Big Problems with girl...

[brianycpht]

Long story short, two years ago I met an older woman now 37 years old, I'm 21 now. We have never been more than friends, but spent alot of time together, worked together, talked on the phone for hours on end. But over time, she became quite possesive. I started the "relationship" I persued it, ect... but I mellowed out.

She has panic attacks and is on medication (not prescribed at first, but is now) that have gotten worse in the last week. She's started getting upset with me for taking a vacation when she has to work, needing to leave work on time sometimes( I used to stay an hour after just to be with her because she got off later), and taking a swing shift( not working the same hours as her) at work. She called me a "kiss ass traitor" says she doesn't trust me, ect... I cut it off right then and there. I don't want someone in my life who constantly critizes me and wants me to give it all at the cost of myself (I haven't slept more than 5 hours in two years because I've been on the phone with her all night, every night).

Problem is, we were going to start a business, which was mostly my idea that we both have an investment( schooling and software) in and a ficticous name with both of our names on it. That and the fact that shes unstable and I truly do care that she gets help for her problems, i want to make sure that she's okay and she goes to the doctor. She makes me feel guilty like I've abandoned her when she pushed me away. I feel like garbage and I have to work with her where she paints me out to be the bad guy to co-workers where I just wanted a comprimise with her which she wouldn't have.

Should I just not talk to her anymore? I just want to make sure she's gonna be alright health wise and am truly concerned for her well being..

[Beyond Batman]

Split. Don't look back. Notify her family to ensure her safety and just move on. Don't let her ruin your future. You're young and have a world of opportunity ahead of you.

[Weatherman]

Just walk away of you can man. if she's unstable, quite frankly, it's her problem. Appologize for giving her the wrong impression about you and move on.

[brianycpht]

Sounds like the best plan to me, I haven't been able to go where i want, sleep when I want, (unless shes at work) for over two years.

[solarflere]

Walk away, cut off all contact, she will ruin your life. I have heard\read simular stories. You still have a chance to get your life on track. Do it before its too late.

[mikestorm]

I knew of a woman who was significantly emotionally scarred by men in her life (a series of bad boyfriends). Her way of preventing this from happening in the future was to specifically interact with guys much, much younger than her (15-20 years younger). She felt "safe" with these guys vs. men closer to her age.

I don't know what the deal is with your friend, but I would definitely cut your losses (up to and including any monetary investment in your business) and completely sever ties.

[Dark Fact]

She's not your wife, Brian. She shouldn't even try to act like she can yank you around like you were her spouse. Everyone makes the same point here, just walk away and don't look back. There are better women out there for you.

[Kagetsu]

I have to agree. A partner is not worth that much trouble. RUN! Of stories I've heard it's usually a house, but be very careful in the future of tangling your financial aspects to anyone else.

[brianycpht]

Should I change jobs or just try to grin and bear it...? She works with me 2-3 days a week and it's kind of hard to avoid her.

[Boomhauer]

Walk away. She's not what you need to start your life with, man. I'm telling you. When I was a young one, I dated a much older woman, like 9 years older than me. Man, hell I tell ya. Too much to deal with for a young win.

Oh boy, you said she on medication. Sorry, but she need a guy that'll put up with that and I know you ain't ready. You young and got a future ahead bro, take care.

[brianycpht]

Boomhauer,

I tried to put up with it for two years and got fed up, you are absolutley right. I've cut off contact for two days now.

[One Radical Dude]

Should I change jobs or just try to grin and bear it...? She works with me 2-3 days a week and it's kind of hard to avoid her.
Listen, Brian -- if her crap is bothering you, you should stay away from her. Don't call her, don't email her, don't see her -- cease all contact from her. Anyone as unstable and manipulative as she is, is it really worth it? I'm sorry, dude, but she doesn't sound like a friend to me -- just some ***** trying to ruin your life. Heck, I'd be afraid that she'd one day wanna kill me (if I were in your shoes). As far as business goes, it wouldn't work out, man. Trust me -- you'd be a lot happier, if you never deal with her again.

[Ajax]

37 : 21 Dude I don't even care what kind of problems this woman has. That alone should be reason enough to walk away and never look back.

[Justice League 2000]

Leave her alone :)

[brianycpht]

I'm doing just that, it was hard today to work with her because she had a panic attack and I felt as if it was because she had to see me. I have this (irrational) feeling of guilt, like I abandoned her or something which I've so far stuck to my guns and haven't spoken with her. I care for her still, but she has pushed me away and beat me down too many times and she needs to learn that you can't treat people like that or they leave. We were such good friends for so long, together all the time, but things started decaying and will never be the same again. It's a shame but thats life..

It's just that she works with me so I still see her..

[Boomhauer]

Break the lock and you're freeeeeeeee! :sweat: Just let the lady know one step at a time- your true feelings about her and what's going to happing.

[candy17]

I'm going to go with the consensus and say to get away from her as fast as possible and forget you were ever with her. But in the 50/50 chance that she tries to hunt you down and kill you, then I'll see you on this week's episode of COPS.

[One Radical Dude]

If you're still working with her, then you need to find a new job ASAP. No amount of money is worth it, when you have serious personal conflicts with someone at work.

[guinaevere]

Brian, her problems aside (though they're very likely at the root of it), you've been given good reason to mellow out of the friendship, as you say. No one wants to be freaked out on. And no one enjoys a friend who behaves as if YOU are obliged to be friends with only them.

While it's to your credit that you care enough to want to keep in touch enough to ensure that she's alright, that's going to give the wrong signal to her. You do need to cut your interaction with her. At work, off work. If you're able to tell her precisely why, then do so. If you're not (and this largely depends on how she'd handle hearing this) then simply avoid contact with her when possible. At work, if you interact with her, interact with her as you would with another co-worker; professionally.

As to your business ventures, you mention that you both are financially vested in this. Depending on how realistic this venture is, and how much has been put into it, seek legal advice. If it's a couple bucks, cut your losses. If it's a sizable amount, and may provide a good return, you'll want to find a contract lawyer who will help you divide the business.

[brianycpht]

When we first met, we were kind of in the same boat emotionally and felt the same about everything and agreed. Over the last two years I've grown as a person and she really hasn't whether or not it's her fault. I can't help but feel sad about the fun times we had together. I haven't spoken with her in 4 days and it just feels weird, but I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. I knew one of us would move past our problems and out grow the other person. I never thought that it would be me though. It's hard to resist the urge to call her, it's so difficult. But I'll be alright. It's kind of strange, I moved into my own place, started paying my own bills so I could be seen as more mature in her eyes because of our age difference. Now I've moved past her. All this stuff I have, even my pets, I wouldn't have if I never met her. I'd probably still live with my parents.

[One Radical Dude]

Being able to pay your bills, and live in your own place aren't enough to make you a mature person (though yeah, those things are great) in my book. It's one's personality, Brian. You can succeed on all marks, and still -- it wouldn't be enough. You continue to avoid this woman and not talk to her, I believe you're going to be fine.