Wolves and Humans... They Aren't That Different

[Wolffriend87]

Chapter 1

The scout wolf swept quietly along the river, not aware of the fact that it was being watched. It kept it's pace at a slow jog, looking for any signs of any potential threats. After about five minutes or so, it paused, and lifted it's nose up to the sky. It sniffed once, twice, then a third time and wondered to itself...

"What is this clump of disgusting smells? Sweat, Fear, Pain, Smoke, Rotting Food, and... People?"

"That, my dear wolf... is a human city and if I am correct... the name of this particular city is Jump."

A teenage girl dropped down from one of the many overhanging tree branches on the pathway, and alighted in front of the wolf as lightly as a butterfly. She was a bout 14 years old and about 5 foot 2. She wore long light brown/tan pants with disctinctive slashes through the bottoms of each leg. A red T-Shirt with a paw print on it covered her upper body, covered by a long emerald green jacket whose edges ran down to her waist. But, the first thing that caught your eye when you were to look at this girl was, she carried two longswords made of pure black onyx strapped to her back.

"Well Ookami, I'm sure Yajuu will be glad to hear that you are here..."

When Ookami heard that name, that acursed name, a shiver was sent down her spine. And seeing this, the wolf smiled. It was not a comforting smile.

"Well, of course, there is the possibility that he won't find out if no one tells him... you know what I'm saying?"

"That is true, that is very, very true... but I don't understand surely you don't think you can defeat me, are you?"

With that, the wolf leapt straight at the girl, baring it's white fangs. You know, reader, that there is always a split second between the beginning of an attack, and when the attack hits. Well, that split second was all Ookami needed, because when the attacked started she was in range. But when the fangs closed on what the wolf thought was human flesh, was nothing but open air.

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The Teen Titans had been hiding in the surrounding bushes, whatching the scene play before them. Though all of them saw through different eyes, they all were asking the same questions.

What, or Who, is Yajuu?

Who is this girl?

What is she doing here?

And more importantly...

Where did she go?!?

"Did you guys see that?!? I mean, one minute she was there, and the next, she wasn't!"

"Shut up BB! You are going to blow our cover!"

"Do you want the whole world we are here!"

The other four members of the Titans hissed at the little green teenager, praying that somewho, there mysterious guest hadn't heard him.

"Too late, your 'cover' was never really there."

The titans turned to see the teenager standing on the tree branch above them.

"Uh... so... what's your name?"

[Atoragon]

hmm. i have to say it was an interesting beginning and raises a lot of questions that lead to a possibly great story. cant say much other than that cause there isnt much more to the story written yet.

[Wolffriend87]

i know I haven't really explained much yet, but thats howi want it. I want the Teen Titans to find out about my character the hard way.

By the way, her full name is Ookami Kaitsu, go look up her first name and you might be able to figure out my characters secret

This is another attempt at my Naruto-Teen Titans crossover fic

Chapter 2 will be up in a few days


This is a wise quote thing I made up, hope it makes sense!

"Only those who can see are truly blind..."

[Atoragon]

This is a wise quote thing I made up, hope it makes sense!

"Only those who can see are truly blind..."

no sense to me, although i consider myself completely blind to anything that isnt explained in exasperating detail. oh, and i looked up "Ookami." I can see what your getting at bout this secret. i'll have to ask my sister, though. she's the one in the family that knows all bout Naruto, not me.

[Wolffriend87]

yep... naruto is a pretty cool show, but i hate that sasuke kid.

I'll try to explain the quote, you see, people who see things, see things that aren't always true, so they are blind to the reality of it. Now, someone who can't see, never see's something, can never see something thats not real. So they know the reality of a situation because they can't trust their eyes, they go on instinct.

Oh, i have read what you've written, and it's pretty good



P.S you did look up ookami in Japanese... right?

[Atoragon]

yeah i looked up ookami in japanese. thanks for the explanation. umm... i dont know how to put this nicely, but RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! my sister LOVES that sasuke guy. if she heard you say that, she'd kill you, literally.

[Atoragon]

Oh, i have read what you've written, and it's pretty good



OMG! somebody doesn't think my writing is complete crap! *runs over and hugs Wolfie* oh, wait, that's not right. i just did something to you that i wont even do to my own mother, and i dont even know you! *gets struck by lightning, again* What the hell Spirnak?! Stop zapping me! Its not funny! *zapped, again* What in hell did i do to you?! I'm tryin to spread the Gods divine word! zap the people like my sister who claim you're all fake! *sister gets zapped* good boy. *i get zapped, again* dammit, i not talking to you anymore, Spirnak.
http://www.kungfuzombie.com/godzilla%20pics/Spacegodzilla.jpg
*zapped yet again* What? Now i get in trouble for showing a picture that looks similar to you? damn lizard, dinosaur, thing. *zapped yet again* okay! okay! i'm sorry! just dont zap me again! hey, look at the pic. that's a control cable coming out of his left foot. dont think that was ment to be in the movie, eh?

P.S. - FYI, Spirnak is God of Lightning. From the burns all over my body, i suggest you don't piss him off. i learned that the hard way as you can see.

[Wolffriend87]

Chapter 2

"So... uh... what's your name?"

"I'm sorry to say that that is none of your business whatsoever."

The girl jumped down from the tree branch and stood before them, looking at each of them as if figuring out a way how to defeat them each in battle.

Robin stood and said in a somewhat nervous voice,"Well, actually it is because this is our city, and you are a stranger." he tried not to make her angry because he saw how fast she was and he knew that there was a good chance he would lose if they fought.

"... You mean to say that you are the group known as the Teen Titans?"

"Yes, but why do you wish to know that?"

"Well, let's just say that someone I know would like to meet you five"

"And who would that be?"

"Let's get there first and they can introduce themselves to you, and no more questions till we get there, a girl can only have so much patience."

With that she turned around, and began to make a series of signs with both of her hands. After a few seconds, the wind gathered around a space in front of her and formed a light blue flat circular shape in mid-air. The titans came to recognize it as a portal. She stepped inside and motioned them to follow.

"Hey, do expect us to just step inside a portal to only-god-knows-where and just leave our city unguarded?"

"Yes"

"Can't argue with that!"

So one by one, the titans stepped inside the portal after their mysterious new ally.

-----------------------------------------------N-------------------------

The titans tumbled out of the portal and landed in a heap on the ground to find themselves in a completely new environment.

They stood up one by one to find their ally already walking away toward their destination

[Atoragon]

sorry i sort of lost my mind there. this winter break is driving me crazy. the Gods have not been necessarily happy as you can see.:sweat: Dont zap me!

[Wolffriend87]

Chapter 3

Ookami turned around, realizing that the Titans were just standing there, absorbing the new environment.

"Well, are you coming or not?" she said with an exaperated sigh.

"Hey, we don't even know where we are, what we are doing, or more importantly your name! And you just expect us to follow you to who knows where!" Beastboy was quickly silenced by Raven, who slapped him in the back of the head. The vein on her forehead was clearly visible.

"As much as I hate to admit it, Beastboy is right. I'm not taking another step until we get some answers."

"I was afraid of that, well I guess I have no choice, what do you want to know?"

Robin was the first to ask a question, "Whats your name and where are you from?"

"My full name is Ookami Kaitsu and I come from the Hidden Forest Ninja Village."

Cyborg was next, "Where are we?"

"Well, that is complicated, um... let's see if this helps. You should probably already know this, but there is more than one dimension in the world, but they all exist in the same universe. We just left yours and entered the world of ninja."

Beastboy was the third to ask, "Where are we going?"

"We are currently in the Hidden Leaf Village, located in the Country of Fire. We are going to see Tsunade, the leader, or more commonly known here as the Hokage. She has heard a lot about the Teen Titans and would like to meet you before someone else."

"Why does she wish to meet us?" Starfire inquired.

"Well, because of the many great and 'heroic' things you have done for your dimension."

And Raven's was the last question answered, "Why should we listen to you?"

This particular question got Ookami puzzled for a moment, but she quickly regained her composure.

"Whether or not you choose to follow is no skin off my nose. If you don't want to come, then that is your decision."

"Well I guess we can rule out 'Obediant' from the Teen Titans list of quality traits."

Two 14 year old kids walked out from the trees, one was a blonde-haired boy, and the other was a pink-haired girl.

"Well, you've got me there. But I guess they aren't coming to meet Tsunade, I guess they aren't used to being here. Their loss, not mine."

Beastboy stopped staring at the new pair of kids and looked over at Ookami, "Who are these guys?"

"Well..."

"We can introduce ourselves, my name is Sakura Haruno," the girl asked.

"And my name is Naruto Uzumaki! Remember it!" The blonde declared while pointing a finger at the green teenager.

"Bit of an ego there wouldn't ya say there kid?" Raven asked in her usual monotone voice.

"Ha Ha very funny, but laugh all you want because one day, i'm gonna be the Hokage of the Village! BELIEVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After Naruto made his little outburst the air around the group silenced for a moment.

But the silence was broken by the footsteps of Ookami walking away.

"Hey Ookami! Where are you going?"

"Well, if they aren't coming then there's no reason for me to stick around. So I think I'll go see what Yoi and the guys are up to."

"Well, than wait for us!"

After a final look at the Teen Titans, Sakura and Naruto walked away after Ookami.

the Titans all grouped together and whispered amoungst themselves,

Should we go with them?


Can we trust these guys?

After a few whispers, the Titans turned around and Robin shouted, "Wait Up!"

Then they all ran after the trio of teens, without noticing three figures appear where they were once standing. There were two boys and a girl. The Titans would soon learn their names, but I'll tell you them anyway. They were Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara.

_________________________________________________________________

sorry for the wait! but here is chapter 3! enjoy!

[Matt A]

I must say, this is pretty good.:)

The first and most obvious point, I know absolutely zippo about Naruto, aside from what I looked up on Wikipedia five seconds ago. However, whilst this means a lot of sub-text and jokes will probably be lost on me, this story already seems to be set up in a such a way that newbies like myself will have everything explained to them. In a cross-over, being so helpful isn't essential, but it always helps generate goodwill from the reader.;)

On a more technical level, there's also much to admire here. Your descriptions are clear and evocative, your choice of words is intelligent (ie, you have a wide vocabulary, but without sounding like you swallowed a thesaurus), and your spelling and grammar, whilst not perfect, is certainly good enough for our needs (but I must note that "it's" is only used for a contraction of "it is": the possessive pronoun, such as "its nose", doesn't have an apostrophe. Don't ask me why :sweat:). All basic stuff, I admit, but like the Naruto explanations, having a story that's well-spelt and clear to read will help the audience forgive you for most errors.:)

In terms of plot and character, there's not a great deal I can say at this early stage, but what is here looks interesting already. Ookami seems to be one of those stone-cold ice maidens that always help spice up a story, but not so openly unpleasant that we all want to strangle her (a less cosmopolitan Raven, I guess). And throwing wolves and their ways into a narrative is always interesting (I'm currently batting around a wolf-related story myself, an Apocalypse Now type of thing...but that's a subject best saved for another time), so I'd like to see what you do with that.:D

But not all in life is wine and roses, and there is one problem I have with this story: pacing. Cipher1112 will already be familiar with my thoughts on this, and whilst you have a much smaller issue with it than he does, I still need to say a few words here. Simply put, your chapters are far too short. You have enough events in each, if that makes any sense, but you need to drag everything out much further. For example, at the end of chapter two, you have Ookami create a portal: it was an adequate description, certainly more than just "Ookami created a portal", but an event of that importance easily needs half-a-dozen lines, if not more. Describe the hand motions, the sounds of the wind, the leaves moving on the floor, the blue disc growing from a tiny spot mid-air, etc etc etc. You don't need to go insane with it, page-long descriptions of going to the fridge or somesuch, but 99% of the time, the more details you throw into a scene, the easier it will be to visualise what's going on, and so the more pleasurable it will be for us to read.:)

(As a general rule, your chapters should be about 2-3 times longer than they are now. This might seem like a lot, but you'd be amazed how much space descriptors can fill up. For example, this review alone is the length of one of your chapters.;))

But, on the whole, this is not a significant problem in your case. The story will be improved immeasurably if you follow my advice - arrogant as that may sound, I've spent years having this drummed into me, and I've come to understand how right it is - but even as it stands, this is still a fresh and entertaining story. For a relative novice (I remember you saying that on another thread), I'm very impressed with what you've done thus far, and I'm excited to see what else you can achieve.:D

-Matt A-

PS: This perhaps isn't overly relevant to the thread, but I might as well mention it here. Out of professional curiosity, I looked up your profile, and I couldn't help noticing that you were a horsey person. My parents have eaten, slept and breathed this stuff for years, so horses are a subject I know a fair bit about.;)

[Wolffriend87]

yay! a comment from someone other than Cipher! ...Oh wait, that came out really wrong. Nothing against you Cipher, but id like to have more than one person read my story.... sorry.

on another story, thank you for the comment Matt A! i figured that i wasnt descriptive enough, thx for confirming it. Its ok that you dont know goose eggs about Naruto, but ill make sure that by the time this story is over you will.


Ps. All im gonna say is, the next chapter is going to the dogs... or should I say... WOLVES....


:evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: :evil: ....... *evil laugh* :evil:

[Anima]

*sigh* Oh naruto, when when you stop stouting "Believe It" in such an obnoxious way?

...

Gotta love him though.

K' so on to the writing here. It seems kind of rushed, like you type it in the reply box before you post. I don't know if you do or anything, but it's a lot easier to write on a typing program(i.e. Microsoft Word or WordPerfect) and type and save it when you have time.

Urm... other than that I'm so into this story. Come back with an update soon!!

[Wolffriend87]

Chapter 4

While the Titans walked along with their new friends, a cave full of wolves resided in a dark and gloomy cave sat deep underground. It's walls were stone cold, and a thin film of frozen water kept them as unwelcoming as they looked from a distance. Several tunnels inside it created a labryinth, in which only its residents could find their way. In its biggest cavern sat the wolves, who were fighting off against each other while others just watched their demise. Away from the group sat the scout wolf seen earlier in the story.

"Hm, so I suppose the brat is still alive." A dark and almost icy voice arose from the darkness. In it was mixed a threat waiting to be spoken, and the tone in which it would be said was almost impossible to listen too.

"Yes, Yajuu, she seems to have made a full recovery from your, uh... last get-together." He spoke the las t words with hesitation, because he knew one wrong word to his master, and he would be on the floor with a bleeding hole in his throat.

The icy voice came again, in the form of an irritated, yet amused chuckle.

"Maybe... but I do hope she doesn't think she destroyed me at our last rendevouz, if she does... shes dead."

Out from the shadows of the cave stepped a wolf. Huge, terrible, vicious, and that was just putting it mildly. He was 4 inches taller than the scout wolf that stood before him, each one made of iron-hard muscle. Coal black fur adorned his entire body, with blood-red lines of fur from all points of his body connecting to a point on his chest, which made him look even more like the monster he was. His fangs were both several inches long, and they protruded from his lips, like that of a vampire. And when he appeared, the air seemed to actually drop 5 degrees, and the smaller of the wolves shivered.

He turned around, to a crowd of black wolves similar to the big wolf, all sat impatiently, waiting for their lieges words. They were a scrappy bunch, some torn ears, missing eyes, and ragged fur.

"I think it's time to pay our dear friend Ookami Kaitsu a little visit."

A malignant laugh was the response, to the command, as each wolf there remembered the fight that they had lost a long time ago.

Yajuu grinned, despite the defeat he had taken from the teenager long ago, and he remembered that faithful day....

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Ookami rested, sitting on a tree branch jutting out over the rest of the forest she was lived in with her teammates while staying in Konoha. There was something about that day had her worried. The sky was unusually dark, and the air seemed tense.

A refreshing breeze swept her hair up around her, then let it back down around her. SIghing she said with an exasperated sigh, "You know... you call yourself ninja, and you can't even hide yourself in a such a huge forest."

"How'd you know it was me?"

A grey wolf hopped up on the tree branch beside her. He wore a red bandana that read, 'Bad 2 da bone' well, instead of saying 'bone' there was a picture of two bones forming an X. Fur stuck up around it, which was black, and a collar was placed aorund his neck with the Hidden Forest Village logo inscribed on it.

"What's wrong Ookami?"

"I'm not even sure... its just, there is something about today that makes me uneasy."

"Well, you can feel uneasy later, Tsunade wanted to see you about something."

With that, he jumped down to the ground with a soft thud and Ookami soon after, but she alighted tothe ground more quietly than her wolfish friend.

The two swiftly headed back to the Village, the forest ominous and quiet around them. After about 5 minutes of silence The wolf, more commonly known as Yoi, stated, "Don't you find it odd that the birds aren't singing? Usually that only happens when a Thunderstorm is about to show itself, but you can tell one of them aint coming."

"Yeah I know, another worry to add to my list."

"You kmow, has anyone ever told you that you have quite the smart mouth?"he asked with a sarcastic tone.

"Yep, and I know it's smart, because it just passed its final exam on how to make a small boy cry," she said with a hint of laughter clearly visible.

Yoi laughed halfheartedly, and walked forward with a more playful jog. Ookami took this as a challenge and started jogging as well. The wolf went faster, so did she, and suddenly Yoi burst into an all-out run, with Ookami close behind. The two darted between the trees at top speed. Leaves stirred up into the air behind them, along with a fine line of dust. Ookami gained an inch on the young wolf with each stride. Seeing this made the young wolf seem even more tired.

Just when it seemed like she was about to leave Yoi in the dust, Ookami stopped so abruptly, that she almost feel over. Only sheer agility and balance kept her from doing so. The young wolf stoped too, and lifted his nose up to the sky, sampling the air around the two of them.

"Ookami my dear... how long has it been? The icy voice that Ookami knew all to well greeted her from the shadows. It sent a stone-cold shiver up her spine that made her shake her head in fear.

From the shadows of the forest (as he did quite often) stepped Yajuu the wolf, well... more like a monster in the teens eyes. He was even more disturbing to be around than she had remebered him.

"So, I suppose you didn't die when we last fought, as I had thought."Ookami had entirely forgotten Yoi was there, it was just her and the wolf that stood before her.

Yajuu chuckled, "If you really thought that you killed me when I killed your dear little brother..." As soon as the words were spoken, a black sword embedded itself into the tree behind the black wolf. A surprised frown adorned his face as he looked over at Ookami, who was still in the position of throwing the deadly blade.

She looked up at the demon, her eyes were no longer human. Instead of her usual emerald green eyes, they resembled Naruto's when the nine-tailed fox's chakra overpowered him, but instead of red her's were deep amber. They were the eyes of a wolf.

She spoke in a deep, threatening growl, "Do not test my patience, beast. I am no longer a child you can push around. You better watch what you say before you get yourself killed."

"But.. that wouldn't exactly be a bad thing right Ookami?" Ookami finally noticed that Yoi was there, and a look of worry crossed her face, and her eyes returned to normal. She once again spoke in a human voice

"Yoi, this is about to get dangerous, go back to the Village and tell Tsunade that what she wanted to ask me is going to have to wait."

"But I-" The young wolf was quickly silenced from a look by Ookami, her eyes were once again those of a wolf.

With reluctance, he turned around and galloped off towards the village, without looking back.

After her friend was out of earshot, she turned back to her enemy, and retrieved her second sword from it's hilt.

"This will be your final battle, the death of lttle brother will avenged. As the saying goes... An eye for an eye."

With that the two combatants charged for each other, with the intent of murder on both of their minds.

[Matt A]

So the plot is thickening already. We already knew (or could at least surmise) that Ookami had made a few enemies, but it's still something of a suprise that these enemies want her dead, and unpleasantly so. This Yajuu is a bit of an all-round 'ard geezer, huge and muscled and seriously battle-scarred, with a debt to repay and the insanity to see it done. Plus the fact that he could kill you without even realising. Something tells me he will become quite an antagonist.:D:evil:

On a similar note, I have to give you credit for Yoi. The idea of an incompetent wolf wearing a ludicrous "gangsta" bandanna is just so funny.:D

And then there's the presentation. This chapter is still about half the length I would prefer, but you said you were cut off, so I can forgive you for that. Besides, you seem to have covered everything you needed to, and it didn't feel rushed or anything. And I can't complain about a lack of descriptions, 'cause there plenty of them in there, and quite a few nice little phrases: Yajuu's emergence from the shadows, for example, was wonderfully spine-tingling. Just try and put more scenes into each chapter, and you'll be there.:D

Though you weren't exactly crap to begin with, this is already some improvement. I'm excited to see where else you go from here.:D

-Matt A-