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bishospidey
01-19-2008, 05:14 AM
i am bishospidey from egypt , that isnt my real name of course , u may find this a stupid story to tell but maybe u would like it , my goal of that is to chat with other people from the other countries i hope u would tell me how do u feel about the story
thanks....

:robin:

•A HERO'S LEGEND
(ch:1) The Appearance Of A New Hero ........

I Was Laying On My Bed In My Comfortable Room , Thinking How Would It Be If I Was A Super Hero , Who Helps The People &fights The Darkness , I Remember On That Night That I Was Thinking Of That Stuff Until Suddenly I Heard I Loud Voice Came From The Corner Of My Room Saying " Because U Asked For Good U Will Be Rewarded To Help Idols To Increase It " I Felt A Shock At That Moment It Was A Sound Of An Old Man And Wise Too , Igot Up From The Bed And Moved Towards The Corner And Suddenly I Saw I Big Hole Pulling Me Up Into It Before I Slipped Into That Opening I Saw My Bed Going Farther And Farther Every Second Until It Vanished From My Eye-sight .

i Was Surrounded By Many Pics. Of A Boy Running From His Father &i Didn't Understand Any Thing From That , Abruptly I Fall Into A Desert With No Sign Of Life , I Walked Along The Dead Plants Until I Found A Diamond &a Big Thermometer Floating On The Air , Every Time I Get Closer To The Diamond , I Find The Mercury In The Thermometer Gets Higher & When I Get Far Away From It I Finds The Mercury In The Thermometer Gets Lower , Then Un Expectedly The Diamond Began To Move Towards Me , I Looked Back Wards And Ran As Fast As I Could In A Straight Line But Unfortunately The Diamond Touched Me And The Thermometer Exploded ,




& another hole in the air appeared , I thought that I should get inside it but I was pumped out by a really big woman , she had snakes inested of hair ,long nails & she looked at me starving , I was a little afraid from her way of laughing at me , I ran from her while she did the same thing after me , I touched my hand and found that it was very cold , I went coldly blooded in my vrains , unexpectedly I found my self in my old apartment , I headed towards the bathroom &locked the door ,I didn’t know what to do , 1 min. later she broke the door while I jumped out of the window & by luck I fall into another opening , the opening throw me into another place but I didn’t know where , cause was uncosensus but I think that I heard someone said “here he comes at last “ .

After I became consensus again I found my self in a very big room , on a bed , I looked out of the window and saw some rocks & a lovely sea , I heard someone saying “I will see if he is awake or not” I made my self sleeping again , & the same boy who talked outside talked to me and said “bishos are u still sleeping ? Come on I know that u are not sleeping , get up” I looked next to me and saw a green creature looks like a green boy , he was looking at me happy & he even looked funny at me , he said “hi , come with me “ and he got out of the room ,i didnt know what to do but i tried to comb my hair by my fingers & got out , i saw 3 more Persons , a tall gigantic blacked skin teenager who looks like a human/robot & a boy who was possibly in my same age or a little older , he was wearing a black mask on his eyes and a red , yellow , green trousers , t-shirt & the letter ® was written on his chest //// and at a lovely girl who’s long hair was orange colored , she was wearing a short violet jupe , 2 big violet boots & a short ??? & a grax on her right arm , I found the boy who was nearly in my age saying “hi ,I’ m robben , leader of the team ,welcome to our world , we are a team which fights evil, but lately we had a complication, someone known as slade , u will know mush about him when u have ur chance to meet with him .”

The_NewCatwoman
01-19-2008, 01:36 PM
For now I will ask that you read the forum rules at the head of the WFWC and the specific rules pertaining to the Teen Titans forums.

You can find them here: http://forums.toonzone.net/showthread.php?t=157182

And here: http://forums.toonzone.net/showthread.php?t=156986

I have also merged your posts as, once again, they did not meet the minimum required length. But you'll have to figure out what rating suits you on your own.

tNC

peacebyanymeans
02-09-2008, 05:44 PM
You have an interesting story going on, but you should work on the structuring of the story.

Also, refer to yourself in third person, instead of first person.

Instead of: "I Was Laying On My Bed In My Comfortable Room , Thinking How Would It Be If I Was A Super Hero"

Say: "Bishos Was Laying On the Bed In his Comfortable Room, Thinking what it would be like if he were a superhero."

Oh, and don't capitalize ever word. Only the first word in a sentence and name and the word "I".

But you should continue writing, it'll get better and better if you do and you have interesting idea with this.

Minawolverine
03-02-2008, 07:41 AM
cool fantastic
i love u r story
but it isnt complete
????????????????????????????
:robin: