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Zapages
09-18-2005, 06:07 PM
PLANET-DISSOLVING DUST CLOUD IS HEADED TOWARD EARTH!
Monday September 12, 2005



By MIKE FOSTER

CAMBRIDGE, Mass. -- Scared-stiff astronomers have detected a mysterious mass they've dubbed a "chaos cloud" that dissolves everything in its path, including comets, asteroids, planets and entire stars -- and it's headed directly toward Earth!

Discovered April 6 by NASA's Chandra X-ray Observatory, the swirling, 10 million-mile- wide cosmic dust cloud has been likened to an "acid nebula" and is hurtling toward us at close to the speed of light -- making its estimated time of arrival 9:15 a.m. EDT on June 1, 2014.

"The good news is that this finding confirms several cutting- edge ideas in theoretical physics," announced Dr. Albert Sherwinski, a Cambridge based astrophysicist with close ties to NASA.

"The bad news is that the total annihilation of our solar system is imminent."

Experts believe the chaos cloud is composed of particles spawned near the event horizon of a black hole (a form of what's called Hawking Radiation) that have been distorted by mangled information spewed from the hole.

"A super-massive black hole lies about 28,000 light-years from Earth at the center of our galaxy," explained Dr. Sherwinski.

"Last year the eminent physicist Stephen Hawking revised his theory of black holes -- which previously held that nothing could escape the hole's powerful gravitational field. He demonstrated that information about objects that have been sucked in can be emitted in mangled form.

"It now appears that mangled information can distort matter.

"Just imagine our galaxy the Milky Way as a beautiful, handwritten letter.

"Now imagine pouring a glass of water on the paper and watching the words dissolve as the stain spreads. That's what the chaos cloud does to every star or planet it encounters."

To avoid widespread panic, NASA has declined to make the alarming discovery public. But Dr. Sherwinski's contacts at the agency's Chandra X-ray Observatory leaked to him striking images of the newly discovered chaos cloud obliterating a large asteroid.

"It's like watching a helpless hog being dissolved in a vat of acid," one NASA scientist told Dr. Sherwinski.

Ordinarily, Hawkings Radiation is harmless.

"It's produced when an electron- positron pair are at the event horizon of a black hole," Dr. Sherwinski explained. "The intense curvature of space-time of the hole can cause the positron to fall in, while the electron escapes."

But when "infected" by mangled information from the black hole, the particles become a chaos cloud, which in turn mangles everything it touches.

"If it continues unchecked, the chaos cloud will eventually reduce our galaxy to the state of absolute chaos that existed before the birth of the universe," the astrophysicist warned.

Some scientists say mankind's best hope would be to build a "space ark" and hightail it to the Andromeda Galaxy, 2.1 million light-years away.

"We wouldn't be able to save the entire human population, but perhaps the best and the brightest," observed British rocket scientist Dr. David Hall, when asked about the feasibility of such a project.

But even if such a craft could be built in time, evacuating Earth might prove fruitless if theories about the origin of the chaos cloud are correct.

"A black hole at the center of Andromeda is about 15 times the size of the one in our own galaxy," Dr. Sherwinski noted. "It might be like jumping out of the frying pan into the fire."

Speaking under the condition of anonymity, a senior White House official said the president's top science advisors are taking the findings in stride.

"This is a lot like global warming, where the jury is still out on whether it's real or not," said the official.

"The existence of this so called chaos cloud is only a theory. Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."

Source: Yahoo News (http://tv.yahoo.com/news/wwn/20050912/112653720001.html)

Yay we are going to die. Well its been nice knowing you all here. :)

solarflere
09-18-2005, 06:22 PM
Wow, that is disturbing, assuming its true (not the article but the cloud).

Daffy Dork
09-18-2005, 06:27 PM
What an uplifting article :rolleyes2

BrickTamland
09-18-2005, 06:30 PM
Lovely....This better not be true............

Kurtman
09-18-2005, 06:31 PM
Man,I sure hope this isn't real.

Malex
09-18-2005, 06:39 PM
I would like to point out that the link provided reveals that this is a Weekly World News article. Thanks for the five minutes of fear.

EDIT: I noticed that some people noticed that. So ummm, I probably can guess that a chaos cloud is not real. -runs away-

Daffy Dork
09-18-2005, 06:40 PM
I would like to point out that the link provided reveals that this is a Weekly World News article. Thanks for the five minutes of fear.
So it's all fake?

Youko Recca
09-18-2005, 06:41 PM
Yeah, it's bull.

SirLemming
09-18-2005, 06:41 PM
"...but we're all not meant to die young"

Discloner
09-18-2005, 06:45 PM
I particularly love the last line: "Americans shouldn't panic until all the facts are in."
So apparently the whole solar system is going to be destroyed but only Americans should be worried about it's impending doom. :D

Lord Dalek
09-18-2005, 06:45 PM
So it's all fake?Weekly World News is the intentionally rediculous tabloid so yes.

purplehairedwonder
09-18-2005, 06:51 PM
It would have been scary if it had been real.

ToonamiFanatic
09-18-2005, 06:57 PM
seems like the weekly world news has been watching Star trek the motion picture too much. when i first read it it reminded me of VGer immediately

solarflere
09-18-2005, 06:59 PM
here is another link for it.
http://www.keepmedia.com/pubs/WeeklyWorldNews/2005/09/12/1001245?extID=10026

mookie75
09-18-2005, 07:03 PM
Meh, I've had a good run.

(Note to self: Hurry and get that FFXI character to level 75.... :D )

Fan of Sponge
09-18-2005, 07:16 PM
Wait a minute this is from Weekly World News when I clicked on the article and Entertainment and Gossip.:mad:

Weekly World News is bunch of black and white myths that the gullible public buys and sometimes just for the fun satire.

Kurtman
09-18-2005, 07:17 PM
I would like to point out that the link provided reveals that this is a Weekly World News article. Thanks for the five minutes of fear.

EDIT: I noticed that some people noticed that. So ummm, I probably can guess that a chaos cloud is not real. -runs away-
Weekly World News? What a relief! That's full of all kinds of fake but extremeley amusing stories! I'm a BIG fan of Weekly World News!

Fame
09-18-2005, 07:56 PM
EDIT : THIS POST IS A JOKE :


Wake up ppl!!
This is not a joke or anything amusing, tho I wish it was. Dont you watch TV??
President Bush delivered a speech 1 hour ago :

I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as a leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day 'armageddon' - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us tonight need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into space; all of our combined technologies and imaginations; even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrong and the discord; through all of the pain and he suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.



We still have a chance to beat that chaos cloud!
I'm certain those 14 brave souls will do it! We will prevail!!

Zach
09-18-2005, 08:09 PM
HOLY **** WE ARE ****IN SCREWED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Zach
09-18-2005, 08:31 PM
Wake up ppl!!
This is not a joke or anything amusing, tho I wish it was. Dont you watch TV??
President Bush delivered a speech 1 hour ago :

I address you tonight not as the President of the United States, not as a leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity. We are faced with the very gravest of challenges. The Bible calls this day 'armageddon' - the end of all things. And yet, for the first time in the history of the planet, a species has the technology to prevent its own extinction. All of you praying with us tonight need to know that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster is being called into service. The human thirst for excellence, knowledge; every step up the ladder of science; every adventurous reach into space; all of our combined technologies and imaginations; even the wars that we've fought have provided us the tools to wage this terrible battle. Through all of the chaos that is our history; through all of the wrong and the discord; through all of the pain and he suffering; through all of our times, there is one thing that has nourished our souls, and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage. The dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight on those fourteen brave souls traveling into the heavens. And may we, citizens the world over, see these events through. God speed, and good luck to you.



We still have a chance to beat that chaos cloud!
I'm certain those 14 brave souls will do it! We will prevail!!
What channel did you see this on?

silverwings
09-18-2005, 08:35 PM
wait, wait. I'm confused. Is this real or false?

Someone please tell the confused, paranoid gullible toonzone poster. :crying: :p

Zach
09-18-2005, 08:35 PM
Wait a second, that Bush qoute is from Armageddon. YOU LIE!

James Bester
09-18-2005, 08:41 PM
What channel did you see this on?Man, you're gullible.

solarflere
09-18-2005, 08:46 PM
The president of the united states would never wide spread fear like that. Besides, even if its real, it would be covered up untill the last possible moments.

MahouShoujo13
09-18-2005, 08:47 PM
Chaos cloud going to destroy our plannet in 9 years? I might not be able to get married at that time with my true love! :crying:

No wait a minute, this is from WWN? Phew!

Y'know, a few years ago, when I was at Florida, I saw an article of Weekly World News. LightShadow and I couldn't believe all the bull that was on there. Alien abductions (with photographs as "proof" :rolleyes: ), terrorists using zombies to invade the Florida coast (you can tell that the images were just zombies from the HOTD game, looking like they were walking in the water)...what is that? Oh yeah, it's on the Entertainment and Gossips area, not in Science.

I think it's safe to say we won't have anything to worry about.

SilverKnight
09-18-2005, 08:54 PM
Meh, I've had a good run.

(Note to self: Hurry and get that FFXI character to level 75.... :D )I second that. (Run, Elvaan, run! :D)

K-dog
09-18-2005, 08:54 PM
i find this very funny. call me sick minded but think about it. 1989 and 2000. both the year many people said that were going to die. and look at us, were still alive. the media is retarded. call me what you want but thats what i think

Zach
09-18-2005, 08:58 PM
I had no clue what WWN was until I found out it is a tabloid... My grandma gets like 3 of those tabloids and I laugh my ass off reading them, lol. :D Had me scared for a while...

Zach
09-18-2005, 09:00 PM
Man, you're gullible.
No. I usaully call the BS as soon as I see it. However, the mixture of being mis-informed and fear got to me.

Phantasm
09-18-2005, 09:04 PM
I'm pretty sick of articles and rumors of this sort. Just how many times has armageddon been predicted, again?:rolleyes2

Harlan_Phoenix
09-18-2005, 09:12 PM
A small part of me almost wished this were true.

I dunno, I guess I like the idea of being one of the people going through the Rapture. I'll hang with Patton Oswalt in Heaven's VIP Section.

"How'd you die?"

"In a car crash. How'd you die?"

"IN THE MUTHER ****ING APOCOLYPSE!"

Fame
09-18-2005, 09:25 PM
Otacon, I was sure you're joking too! :D
I thought after everyone said its a joke, no one would take this ARMAGEDDON speech seriously, of course its a joke-thats why I posted it, but I see that some ppl are still not sure, so Im going to edit my post to say "ITS A JOKE"

I'm VERY sorry about it, didnt think for a second that anyone would take my joke seriously, again Im really sorry.

ROBOTRON
09-18-2005, 09:29 PM
What channel did you see this on?
It was on channel zero.:sweat:

solarflere
09-18-2005, 09:31 PM
It was on channel zero.:sweat: oh and I was looking at channel -5 :anime:, yea I know I kiled the joke.:p

Retro Gigi
09-18-2005, 09:51 PM
People, don't worry. We have Ben Affleck.





Wait, an Armageddon joke was already done... Oops. :D

g_UnIt_GaNsTa
09-18-2005, 09:54 PM
People, don't worry. We have Ben Affleck.





Wait, an Armageddon joke was already done... Oops. :D
Damn, I wish he died in the movie so the movie could have been almost not totally crappy.

solarflere
09-18-2005, 09:57 PM
Damn, I wish he died in the movie so the movie could have been almost not totally crappy. What Bruce Willis does not count? :sweat:

Retro Gigi
09-18-2005, 10:42 PM
Damn, I wish he died in the movie so the movie could have been almost not totally crappy. I think Affleck is a fine actor, just doesn't have a taste for good jobs, except a choice few (Mallrats, Chasing Amy, Dogma, Jersey Girl, and Daredevil [Hey, I like it]).

g_UnIt_GaNsTa
09-18-2005, 10:46 PM
What Bruce Willis does not count? :sweat:He's the dude from Die Hard. The end should've gone like this:



Bruce Willis: I'm going to stay!

Ben Affleck: No! I'm staying!

Bruce Willis: Oh, ok, have fun.

(Bruce gets in the spaceship)

Ship pilot: Have fun dying, Gigli.

Ben Affleck: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

He presses the button, special effects happen, Jerry Bruckheimer and Michael Bay headbang in the background.

Retro Gigi
09-18-2005, 10:50 PM
He's the dude from Die Hard. The end should've gone like this:
So comical! Thanks for the laugh.

Kagetsu
09-18-2005, 11:06 PM
So I shouldn't cash my savings bonds? :sad:

The part about the supermassive blackhole in the galxy center was right,,, everything else though,,,,

zmanjz
09-18-2005, 11:27 PM
Ok, you know, my old bones can't take this kind of news.

seriously, I remember being scared as a 13 year old when my dad brought home a newspaprt from 1993 saying that the world was going to end in 2 years...

It was the SAME PAPER. (On a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being fan fiction, and 10 being a true fact, WWN rates a "Negative thirty".)


So, for various reasons, (Including the fact that it's not april fools day)

this thread is closed