Rewind. Stop. Eject.

[Fame]

Last year, Brad and Melanie moved in as my new neighbours.
They've been dating for 3 months and decided to move in together for a while before getting married. (which turned out to be a wise decision)

Anyway, I talked to Brad last night, and he told me that he and Melanie are history :

The thing is that Diane, a very good childhood friend (female) of Brad, came back to the U.S last month and they met a number of times, much to the dislike of Melanie.

One time he had coffee in her house, and Melanie exploded when he came back home. He told her that he and Diane have always been close friends, and just because they meet each other, it doesnt mean they have anything 'romantic' going on. He told her "I love you Melanie, ONLY you"....but that was 2 weeks ago, and they didnt argue about it since, Brad thought she understood. She didnt.

Last night : Brad and Diane decided to meet again before she leaves back to France in 2 days. They went to the movies.
Here's the "transcript" of last night according to Brad :

Brad : Melanie, Im back.

Melanie : Yeah, I heard your message in the answering machine. You went with HER again!to the MOVIES!!!I thought you already have a girlfriend, what am I, a SPOON????!!!

Brad : Wowwww...calm down, I told you shes a FRIEND, not a GIRLfriend, would you be so upset if I went out with Phil instead? No,right? Well, Phil AND Diane have been my best friends ever since I remember myself, and thats not going to change---you're being unfair!

Melanie : Oh please, you can go on and ask any person you want if its normal for someone to go see a movie with another WOMAN when he already has a WOMAN!! Wake up Brad!!

Brad : What are you talkin about??shes leaving to France in 2 days.....

Melanie : Well best hurry up so you could catch the next flight. YOU CERTAINLY MADE YOUR PRIORITIES SO FAR. Im not hanging around here as your sidekick Brad. ITS OVER!!!!

Brad : How can u say that????!!!!after all our history together???HOW CAN U SAY THAT!!!!

Melanie : History???How dare you talk about our history after what you just did to our relationship?? No, Brad. Rewind. Stop. Eject. Take our movie back to the Blockbuster. Its overdue.

>>>>Melanie left the house with 2 bags already packed. - She must've packed them after hearing his message in the answering machine.

Well, thats about it.

I really dont know what to think about it, is it really considered "wrong" to have friends of the other sex, or are you supposed to let'em go once you find a spouse?

I know I will never let my friends go. I mean I have a group of friends, we are basically 6 males and 4 females, all of them I consider Brothers and Sisters. So how hard is it going to be to find a girlfriend who wouldnt mind me visiting my female friends ?
I dont see why I can keep my male friends and tell the female friends bye bye just because they're females.

Friendship has nothing to do with gender.

Your thoughts ?

[Daffy Dork]

That sounds exactly like that episode of Family Guy.

And Melanie sounds crazy. Not because she had a lame excuse, but because she compared herself to a Spoon. She should have said Clam Fork.

[MahouShoujo13]

Whoa...I think she's gone ballistic.

I don't think it's wrong for people to have friends of the opposite sex. I have a nice circle of friends, majority of them guys. Well, of course there are some girls that just think you have to be in a nice romantic relationship with the opposite sex and be friends with other girls.

But of course, sometimes keeping your female friends might cause jealousy from your girlfriend-to-be, Fame, since she might want the relationship to work.

I don't have much to say about your friend's situation, Fame (I'm too young for this anyway!). She must've thought that he was cheating on her, although all he wanted to do was give her a great time in the US. Friends have gone out to movies with each other. But then again...couples go out on dates by going to the movies so they can make out at the boring parts...

[True Noir]

Melanie : No, Brad. Rewind. Stop. Eject. Take our movie back to the Blockbuster. Its overdue.
That line was absolutely amazing.

For me, I don't find anything wrong with going out with a guy friend but some people are very conservative of their man or woman. Obviously, that relationship must have not had much trust if she had automatically assumed that they were in some romantic fiesta.

Trust is an important factor in a relationship.

[Martianinvader]

That line was absolutely amazing.

For me, I don't find anything wrong with going out with a guy friend but some people are very conservative of their man or woman. Obviously, that relationship must have not had much trust if she had automatically assumed that they were in some romantic fiesta.

Trust is an important factor in a relationship.I would think if it had gotten to the point where they were cohabitating, then trust would have been covered. Or at least it should have been. It's just as well...when a girlfriend reveals her true colors like this, it's dumpin' time. I hope Brad can let go of Melanie because if he keeps her, her smothering is going to burn out the relationship, and then he'll be stuck.

[Weatherman]

Wow, sounds like she's been planing this for awhile. What a *TZ unfriendly word*. If that's what she's like, he's better off without her. Shesh.

[tigerrunner]

Personally I think Melanie's overreacting. I've got a lot of female friends, but they're more like sisters than romantic interests. If someobdy goes that crazy over a guy/girl having friends of the opposite sex, then maybe whatever relationship they've had just wasn't meant to be.

[solarflere]

Its like this, she is obviously a jealous type. He should have known better. Maybe introduce her to his girlfriend before hand. Jealousy doesn't get born overnight. He probably knew about it.



I had a similar experience when a friend of mine came to me for assistance. She said that two male friends of hers which she knew for over 4 years came over her house at 11pm and they wanted to show her their new car. They went for a two hour car ride. She said nothing happened and I completely believe her. She drove, and then they drove. Aperrantly she was dumb enough to tell that to her boyfriend, who was the jealous type. He went furious because he didn't know them. He wanted to break up with her. She was hysterical; aperrantly she didn't see anything wrong with what she did. I explained to her that he didn't know the two guys and to him it sounded like you went out with two strangers in a car on a night out. I asked in from of her a couple of my friends the question "would you be angry with your girl if she went out with two people you didn't know in a car at 11pm? All of them said yes. To make a long story short I encouraged her to apologize to him and swallow her pride and they were able to save their relationship.

The lesson is, if you know that your significant other is a jealous person, even if you don't agree about it; don't make him/her jealous. In my experience, if he would have introduced the girl to her, this would have been avoided.

[Jave]

Jealous women are the worst kind of women. Bar none.

Seriously, this Melanie will probably never be in a peaceful relationship. She seems like one of those people that are always behind their boy/girlfriend tail, and that ecrtainly isn't a good thing.

It's good though, that the relationship ended now, if this would have happened after they got married, THEN it would have been a complete mess.

[The Falcon]

jealousy is an ugly creature and unfortunately it thrives inside the best people. i hope melanie sees the error of her ways and returns to brad. sorry to say this, but a wise thing to do may have been to tell melanie that diane, a childhood friend, was coming back from france for a few days and he'd like to get together with her to catch up. another wise thing to do would have been to take melanie along. it wouldn't be too difficult to do. "diane? this is melanie. the fiance." done and done

[Stardust]

A lot of people are saying how crazy Melanie is, and way back before I had a boyfriend, I would've said the same, too. It's BOTH of their faults. Melanie's reaction makes her look like the bad guy, but she's not. Don't put the blame on Melanie, there are 2 sides of this story and you're reading one side.

She feels betrayed emotionally. He doesn't understand the notion of emotional cheating, and it's not really his fault. You don't know what you don't know, after all.

It has happened to me and feeling that a significant other betrayed you emotionally hurts a lot. The same exact situation I read here is exactly what happened to me. I became "crazy" and distressed that my boyfriend wasn't understanding why it was ok to go watch a movie with his female friend without me. Why didn't he invite me along? Before I had a boyfriend, I would never have labeled myself as the jealous type, but in fact, everyone gets jealous of someone beacuse of something. It starts out simmering, then broiling, then it explodes.

It's kind of hard to explain until you've experienced it. Needless to say, we broke up. I almost thought this ruined our friendship, but it didn't. We're better friends now than we were before we dated, and he came to an understanding and finally realized how much he hurt me.

Let's see if I can explain this. Actions speak louder than words.

What Melanie feels is that Brad is sharing feeling and/or time with another girl when he should be able to also share the same feelings and time with her. He's not reading into her idea of love. What does she really want? It seems like she wants a guy to be able to spend time with her and dote on her, not in a bad way, but to really pay attention to her and include her in his life. Why wasn't she there with Brad to farewell Diane? What Blue Falcon said about introducing the two is so true. It definately doesn't hurt to take the girlfriend along. The friend shouldn't feel like the third wheel if the couple aren't all over each other.

Put it this way, how would Brad feel if Diane went to see her best guy friend all the time, went to the movies with him without Brad, and goes to dinner all the time with this guy friend without Brad? Until it happens, Brad will say "I wouldn't care, they're best friends."

It doesn't help that they spent only 3 months of knowing each other before moving in together, but hey, who am I to criticize?

Everyone will have friends of the opposite sex. It's how you deal with your significant other (S/O) and your opposite-sex friends that foster the good relationship. Introduce the friends. Don't exclude the s/o from everything you and your "best, long-time female/male friend" do just because you're THAT good of friends. If you're such good friends, Bob or Suzie Q will understand why you invited your s/o along or why you're spending more time these days with your s/o instead of the friend.

An article (http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa_100/122_love_secrets.html)on Askmen.com provides a pretty good insight to what emotional cheating is.

Brad and Melanie just weren't compatible. Just like my ex and I weren't meant to be. It's not that she was crazy or he was stupid. But you learn from every mistake and hopefully Brad now understands that it's not ok to be spending all your time with another female no matter how long you've been friends. A good book to read if you're in a relationship and serious about making it work is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

I am 95% sure that Melanie won't act this way in her next relationship. If she is, then she's just attracted to the wrong guys and need to do some self-reflection and evaluation. I am currently going out with a guy that treats me a lot better than my ex. We have a great relationship. Even when he was back in the States on leave, I never felt insecure of his love or that he may be cheating. I know he went home to see his friends, who also included female friends as well as his ex. It doesn't bother me at all.

I hope this helps from someone who's been there, done that.

[Tash]

I know people are going to jump on me for this, but this is why dishonesty is important in relationships. If he had attempted to downplay the situation, he could have avoided the mess. Instead, he tries to tell her exactly what she doesn't want to hear, right when she's angry. He should have been sweet-talking her or something to calm her down, so he could explain the situation later. Knowing when to tell the truth, and when to tell the truth that they want to hear is important.

[Kuja's Light]

Honesty is the best policy. Just because you're prone to anger and jealousy, doens't mean you deserve anything elss then the truth. However, it'd probably be better to wait until your significent other is calmed down first.

I will say this though..personally I think jealousy is an illogical emotion, and I can't ever remember even once where I've been seriously jealous.

I'm not saying she's wrong, but that's how I feel on the subject of jealousy.

[Weatherman]

A lot of people are saying how crazy Melanie is, and way back before I had a boyfriend, I would've said the same, too. It's BOTH of their faults. Melanie's reaction makes her look like the bad guy, but she's not. Don't put the blame on Melanie, there are 2 sides of this story and you're reading one side.

She feels betrayed emotionally. He doesn't understand the notion of emotional cheating, and it's not really his fault. You don't know what you don't know, after all.

It has happened to me and feeling that a significant other betrayed you emotionally hurts a lot. The same exact situation I read here is exactly what happened to me. I became "crazy" and distressed that my boyfriend wasn't understanding why it was ok to go watch a movie with his female friend without me. Why didn't he invite me along? Before I had a boyfriend, I would never have labeled myself as the jealous type, but in fact, everyone gets jealous of someone beacuse of something. It starts out simmering, then broiling, then it explodes.

It's kind of hard to explain until you've experienced it. Needless to say, we broke up. I almost thought this ruined our friendship, but it didn't. We're better friends now than we were before we dated, and he came to an understanding and finally realized how much he hurt me.

Let's see if I can explain this. Actions speak louder than words.

What Melanie feels is that Brad is sharing feeling and/or time with another girl when he should be able to also share the same feelings and time with her. He's not reading into her idea of love. What does she really want? It seems like she wants a guy to be able to spend time with her and dote on her, not in a bad way, but to really pay attention to her and include her in his life. Why wasn't she there with Brad to farewell Diane? What Blue Falcon said about introducing the two is so true. It definately doesn't hurt to take the girlfriend along. The friend shouldn't feel like the third wheel if the couple aren't all over each other.

Put it this way, how would Brad feel if Diane went to see her best guy friend all the time, went to the movies with him without Brad, and goes to dinner all the time with this guy friend without Brad? Until it happens, Brad will say "I wouldn't care, they're best friends."

It doesn't help that they spent only 3 months of knowing each other before moving in together, but hey, who am I to criticize?

Everyone will have friends of the opposite sex. It's how you deal with your significant other (S/O) and your opposite-sex friends that foster the good relationship. Introduce the friends. Don't exclude the s/o from everything you and your "best, long-time female/male friend" do just because you're THAT good of friends. If you're such good friends, Bob or Suzie Q will understand why you invited your s/o along or why you're spending more time these days with your s/o instead of the friend.

An article (http://www.askmen.com/love/vanessa_100/122_love_secrets.html)on Askmen.com provides a pretty good insight to what emotional cheating is.

Brad and Melanie just weren't compatible. Just like my ex and I weren't meant to be. It's not that she was crazy or he was stupid. But you learn from every mistake and hopefully Brad now understands that it's not ok to be spending all your time with another female no matter how long you've been friends. A good book to read if you're in a relationship and serious about making it work is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman.

I am 95% sure that Melanie won't act this way in her next relationship. If she is, then she's just attracted to the wrong guys and need to do some self-reflection and evaluation. I am currently going out with a guy that treats me a lot better than my ex. We have a great relationship. Even when he was back in the States on leave, I never felt insecure of his love or that he may be cheating. I know he went home to see his friends, who also included female friends as well as his ex. It doesn't bother me at all.

I hope this helps from someone who's been there, done that.
Or, she could in fact just be nuts. Some people are. No particular eason, they just are. A friend of mine is married to someone like that. He's even tried to introduce me to her, and it went well at first, but now she's tryign to cut me out of his life entirely. Some peopel are just like that, at least some of the time. I'm hoping she comes around, but I'm not sure it's possible.