How is it easy for some people?

[KuwabaraTheMan]

This is something I've often wondered about. People being mean or hurtful. How does it come so easy to some people. I find it hard, even when people have done plenty to me. It seems to me like its very easy to be nice to others, yet hard to be rude to others.

Am I weird? Is it normal to find it easy to talk rudely about others behind their back(something I can't bring myself to do unless they're someone I would say those things to their face), to be condescending?

Why can't people in this world just be nice to one another? It sseems to be like that would be easier on all of us, and also relieve a lot of stress.

Sorry for rambling, but I needed to get that out.

Am I alone? Do others find it easier to be mean than nice, or do other people feel the same way as me?

[Mr. Manager]

I find it to be pretty hard, even when it's someone I dislike. Hell, the other day I called someone a dick and felt pretty bad about it afterwards.

Edit: I forgot to mention that I apoligized to him afterwards, which I didn't need to do, but my conscience was telling me to do so.

[purplehairedwonder]

It's harder for me to be mean than nice to people - my conscience gets on my case when I'm not - though I tease my friends mercilessly (they know I'm kidding though so I'm not really being mean). But there are some people that I just blatantly dislike and it's easier to say negative things about them or to them than to say positive things.

I have been known to say things behind people's backs, though depending on the person I only feel bad if I think they know I said it :-X

[Kury Wagner]

I am a very guilty person. I can't do or say anything even slightly rude without personal repercussion.

I find it to be pretty hard, even when it's someone I dislike. Hell, the other day I called someone a dick and felt pretty bad about it afterwards.See, this is what I mean about you being honorable. >_<

[clucky]

I can go either way sometimes when I say something I'm not to proud of I'll feel very bad afterwards and other times I won't care at all

[PRdude]

I find it to be pretty hard, even when it's someone I dislike. Hell, the other day I called someone a dick and felt pretty bad about it afterwards.

I do too sometimes, but when someone deserves it, THEY DESERVE IT.

[The Wolverine]

Do others find it easier to be mean than nice
I do.

I've encountered some really nasty people. They deserve every comment from me they receive.

[Dr.Pepper]

That's the problem with me. I am too nice. That's why people at school treat me like living crud.

[PRdude]

That's the problem with me. I am too nice. That's why people at school treat me like living crud.

You might want to do something about that. I'd hate for you to turn to the dark side.

[Delia]

I have been dragged through heck and back by being stuck to coexist with horrible people.

I find it really easy to return the favor to them.

[V Man C]

I have no problem talking rudely about a person behind their back. Me and my friends do it all the time. I wouldn't be able to do it to their face, though. Unless I really, really hated them of course.

[J'onn J'onzz]

I find it to be pretty hard, even when it's someone I dislike. Hell, the other day I called someone a dick and felt pretty bad about it afterwards.

You felt bad about insulting smarterchild? ;)

Edit: Oh, and might this be kind of in response to the TZ chat yesterday, wherein we bashed a few TZ members behind their backs? (IMO, they kind of deserved it...)

[KuwabaraTheMan]

I have been dragged through heck and back by being stuck to coexist with horrible people.

I find it really easy to return the favor to them.

I'm not saying I want to be nice to everyone, but at the same time, I find actively being mean hard. I can be cold to people, but not mean. Even to the guy who put me in a chokehold, made threatening phone calls to my parents, and told me he'd get some guys to beat me up.

I wasn't nice to him after that, but I tried to avoid actually saying rude things to him. Although in that case, I didn't mind so much when a guy I know left him a message telling him that no one in the whole hall like him. Because it was kiind of true.

But by and large, I find being mean to others to be difficult, while at least being dignified towards others comes more easily.

I'm also sick of always being the person whose friends with everyone else while they all bash each other behind their backs(in other words, while talking to me).

You felt bad about insulting smarterchild? ;)

Edit: Oh, and might this be kind of in response to the TZ chat yesterday, wherein we bashed a few TZ members behind their backs? (IMO, they kind of deserved it...)

No, I wasn't referring to that. My issue is more with people who act nice to people to their face, and then make fun of them behind their back, which I've seen a lot in real life, and it really pisses me off.

[sun]

Many of us are taught to be nice, and many are taught to be mean. If one grows up in a family where hatred and cruelty are prevelant, it is likely that this thinking will be accepted by the children, without question. (become part of them, without even knowledge of it being installed sort to speak)
..Sadly, it is extremely hard to break the cycle, sometimes to even understand it since most of us basically are nice. As an early post said, "I find it hard to understand those who are mean." We can't, we have no reference point. Yes, we can understand being mean back, most of us know about fair treatment, and those who treat us unfair, well they get what they dish out. ok, but the underlying hatred and evil are illusive, dark, unknown.
...That evil is born out of selfishness, cruelty, abuse, and lack of love...(in some cases, over indugence, too much stuff, not enough rules about the stuff, and giving to others)
.. All of this is reflected in this meanness that is persent in some that we cannot understand..Unless there is some intervention, it will go in on that perosn, likely forever..
..In conclusion, it is easy for them to be mean, because that is the way they were taught, from their families, and so on. Sometimes a family produces bad eggs, where the parents are ok, but this is rare, DNA, is what it is, somewhere that existed in that family.....................................................................................................................................................sun

[Mr. Manager]

I also feel bad when I talk about peopple behind their backs, because I know it's a cheap shot to do so.You felt bad about insulting smarterchild? ;)Nah, it was in real life to a guy who's a jerk.

Anyways, SmarterChild is a dick.

[PRdude]

I used to chat with this girl who could get really nasty, and she'd call me names. I'd refrain from getting nasty back, because I wanted to be the bigger person. I don't think that helped any though. In fact, I think it only made her more inclined to be crude to me. The strange thing is that she used to be quite nice before.

By the way, check out this one chat I had with someone where I tell her about how some guy flamed me at a message board:

PRdude: See, at this message board, I started a topic asking what CDs, DVDs, video games, and books of 2003 they bought last year. This one guy responded with "people still buy CDs?"
Her: *laughs* Hey, I do, when I have the cash for them. Especially when I can find good Japanese CDs. I have some original Japanese Digimon CDs.
PRdude: I believe he was just referring to CDs with popular music.
Her: Well, so was I. I like CDs.
PRdude: I don't mind buying them though, even if you can download songs from the internet.
Her: *nod* After all, I don't have a portable MP3 player, and sometimes I like to listen to music... you know, away from my computer and all.
PRdude: Sometimes when you buy them as opposed to downloading them, you get better perks
Her: *nods*
Her: (All my Digimon CDs came with collector's stickers. ;-))
PRdude: But if you think that guy's answer was really something, then check out the dude who told me that you're stupid if you actually buy CDs.
Her: Why are you stupid?
PRdude: Because you can just download them for free.
Her: Yes, and you can run the risk of getting viruses, or getting hit by the authorities with a lawsuit. Then there's the moral issue - you're technically stealing from the artists. Plus, as I said, MP3 players are still prohibitively expensive for some people...
Her: I approve of the whole new Napster card thing, though. I can go for that.
PRdude: Exactly. I even got rid of kazaa and WinMX because I believe they might be to blame if I do have spyware, and the pop-ups.
Her: *nod* *dances* This is one of the silliest songs...
PRdude: So I just stick with Napster from now on.
Her: *nod*
PRdude: As for the guy who said I'm stupid, I just told him that I'm not disappointed with the CDs I bought last year and that I'm actually pleased with every one of them. Then I said "To each their own, asswipe"
Her: That was uncalled for.
PRdude: I wouldn't have said that if he hadn't told me I was stupid. That's not something I take kindly to.
Her: True. But insulting people doesn't help in convincing them you're right.
PRdude: Well, he did throw the first insult. Eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, that sort of thing. Yet the Bible says to love thy enemy.

[ZorBrak]

Some people are just bad seeds I guess. It's ok it usually comes back to hit them hard... and all at once. I'm often smiling when it does, I love seeing bad things happen to bad people I confess.

but also as Delia said, I find it fairly easy to dish cruelty back now. The fact that I used to weigh close to 300 pounds, double my weight now... I know all about the darkness in people, and the darkness in myself. I'm not above it, and am quite vengeful by nature I confess. I

do so try to refrain my more spartan tendencies, but at the same time a small part of me enjoys being the "bad ass" I've seemed to grow into as I've become more and more bold through time to the point I half embrace it when I feel I'm 'in the right'.

I don't know... but I'd say it's not hard for me to be just as vicious as people were once to me, in fact, I think some of them taught me a little too well, if I saw some of the people from my past now... oh man I don't know how long they'd be on the ground... or the hospital. But I digress, I do know it is wrong, and it is against my faith... but I yeah I'm rambling lol.

[Ben]

The biggest hurts you'll cause people will not be malicious or perhaps not even intentional. Being a dick is easy, just as it's easy to ignore a dick. It's when someone you care about causes you problems that it really hurts.

[Dudley]

I always had to deal with mean people when I was in school. I feel bad when I'm mean to people who don't deserve it. And I feel even worse when I'm not to people who do deserve it.

What I really hate is when people are mean to me in front of everyone else (even when the teacher is present) and no does anything about it.

[PRdude]

I always had to deal with mean people when I was in school. I feel bad when I'm mean to people who don't deserve it. And I feel even worse when I'm not to people who do deserve it.

What I really hate is when people are mean to me in front of everyone else (even when the teacher is present) and no does anything about it.

The teacher definitely notices, but probably doesn't want to get involved because s/he fears it would only make matters worse. A couple of my teachers have even explained this to my mother at parent-teachers meetings, since I've dealt with people who were jerks in high school. I could take care of myself anyway. Now what's worse is when teachers would stupidly put students in situations where they're liable to get ridiculed.

One thing that bugged me in high school was when someone would say something mean to me, I'd ignore the comments because I don't want to make things worse, and then I'd get accused of being a pushover. Then, at times when I thought things were going too far and I'd decide to stand up to these people, I'd get accused of acting a tough guy, having an attitude problem, or being a meany. The same people who said I was a pushover for not standing up to these people would do that too. Indecisive much?

[tb4000]

I think people that have never been on the receiving end of being picked on or anything don't really know what the deal is.

[PRdude]

I think people that have never been on the receiving end of being picked on or anything don't really know what the deal is.

I'd have to agree. That's why so many of them usually "blame the victim".

[ToOn~g@l]

This problem has been bugging me ever since I was young. All through elementary and all through high school I was picked on especially in high school where people just said really mean things to me and always excluded me out of stuff like I did not exist. Friends have always been hard for me to get for some reason. Like I would come up to people and say hello and all that but they would just look at me like I was a freak or something and then just laugh about it.

I've been mean a few times but I always feel bad afterward and try to find ways to say I am sorry to that person. Its so easy for them to be mean but hard for them to even show any sympathy and thats what I don't get. Do they even feel sorry for any one? It just confuses me.

I've sometimes asked people why they had to be so mean and they would just keep ridiculing you like you were some kind of idiot.

But of course their idea of being mean can be completely different from your side of being mean. Like Sun said They were probably taught that way and think its okay to be that way, but of course it most likely isn't. Or they just want attention, either way it still makes you frustrated.

[Ben]

I've sometimes asked people why they had to be so mean and they would just keep ridiculing you like you were some kind of idiot.

Well, that's because asking someone, "Why are you so mean?" is a idiotic thing to do. Either you make them into a friend by showing them you have a thick skin, pay them back in kind somehow, or if you can't do that, walk away. Whining is never productive. I speak from experience.

[tb4000]

But then you do have that random cool dude that's popular and never been picked on that tends to stand up for those that are. There's one of those in every school.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

I think people that have never been on the receiving end of being picked on or anything don't really know what the deal is.

I was picked on throughout elementary school and middle school, and a little bit in high school as well. That's part of what I don't get. How people can make such mean spirited comments towards other people, with absolutely no provocation.

[Speedy Boris]

I was picked on throughout elementary school and middle school, and a little bit in high school as well. That's part of what I don't get. How people can make such mean spirited comments towards other people, with absolutely no provocation. Perhaps they're picked on at home by their parents, or perhaps their home life just plain sucks, so they decide to release their built-up frustrations on others at school. Not saying that excuses such behavior, but it happens. It's a vicious cycle.

There are others who feel the world has consistently "gypped" them, so they have a "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!" attitude to whoever they meet. They feel like the world constantly owes them a favor, and the tiniest mistake sets them off, often unfairly at those around them.

[Ickis]

This is something I've often wondered about. People being mean or hurtful. How does it come so easy to some people. I find it hard, even when people have done plenty to me. It seems to me like its very easy to be nice to others, yet hard to be rude to others.

Am I weird? Is it normal to find it easy to talk rudely about others behind their back(something I can't bring myself to do unless they're someone I would say those things to their face), to be condescending? No you're not weird, I question the same thing myself and I can't think of a true answer other than it probably teaches us to defend ourselves and tolerance. Thats actually an interesting topic to think about though "why can't we all just get along?". To me I have a somewhat good level of tolerance that I want to improve, its easy for me to be somewhat nice but I can get me mean if I want to though my insults usually aren't direct offensive words.

[tb4000]

Basically what it boils down to is, if you have an obvious flaw, people will attempt to exploit it in order to make themselves feel good and popular. If there's a group that does something and one guy in the group doesn't, he will get immediately singled out and poked fun at.

[PRdude]

I was picked on throughout elementary school and middle school, and a little bit in high school as well. That's part of what I don't get. How people can make such mean spirited comments towards other people, with absolutely no provocation.

Your question was already answered, but another answer would be because you're different from them in some way, and they're so put off by it that they deal with it in such immature ways. One of them being that they harass you, since they don't understand you. That's all they know.

[FireWarrior]

People are what they are, that's just how it is. I mean it would be very nice to know why some people are what they are (I know for sure that it would be very enlightening to see why my family act like they are:D ) but don't try to dwell on it too much, it'll only make you crazy.

[Dr.Pepper]

I was picked on throughout elementary school and middle school, and a little bit in high school as well. That's part of what I don't get. How people can make such mean spirited comments towards other people, with absolutely no provocation.
That reminded me about today when a girl that is somewhat of a friend asked if my boyfriend and I will watch her stuff and jokingly my boyfriend said no, she stuck her hand in his face and flipped him off and left.

[J'onn J'onzz]

That reminded me about today when a girl that is somewhat of a friend asked if my boyfriend and I will watch her stuff and jokingly my boyfriend said no, she stuck her hand in his face and flipped him off and left.


I hate it when people can't get sarcasm.

[Ullar]

it is easy for me only when the person ahs done plenty to me

[FireWarrior]

I hate it when people can't get sarcasm.

I hate sarcasm in general.

[Deadman]

i find it pretty hard.

[Antiyonder]

Perhaps they're picked on at home by their parents, or perhaps their home life just plain sucks, so they decide to release their built-up frustrations on others at school. Not saying that excuses such behavior, but it happens. It's a vicious cycle.

There are others who feel the world has consistently "gypped" them, so they have a "I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!" attitude to whoever they meet. They feel like the world constantly owes them a favor, and the tiniest mistake sets them off, often unfairly at those around them.

But again, there are people who have the same problems or worse, so why do those who choose to bully think they are anymore special than the others who have problems?

Is it really consider an embarrassment to choose therapy?

[FireWarrior]

But again, there are people who have the same problems or worse, so why do those who choose to bully think they are anymore special than the others who have problems?

Is it really consider an embarrassment to choose therapy?

I know if I was screwed up in the head I would consider therapy, but to answer your question yes it is very hard for some people to consider therapy. Some people have very large egos.

[Antiyonder]

I know if I was screwed up in the head I would consider therapy, but to answer your question yes it is very hard for some people to consider therapy. Some people have very large egos.

Which again, really puzzles me, because from what I hear, people who are victims of abuse and such tend to think less of themselves. So, I don't see why they would develop an ego.

[FireWarrior]

Which again, really puzzles me, because from what I hear, people who are victims of abuse and such tend to think less of themselves. So, I don't see why they would develop an ego.

In that specific case I would think that the victims would try to forget that they were ever victims of abuse in the first case, so they wouldn't want to be reminded of it. People are hard to explain, oh well.:sweat: