How many *close* friends do you have, outside of family?

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

So I was researching for a small article piece I was doing on social trends, and found this link:

http://www.asanet.org/galleries/default-file/June06ASRFeature.pdf

While it's very dry and I don't expect people to read all of it, essentially it says that the number of confidants the average American has now is about 2, down from 3 in 1985. I believe spouses/partners count in this study.

EDIT: Family also seems to count in the numbers for this study, but for the purpose of my thread I'm counting them out since this study does emphasize the drop in non-kin confidants for the average American.

While it's a bit surprising (to me), I suppose when it really comes down to it, most people have more acquaintances than friends.

Do you think that society as a whole is really spending less time developing relationships? How many *close* friends do you actually have? People who you can rely on and tell them anything? Be honest.

[Shawn Hopkins]

I had one but he moved back to Albuquerque. Then I had another one but he moved away because he got a better job. I usually have only one "close" friend at a time, but recently I've also had a couple of good friends that I hang out with. Then they moved away.

It's just hard to make em, you know, as you get older. If you're not in a situation where you can hang on to your friends from childhood or school it can be tough.

[The Falcon]

let's see...

bry guy, jen jen, jonni the panda, rachel, ted

5. none of whom i'm in a relationship with

EDIT: i forgot squirt. make it six

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

I had about 3 good friends all through high school, and about 6 or 7 friends I wouldn't have minded talking to about anything, but never did get to know them enough.

All of them went away like that *snaps fingers* when we went to college.

Sad to say, the only time I had a "confidant" was when I was dating someone. Outside of that, zip. Just acquaintances I'd say hi and bye to occasionally. I hang out with about 3 or 4 people now, but it's pretty impersonal (just talk about movies and news and stuff).

[Kury Wagner]

I feel extremely lucky to say that I currently have, probably, seven people that I am genuinely close to and feel comfortable speaking about nearly anything with.

This shocks me, realizing how high the number has gotten. Of course, a few of those people, I rarely talk to anymore, and some I fight with occasionally. The point remains that if I needed someone to talk to, I know damn well that they would listen, and they would care. *Even if* we were fighting at the time. And that's pretty awesome, imo.

[Desensitized]

I'd say about 2. One of which I've known since Kindergarten, we might not speak much because of conflicting schedules and whatnot, but when we see each other we just click.

[Michael24]

About 3. I used to have more when I was going to school, but graduation, college, and moving to another town has a tendency to separate people. :(

But one of my friends I have now I've known for 14 years this September (we met out Freshman year of high school) and I consider him my best friend. We only see each other maybe once a year, but we talk via email and phone on a regular basis. I also consider his brother a close friend as well.

The other was a guy I met online in 2001. We met up at a convention that same year and just instantly clicked. We had so much in common it was almost like we were brothers or something. He lived in Northern California, so we took turns spending a week or two at each other's house every few months. He recently moved back to New Jersey, though, and already our rate of communication has dropped off significantly. But I still consider him a close friend because we've just had an amazing six years full of great times together.

[purplehairedwonder]

Two in real life and three online for a total of five, I'd say. Some of them I talk to more than others and while I sometimes have a strained relationship with a few of them, I still consider them to be my confidants. Of the two I have IRL, one I've known since I was in kindergarten (sophomore in college now) and the other since 8th grade. My online buds, I've known for a shorter amount of time, but that doesn't mean I care about them any less.

[Magmafire2374]

Sadly, I'd have to say zero.

I have very good friends, but their is not a person that I can completely confide in in regards to almost everything. So no one is really "close" in that regard.

[Draft]

2

*One who's been my best friend since 3rd Grade. He does sports and i do not, has lots of friends and i do not. Bout the only thing we have in common is cartoons(More obbsessed), computer/technology(We've been beggin for Cell Phones, Laptops, and now iPod Touches for ages now), and never havign a girlfriend

*One who has ben my friend on and off in elementary school. He swears a lot and is a jerk to the other friend(Thoguht they are friends), and has lots of GFs that dump him and are not from our school(His personal record is 10 GFs in 1 month). He's also spoiled(See things me and my friend want), but we have a lot in common like Video Games and outcasts

[XOMiss_Samantha]

I've always had a large group of friends and people I know/am close with. But then there are about 4 I would do just about anything for, and who I consider my best best friends. They are the ones who I talk to every day and who know my deepest secrets.
Online theres 2 or 3 as well that are very close to me and who I care about alot.

[Ishtar]

Well, offline, I'd say I have 1 or 2 close friends. Online, however, I have many close friends, many I have met from this board actually.

[Captain Zechs]

Close friends that I can *almost* tell everything to? Probably about 8 or 9.

But there is only 1 person in the world whom I tell everything to, and that would be my sister. We have a really good relationship and I know when I need her, or she needs me, she is there, and hey, I like spending time with her and hanging out.

[Antiyonder]

Do you think that society as a whole is really spending less time developing relationships? How many *close* friends do you actually have? People who you can rely on and tell them anything? Be honest.

Not really any close friends I can think of. Just friends.

I'd say the problem is that the majority of society have the tendency to live a sheltered life. The idea being "I have friends, family and a significant other. So I don't really need to show any friendliness to those outside my circle."

Personally, even when I was more sociable I didn't feel the need to shut myself out from making more friends or talking it up with others.

[Master Moron]

So I was researching for a small article piece I was doing on social trends, and found this link:

http://www.asanet.org/galleries/default-file/June06ASRFeature.pdf

While it's very dry and I don't expect people to read all of it, essentially it says that the number of confidants the average American has now is about 2, down from 3 in 1985. I believe spouses/partners count in this study.

EDIT: Family also seems to count in the numbers for this study, but for the purpose of my thread I'm counting them out since this study does emphasize the drop in non-kin confidants for the average American.

While it's a bit surprising (to me), I suppose when it really comes down to it, most people have more acquaintances than friends.

Do you think that society as a whole is really spending less time developing relationships? How many *close* friends do you actually have? People who you can rely on and tell them anything? Be honest.

I don't have any friends that I can tell anything to. I do have friends who know much more about me than my parents though. But, there are certain things that I don't tell anyone. Though, actually, now that I think about it, I probably do have friends who I've pretty much told everything about me to. It's probably more happenstance that I've told them everything about me than personal choice though. I mean, sometimes you just get drunk and start spilling your guts. I guess I'd probably say I have maybe two or three that know nearly everything about me. Unfortunately, I haven't actually seen any of these people in over two years, but I still talk to them over the phone.

[Martianinvader]

I'd say the problem is that the majority of society have the tendency to live a sheltered life. The idea being "I have friends, family and a significant other. So I don't really need to show any friendliness to those outside my circle."
And thanks to THAT attitude, I can't have anyone, as everyone's already got someone else whom they like better. I have friends, but I've never been anyone's favorite.

[Magmafire2374]

And thanks to THAT attitude, I can't have anyone, as everyone's already got someone else whom they like better. I have friends, but I've never been anyone's favorite.

I feel the same way. I don't think I've ever been anyones favorite either. I have some friends that I can talk to about things "A,B;C;D" and other friends I can talk to about "W;X;Y;Z" But there's no one person I can talk to about everything. Still looking for a friend like that. I'm not an emo or depressed or antisocial person. I live a good life and am genuinly happy like 90-95% of the time. As a kid I was always kind of an extrovert, but as an adult I've become more of an introvert. Maybe that has something to do with it. I'm content to have the buddies I have right now, but like I said, we're not "close".

[Hanshotfirst113]

Of course, a few of those people, I rarely talk to anymore, and some I fight with occasionally. The point remains that if I needed someone to talk to, I know damn well that they would listen, and they would care. *Even if* we were fighting at the time. And that's pretty awesome, imo.

Yeah, it's definately awesome.

[Kinel Ozoa]

I beleive the number is right aorund 5 or more, I'm lucky to have some really good friends that might as well be family. Trust my life to each of them.

[EzraBladerunner]

Unfortunately, I have no close friends. :shrug:

And thanks to THAT attitude, I can't have anyone, as everyone's already got someone else whom they like better. I have friends, but I've never been anyone's favorite.
Exactly! That's the same reason why I was never able to make any close friends. I mean, I had aquaintances from school and a few best friends (who always end up moving away or me moving away) in my life, but no one outside of family that were close confidents.

I strike it out on being in the area I live in (Arizona). The town I lived in has this "bubbled" environment where everybody lives in their own little worlds. They don't care to befriend other people outside their own circle and they don't care for anything new. I never had family in Arizona nor was I raised here so I was never able to make any close friends for life. It makes living here even more lifeless and unfriendly.

I feel the same way. I don't think I've ever been anyones favorite either. I have some friends that I can talk to about things "A,B;C;D" and other friends I can talk to about "W;X;Y;Z" But there's no one person I can talk to about everything. Still looking for a friend like that. I'm not an emo or depressed or antisocial person. I live a good life and am genuinly happy like 90-95% of the time. As a kid I was always kind of an extrovert, but as an adult I've become more of an introvert. Maybe that has something to do with it. I'm content to have the buddies I have right now, but like I said, we're not "close".
I'm in the same boat as you guys. Most of the friends/aquaintances I had I could talk about some things, but never everything.

[Prdgn]

I'm not really sure how to answer that since I often feel like I can open up and feel completely comfortable with almost everyone I meet, for better or for worse.

[Dr.Pepper]

I guess one. I mean I hang out at school with him if convinet like if we have the same lunch, but only like 5 times a year do I hang out with him outside of school.

[Mr. Pedro]

I think I'd put that number at around 4. I have numerous other acquaintances, but I'd be hard-pressed to call them "friends".

[JAG]

None. When I was younger, I had no trouble at all making friends. I was extremely outgoing, and had an...unusual imagination. Therefore, I made friends easily and was generally well-liked by all. For some reason, all that went out the window over the last eight years or so. I'm now something of an awkward, antisocial hermit, but that suits me fine, to be honest.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Not really any close friends I can think of. Just friends.

I'd say the problem is that the majority of society have the tendency to live a sheltered life. The idea being "I have friends, family and a significant other. So I don't really need to show any friendliness to those outside my circle."



That's definitely a fact. I hear these social motivators tell me "That's just not true! Most people are always open to making new friends," but let's be honest. Most people like to stay within their comfort zone, and the only way for them to get out of it, is for someone to drag them out kicking and screaming. And sometimes that can only go so far.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

I have three people who I've really spilled myself to at various times in the past. Unfortunately, one went to a different college, and the other transfered away from my school, so I don't see those two very often anymore.

I also have two other really close friends, and several other good friends who are probably a level below that.

I'd say I have about 12 or so people who I'd consider 'close friends', and about 60 - 70 other people who I consider friends/closer acquaintances, but not on the level where I really spill myself to them or trust deep secrets with them.

Three people from this site I include on the first list, with many others on the second one.

[veemonjosh]

In real life, I probably only have one real friend, but I'm not sure if we're exactly "close" yet (we've only really been friends for a little over four months, and she still won't talk to me much about herself).

On the internet, I trust about three or four people with my personal feelings (though, I'm not sure if any of them trust me with theirs).

[tinytoonarmy]

REALLY close friends, i would say 4. My family taught me if you have more than a couple you're extremely lucky, feels that way to be honest.

[Wolf Boy2]

I have one best friend who I have known for 2 years now. However, we've been living in different states for most of this last year, so most of our contact is online.

Strangely enough, we're closer now via the Internet than we were in person. Even when we went to the same school, most of our "bonding" was through emails (though writing notes in class was awesome as hell).

I miss her.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Strangely enough, we're closer now via the Internet than we were in person. Even when we went to the same school, most of our "bonding" was through emails (though writing notes in class was awesome as hell).

.

That's the story of today, isn't it? People are more comfortable talking via a computer connection than face to face. Once you suggest that you meet up for real, then often the dynamic changes. Hell, I've ever turned down a request or two to meet with someone because I wasn't comfortable with our dynamic outside of the computer.

Which is a danged shame. I still don't believe that you really can count on someone to be your friend until both of you are comfortable hanging together offline.

[Elven Moon]

ZERO. Used to be one, but she moved away and now never calls or emails me. It's quite depressing :sad: I only really have my family for friends.

[Wolf Boy2]

That's the story of today, isn't it? People are more comfortable talking via a computer connection than face to face. Once you suggest that you meet up for real, then often the dynamic changes. Hell, I've ever turned down a request or two to meet with someone because I wasn't comfortable with our dynamic outside of the computer.

Which is a danged shame. I still don't believe that you really can count on someone to be your friend until both of you are comfortable hanging together offline.
Well, she's a black girl and I'm a white guy. With that gender/ethnicity combination, neither of us thought the other even could be a "best friend" in person. But on the Internet, where you can't see each other, the lines between genders and ethnicities are blurred.

I don't think that in person I ever would've known that she was into rock music, goth culture, Redskins football, Justice League, Fullmetal Alchemist or that she reads John Grisham, manga and classic Marvel comics from the 70s (all of the things we have in common). In person she was just a black girl in my class who also happened to go to my church.

[jeff_iz_XLent]

Got my crew I roll with after school.We go chillin' at the mall,the movies.You's name it we's chill in it. :cool:

[KuwabaraTheMan]

On the internet, I trust about three or four people with my personal feelings (though, I'm not sure if any of them trust me with theirs).

Well, for the record you were one of the three people on this site I was talking about.

I <3 Josh. (in a purely platonic manner, of course)

[Katsumara]

Hrm. I'd say one or two both online and offline. I feel that it's not my business to really burden anyone with my emotional mumbo jumbo at times, especially now. I've sort of learned to move on and accept things easier. Was sort of my flaw, you could say. Anyway, I like to think I've moved past that much now, but every now and again, I like to open up just a bit to a select couple of people.

[PRdude]

That's the story of today, isn't it? People are more comfortable talking via a computer connection than face to face. Once you suggest that you meet up for real, then often the dynamic changes. Hell, I've ever turned down a request or two to meet with someone because I wasn't comfortable with our dynamic outside of the computer.

Which is a danged shame. I still don't believe that you really can count on someone to be your friend until both of you are comfortable hanging together offline.

With one of my online friends, once I started getting closer to her, I was even compelled to fly to her state to meet her. She was up for the idea when I first talked about it with her. When I finally got to meet her in person, it made my appreciation for her a lot stronger, since I got to see just what a joy it was to actually hang around her.

It sucked having to go back home when the time came, and I even cried because I knew I'd miss her. I visited her again the following summer, but never cried during my stay, or even when I left. I hope that's not a bad sign though.

[veemonjosh]

Well, for the record you were one of the three people on this site I was talking about.

I <3 Josh. (in a purely platonic manner, of course)

Thanks =)

[The Wolverine]

In real life, zero. I can't even tell my parents how I feel :(

Online, about 7 or 8. Some people from TZ, and the rest are fellow members of the Dir en grey fandom (the few sane people, that is).

[Master Toon]

*In a robot's voice* What.. is.. friend?

But seriously, I don't have any friends. Once I moved from my old neighborhood, I didn't really like the other kids. I tried befriending kids in school but I guess they didn't like me or I didn't try hard enough. Several years later, I failed the [insert number] grade, dropped out, spent most of my time indoors and now I'm addicted to my computer and the internet. Why did I tell so much about my life? Well this is the internet, so no one cares and no one knows me, so it's ok.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

*In a robot's voice* What.. is.. friend?

But seriously, I don't have any friends. Once I moved from my old neighborhood, I didn't really like the other kids. I tried befriending kids in school but I guess they didn't like me or I didn't try hard enough. Several years later, I failed the [insert number] grade, dropped out, spent most of my time indoors and now I'm addicted to my computer and the internet. Why did I tell so much about my life? Well this is the internet, so no one cares and no one knows me, so it's ok.


You should really watch the anime show, Welcome to the NHK.

Well, maybe not. Don't want you to get suicidal or anything. :sweat:

[Master Toon]

You should really watch the anime show, Welcome to the NHK.I would watch it but from what I've seen it has too much fan service for me. Not that I don't like it, it's just I believe a show can be good without it.

Well, maybe not. Don't want you to get suicidal or anything. :sweat:Trust me, I am not suicidal, I'd kill myself before I commit suicide. :lol:

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

I would watch it but from what I've seen it has too much fan service for me. Not that I don't like it, it's just I believe a show can be good without it.

Trust me, I am not suicidal, I'd kill myself before I commit suicide. :lol:

I think ADV's DVD covers are misleading. The girls never actually appear in anything less than a T-shirt and regular shorts. While sexuality IS acknowledged, keep in mind that most of it is seen from the lead character's point of view, and he IS 22 years old, and everyone else is also over 20. They do think about sex, and it is appropriate to the show, I think. There really isn't typical "fan-service"...female characters don't really fall down and show their panties all the time. In fact, I don't think it happened more than once in the show as I recall. There are fantasy scenes with scantily clad girls, but that's wholly appropriate to establish the main character's sexual repression, in my opinion.

But all that aside, the biggest reason why I mention it is that it's not at all like the wacky, bouncing boobs, over the top comedy that you might think. It's actually a pretty sober look at a guy who suffers from social anxiety, and is almost too afraid to go out of his apartment to interact with people. He's a college dropout and has no job. Really, this is EXACTLY what the show is about--social anxiety. The NHK conspiracy angle is meaningless and plays a very small part to the overall point of the show.

The show actually approaches the issue in a mature manner. There are no quick fixes. His multiple attempts at reconnecting with society are thwarted by equally numerous attempts to just slink back to his home and never come out. It's actually a realistic and honest depiction of someone cut off from the outside world. It doesn't offer easy answers. The ending doesn't have a magical cure-all for everyone.

He eventually meets up with many of his old classmates. Some are doing well, but almost all have issues as well. Depression, drug use, poverty, low-wage jobs. There's one episode of a guy who spends all of his life playing an online game and his sister, one of the main character's old classmates, is supporting her brother through a variety of shady and demeaning jobs. Near the end of the episode, there's a conversation with the brother through the online game (he's too afraid to socialize for real) and it's one of the most sobering emotional depictions I've ever seen of an online game addict.


I don't think it will change your life, but it will definitely make you think about social anxiety, your own life, the "real" world, and the impact of the internet on real-life social skills. I think the show would DEFINITELY speak to more than a few people on Cafe Toon Zone, from all the threads I've read here. Of course, since the show is relentless about depicting the reality and SERIOUSNESS of the situation, some people may not LIKE what the show is saying.

[DarthGonzo]

I'd say I have about seven people I'd call close friends, with at least two of them I'd consider to be best friends.

[Wolfie~Giri]

I would take a rough guess and say 4. Three out of the four friends, I have told things and expressed my feelings towards certain opinions so they truly know who I am and how I feel. However, the 4th friend is undecided because even though we really get along great and have much in common with our opinions, we've only been friends for about 3 months. (So as time goes by, the two of us will eventually become better and trusting friends...although it seems that way already. xD)

[Mandi-chan]

I have two close friends/best friends.

One I never get to see because she lives in another country now, but we do chat online whenever we can.

The other lives around 2 hours away, and I see her every week because I always go down and spend the weekend with her.

I used to have two other "best" friends, but I don't really feel that close to either of them anymore and don't speak with them often (a fault on both our parts).

What's funny is, the ones I feel the closest two are the ones I haven't known as long.