Roomate Problems 101

[Andy Mancini]

Okay guys, I really, really need your help. For those who don't know (which is most of you, since I rarely talk about myself), I am a 24 year old second-semester Senior at California University of Pennsylvania (Cal). I still live in the dorms, mainly because it's cheaper. It never really bothered me... until now, that is.

My roommate this time around is a 28 year old ex-Navy man from Atlantic City. Not to go into too much detail, the guy fits the stereotype of the classic "male pig." He believes, for example, that it is the man's job to "pay the bills" and the woman's job to do everything else. He recently dumped his fiancee because she "let her friends turn her into a feminist lesbian" - she works three jobs, goes to graduate school, and "wastes her money" on bras from Victoria's Secret. "She spend $70 on two bras," he said over the over the phone yesterday to a friend from high school. "The old [name omitted] would never waste our money like that. The cheap bras were good enough for her." Hey dumbass - 1948 called. They want their mentallity back.

And what does this have to do with me? Simply put, he ignores the fact that I even exist. He slams the door when he comes in, no matter what I'm doing. He props the door open without even asking me. He keeps his television volume at obscene levels, and adjusts when he feels that the room is getting too noisy. If I turn on my floor fan, he turns it up. If I turn on my radio, he turns it up to the point that I can't hear it. If I put on my headphones, talk on the phone, make my bed squeak too much (and the last one is not an exaggeration)... I think you get the idea. I can't take a nap because of the noise. I can't write because of the noise. I can't meditate because of the noise. I can't talk to my own damn father on the phone because of the noise! It truly is an unbearable living condition.

Case in point: The Wednesday after I moved in, my family and I got into a giant, four-way argument over the phone about a family crisis that shall remain nameless. We yelled, we screamed, we cried - it was building up for months, and it hasn't happened since. I did my best to keep my voice down, but again, it's hard in that situation. I ended up doing 99% of my screaming (and all of my crying) in the bathtub in the shower room so I wouldn't inconvenience him. The next day, he told me the following as if I was a dog that just peed on the carpet: "I know that families have their difficulties, but don't you ever make that kind of noise again. You were being extemely rude and it was annoying." From that point on, he blasts the volume of his television set whenever I get a call, forcing me to leave the room.

"But Andy," you're probably thinking to yourself, "why don't you just tell him about it?" Oh, but I have. "This is my room too," he said. "There's plenty of things that you do that annoy me that I let you get away with." If I shut the TV off, he turns it back on. If I close the door, he opens it. He also claimed that I was trying to kill him (no lie) by keeping the top, screenless windows open. How, you might ask? He has a bee allergy that I didn't know about. He also claims that the smell of the room makes him physically ill because I cut a red onion - once... a month ago! As you can plainly see, reasoning with him is not an optionm, so I decided to track down the RAs and Lamont, the guy who runs the building. The RAs told me to talk to Lamont, and Lamont yelled at me for not talking to the RAs enough. They suggested that I try to have an "active listening session" with him. It's the only thing that they can do, they claim, outside of moving me in January. Here's a newsflash: I graduate in December!

Knowing that no one around here is going to go out of their way to help, I decided to take matters into my own hands and buy a pair of rifle-grade hearing protection. It does cut down on the noise slightly, but really nothing to write home about. After all, they were built to block out a gun, not ESPN or Next. I take walks when I can, but it's pretty much worthless when the only two places within walking distance are a Rite-Aid and a Kwik Fill gas station. I find myself driving constantly just to avoid the noise, which is draining my bank account dry. All I buy is gas anymore. It sucks. It really does.

Sounds bad, right? Well, it has gotten worse. To "forget his problems," he been going out drinking every night. Yes, the silence is nice, but it doesn't really matter much when I am awakened by the sounds of NBC's Early Today show at four in the morning. I guess the thing that really put me over the edge was last night, when he watched his television loudly until 3:30 in the morning. I go to bed at the latest at two, though 1:30 to 1:45 is usually the norm. Oh, did I mention that I had a presentation to give on the novel "Animal Farm" at nine, and that that presentation is 50% of my grade? Yeah, I got through the first part of it okay (it's a three day deal), but I had to skip my other two classes to take a nap... which I couldn't take thanks to the TV.

So there you have it. I'm a nevrous wreck, and I can't do much of anything. I know that I only have three weeks remaining, but I have two reports coming up (one being eight pages long) and a Botany exam that I must pass in order to graduate. No one outside of my girlfriend and family is listening. What should I do? My mom thinks that I should put a magnet to his TV when he's in class, my girlfriend thinks I should look into buying professional-grade soundproofing material, my dad thinks that I should eat onions every night, and my brother, who is a born-again Christian... let's just say he's telling me good places to "bury the body." I'm at the end of my rope here... help!

[Conekiller]

In the middle of the night, when he blasts the TV while you're sleeping Yell "TURN DOWN THE F$#*% TV! I HAVE A CLASS IN THE MORNING THAT MY GRADE DEPENDS ON!" Im sure you have neigbors that are bothered by this noise as well, perhaps you can rally them into your cause.

Fight this thing, don't let it slide, these last few weeks are important, don't let some jerkhole ruin it for you. or, crahs with a friend/girlfriend (if it's not an issue)

If all else fails, explain to the RA's that you CANNOT live with this guy, the chance of you graduating balances on a thread. There has to be at least one vacant room they might be able to let you spend the last 3 weeks of your dorm life.

[Mary_mari]

And that is probably as bad as it gets. Seriously, I'm so sorry you're going through this. That's pretty rough. So, is everything about this guy physically repulsive to you? You've been rooming with him for about 2-3 months, right? There has to be a way to get a room change. Just annoy the hell out of the RA's and Lamont. Turn that horrid treatment you go through with your roommate around on them. Call the RA's at bizarre hours, meet them personally, start acting crazy (that solves things, I know :evil: ), go to whatever lengths you feel just to right this. Maybe if you wrote a formal letter to Lamont (not fun, but possibly effective) and thanked him for his understanding, something would happen. I had to back out of a housing contract because I was attending a different college. I was supposed to pay 75% of the bill (it was a $2500 suite) since I was withdrawing after a duedate but, I wrote a long, seemingly apologetic letter and never got a bill. 'Twas quite the blessing!

Again, I wish ya the best with this. Hope someone can help!!

[Andy Mancini]

UPDATE:

I was pissed about last night. Super pissed... so I enacted a little revenge. See, I listen to the KNDD Seattle every night at midnight, usually with my headphones on. Unlike him, I'm not a rude bastard. Tonight, however, I decided to listen to the People's Choice Countdown with my 5.1 surround sound system. "Turn off your music now," he said. I said no. He then ran to tell to an RA how I was making him crazy. "I would normally whoop your ass, but I can't do that here" was his exact words to me. The RA on call stopped by ten minutes later, and he pulled out all of the stops. "He never does this," he said, again talking to me like a dog. "We never had a problem. This is the first time." He then claimed that it was all my fault, since I never said anything. Actually, he had an excuse for everything: why was the TV loud the whole time? My fans make too much noise. Why does he crank up the TV when I get a call? Because it's only right to leave the room when your on the phone. He's just "forcing me to think of him." (FYI: He claimed that he always leaves when he gets a call. That's a bold-faced lie. How else would I know all of his business? I'm a lot of things, but I'm not the nosey neighbor from Bewitched.) Why shouldn't the volume bother me? Because he let's me keep my side not as clean as he keeps his side. No joke. He also called me a liar, a "cry baby," and "totally unable to deal with a reasonable person like him." The RA said as little as he could and left. And the war rages on.

[Clayface]

Why does he crank up the TV when I get a call? Because it's only right to leave the room when your on the phone. He's just "forcing me to think of him." (FYI: He claimed that he always leaves when he gets a call. That's a bold-faced lie. How else would I know all of his business? I'm a lot of things, but I'm not the nosey neighbor from Bewitched.)

Are you cranking up the TV when he gets on the phone in the room? If not, you should. If he complains, you can throw the same lines back in his face (you're just forcing him to think of you, it's only right that he leave the room when he's on the phone, etc). Anytime he does anything hypocritical, or rude, speak up. Basically call him on everything, everytime. And get the RA involved as much as possible, so you've got some sort of paper-trail/witness-trail/documentation of everything that's gone down.

[Temple Fugate]

Basically call him on everything, everytime. And get the RA involved as much as possible, so you've got some sort of paper-trail/witness-trail/documentation of everything that's gone down.That's the best way to go about this. First see how he likes taking his own medicine. If you have repeated tangles with him in the presence of an RA, then there will definitely be a chance your problems will be looked at more seriously by the school. Have you asked him specifically if he enjoys being a hipocrate? If I were in that situation I'd prefer to dig to the psychological root of his behavior rather than just criticize what he's doing on the surface. Try and stir him up a little and see if he's capable of seeing the flaws in himself.

[Andy Mancini]

I find it funny really. I put up with his loud TV and stupid comments (when I asked him to shut the door once, he said "This is my room too. You can't get your way all the time.") for two and a half months. He couldn't last twenty minutes. He's sleeping now... I'd blast the remix that I'm currently working on, but I really don't feel like getting my "ass whooped" right now. No... not by him, but by his six bodybuilder friends that are in the three rooms over. Besides, if I do anything right now, I'll just play into their little game of "whip it out and see whose is bigger."

[krazymed]

Living with people is a mistake I'll never make again. I pay a little extra for my single apartment, but the piece of mind is awesome.

[Assembler]

This guy that your talking about is being a real fool to you. I would do something during the night (if he ever does go to sleep) then (you may not like this) turn the tv super loud(as loud as possible) then just go in the closet and watch him be filped out. LOL, but hide yourself in the closet so if he is tired he won't be able to see you. if that doesn't work then get the RA and keep getting them invloved like clayface said but talk to them without this guy there cause he'll turn your words around making you look bad.

[solarflere]

Take the batteries out of the TV remote. Second, confront him. It will force him to listen. And what ever you do, don't be nice to him. I know you don't have a lot of time left, but give him a taste of his own medicine. You probaply know what bothers him. Do it a lot and then compromise, that if he stops, you will stop. If all else fails, go to the department heads of the dorms, not just your building. Don't be afraid to go above their heads. Dean of students might help. Hope it goes well for you.

[G. Wen]

I find it funny really. I put up with his loud TV and stupid comments (when I asked him to shut the door once, he said "This is my room too. You can't get your way all the time.") for two and a half months. He couldn't last twenty minutes. He's sleeping now... I'd blast the remix that I'm currently working on, but I really don't feel like getting my "ass whooped" right now. No... not by him, but by his six bodybuilder friends that are in the three rooms over. Besides, if I do anything right now, I'll just play into their little game of "whip it out and see whose is bigger."
That falls under physical threat and sexual harrasment, which you can actually report to the cops. Also, he sounds dumb. Do you have any pre-law or political science friends? If you do, pretend you're pulling a law suit on him, it'll put him in a nervous wreck.

[Kurtman]

I think you should either live alone,with your family or get a different roommate. Nuff said.

[Andy Mancini]

I think you should either live alone,with your family or get a different roommate. Nuff said.
Three more weeks of this high school bullcrap, then I'm out for good. I cannot wait.

[Youko Recca]

Wow, that really sucks. I have to admire your patience though, cause I would have mopped that fool long ago. Countering his ways with sneaky little tactics would probally be best too. Commend you for pushing on, just keep thinking about how soon it is until you're out. Will probally be something to look back and laugh on.

[Weatherman]

Three more weeks of this high school bullcrap, then I'm out for good. I cannot wait.
In three weeks time, make sure all of your housing bills are paid off in full, move your stuff out at the earliest possbile moment and leave a gigantic mess of anything you don't want strewn across the place. What are they going to do, boot you out? Make sure yo ucall the RA every single time he does something so there's a reccord. Call Lemont every time. Call whoever Lemont's supervisor is and work your way up the chain.

You could also shred the speaker cones on his TV while he's out, but that would be punishing an innocent TV.

[sKorpia]

I disagree with all the advice to exact passive-aggressive revenge on this guy.

It all really comes down to what you want to accomplish. Since it's only 3 more weeks that you have to endure this sad excuse for a human being, I'm going to assume that your main objective is to survive intact and come out fully graduated. If that's the goal, egging this guy on is definitely not the way to achieve it. Your roommate doesn't respect you and has made that pretty clear from the beginning. He's inconsiderate, rude, and patronizing to you for no apparent reason other than he just doesn't like you. And all this before you had your little bout of revenge. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy to tone down his behavior just because you've gotten fed up with him; I'd actually wager on an escalation of trying to piss you off. Except this time he's got (in his mind) even more reasons to hold his alpha dog status over you. What that translates into for you is even more hassle to deal with, distractions from your studying, and a depletion of your already-depleted energy because you have to worry about what new stunt he's gonna pull or how you're going to get back at him. It's a waste of time and effort if all you want to do is get your degree.

But you don't have to take this from him lying down. From what you've told us, it's also clear that he doesn't want any beef with authority. If he didn't have some fear of the RAs and higher-ups, he would have beat you up already to try to keep you in line. Obviously, he knows that if he lays a hand on you, you could justifiably and legally get him kicked out. So, as others have said above, call the RAs and complain whenever he won't acknowledge your requests for volume reduction or your need for sleep. Make sure they document each incident. RAs are taught during training to let the residents handle their own problems. It's part of the college learning experience for freshmen and they need to deal with it. Therefore, RAs are reluctant to step in. The only way for RAs to realize that you have a problem is to make your roommate their problem too. If they have to constantly file paperwork on this guy, they'll be plenty steamed and more willing to try to do something about him.

Ideally, you would've done all this earlier in the semester. As it's only 3 weeks left, the chances of being moved out or of getting him moved out are slim to none. So, in addition to Weatherman's advice about making sure you can move out as quick as possible after the 3 weeks (and leaving a mess behind you since the risk to you is pretty much nil), I'd say find another place to study for 3 weeks. It sucks to feel like you've been kicked out of your own room, which is supposed to be a sanctuary. (I know. I had a roommate whose sleeping schedule as well as her ridiculous amount of light and noise sensitivity essentially kicked me out of my own room at 9pm every night.) But, in this instance, it's definitely not a sanctuary and you don't have the time or energy to deal with the blockhead to make it one. So don't let him consume your thoughts, emotions, or life. He's not important enough to warrant it. And keep your eye on the goal: graduating from college. Karma will take care of this clown later.

Good luck!

[90'sCartoonMan]

I disagree with all the advice to exact passive-aggressive revenge on this guy.
sKorpia raises some good points, you don't want to piss this guy off, you just want all this conflict to end. In three weeks I doubt you guys will be the best of buddies since this guy sounds like a self-centered jerk, but you've got to try something, if just for your grades.

I'd suggest do as much studying and whatever you have to do out of the room as possible. And when you can't, trying to talk to the RAs again. Maybe if you bother them enough, they'll have to intervene.

[Warrior Kitana]

The Roommate from Hell, huh? Yeah, I agree your situation is probably as worst as it can get.

I have to agree with Skorpia and 90'sCartoonMan on this. Since you have about 3 weeks, I think it'll probably be best to take most of your homework and studying to the library, friend's room, or elsewhere. Don't jepordize your college career over this ass.

At your college, can are you able to switch rooms with someone (although I don't think anyone would take too kindly to your jerk of a roommate).

Keep reporting him to the RAs and hopefully they'll intervene. If not, in 3 weeks you'll be rid of that jerk. If you decide to room with someone again, watch for early warning signs. If you think it'll be an issue later, request for a different roommate.

Hope you get through the next few weeks...

[Andy Mancini]

UPDATE #2:

He has his friends mocking me now every time I leave my room. Take five minutes ago, for example. I just left my room to go "do my business" before bed when one of his friends started walking beside me. "Which way you going," he asked mockingly. (Believe me folks, I have been mocked enough times in Junior high to know what it sounds like.)
"That way," I said, walking past him.
"Mind if I walk with you?" I ignore him. He is trying not to laugh at this point. "Hey, slow down!" I still ingore him. He then walks in front of me and says "I'm going to go into the stall with you. We're gonna have some fun then." I slammed the stall door in his face. He walked to the one right next to the one that I was in and started moaning (yes, that kind of moaning) while saying "this is some fun sh--."

Now, I know that all of you are thinking: "How do you know that he's telling them to do that?" Answer: I can hear them talking about me in the next room over! Fighting them is not an option, as I am not dumb enough to get into it with bodybuilders. As for telling a RA... that's rich. I've been there before. It usually ends either with me getting yelled at or even more mocking by my tormentors, since they now have to "show me who's boss." Another problem with me telling a RA has to do with race. His friends are black and I have seen them use the "race card" before to get out of problems. Add on to it that I'm about as white as they come and that my roommate (a Latino) is extremely racist... you can see me problem. And no, I am not a racist by any means. If I was, race would have been the first thing that I brought up, not the last.

But please, don't get the wrong impression. The last time I was mocked like this was June 9th, 1995. Why do I remember that date? It was my last day of Junior high school. It just baffles me. I'm 24 and try my damnedest to act my age, while everyone around me acts like they're 13 all over again... and continually gets away with it! Desperate moves by desperate people, I guess. Two more weeks... I just have to keep telling myself that. Two more freakin' weeks...

Oh... thanks for all of your advice thus far. It's really appriciated.

[Clayface]

If the RA won't listen, go over his head to administration. The things these guys are doing are serious harrassment, and you could force the school to get the police involved and/or get these guys suspended/expelled for the rest of the year if you really wanted to. All you've got to do is let school officials know you are seriously fearful of your own safety - that's a complaint they have to take very seriously, if for no other reason than to avoid a lawsuit against themselves. I know you just want to ride things out for the next two weeks, but this sort of thing really shouldn't be tolerated. There's no need to put yourself through that sort of hell.

[Weatherman]

'He then walks in front of me and says "I'm going to go into the stall with you. We're gonna have some fun then." I slammed the stall door in his face. He walked to the one right next to the one that I was in and started moaning (yes, that kind of moaning) while saying "this is some fun sh--."'

If he or any of them EVER does anything like that again, call the RA immediately and then call the police as that is sexual harrasment, among other things. Plain old harassment, and threats of sexual violence also come to mind. This jackhole just crossed a major line. Nail him or any of them if they ever do anything like that again. Something like that can not be let go.

[Temple Fugate]

I would recommend purchasing a small tape recorder if you don't already have one. Sure, it's a bit cop-drama-esque, but you need all the evidence you can get. I really hope you get these guys. They're a pretty sorry bunch.

[90'sCartoonMan]

Holy crap...how do jerks like this even get into college?

I wish you the best of luck friend, no one deserves to go through all of that.

[Assembler]

you MUST do at least something. But i have to say the truth you can't fight them. They are freakin body builders. so you can do the clayface way(Going to the head of the dorms) or you can do it my way(Set a little prak on the last day your thier unless they live near by. cause you won't be there anymore after that. if you choose to fight... god bless your body.:crying:

[Conekiller]

You, see, that would be the middle school way of dealing with that problem, not the college graduate way. Andy would just be lowering himself to this cro-magnon's mental level.

[sKorpia]

Are you going home for Thanksgiving, Andy? Is your roommate? Cuz, if either is the case, it's actually only a week more at this point.

Sorry to say it sounds like your RAs have decided you're the problem rather than your roommate. If you do decide to report that instance of his friend harrassing you in the bathroom, I'd go to the campus police instead of the RAs. But, as it was one incident and the threat or harrassment was oblique (and you're a boy; gender will work against you here), the police may not take you seriously. You could try to get evidence of their behavior on tape, but I still think it's a big hassle, given the amount of time you have left with this jerk.

Is the TV yours or his? If it's yours, I'd suggest taking it home. Of course, this only works if home is within a workable driving distance of school. If you're moving back home after graduation and if it's not too much of a headache to pull off, you might want to consider moving out the majority of your stuff over Thanksgiving break. Or any of Old Maid's suggestions, so long as those moves and transitions (completely new people, possibly rules you'll need to abide by, whether or not you could study or get your work done) don't interfere with your upcoming tests/dissertations/presentations/etc.

Have his friends been coming around more often lately? Are they always there when you're there?

[Master Moron]

Okay, I think I'm going to have to disagree with just about everyone else on this thread. It seems everyone just wants to escalate this conflict further. I've had a lot of roommates in college. And my first roommate, I have to say I didn't get a long with. He woke me up at 3 in the morning plenty of times. He played his music while I was trying to sleep. He forced me to leave the room when he dealed drugs. etc. etc. But, looking back at the situation, I realized that I was just as guilty of escalating the conflict as he was. By my third year, I was able to deal with just about any roommate problems. You eventually realize that there are better ways of dealing with your roommate problems than yelling at each other and tattling to the RAs every five minutes.

I'm not saying that you're wrong and he's right. Most of the stuff he has been doing is definitely uncool, but there's calm ways of dealing with stuff and then there's bad ways of dealing with stuff. I really feel bad looking back at my freshmen year that I didn't try to work things out better with my first roommate. I probably could have been better friends with him if I'd actually been more calm.

The problem is, if you learn to deal with your roommate problems by escalating the conflict, then you're going to have just as many problems with your next roommate.

[Clayface]

You eventually realize that there are better ways of dealing with your roommate problems than yelling at each other and tattling to the RAs every five minutes.

Then perhaps you should make some specific suggestions on alternate ways to deal with this particular situation. It sounds like to me like he's done everything reasonable, and in fact has gone out of his way to deal with it in a calm manner, and it obviously hasn't worked. The roommate is being far more than just "uncool" - he's being a straight up bully. What would you do differently?

[Master Moron]

Then perhaps you should make some specific suggestions on alternate ways to deal with this particular situation. It sounds like to me like he's done everything reasonable, and in fact has gone out of his way to deal with it in a calm manner, and it obviously hasn't worked. The roommate is being far more than just "uncool" - he's being a straight up bully. What would you do differently?

Well, for starters, what's an "active listening session"? Maybe he should take Lamont's advice and have one of those.

Anyway, I think the key to any roommate situation is to show an interest in your roommate's interests. I had a roommate who liked baseball, so I started betting on baseball. I had a roommate who liked punk music, so I downloaded some punk music.

But, of course, it's probably way too late for that stuff. At this point maybe it's time for you to make some deals. Instead of just asking him to do what you want, you could try giving him what he wants in exchange for what you want. Say, "Okay, I'll agree to not talk on the phone in the room if you agree not to play your music after 11" etc.

And if you really can't agree on anything else, then the one thing that you can probably agree on is that your roommate situation isn't working. So, maybe you should both see the RA together. I'm sure he hates living with you as much as you hate living with him. If you go to see the RA alone, they'll just think you aren't trying hard enough to get along. If you both see the RA together and explain your situation they'll realize you just aren't compatible.

[Weatherman]

And if you really can't agree on anything else, then the one thing that you can probably agree on is that your roommate situation isn't working. So, maybe you should both see the RA together. I'm sure he hates living with you as much as you hate living with him. If you go to see the RA alone, they'll just think you aren't trying hard enough to get along. If you both see the RA together and explain your situation they'll realize you just aren't compatible.

That would work if his roomie wsa a resonable person. By all accounts this guy and his buddies are nasty bullies who go out of their way to make Andi's life a living hell just because they can. At some point it stops being "Can we all get along?" and starts becomeing self-defense. Thankfully, it's only what, 2 more weeks or so Andi?

[The Penguin]

I wish I had found this thread earlier, Andy. I must say that as a housing professional I am more than a little upset with the way Lamont and the RAs have apparently taken things. Is Lamont an undergrad, grad student or a full-time employee? That may make a difference as far as his level of caring, but could also just be who he is.

If the RAs have already referred you to Lamont then he shouldn't send you back. If you came to me my first question would be if you had talked to your RA, but I wouldn't refuse to listen to you regardless of what the answer was.

We always want to help work out issues if we can, but the bottom line is that everyone needs to feel comfortable in their space and it sounds like you can barely live in your room, that is not okay. It's big of you to try and tough this out, and I know I don't need to tell you this, but I wish you would have done something sooner. This guy clearly cannot live with anyone. He's too set in his ways. Someone like him should not have a typical undergrad roommate. Every campus at least should have some open rooms that they use for emergency purposes and while you weren't attacked by your roommate or anything you are clearly being harassed and you can do things about it.

I don't know what your RA is like, but I would advise you to start there, don't say "I hate my roommate" or talk about how the TV is loud. Talk about how it is affecting your ability to sleep, study and live. It sounds like you've tried both compromise and fighting back and neither has worked. He clearly doesn't respect anyone and that's the problem. Residence halls would have no problems if people would just respect each other and think about how their actions affect the people around them. You both have rights to the room and "it's my room too" on either side doesn't entitle him to do whatever he wants.

Lamont should have talked to you about your concerns and not sent you back to your RA. I would advise trying him again with the same stuff I suggested to discuss with your RA and if that doesn't work, I guess you will have to try going over his head. Be forewarned though that the director/housing coordinator/dean is not going to badmouth Lamont or say that he was wrong. They'll be just like Lamont at first and ask you if you've gone to the person below them. He needs their support on things and they can't undercut him every time students go to the residence life office.

There should also be someone on your campus that deals with student-student conflicts and can do something about this guy and his cronies harassing you. He would get in big trouble if this was termed harassment and I don't see how it couldn't be.

I don't know if it's still worth it to you to try and get out of there, but you should be able to if you can't handle the last few weeks. Typical room changes wouldn't be done anymore, but this is far from typical and you need to ensure the right people see that.


Well, for starters, what's an "active listening session"? Maybe he should take Lamont's advice and have one of those.
[snip]
And if you really can't agree on anything else, then the one thing that you can probably agree on is that your roommate situation isn't working. So, maybe you should both see the RA together. I'm sure he hates living with you as much as you hate living with him. If you go to see the RA alone, they'll just think you aren't trying hard enough to get along. If you both see the RA together and explain your situation they'll realize you just aren't compatible.You said don't tattle to the RA and then suggest he use them? Forgive me if I don't follow your logic. This fellow is clearly beyond reason and any kind of mediation session (fancy word: "active listening") is not going to work. From what I've read, he wouldn't go to a meeting with Andy and the RA unless Lamont or someone higher made him. Next semester this moron should have a single room by default because any sane person would not place him with another roommate.

[Andy Mancini]

NEW UPDATE:

I came back from class at 12:45. My roommate, who came back from Jersey at two yesterday morning, was sleeping. I finished my tortilini that I made before class and decided to take a nap. Shortly after I closed my eyes, he got a call from his new girlfriend who lives on the first floor. "Yeah? You're bored? Come up here." She quickly came up and started watching ESPN with him. I know this because I could hear the news of Steve Mariuchi (sp?) being fired clearly in my almost dreams. I got up a few minutes later and watched them move - First, they were sitting beside each other. Then she was sitting on his lap. Then they were in bed together, with her curled up against him. There goes his shirt! Oh wait... the shirt is back... but now she is on top of him! They're cuddling again... and there is a pair of pants on the floor. Keep in my that I have not left the room. You want to do that? That's fine, but wait until I leave. And no, talking to the RA is not an option in this case. It'll make things even worse.

Oh, and thank you all for your help. It's nice to hear a different point-of-view.

[Dark Fact]

I find it absolutely laughable that this guy is an ex-navy marine! If he was doing something like that while in service, you could bet his drill sargeant would be kicking his ass all the way from one coast to the other. How did he get out of service anyway? Severe insubordination?

It looks to me that your RA's are being a bunch of chickens and rather not open any cans of worms so they can sit back and chow on donuts all day.

I've had people like that doofus you described bully me around in elementary to high school. Believe me man, people like them will find themselves behind bars.

[FireStarterLE]

no wonder this guy is an ex-navy ...... as soon as you heard about his "bee problem" you should have tried to find one as a dorm pet.

At least December is quickly approaching, you can leave that "thing" behind and go back to remembering the better things in life.

[solarflere]

I find it absolutely laughable that this guy is an ex-navy marine! If he was doing something like that while in service, you could bet his drill sargeant would be kicking his ass all the way from one coast to the other. How did he get out of service anyway? Severe insubordination?

It looks to me that your RA's are being a bunch of chickens and rather not open any cans of worms so they can sit back and chow on donuts all day.

I've had people like that doofus you described bully me around in elementary to high school. Believe me man, people like them will find themselves behind bars.Wait, is he an ex-navy or an ex-marine, two diferent military divisions. And the only way you can get out of service is that if you served your contract, 4 years for example to pay for Collage (an Honoragle discharge), or he was court marshalled(sp?) with a dishonorable discharge (in that case he will never EVER work in a respactable work place again, that record stays with you for ever). Insubordination is usualy means he was disiplined. That is to the best of my knowlegde the only way one can get out of service, if I am wrong, someone will correct me.

[Dark Fact]

Wait, is he an ex-navy or an ex-marine, two diferent military divisions. And the only way you can get out of service is that if you served your contract, 4 years for example to pay for Collage (an Honoragle discharge), or he was court marshalled(sp?) with a dishonorable discharge (in that case he will never EVER work in a respactable work place again, that record stays with you for ever). Insubordination is usualy means he was disiplined. That is to the best of my knowlegde the only way one can get out of service, if I am wrong, someone will correct me.
I see. Thanks for the clarification.

[Weatherman]

That is not only reprehenable, it's disgucting to. That's your couch to! This guy is an absolute disgrace to any branch of the military service. I can think of a half dozen people from all branches who would love to get the chance to kick his ass for you.

File a complaint with the head of the school housing authority. Your RA is gulity of dereliction of the duties he was worn to do when he signed his contract. This whole situation is beyond insane. I hope you can get out ASAP.

[Andy Mancini]

That is not only reprehenable, it's disgucting to. That's your couch to!!
Our dorm room is small... stupidly small. We couldn't fit a couch in here even we tried. His bed, however, is about four or five feet from my computer desk, so it's like having stage to a softcore porno. FYI, the television in question is about a foot and a half to two feet away from my head. Turn up a normal 25" television to about 50% and sit two feet away. It's not fun.

On Lamont: I have had trouble with him before. See, I had problems with him last year when my roommate chose not to move in totally. Living somewhere else and coming into the room at two in the morning to dry out/have sex was more his speed. After going to Lamont for a week, I was finally told that I "didn't understand the situation" and that I wasn't "willing to work with him." He also admonished me for getting my father involved, saying that it was "none of his business." (For the record, I didn't get my dad involved. He called up Lamont without me knowing, hoping that he could help "even things a bit." Needless to say, it didn't work.) It was only after I painted the other guy as a possible threat (READ: Lamont might get sued) that I was moved to a single room.

As for my roommate and his "girlfriend" - they slept together last night. She left here at 10:30. He is still sleeping. I'm not trying to be a prude or anything, but come on! I wasn't even considered in this situation! And what am I going to do? The RAs will say that the semester is almost over (and yes, I have heard that before), and therefore will just tell us to "talk more" (heard that too). Lamont will say that he did all that he could, and that I wasn't "willing to work with him," as I mentioned above. And what will the end result be? His friends will call me a - let's just say it's the derogitory word for "homosexual" - for the next two weeks. Again, it's not fun.

Oh, and Penguin - I don't doubt that you're fifty billion times better at this than Lamont is. If this board is any indication, you actually (gasp!) try to help instead of placing blame.

[The Falcon]

Oh, and Penguin - I don't doubt that you're fifty billion times better at this than Lamont is. If this board is any indication, you actually (gasp!) try to help instead of placing blame.penguin was an excellent RA and i have no doubt he's even better with his new job which requires more responsibility. trust me on this :)

[Dark Fact]

Andy, you're living in a corrupt society here. Tough it out buddy.

[The Penguin]

On Lamont: I have had trouble with him before. See, I had problems with him last year when my roommate chose not to move in totally. Living somewhere else and coming into the room at two in the morning to dry out/have sex was more his speed. After going to Lamont for a week, I was finally told that I "didn't understand the situation" and that I wasn't "willing to work with him." He also admonished me for getting my father involved, saying that it was "none of his business." (For the record, I didn't get my dad involved. He called up Lamont without me knowing, hoping that he could help "even things a bit." Needless to say, it didn't work.) It was only after I painted the other guy as a possible threat (READ: Lamont might get sued) that I was moved to a single room.
[snip]
Lamont will say that he did all that he could, and that I wasn't "willing to work with him," as I mentioned above.This guy is a moron. I don't know how Lamont thought you were acting, but you don't talk to students that way. You complain to your peers (not RAs) about them behind their back! I'm joking yet serious at the same time. I'd be interested do know what the hell he did that exhausted all options.


Oh, and Penguin - I don't doubt that you're fifty billion times better at this than Lamont is. If this board is any indication, you actually (gasp!) try to help instead of placing blame.
penguin was an excellent RA and i have no doubt he's even better with his new job which requires more responsibility. trust me on this :)Appreciate the kind words guys. Thanks.

[Weatherman]

Andy, you need to call whoever is in charge of the RA's IMMEDIATELY and file a formal complaint about this "Lamont" joker. He is clearly in violation of his duties and should be removed immediately. Make a pest of yourself. Does your roommate just not care, or is he some kind of sick exhibitionist?

[Andy Mancini]

Well gang, enough's enough. I just came back to the room after a brief yet lively walk to find that the door is locked. That's odd, since he never locks the door while he's inside. Anyway, I get in and what do I see? He's eating popcorn and watching Oprah while she's... let's just say that she's in the middle of the sex act that made Monica Lewinsky famous. "Oh... hello," he mutters under his breath as she scrambles for his chair. He very calmly pulled up his pants like nothing is going on. That is it. I don't care if I get my ass kicked or if my stuff is broken or if my Ritalin is gone (yes, I have moderate ADD - not hyper or prone to acting out or any of that; I'm just shy to the point of overthinking everything), or if I'm called gay. I cannot have... that. Wish me luck.

[Dark Fact]

Good luck, Andi, you'll need it!

[Clayface]

Well gang, enough's enough. I just came back to the room after a brief yet lively walk to find that the door is locked. That's odd, since he never locks the door while he's inside. Anyway, I get in and what do I see? He's eating popcorn and watching Oprah while she's... let's just say that she's in the middle of the sex act that made Monica Lewinsky famous. "Oh... hello," he mutters under his breath as she scrambles for his chair. He very calmly pulled up his pants like nothing is going on. That is it. I don't care if I get my ass kicked or if my stuff is broken or if my Ritalin is gone (yes, I have moderate ADD - not hyper or prone to acting out or any of that; I'm just shy to the point of overthinking everything), or if I'm called gay. I cannot have... that. Wish me luck.

Good luck! And let us know what happened!

[HellCat]

Well gang, enough's enough. I just came back to the room after a brief yet lively walk to find that the door is locked. That's odd, since he never locks the door while he's inside. Anyway, I get in and what do I see? He's eating popcorn and watching Oprah while she's... let's just say that she's in the middle of the sex act that made Monica Lewinsky famous. "Oh... hello," he mutters under his breath as she scrambles for his chair. He very calmly pulled up his pants like nothing is going on. That is it. I don't care if I get my ass kicked or if my stuff is broken or if my Ritalin is gone (yes, I have moderate ADD - not hyper or prone to acting out or any of that; I'm just shy to the point of overthinking everything), or if I'm called gay. I cannot have... that. Wish me luck.
Good gravy.... others have made some good suggestions but I'm afraid all I can give is moral support. If this doesn't convince them to get rid of this jerk, nothing will. Best of luck!

[Conekiller]

This is exciting, it's like watching a movie. I cna't wait to see if Andy is triumphant.

We're rooting for you!

[Warrior Kitana]

I hate to say I'm out of what more you can do. I do hope you manage for the rest of the semester. Good Luck, I (and I'm sure everyone else) will be rooting for you against that jerkass.

[Assembler]

Well gang, enough's enough. I just came back to the room after a brief yet lively walk to find that the door is locked. That's odd, since he never locks the door while he's inside. Anyway, I get in and what do I see? He's eating popcorn and watching Oprah while she's... let's just say that she's in the middle of the sex act that made Monica Lewinsky famous. "Oh... hello," he mutters under his breath as she scrambles for his chair. He very calmly pulled up his pants like nothing is going on. That is it. I don't care if I get my ass kicked or if my stuff is broken or if my Ritalin is gone (yes, I have moderate ADD - not hyper or prone to acting out or any of that; I'm just shy to the point of overthinking everything), or if I'm called gay. I cannot have... that. Wish me luck.Wow just wow. Your college has a bunch of morons in it. I can't believe that he and she were doing "Such things". He is an insult of the military. I wish someone was in the army, and came to kick his ass. actually they need to fire this foolish Lamont. I wish i were there to help you andy. I would teach em a listen.:sweat:

[Andy Mancini]

YET ANOTHER UPDATE:

I was sick yesterday - really sick. It took all I had to drag myself out of bed and go to class. Knowing that nothing good would come out of that situation, I decided to wait until today. It was a good move on my part, since I ended up speaking with the lone RA from the first floor. I've never dealt with her before. I told her everything - the TV, the "whoop your ass" comment, the sex. She suggested that we all try to "talk things out," which I immediately shot down. "I have too much to do today," I said. Besides, there is a good chance that I won't even be here this weekend, as I have an eleven page paper due next Friday and I want to go somewhere where I can concentrate. So we came to an agreement: if he does anything that is "out of the ordinary" (like the sex), then we'll set up a meeting tomorrow. At least someone outside of Lamont knows the entire story.

Again, I want to thank you all for your help. It appears that I accidentally created the Toon Zone equivalent to "Trainman," which is both kind of cool and sort of odd at the same time. Maybe my story would have been more gripping if I decided to call my roommate "Hermes."

[Master Moron]

I don't see any problem with the sex. Many of my roommates throughout my 4 years of college have had sex in the room when I was present. Though, they usually turn off the lights first.

[The Penguin]

I don't see any problem with the sex. Many of my roommates throughout my 4 years of college have had sex in the room when I was present. Though, they usually turn off the lights first.Well, alright then. If this jerk was your roommate you would have one less thing you were uncomfortable with. Personally, I'm glad both of my roommates had girlfriends who were seniors in high school.

[Nightflower]

I don't see any problem with the sex. Many of my roommates throughout my 4 years of college have had sex in the room when I was present. Though, they usually turn off the lights first.
Good for you. You are strictly in the minority. It bothers Andy and it would bother a reasonable person and it's not unreasonable to expect a roommate who would respect your space and do it when you're not around. Just because you, personally, are not bothered by it does not mean that something wrong is not being committed.

[90'sCartoonMan]

Golly, this is terrible and rivetting at the same time! I hope things work out for you, Andy (although you're done what, next week?)

Again, I want to thank you all for your help. It appears that I accidentally created the Toon Zone equivalent to "Trainman," which is both kind of cool and sort of odd at the same time. Maybe my story would have been more gripping if I decided to call my roommate "Hermes."
I'm going to try to option out the rights to the Andy Mancini Story. I had hoped for a direct to TV movie (on ABC or CBS, possibly), but with the graphic nature, I might have to try for Showtime.

I don't see any problem with the sex. Many of my roommates throughout my 4 years of college have had sex in the room when I was present. Though, they usually turn off the lights first.
Personally I'm glad both my roommates weren't getting any (although sophomore year my roommate's girlfriend would come over for the weekend, but they wouldn't be back until after I had gone to sleep.

[Stewie]

I think roommates having sex in your room is to be expected in college, if not enjoyed. But there has to be some consideration. You have to develop a system. Hang a necktie on the door sort of thing. If that were the only thing this guy had done it might still be enough to be annoyed, but just enough that you need to have a discussion about it.

But this guy has done much more, and clearly doesn't have any consideration for Andy. This is one more, in a long line of infractions.

Me, I'm glad I never lived in a dorm. And in apartments, I always had my own room. It's the only way to fly.

[Ajax]

I don't see any problem with the sex. Many of my roommates throughout my 4 years of college have had sex in the room when I was present. Though, they usually turn off the lights first. Their is no problem with the sex. Its not wrong for your roomate to be doing sexual things in the room. The thing is, this Andy guy really doesn't like his roomate. So you could see why it would piss him off.

[Nightflower]

Their is no problem with the sex. Its not wrong for your roomate to be doing sexual things in the room. The thing is, this Andy guy really doesn't like his roomate. So you could see why it would piss him off. No, the problem is that his roommate consistently has sex while Andy is still in the room. Even if I liked my roommate and had no problems with him/her, I would still be annoyed at how inconsiderate this is. It's not like Andy is like, "I dislike this fellow, therefore I will do my best to ensure that I ruin his sex life by not letting him get any in this room while I still live here! Haw haw haw!"

[randomguy]

No, the problem is that his roommate consistently has sex while Andy is still in the room. Even if I liked my roommate and had no problems with him/her, I would still be annoyed at how inconsiderate this is. It's not like Andy is like, "I dislike this fellow, therefore I will do my best to ensure that I ruin his sex life by not letting him get any in this room while I still live here! Haw haw haw!"Exactly. No one should have to put up with their roommate having sex while they're still in the room. I'm amazed there's even a small amount of dissension on this. Some people may not have a problem with it. Okay, fine. But such behavior is well outside even liberal standards of decency and courtesy, and I'd venture to say the actions of Andy's roommate are tremendously disrespectful and inappropriate. Such things are certainly not "to be expected."

Sex is going to happen in dorm rooms, but there should always be a system in place. Speaking from personal experience, a necktie on the door alone will save everybody a whole lot of trouble.

More the point, I can't see why anybody would want to have sex with some third party in the same room. I dare say that would cut down on the intimacy.

At any rate, Andy, sorry to hear about your troubles. The stuff you're having to put up with is beyond absurd, and unfortunately is unlikely to get properly resolved this late in the game. I hope things eventually pan out for you.

[Andy Mancini]

I got lucky, if one wants to look at it that way. Thanks to the way that some (not me) treat the bathrooms, our floor is on 24-hour quiet hours and no visitation - at all. Needless to say, he's been sleeping downstairs. That's great for me, as I don't have to see it now.

[DisneyBoy]

I just read your first post, and from there, I basically have this to say.


It sucks being the person with a problem, because it's easier for everyone else to blame you for coming to them with your troubles. Obviously, you should be able to turn to people for support. Your RA, your family, the school, etc. But because you are doing so, folks are getting irritated and saying "deal with it yourself". Which sucks.

You are in a super, sucky situation.

I would say "give him a taste of his own medicine", but that's likely to escalate things. Then, HE could go to the RA and blame you for things, making you both look guilty of being lousy roomates to each other.

Is there a friend you could stay with, during the final weeks of the semester? Someone with a computer, or a respectful roomate? Your girlfriend perhaps, if she's also at the same school...?

The situation you're in is no fun, and I'm glad you came here to vent. And if you don't mind my saying so, your venting was extremely well written and clear to boot. Don't get too down. This situation is temporary, and lord knows there will be other, differently irritating ones in store for you in the years to come. It's not your obligation to stay away from this dork, but finding ways to do that will likely help you out. The drives are costly, so sticking to places in the dorm might be wise. Knock on a neighbour's door. Make a new friend. Chances are, there are bound to be other people also looking for some peace and quiet, and would let you spend the afternoon sitting down, studying by yourself. Good luck with the sleeping situation though. And keep telling yourself...there's only X days left, then I never have to see this idiot again.

[Scorpio_G]

This is one of the many reasons why I choose to go to SVA, single rooms. I'm not a punk but I'm not going to sit around class during my limited free time and think how I'm going to suggest to my roomate, " Could you turn down the TV a little bit when I'm sleeping please?" Bullcrap.

I feel your pain, I know how it is. I had a retarded neighbor above me last year who use to play drums on the sprinkler pipes at 3 in the morning. You did everything in your control to stop it but I can't let you go off the hook. You let the problem excalate out of control to the point it couldnt be contained at three points.

The FIRST thing you shold of done as soon as everything was unpacked and settled you and 'the ******bag' should of layed down the groundrules ON DAY 1. I had a friend in freshman year who choosed to roomate with 5 girls. They made up the rules as the days went buy but things started to deteriorate near November and near April things went sour.

As soon as ******bag started acting up you should of stood your ground. (I mean, REALLY stood your ground.) What I've learn about people like that is they're afraid of people who dont take any crap from nobody. Belive me you'll have to do it a a lot of times but eventually he'll know you're not one to mess with.

Something I've learned from my Mom, who's the master in the art of complaining is that you cant downtalk higher ups to a certain point. Yes, Lamont is a horrible RA but he's the one that has power to make results. Also, you have to remind yourself that RA's were trained to handle stuff like this and I dont know how your college roomate procedures are like but maybe Lamount, for some reason unknown to me, feels that maybe your situation isnt as bad as it may seem.

Which brings me to ask this question. After all this time you didnt have any friends, neighbors, or any whitnesses who saw all of this happening to you? You had no 2nd party to actually testify for you to tell the RA that what happened to you was a fact? Not even the slightest complaint from your neighbors about the 3am TV incident?

And yes Lamont didnt work. But I didnt like the fact that you totaly blew off the 1st floor RA. Yeah you had a bad experience with the last RA but you didnt know if she was going to actually help you. Hell, she probably hates the guy as much as you and probably more. You dont think people who work togeather don't converse with each other? Now because of that action that'll make you look bad.

I apologies if I sound like I'm putting you in a bad light, even though we only had your side of the story, but that's how I was raised. At least you dont have to put up with this crap for another semester since your graduating but your last semester should of had the 'home run' feeling instead of all this crap. Once again, sorry for all your room mate stress.

And when you get an appartment in the near fuiture try nhot to get a roomate. Maybe you're just bad luck with roomates. :confused:

[Conekiller]

Just wonderin how everything turned out?

The bathroom thing solved your problem?

[Andy Mancini]

Just wonderin how everything turned out?

The bathroom thing solved your problem?
It sure did. He spent the remianing time in her room. At that point, it didn't really matter much. He was still in there doing his thing - playing ESPN from 7:30 to one in the afternoon, then playing his MP3s on his new laptop till four - but it stopped bothering me when the sex stopped. Why? I'm graduating. I moved out last night in fact. On Saturday, I'll have my BA in English Creative Writing and I'll never have to see him again.

[Dark Fact]

Way to pull through, Andy! Someone should give you an endurance award for this! :)

[Temple Fugate]

It's great to hear that your ordeal is finally over. It really sucks to have a jerk roommate and I applaud your patience. If I was with a roomie like that, we probably would have fought to the death.

[The Penguin]

I'm graduating. I moved out last night in fact. On Saturday, I'll have my BA in English Creative Writing and I'll never have to see him again.Congratulations Andy. I'm glad this is finally over for you. Both school (nice to be done, isn't it?) and this whole roommate situation.

[Conekiller]

Hail the conquering hero!

Oh, and , congrats! :anime:

[Weatherman]

Congradulations on surviving Andy. I hope thus bozo crashes and burns the day he leaves the confines of his dorm room.:mad:

[Andy Mancini]

Thanks again for all of your help. I really mean it. Now that I have that damned piece of paper in my hands, I can actually move on with my life. I know that the job search will be a pain, but at least I don't have to deal with school anymore. I've preferred real pressure to school pressure anyway. And to all who have written for this fine site, a word of advice: make sure that you put Toon Zone on your resumes. Believe it or not, TZ is considered a "website of record" and counts as work expirience. Being a graduate with "clips" is a million times better than be a graduate with nothing.

[Assembler]

You don't know how happy I am for you man. GO ANDY!

[Speedy Boris]

I'm glad things worked out for you, Andy. That so-called "roommate" of yours sounds like a real nightmare. He sounds like the kind of guy that pretty much doesn't belong in ANY room, because no matter who he's with, he'll cause problems. People like that are better off living off-campus by themselves so they can do whatever they want. Then again, if they do that how are they ever gonna know their habits/lifestyles are obnoxious? It's a connundrum, to be sure... :shrug:

Now my roommate during the month of January wasn't quite as bad as yours- I mean, atleast he didn't have someone performing fellatio on him when I walked in, but he was still difficult to live with. For starters, the guy never showered. Well, he DID, but only once every two weeks, if that. Second, the guy would set his alarm for 7 AM every day, even if he didn't have to get up. The worst part: His alarm was Baja Men. (shudders) Sometimes he'd get up at 6 AM and go out to the living room and play video games... ALL DAY. No breaks, except for the dining hall. So that meant if I wanted to watch TV, I had to go out to the lounge TV, and it was always really noisy out there.

You want more? He was hard of hearing, which isn't really his fault, but it made conversing with him very difficult. If he had his hearing aids out I pretty much had to shout at him so he could hear me. And because of this hearing problem, he would frequently play his music very loud. And what did he listen to? Either country (shudder) or contemporary Christian.

He was also a bit slow upstairs, so he had little semblance of social faux pas when talking with someone; he would often continue talking about something longer than the other party cared.

He would leave the fan blowing on his computer pretty much 24 hours a day, on the highest setting. He would cook awful smelling food in the microwave (I assume it was TV dinner crap), and because of the close ventilation in the apartment it would stink up the whole suite for hours. He would sing to himself.... BADLY. Word to the wise: Nobody wants to hear you sing if you can't perform. You just look embarrasing.

Hmmm, what else? Oh, he wears pajamas all day long. I have no respect for people who do that. To quote Seinfeld: "You know the message you're sending to the world with these sweatpants? 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'" He would read manga by lamplight during the early morning hours. Look, if you're going to read, do it in the living room! Oh, and he walks with his chin sticking in the air. I guess that's it. These may all seem like petty things, but trust me, they added up.

Luckily, I chose not to live in annoyance and so I requested a housing change for Spring Semester and I got it. First time I ever did that, and it was quite a challenge, but thankfully someone accepted me and we really hit it off. I'm now looking forward to Spring instead of dreading it.