job you can get without a HS diploma is McDonalds, and well if you like working with people you cant understand/not even legal, then theres a job for you. I personally would rather work retail than serve food to people.

You know, Howard Huges (if you ever saw the Aviator) had some issues too, yet he founded TWA, made classic films, and was king of the spotlight for a time. So dont let that lets you down makes you down...

[The Wolverine]

Please keep in mind that, as a syndrome, AS has varying levels of intensity. Just because someone doesn't display ALL the clinial signs of AS doesn't mean they don't have it to a varying degree. Also, a lot of the "real" symptoms you described- such as throwing meltdowns that involve self-harm- are generally not considered clinical symptoms of AS, but are rather indicitive of Kanner's Autism (the "Classical" form).
Correct. Though on the last point, I do have an occasional meltdown with self-harm involved, but I'm only mildly affected otherwise.

Also, some people learn to manage and "mask" their AS symptoms as they mature, often with the help of psychiatrists and professionals. I still do many of the typical AS behaviors when I'm by myself or around family- body rocking, hand flapping, etc.- but I can now control them around strangers and friends. When I was younger it was more of a challenge, as I was completely unaware of how odd I came across to people until my family members would explain these things to me.
Absolutely, 100 percent truth.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Please keep in mind that, as a syndrome, AS has varying levels of intensity. Just because someone doesn't display ALL the clinial signs of AS doesn't mean they don't have it to a varying degree. Also, a lot of the "real" symptoms you described- such as throwing meltdowns that involve self-harm- are generally not considered clinical symptoms of AS, but are rather indicitive of Kanner's Autism (the "Classical" form).

Also, some people learn to manage and "mask" their AS symptoms as they mature, often with the help of psychiatrists and professionals. I still do many of the typical AS behaviors when I'm by myself or around family- body rocking, hand flapping, etc.- but I can now control them around strangers and friends. When I was younger it was more of a challenge, as I was completely unaware of how odd I came across to people until my family members would explain these things to me.

Damn. I wrote a long reply and lost it for some reason. :mad:

Certainly, there is a difference between classical autism and Asperger's, a minor form of autism. But there is also a difference between Asperger's and just being a bit eccentric.

People with AS have, essentially, a stronger grasp of "the real world" than those with classical autism. You can display many of the same symptoms in either case, but people with AS have an easier transition to functioning within the societal "norm" after some conditioning. Still, they do display many of the same traits as classical autism when they are still young, aged 4-14.

I am arguing that that line between eccentric and Asperger's is being crossed over too much.


I frequent many social anxiety internet forums since I've helped moderate a social anxiety meetup in my city. And I have to laugh when I open a thread and about 25 people in it claim to have Asperger's. It's not a rare disorder, but it certainly isn't THAT common. The large amount of people who have SA are simply shy and a bit eccentric. Yet it's become a growing trend for people who have SA to fall back on the "Oh, I have Asperger's" excuse.

To me, it's an insult to those who really DO have Asperger's.

Believe me, I was in the dark about this too before until I put in some work in an actual clinic designed to help those with AS AND 'classical' autism and it was an eye opening experience. You'll get many scoffs from doctors who work with these people if you argue that Asperger's is as common as the internet seems to portray it as.

If you're being diagnosed with it by a doctor, you'd better be sure he's for real. Because a lot of them aren't as smart as they think they are. This is similar to those many family doctors whose answer to every physical problem is antibiotics. :shrug:

Reply to Antiyonder--I didn't specifically accuse anyone in here of lying, or deluding themselves. Yes, I implied that it was a strong possibility some were, but you're right, I don't know you, you only know yourself. And I think, as a general opinion of this societal trend, that it's much better to be honest with yourself than to delude yourself into thinking you have something you really don't. That won't help you get better--more likely it will make it worse. Sometimes I think SOME people would be devastated to find out that they didn't have AS after all...sometimes it's more crushing to realize that you're failing as a relatively "normal" person than to have a disorder to fall back on.

If that's not you, then you have nothing to be defensive about, and I'm just whistling in the dark. But if you suspect, inside, that this applies to you, then perhaps some soul searching is in order. But maybe I'm being too harsh. Sometimes self deception is a good thing (especially when it comes to trying to achieve something--believing yourself to be better than you are can actually have positive results), I just don't think it is in this case though.

[Antiyonder]

If that's not you, then you have nothing to be defensive about, and I'm just whistling in the dark. But if you suspect, inside, that this applies to you, then perhaps some soul searching is in order. But maybe I'm being too harsh. Sometimes self deception is a good thing (especially when it comes to trying to achieve something--believing yourself to be better than you are can actually have positive results), I just don't think it is in this case though.

By problem with your comments is less about the Asperger Syndrome VS Autisim debate, but more about generalizations in general. It just seems more of the Cafe topics have people making generalizations/assumptions, like the STDs thread for one.

To put it plain and simple LLJ, of all the people you've met that are offically autistic, do they all behave the exact same way with no distinguishing traits (physically or mentally) of their own? A simple yes or no answer will do.

[The Wolverine]

To put it plain and simple LLJ, of all the people you've met that are offically autistic, do they all behave the exact same way with no distinguishing traits (physically or mentally) of their own? A simple yes or no answer will do.

I would bet he would say "no", which is my answer too.

Plain and simple, no two autistic people are alike in any way, shape or form.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

By problem with your comments is less about the Asperger Syndrome VS Autisim debate, but more about generalizations in general. It just seems more of the Cafe topics have people making generalizations/assumptions, like the STDs thread for one.

To put it plain and simple LLJ, of all the people you've met that are offically autistic, do they all behave the exact same way with no distinguishing traits (physically or mentally) of their own? A simple yes or no answer will do.


Of course not. You may choose to read the rest of my reply or not.

As Worm said, no two persons are alike. But, considering that you have Asperger's (I'll take your word for it), wouldn't you feel a little offended if about half the people you run into who claim to have Asperger's actually DON'T have it.

Now, my earlier post was probably written hastily, when I basically said, "If you don't have this, this and this, you don't have Asperger's." I will concede that this was probably a little too sweeping in its generalization.

But my overarching point has been pounded over and over--there is absolutely NO WAY that so many people have Asperger's as it seems to be portrayed around social anxiety circles. I think that those here who have AS will have to agree with that. I can understand the "I got your back" mentality with AS members but sometimes you have to step back and be a little bit skeptical of the number in recent years.

And it works both ways too, the "generalization" argument. If you think I'm "assuming" too much by saying "Half the people who say they have AS DON'T have it", don't you think it's also an error to assume everyone who says they have AS DO have AS? I know perhaps this is a bit insensitive as they are emotionally fragile right now, but I think it's doing more harm than good for those who don't have AS, but are convinced they do.

Some people are simply normal, but eccentric people who have inferior social skills. The sooner that they come to realize that, the better. And this isn't directed at anyone in particular.

[Antiyonder]

Now, my earlier post was probably written hastily, when I basically said, "If you don't have this, this and this, you don't have Asperger's." I will concede that this was probably a little too sweeping in its generalization.

But my overarching point has been pounded over and over--there is absolutely NO WAY that so many people have Asperger's as it seems to be portrayed around social anxiety circles. I think that those here who have AS will have to agree with that. I can understand the "I got your back" mentality with AS members but sometimes you have to step back and be a little bit skeptical of the number in recent years.

And it works both ways too, the "generalization" argument. If you think I'm "assuming" too much by saying "Half the people who say they have AS DON'T have it", don't you think it's also an error to assume everyone who says they have AS DO have AS? I know perhaps this is a bit insensitive as they are emotionally fragile right now, but I think it's doing more harm than good for those who don't have AS, but are convinced they do.

Some people are simply normal, but eccentric people who have inferior social skills. The sooner that they come to realize that, the better. And this isn't directed at anyone in particular.

And I understand the point of your comment. I even agree with you to a point. Yes I would feel offended if someone passed themselves off as having AS. I just wanted clarity whether you viewed your opinion to be fact or generalization, which you did and I thank you for the response (even if I did have to wait for the weekend to pass before you commented;) ).

[Psilon]

So there's plenty of good advice here, and I know next to nothing about AS.

However, as a person who is perfectly fine with not communicating with people for weeks on end and was the "quiet" kid in class for most of my schooling I've learned a few things to fake being social and slowly learn to enjoy it (at least in small doses).

In no particular order:
1. I personally like to shake hands - it gives a firm basis for further communication. Learn proper handshaking technique.
2. Speak loudly and with energy especially when introducing yourself.
3. Don't think. Overwhelmingly verbal communcation has no real meaning, at least never initially. Platitudes are fine. Never analyze.
4. Be polite. Essentially this is your safety net.
5. Unless with close friends avoid anything controversial (politics, religion etc).
6. Smile, especially when introducing yourself and greeting someone. Funerals are the exception.

Number 3 is especially hard, and only comes with large amounts of practice. How to get practice - start at home - communicate with your parents in a similar manner as stated above. Beyond that find a job in the service sector, I did two separate IT support jobs for a period 8 months before I was semi-ok. Try something like a McDonalds job if you can.

Also all environments have themes and most conversation revolves around said themes.

Edit: In regards to being polite, I don't mean being submissive - I just mean to say that your speech should include things like "thank you", "please", "mam", "sir" etc.