Lack of socializing: Shyness or Just Sheltered?

[Antiyonder]

This thread came to mind while reading the recent ones asking if you have a close friend. A good number of us on here have admited to being nervous/shy when trying to start conversations in a public setting, or just associating with a random person in public.

The reasoning for the most part is we're shy/a bit insecure. We're told that the majority of people in public are just as shy and want us to initiate the conversation. In my opinion, I tend to see their apparent shyness as them being sheltered.

By being sheltered I mean the majority of people in the public have the mindset "I have a good number of friends, family and a significant other. I don't need anyone else". I'm not saying it's necessary of course to shake hands and talk with every living being you come across, but just because one has a healthy social life doesn't mean they need to close themselves off to the rest of the world.

The reason I can't believe anyone would be shy towards me is that I'm a bit short and stubby (not coming down on my looks mind you), and usually if a person is intimidated by another it's because the other person is confident and well kept (slim and tall basically). So why anyone would find me intimidating is as Spock would say "Most illogical".

Your thoughts on the matter?

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Ultimately, everyone wants to be liked. Shy people moreso than others. So sometimes this has nothing to do with you being "better looking" than the other person. I'd still want you, the short and stubby guy, to like me.

It's tough, but ultimately the point when shyness doesn't become a detriment to you is when you stop caring how people perceive you.

I think the other issue you raise, the issue of social elitism, is a whole other topic altogether. Suffice to say, there is a subtle, but definite social divide between the rich and the poor, the good looking between the less good looking, and the white and everyone else.

Why do you think so many people are into cosmetic surgery? They want to climb the social ladder, and that in turn helps them climb the class ladder. Money and looks are intertwined and elitist in nature. Getting into that club often requires a person to sacrifice something of themselves, and in my opinion that's just not fair.

There are exceptions of course, but usually these are people who have extraordinary gifts, mentally and socially, which override their physical attributes.

[PRdude]

Hopefully I've got the gist of the thread. Anyway, here I go.

You don't have to be nervous or shy to decide to not socialize. Anyway it all depends on the particular environment at the time. I don't make it a point to talk to people in my office at work (even though I end up doing it at times) because the people in my office just aren't the kind of people I'd want to get deeply involved with.

I also remember back in high school how I got a lot of grief for not talking to girls. I did talk to girls though, even though I never really made it a point to pick up as many of them as possible. I'll admit, however, that I wasn't so hellbent on socializing with girls since I knew I had some issues, and I didn't think they'd want anything to do with me because of that. Also I knew a good number of those girls didn't think too highly of me as it is. So I thought it would be better if I just left them alone.

[Antiyonder]

Ultimately, everyone wants to be liked. Shy people moreso than others. So sometimes this has nothing to do with you being "better looking" than the other person. I'd still want you, the short and stubby guy, to like me.

Which I don't get, because intimidation is due to feeling a tad inferior to the person you want to approach right? So if anything, that person would be nervous around you and not vice versa.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Which I don't get, because intimidation is due to feeling a tad inferior to the person you want to approach right? So if anything, that person would be nervous around you and not vice versa.

Shy people aren't arrogant so no matter who they meet they will NEVER feel superior to them, even if in many ways they are. You have to understand this. And even if you're inferior, you still have an opinion. Even if you look like a pug, most likely someone would still prefer you to like them rather than not like them. So they will be self-conscious.

Maybe what you say is true objectively but for shy people it isn't. Logic and self-esteem are often unrelated.

[Shawn Hopkins]

Except for some mountain man loner exceptions, shyness usually boils down to fear. It's the fear, often completely irrational, that social situations will go poorly and cause stress, embarassment, rejection or other negative emotions and effects. I tell myself that the way around this is to realize that the stakes are almost never as high as they seem to be, but it's easier said than done. That's the way I got over my shyness in my job as a journalist, just telling myself "I'm just talking to them for work" when dealing with people. Personal life is a diffferent story, though.

[Swordfish_II]

It's the fear, often completely irrational, that social situations will go poorly and cause stress, embarassment, rejection or other negative emotions and effects. I tell myself that the way around this is to realize that the stakes are almost never as high as they seem to be, but it's easier said than done.
This is pretty much how I feel.