Is sex before marriage okay?

[Warrior Kitana]

Okay, seriously I'm not trying to sound perverted or anything, but honestly is sex before marriage okay. Let me give you a little background first.

My mom and my dad deeply believe in waiting until you're married to have sex. Firstly my mom comes from a fairly religious family who believes in sex after marriage, she did wait to have sex when she was married and is still married to my dad. She believes in this because she believes it protects you from STDs, makes sure that the guy your marrying is "the one", and also believes that it'll save me much grief along down the line. She also says this because of the high teenage pregnancy rate where I live. In my previous high school, there were quite classmates of mine who were either pregnant or have children to care for already. She believes that many teenage moms are miserable and have to sacrifice their childhood to raise children. She and my dad also believe that you can't trust how your boyfriend feels because it may not be as deep or as mutual as yours. It is also because of this that adds to her point of saving until marriage.

But at the same time, I feel that I live in a culture that sex is practically being thrown in our faces. I mean, you see it in music videos, movies, television shows, commercials, etc where people are implying or bragging about sex. Like how sex is cool or how sex if fun. I can sort of understand how some people might want to see what it's like for ythemselves. No, I haven't had sex yet and I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but how will I know who "the one" is? I don't want to end up having sex only to regret it later. I also believe if you have geniune feelings for your partner, use safe protection, and are very much aware of the consequences, that it's okay. I feel that you might not even discover who "the one" is even if you are married, I mean look at the divorce rate in the US.

Am I wrong for believing this way? I'm a bit confused and I don't want to eventually make a decision that I may regret.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Although I detest anyone under the age of 18, and no matter what age the other person is, having sex *shudders*, it's up to YOU to make that choice. Myself? The day I feel comfortable and secure with my man (still single) and that I'm ready to give myself to him, I will, either I be married or not.

Kinda touchy subject here at the forums..

[Chris Wood]

The trick is finding a partner who thinks sex after marriage is OK. If you know what I mean... ;)

[Gatomon41]

Bad idea. So many people regret it in the end. It always causes troubles.

[Senbei Norimaki]

If the person really loves you they will not mind waiting.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Bad idea. So many people regret it in the end. It always causes troubles.
Nope. Not always. My parents had my brother before they got married. They're still together.

[EinBebop]

but honestly is sex before marriage okay.What do you mean by okay?

If by okay you're referring to morally, my next question would be, since your mentioned your mother is, how religious are you? If you say very, I'll provide you with some scriptures saying you shouldn't, someone else will refute those scriptures, and someone else will come refute the entire Bible. And then you can look at all of this and make up your own mind.

If religion's not an issue with you, well, the world not only doesn't have a problem with it, on the contrary, they're more than happy to encourage you. No issues there.

If by okay, your worried about safety from disease and pregnancy, the answer is, well, mostly, as long as you practice safe sex. But there's an element of risk and/or side effects with any protection/contraception you use. Make sure you're being educated by someone who's honest about all the risks.

[William C. Maune]

Ultimately it is up to you and what you believe in as to whether it is ok for you. That being said, if you choose to, first make completely sure it is something you want to do before you go through with it. If there is doubt in your mind then it probably isn't a good idea. Even if there isn't doubt in your mind then it probably is a good idea to think of things again just to make sure. Second, if you were to choose to, educate yourself as much as possible on methods of protection, risks and etc. beforehand. As they say, "the more you know." Third, and this kind of goes back to point #1, never let anyone talk you into it, the decision should be solely yours to make. If someone is trying to talk you into it, then that may be a good sign that you shouldn't. Finally, if you are at all considering it, then you are doing the right thing by gathering information. Don't just talk to people on here though, research medical and other good informational websites as well. The choice is up to you and your beliefs and thus you want to make sure you have as much information as possible before ever making the choice.

[The_NewCatwoman]

In addition to what William C. Maune said you also want to make sure you are mentally, physically and especially financially ready to bear the burden of whatever comes of any sexual relationships. Finding out what controceptives to use and what you feel comfortable doing is also a very good idea. You also want to have money handy for any medical proceedures you might have to endure as a result of a less than desirable side effect. And of course, if you don't want or feel the need to do any of this then by all means hold off on the sex. If you can't deal with this level of responsibility then you don't need to be taking that step until you can.

tNC

[Gatomon41]

I just want to warn people that such activies before marriage is not a good idea. Many times have I heard sad stories involving this. I suggest that people avoid it to avoid any future problems.

[The_NewCatwoman]

I just want to warn people that such activies before marriage is not a good idea. Many times have I heard sad stories involving this. I suggest that people avoid it to avoid any future problems.You also have to admit that this is your personal opinion and not everyone will agree.

tNC

[Gatomon41]

You also have to admit that this is your personal opinion and not everyone will agree.

tNCYup, I know. Just trying to warn people and try to prevent them from experiencing unncessary stress and anguish in the future.

[The_NewCatwoman]

Yup, I know. Just trying to warn people and save them from a huge headache in the future.
Warn them yes, save them? Unfortunately not. But your opinion is appreciated since I too err on the side of caution.

tNC

[Jave]

If done in a responsible way, then yes.

[Chad Bonin]

I...

I...

I can't feel right making a joke in this thread.

[One Radical Dude]

As far as moral values, I, myself, forbid premarital sex. I think it's wrong, and it goes against my beliefs. Let's put religious values aside, would I still prohibit premarital sex? Yes, I would. Here are some questions to think about. What if you have sex with the wrong man/woman? What if he/she stabs you in the back? I'm no expert at this, but certainly would think really hard before doing this. I, also, don't recommend those under 18 performing this act.

I don't know what else to tell you. Just don't do anything that you're going to regret for the rest of your life.

[Youko Recca]

Good foundation in a relationship is key, of course, we know. I can't really make a smartass comment on the subject and William and the some of the above touched apon what I'd say. So I suppose as long as you don't look at the other person as just a orafice, and they feel the same way back, and you know they do, and if you trully feel love. Sure.

There's the lust that is out there. And that's just basically using another person to make you feel better for a short while. I see having sex and making love as two different things even if they are commonly used as symonyms. Don't have sex to just have it. Make love. And when you make love and you aren't too far into your life then atleast practice safety.

With that I guess you're okay.

[UberMonkey]

If both of them are mature enough about it... yeah, sure. Yet most people who think they're mature enough aren't.

So, I wouldn't reccomend it, unless you want some a good heap of regret later. Oh, the drama stories I could tell you! More than people realize, there's a lot of psychological stuff that goes with sex too. And so when people are irresponsible about it, you get a lot of hurt and angry people. If you're out of high school, and think you're dedicated to that person, and could seriously see eachother living together... eh, I won't stop you. But I personally would fel like just waiting to marriage at that point.

[Speedy Boris]

You're not referring to just picking up some random person off the street, right? Because that's obviously not right. You'd just be shaming your own body (and the other person's) for some temporary physical gratification.

When it gets to involve someone you've known for a long time and share a bond with, then tough call. The Christian in me says to wait until marriage, but why should I judge others if they want to get a "feel" for each other before making that big step?

It's why I don't really have a problem with a couple living together before marriage. My parents don't like the idea, but honestly I can see a lot of good in it. A couple needs to find out if they are compatible living in the same house/apartment, so that they can avoid the "shotgun marriage" crap which often leads to divorce.

So I guess what I'm saying is, it's a coin toss. Just know the risks and don't go sleeping with random people just for the heck of it. Because that's not what "making love" is.

[Stewie]

Of course. Generally speaking anyway.
If you're not out of high school, don't do it. It's like drinking. Everyone does it for the wrong reasons, everyone. You're too stupid to appreciate/understand/comprehend/enjoy it/do it right anyway.

Beyond that, don't bother waiting for "true love", "the one", or anything that will make it "special." When you're mature enough you realize that it's not such a big deal. Having sex is not the biggest step you can take in life or in a relationship. It's serious, but not life changing.

That's not to say that you don't show restraint. You don't want anyone to think that you're "easy." It shouldn't be a big deal, but it shouldn't be a casual thing either. You should never feel a need to do it, or feel pressured, or uncomfortable about it. Especially when you're young and inexperienced at relationships.
But definitely definitely definitely be smart. If you do it, practice safe sex.

[Fone Bone]

Okay, seriously I'm not trying to sound perverted or anything, but honestly is sex before marriage okay. Let me give you a little background first.

My mom and my dad deeply believe in waiting until you're married to have sex. Firstly my mom comes from a fairly religious family who believes in sex after marriage, she did wait to have sex when she was married and is still married to my dad. She believes in this because she believes it protects you from STDs, makes sure that the guy your marrying is "the one", and also believes that it'll save me much grief along down the line. She also says this because of the high teenage pregnancy rate where I live. In my previous high school, there were quite classmates of mine who were either pregnant or have children to care for already. She believes that many teenage moms are miserable and have to sacrifice their childhood to raise children. She and my dad also believe that you can't trust how your boyfriend feels because it may not be as deep or as mutual as yours. It is also because of this that adds to her point of saving until marriage.

But at the same time, I feel that I live in a culture that sex is practically being thrown in our faces. I mean, you see it in music videos, movies, television shows, commercials, etc where people are implying or bragging about sex. Like how sex is cool or how sex if fun. I can sort of understand how some people might want to see what it's like for ythemselves. No, I haven't had sex yet and I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but how will I know who "the one" is? I don't want to end up having sex only to regret it later. I also believe if you have geniune feelings for your partner, use safe protection, and are very much aware of the consequences, that it's okay. I feel that you might not even discover who "the one" is even if you are married, I mean look at the divorce rate in the US.

Am I wrong for believing this way? I'm a bit confused and I don't want to eventually make a decision that I may regret.In my opinion, it's almost always a good idea to wait. I have yet to know ANYONE who was happy they had sex before marriage. My best friend was at a sleepover with this kid she knew when she was twelve or thirteen. He kept pressuring her during the night to have sex and eventually he wore her down. Yep, she lost her virginity when she was a young kid. And pretty much every relationship with a man she has had since then has been about pleasing the man while he treats her like crap. It's almost as if she couldn't be with a guy unless he was abusive. She's been with married guys and she slept with her best girlfriend's boyfriend behind her back multiple times. I was actually relieved when she discovered she was a lesbian many years later because that meant she probably wouldn't be getting into so many dangerous situations.

You know, as I reread this post, I realize I should probably get a new best friend. She really is not a very nice person.

By the way, I'm 29 and still a virgin. I also believe oral sex IS sex so if you really want to hold off having sex for a while you should be aware that no matter what a guy says oral sex IS an intimate act and "counts" (I hate Bill Clinton). My ex-girlfriend cheated on me repeatedly this way and it hurt me greatly. (I found out right after I had brain surgery. I have sucky luck.)

I really wish I had better friends and I wish that people would be nicer to each other.

[Martianinvader]

I think sex should remain between two married people, even though it's been out all over the place since the Sexual Revolution and you can't put the genie back in the bottle. Wishful thinking I guess.

This is just my opinion, but you know why marriages in the past have lasted 50-60 years and the more recent baby boomer generation can't hold on to a mate to save their lives? Because the people before them remained virgins until marriage, and then sex was something that only they could experience between each other, strengthening their relationship and making it deeper. Now it's just totally diluted and it's no wonder marriages aren't working. Intercourse has lost its sacredness.

[Stewie]

Now it's just totally diluted and it's no wonder marriages aren't working. Intercourse has lost its sacredness.Or it's because most marriages weren't working for both people involved and only now can they actually get out of it without being ostracized. Maybe sex has nothing to do with it.

[James]

Sex is IMO definately good before marriage. It's healthy.

Sex is not a simple act. Sex is a control. It's a powerful control. Even strong people have fallen to it. They've risked their partners, they've risked their jobs, their social standarding, their family... they've risked their lives and died for one sexual act. It's very, very powerful.

It's best to understand the nature of sex before you try and maturely bond with another. I feel that bond is stronger when you understand the sexual drive and more importantly your own sexual drive.

I think negating sexual activity prior to marriage is dangerous. It cotton wool's sex into this amazing ideal of perfect love that it cannot live up to. Some kids feel that if they hold on, it will prove their partner's character for if they wait for this special moment... it doesn't really, it just makes couple hold on to an ideal rather than consider the nature of their own relationship. It becomes the Chalice to sip from at the end of the long road to bonding which I'm afraid is empty.

Rather than putting the strength of ones relationship down to how one can wait for sex, you are missing the fact that a relationship is more than sex and by placing sex so highly you are actually making it more powerful than if you were having sex.

Hold out on sex until marriage won't guarantee that person will stay with you just because they waited. They could have waited - even subconsciously - partially from the desire of that chalice. Once they's sipped, especially from a chalice with such high expectations after a long wait, no guarantee that it will feel worth that wait.

Furthermore there is no guarantee that marriage will work either way.

Holding off sex doesn't guarantee anything. It doesn't shape your relationship, it doesn't guarantee it will last, it doesn't prove it's the right partnership.

Sex is something one should understand the nature of it. It can be fun, it can be loving, it can be both, but the higher on the pedestal you put it's implications the less power you will have to harness and control it.

I'm not saying go out and have lots of sex, I'm saying let your sexual experiences occur naturally when you feel comfortable. Don't try and control or manipulate them - either with excess or celibacy - simply because you feel that's what you must do for either doctrine or social demands.

Have sex when you want to. Listen to your own needs and respond. I would say it's healthy to learn to enjoy sex and kick the threat of sex before you marry. Sex is healthy, good exercise, good for a stable long working partnership and should be treated like anything which such positives.

The only thing I would warn against, before or after marriage, is cheating on a partner. I've done some dubious things in my life, but it's one thing I've not done and I don't ever want to. I think you open that door, it takes a very strong character to fully close it again.

So have sex when it feels right for you, use precautions when possible, as you shouldn't risk your life on the trust of another (especially with the power of sex sometimes controlling even the most deeply religious - you can never truely know), don't go playing around (it ain't cool and a dangerous path to escape from) and finally, have fun!

All in my own opinion! :D

[solarflere]

In this day and age premaritual sex is nothing to be ashamed or scared sbout. Perents disagree because they are oldfashioned. I did not wait till I got maried, but I was safe about it, and I knew my sexual partner (meaning STDs, and STIs). So as long as you are safe about it, and you feel you are ready, I think its ok. Its realy up to you. Most guys will want to have sex, but for girls, you realy have to see if you like the guy enough to give yourself to him. Thats just my oppinion, but I could be wrong here.

[Faethie]

Ultimately it is up to you and what you believe in as to whether it is ok for you. That being said, if you choose to, first make completely sure it is something you want to do before you go through with it. If there is doubt in your mind then it probably isn't a good idea. Even if there isn't doubt in your mind then it probably is a good idea to think of things again just to make sure. Second, if you were to choose to, educate yourself as much as possible on methods of protection, risks and etc. beforehand. As they say, "the more you know." Third, and this kind of goes back to point #1, never let anyone talk you into it, the decision should be solely yours to make. If someone is trying to talk you into it, then that may be a good sign that you shouldn't. Finally, if you are at all considering it, then you are doing the right thing by gathering information. Don't just talk to people on here though, research medical and other good informational websites as well. The choice is up to you and your beliefs and thus you want to make sure you have as much information as possible before ever making the choice.
In addition you also want to make sure you are mentally, physically and especially financially ready to bear the burden of whatever comes of any sexual relationships. Finding out what controceptives to use and what you feel comfortable doing is also a very good idea. You also want to have money handy for any medical proceedures you might have to endure as a result of a less than desirable side effect. And of course, if you don't want or feel the need to do any of this then by all means hold off on the sex. If you can't deal with this level of responsibility then you don't need to be taking that step until you can. As far as giving advice goes, I'm totally with them. As for myself, I wouldn't have sex before i got married. I know a kid whose parents had her before they got married and ended up not even getting married, and you should see what problems that girl has....and the worst part is that most people aren't even nice to her. I try, but.....
Besides, as for me, the kids at skool (mine anyhow) -girls anyways- are labeled if people know. I mean, people call them slut. I never want to be called that. Never. Ever.
Anyhow, it's really up to you, and I think no one can really force an opinion on you, it's your choice, even if its for the worst.....
Vortex

[James]

As far as giving advice goes, I'm totally with them. As for myself, I wouldn't have sex before i got married. I know a kid whose parents had her before they got married and ended up not even getting married, and you should see what problems that girl has....and the worst part is that most people aren't even nice to her. I try, but.....
Besides, as for me, the kids at skool (mine anyhow) -girls anyways- are labeled if people know. I mean, people call them slut. I never want to be called that. Never. Ever.
Anyhow, it's really up to you, and I think no one can really force an opinion on you, it's your choice, even if its for the worst.....
Vortex Fair point, but it's hardly a point against sex before marriage, we should encourage more education to those who bully or shun those who are born out of wedlock rather than use it as an excuse to save sex for marriage.

And again, it comes down to educating kids about contraceptives early on. Whether parents like it or not, a lot of kids know about sex from an early age, and no matter what you preach, some are going to be having sex early. It would be better at educating those who do so they don't fall pregnant.

We can't control their lives but we can be practical rather than keeping our heads ideologically in the crowds. There are kids who use crisp packets for contraception. I knew one friend who thought she could wash herself in the shower afterwards as a form of prevention.

Kids need education. As I said sex is very powerful and while no sex before marriage may to some seem ideal for them and their future kids, life doesn't make things so simple.

We need to educate about sex, educate about the stigmas about birth out of wedlock. I've heard some terrible presumptions about those who have kid's out of wedlock and as with all life, it's never as simple as someone being a "slut". And even if they are, there are statistically few who intend to have a kid from sex before marriage, maybe again, reason to call for educating and a younger age.

If we educate we take the mystery and taboo away. Sure, they will still do it, but teenages thrive far more on what is taboo than what isn't. If we de-mystify sex (and a helping hand from the idealistic Hollywood machine would help) I think it would make for a more relaxed and presumptious society.

Sex/birth out of wedlock is more promient in Europe now as people are recognizing marriage is by no means the be all and end all, in fact, the pressures of marriage on a relationship are enough to change and break them. So with more people choosing a "live in partner" lifestyle, we're seeing attitudes change. Marriage doesn't make a relationship stronger per se, the relationship is either strong enough or not prior to the union. I think a lot of people believe in marriage (beyond the obvious religious need) because they feel it will secure the relationship, that's not always the case, it changes the relationship and often for ill. So saving up sex for marriage again makes little sense. Saving up sex for when you are ready, be that in a marriage or out is the only rational answer (even if it doesn't conform with people's spiritual beliefs, but then that creates an entirely different circumstance - I'm talking about the issue beyond specific religious requirements or expectations).

[MJC]

Nothing wrong with it, as long as both people are mature and responsible. IMO, waiting until marriage is unnecessary and often counterproductive. It puts too much emphasis on sex, which is a bad thing.

[solarflere]

I say, if you and your partner are responcible, you take precautions, and you understand the risks, then go for it. There is nothing wrong here, as long as you are safe.

[SirLemming]

It's a bad idea. I think that in theory, it would be okay for two people who truly love each other to have sex before marriage, but in practice, it causes problems because the relationship might not work out, and then you've gone and bonded with that person and you have to try to forget about it when you find the right person. For example, in fantasy movies where people fall in love and then have sex, I don't fret over it, because marriage either isn't an institution there or they're in some crazy adventure where they really don't have time to get married and they might be dead before the adventure is over. They find their own way to solidify the bond in that case. But in our own culture, marriage is the way to solidify the bond.

It's true what SJJ said about how maybe if you withhold sex until marriage it will be sort of like, "And now what?" Like, you've put it off, now you've done it, and suddenly you realize that the thing you've waited for is done. But I think that will only happen if your relationship truly is troubled in the first place. It's just one of many risks to consider in marriage. Certainly the attitude of abstaining from premarital sex could lead to some situations like that, where people get married just so they can finally give into their urges, but... that's just one perversion of what I think is an otherwise good thing. You have to evaluate your relationship in that aspect just like you evaluate it in all the other aspects.

I also tend to think that people who sort of take the opposite extreme of "we're just doing it for fun and we know it's nothing more than that" are fooling themselves. I can imagine using that rationalization before the act, but I can't imagine feeling quite the same way after the act. I imagine it would feel so hollow. You've given yourself up to some person, and then after they leave you realize that you've just let your guard down, given your intimacy to someone who doesn't really care about you. I can imagine that won't make you feel very good. You can tell yourself over and over that it meant nothing, it wasn't intimate, but the simple fact is that it was intimate.

[SSJPabs]

As long as both people are actually mature enough to deal with it properly, then I would really not have a problem with it.

[Cartman]

I personally feel that one should wait until after they are married to have sex. It just seems morally right that way and you get to know your partner better so that you're certain you won't catch AIDS or other STDs.

Than again, sex within marriage isn't always morally right. Rape can exist in marriage just as it can outside of marriage.

[Kury Wagner]

Well, I'll have to agree with most of the others -- I don't really think you should have sex before marriage. You're right though, WK, sex is being flaunted around like it's nothing lately. I mean, geez, it's sickening sometimes.

Though my Mom had a child out of wedlock (for a horrible reason) and then had two after marrying that first guy (she hated him, but it was the right thing to do for the child, she thought). And then Mom got together with my Dad and they dated for a year or two then she had a kid with him, and a few years later had me. They didn't get married until a year after I was born. :sweat: All of my sisters have also slept with men before getting married (only two out of four are married right now though) but that doesn't affect me and my decisions, you see, that's what I'm getting at. It truly is your decision. Which is pretty heavy, 'cause this is a big decision.

[James]

I personally feel that one should wait until after they are married to have sex. It just seems morally right that way and you get to know your partner better so that you're certain you won't catch AIDS or other STDs.
That's often the big mistake, to presume that because you've married someone you know them better. Love is blind as they say, if this was the case, secret affairs would never occur.. so you can never be certain. All those people who went into marriage and suffered affairs were "certain" too.. so really, I think precautions is worth educated in marriage as well.

Perhaps that would kill some of the "won't happen to me" aura that love brings couples prior to marriage. It's finding a balance between trust and practical safety. If you want to trust totally in a marriage, fine, but don't go into a marriage thinking that you'll be totally safe in wedlock than out of it.

In fact, if you go into a marriage using no condoms, but used condoms in flings.. you were probably safer before than after..

That's the danger of marriage, is it has so many preconceptions - as has sex - that people forget that all those marriages that are broken or being unfaithful all went in with precisely the same hopes. The immunity syndrome - it happens to THEM, but it won't happen to us.

[Weatherman]

As long as both parties involved are mature enough to handle the responsibilities that go with the desicion to have a sexual relationship and they both go into it with eyes wide open about the various conditions that brought things to said point (yesh, that sounds way too wordy), what's the big deal? As long as it's a part of a long-term relationship, there's really no difference beyond a legal definition concerning the act itself.

That, as a society, we place so much emphasis on waiting is kinda odd. If you know you're going to get married, you should know if you're compatible with each other. Also of people can be 100% socialy and emotionaly compatible but very incompatible sexually.

Of course, this doesn't apply to all people, or even alot of people. Whatever makes you most comfortable is pretyt much going to be the right choice. Way too may people make a desicion one way or another on this subject and either miss out on something that could have lead to great things or mess themselves up so badly that putting their lives back together becomes a monumental task.

And, of course, be safe, no matter what you decide.

[rrarbecy]

I think that you should only have sex before marriage if you plan to get married to the person. If not, keep your pants on until you are. Literally.

[solarflere]

I am a living proof, that if both you are mature enough and both are ready for a commitment, then it is ok. I am 20yrs old, and have been sexualy active for one year. I always have been safe about it, and I knew all of my partners well.

Edit: I am also a friequent blood donor (O Positive) very rare, a universal donor. When you donate blood, they check for all STDs, STIs, and other infections.

[The Dark Gundam]

Personally, I think it's a bad idea. My ex-girlfriend was actually abused several times by her boyfriends, and after she told me her feelings and everything about it, it made me feel very sorry for her. I plan on waiting until I'm married for this. Not only because of my religion, but because of everything I've heard and what some of my friends have gone through. And if you want to make a commitment, that means dedicating yourself to the one partner. Not having sex with several partners in a year.

[Fone Bone]

Personally, I think it's a bad idea. My ex-girlfriend was actually abused several times by her boyfriends, and after she told me her feelings and everything about it, it made me feel very sorry for her. I plan on waiting until I'm married for this. Not only because of my religion, but because of everything I've heard and what some of my friends have gone through. And if you want to make a commitment, that means dedicating yourself to the one partner. Not having sex with several partners in a year.That's pretty much my feeling too. I have yet to know a person who is happy they had multiple sexual partners. If you do, that's great but I haven't seen that in my experience.

[Weatherman]

That's pretty much my feeling too. I have yet to know a person who is happy they had multiple sexual partners. If you do, that's great but I haven't seen that in my experience.
I wouldn't sya it's not possible, but I have noticed that with alot of the people I know who have a number larger then a few partners in a year aren't as happy as they make themselves look and think they are. It's very easy to see behind the mask they put on if you catch then in an unguarded moment. They always look sad.:sad:

It certainlty can work for some people, but it's probably not the best path to take.

[Fone Bone]

I wouldn't sya it's not possible, but I have noticed that with alot of the people I know who have a number larger then a few partners in a year aren't as happy as they make themselves look and think they are. It's very easy to see behind the mask they put on if you catch then in an unguarded moment. They always look sad.:sad:

It certainlty can work for some people, but it's probably not the best path to take.Probably not.


SJJ, I kind of view sex as a private, intimate thing and a big deal. When you talk about sex being healthy are you okay with people who have a hard time dealing with it? I'm curious because a lot of explainations I see involving sex not being a big deal start with people saying society makes it into too much of a taboo. Is it all right for people who feel that sex is a big deal and that they should wait until they are in a loving relationship to feel that way or are we just being prudes?

[randomguy]

Is it all right for people who feel that sex is a big deal and that they should wait until they are in a loving relationship to feel that way or are we just being prudes?I don't think it's prudish at all. Some people, in fact a whole lot of people, are more comfortable that way and I see no problem at all with that. Everybody has their own choices to make.

Alternatively, though, there are also plenty of people who approach sex from a different place, and that's okay too. I know plenty of people who've had premarital sex, and yes, sex in high school, and have been able to deal with it in a responsible way. For them, it's been something beneficial and not something problematic.

Ultimately, it all depends on one's own maturity and comfort level. No one's obligated to have sex, at any age, so if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it. By the same token, though, if you are ready, are responsible, and don't have any religious objections, there's no reason to be totally afraid or anything.

[Ben]

If only there was one easy answer to this question that fit everyone's situation. But there isn't. There are people who shouldn't have sex even after they're married.

[Elven Moon]

No, it's not OK. But that's just my opinion.

[solarflere]

I don't think it's prudish at all. Some people, in fact a whole lot of people, are more comfortable that way and I see no problem at all with that. Everybody has their own choices to make.

Alternatively, though, there are also plenty of people who approach sex from a different place, and that's okay too. I know plenty of people who've had premarital sex, and yes, sex in high school, and have been able to deal with it in a responsible way. For them, it's been something beneficial and not something problematic.

Ultimately, it all depends on one's own maturity and comfort level. No one's obligated to have sex, at any age, so if you're not comfortable with it, then don't do it. By the same token, though, if you are ready, are responsible, and don't have any religious objections, there's no reason to be totally afraid or anything.
I second that motion!

[ShadowOfAGhost]

well, pretty much everything has been said, so I will keep thiws short. I personally believe in waiting. If for nothing else, wait for it because of the security of being better prepared for any negative reprocussions. If you fell ready, think about everything negative that could happen. If you still think you can handle it, so be it. I would still wait though. and remember not to confuse LUST and LOVE.

[LightShadow1890]

To me no, both in religous and moral beleifs.
It all has to do with your beliefs and the consequences. And don't go sleeping with your first partner, and don't go with anybody who forces you to have sex. When you think you're ready for the consequences, you're good.

Beyond that, don't bother waiting for "true love", "the one", or anything that will make it "special." When you're mature enough you realize that it's not such a big deal. Having sex is not the biggest step you can take in life or in a relationship. It's serious, but not life changing.
"Not life changing". RRIIGGHTTT. If you think sex isn't life-changing, aren't having a baby coming and having STD's life changing? They both can result from sex.

[William C. Maune]

"Not life changing". RRIIGGHTTT. If you think sex isn't life-changing, aren't having a baby coming and having STD's life changing? They both can result from sex.

Yes, sex can be life changing, but that doesn't mean it will be life changing. Also, Stewie did say it was serious.

------------

Also, I think Twage is definitely right. Marriage isn't necessarily the best dividing point in the question as there are a number of married folks who shouldn't be having sex either.

[James]

That's pretty much my feeling too. I have yet to know a person who is happy they had multiple sexual partners. If you do, that's great but I haven't seen that in my experience.
Just as a point of reference, I can count on one finger the only non net friend I know who certainly hasn't had sex prior to marriage.

I must say the general anti sex before marriage vibe I'm getting here is unusual in my experience of people over consenting sex age in both the US and UK.

I just wonder how reflective the feeling in this thread reflect statistically. I wonder how many here who say no to sex before marriage, will indeed have sex before marriage. If you were all from England I'd say that number would be very high, but not having as much US experience as I have UK, I couldn't really say.

"Not life changing". RRIIGGHTTT. If you think sex isn't life-changing, aren't having a baby coming and having STD's life changing? They both can result from sex.
Thing is EVERYTHING is life changing. Going out in a car each day could be life changing - you could crash, be maimed, kill someone... Going to school each day is life changing... so is work.. life is, life changing.

If you use contraceptives, sex isn't this threat people here seem to think it is. Considering the amount of sex that occurs to the amount of preganancies and STD infections.. sex is pretty safe and non life changing.

If you drive when you are drunk, or have sex with partners with no protection both are lifechanging... but you don't hear people saying driving is "life changing".

Again, people need to demystify and demonstify sex. It's not that bad, in fact, it's quite good. People have sworn by it for thousands of years you know.

If only there was one easy answer to this question that fit everyone's situation. But there isn't. There are people who shouldn't have sex even after they're married.
Best thing I've read today!

[KuwabaraTheMan]

Really, its up to you. I don't think its something that you have to wait for, but I respect that religious types might feel uncomfortable doing it before getting married. I just ask that they don't judge other people who don't have the same beliefs as them.

[SirLemming]

One thing I don't get, in this debate, is when people say "as long as the two people really love each other and are ready to make a really serious commitment..." Because then, like, why don't they get married? Isn't that what it means to be ready to make a really serious commitment? I feel like if you're willing to have sex but you're not willing to get married, it's saying you're not ready for the commitment, in which case I think you shouldn't be having sex.

One could rebut this by saying, "What about premarital making out? Isn't that also something you try not to do until you're entering a commitment?" To that I would basically say, sex is a bigger commitment.

[Eddie G.]

One thing I don't get, in this debate, is when people say "as long as the two people really love each other and are ready to make a really serious commitment..." Because then, like, why don't they get married? Isn't that what it means to be ready to make a really serious commitment? I feel like if you're willing to have sex but you're not willing to get married, it's saying you're not ready for the commitment, in which case I think you shouldn't be having sex.
Because some people may find marriage to be an empty act based on a concept that can be better achieved through actions than words. Basically some people might just look at marriage and say, "What's the point?"

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Exactly. There are people who just don't want to get married. They just rather be boyfriend and girlfriend.

My brother and his girlfriend recently bought a house together and they (espcially him) have no plans to marry.

[James]

Because sex isn't always about commitment. It can be fun. Don't fear that fact my friends, it's FUN. If you are sensible, like riding a horse/iceskating/football.. it's fun and not too dangerous.

One should learn how sex can be fun without being deep, likewise it can be deep and beautiful. It's actually very good excercise too.

I think you can love someone without feeling the pressure of having to decide if you want to commit for the rest of your life. Take it easy, enjoy the love of the moment and the day rather than stressing over the risks or implications of love or sex! Sometimes it's good to go with the flow... just be sensible too! :)

One thing I don't get, in this debate, is when people say "as long as the two people really love each other and are ready to make a really serious commitment..." Because then, like, why don't they get married? Isn't that what it means to be ready to make a really serious commitment? I feel like if you're willing to have sex but you're not willing to get married, it's saying you're not ready for the commitment, in which case I think you shouldn't be having sex.

One could rebut this by saying, "What about premarital making out? Isn't that also something you try not to do until you're entering a commitment?" To that I would basically say, sex is a bigger commitment.

[Gatomon41]

Because sex isn't always about commitment. It can be fun. Don't fear that fact my friends, it's FUN. If you are sensible, like riding a horse/iceskating/football.. it's fun and not too dangerous.
It's dangerous to think something as deep and important as simple "fun". This act is not some recreational activty, it has emtional implcations. It affects a relationship. It's a emtional bonding bewteen two people, something not to be taken lightly. If some people do just think it's fun, they're going to hurt someone one day.

I also suggest that you don't take advice from strangers on an internet board about this sort of thing. Talk to friends or familly or someone you can trust about this sort of thing.

[Eddie G.]

It's dangerous to think something as deep and important as simple "fun". This act is not some recreational activty, it has emtional implcations. It affects a relationship. It's a emtional bonding bewteen two people, something not to be taken lightly. That's a state of mind. If you and your partner have sex for the sake of fun then that's all there is. If you and your partner have sex for the sake of a relationship you'll regard it as something else. It has nothing to do with love or emotion really unless you decide for it to, it's an act that we need for the sake of reproduction and usually feels great.


If some people do just think it's fun, they're going to hurt someone one day.
If two people agree to have sex for the sake of sex, how will they hurt each other?

[solarflere]

Because sex isn't always about commitment. It can be fun. Don't fear that fact my friends, it's FUN. If you are sensible, like riding a horse/iceskating/football.. it's fun and not too dangerous.

One should learn how sex can be fun without being deep, likewise it can be deep and beautiful. It's actually very good excercise too.

I think you can love someone without feeling the pressure of having to decide if you want to commit for the rest of your life. Take it easy, enjoy the love of the moment and the day rather than stressing over the risks or implications of love or sex! Sometimes it's good to go with the flow... just be sensible too! :)
I get the feeling that a one night stand on a daily basis is ok by your standarts.

I personaly disagree. It should not be taken likely. You realy have to know your partner before you deside to have sex. And once again, I have no problem having sex before getting married.

[Fone Bone]

I must say the general anti sex before marriage vibe I'm getting here is unusual in my experience of people over consenting sex age in both the US and UK.
My deal isn't really anti-sex before marriage it's an anti having it before you're ready type of deal. It IS a huge deal and if you're feeling pressure from your significant other or even from your friends that isn't a reason to do it. You should do it when YOU'RE ready and when you are with SOMEONE ELSE who is ready. Not just because it sounds like fun and a way to kill a couple of hours. Because even if you truly feel that way your partner may not and someone could wind up getting hurt.

[James Bester]

That's a state of mind. If you and your partner have sex for the sake of fun then that's all there is. Now that's something I disagree with. Having sex with someone just for fun is just sick and wrong to me. A lot of people view sex as a simple activity to just have some harmless fun, but it's different. It doesn't really cause STD's and pregnancies all that often if you protect yourself, but to me, it's a special gift that should be only used when you really actually care for someone and when you're willing to commit to that someone for the rest of your life. Personally, I don't plan on sex before marriage, but everyone has different opinions.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

It's dangerous to think something as deep and important as simple "fun". This act is not some recreational activty, it has emtional implcations. It affects a relationship. It's a emtional bonding bewteen two people, something not to be taken lightly. If some people do just think it's fun, they're going to hurt someone one day.
The only way that will happen is if one person is viewing it as some emotional thing and the other is looking at it from a recreational point of view. As long as both people are doing it for fun, there shouldn't be any problem with that. They understand that there isn't any deep emotional investment there, and they're fine with that.

[Gatomon41]

It has nothing to do with love or emotion really unless you decide for it to, it's an act that we need for the sake of reproduction and usually feels great. You seem to forget that there is an emtional element with the act, wither you think there is or is'nt. It's personal, physicological, and emotional, always, no matter what. It always will affect both parties. Just think about it.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

You seem to forget that there is an emtional element with the act, wither you think there is or is'nt. It's personal, physicological, and emotional, always, no matter what. It always will affect both parties. Just think about it.
There is no inherent emotional element to it. It only becomes emotional when someone starts thinking of it that way. If both parties view it as having no strings attached, then there isn't going to be an affect caused.

[James]

My deal isn't really anti-sex before marriage it's an anti having it before you're ready type of deal. It IS a huge deal and if you're feeling pressure from your significant other or even from your friends that isn't a reason to do it. You should do it when YOU'RE ready and when you are with SOMEONE ELSE who is ready. Not just because it sounds like fun and a way to kill a couple of hours. Because even if you truly feel that way your partner may not and someone could wind up getting hurt.
We have that here too. I'm not saying the UK has this perfect understanding of sex, quite the opposite. It needs more sex education grafted into schools at an earlier age as it's getting there too late. I don't think the media helps in it's stereotypes, and film and TV are a struggle to get sensible sex promoted.

But yes, sex is more relaxed here, definately. We aren't as uptight a nation over it's application.

However, we have issues as well and I think both countries would serve their youth better by educating them not to fear sex nor abuse it. I've seen many teens pressured into sex early, I've seen teens feel absolutely terrified of sex because their parents have engrained the fear of God into them and end up having very bad sex lives because they can't see it for what it is and enjoy it. This is especially the case for ladies who require far more specific stimulation than men. One of my first girlfriends was a perfect example of such.

Everyone needs to see it for what it is and then be able to make judgements based on what YOU want rather than being pressured for or against sex by peers and family. That requires understanding and understanding comes from education. Through that people can make their own choices.

[Yash]

Yes, it's okay, if you're doing it for the right reasons.

Honestly though, I don't see what makes sex difference before and after you're married.

[Gatomon41]

There is no inherent emotional element to it. It only becomes emotional when someone starts thinking of it that way. If both parties view it as having no strings attached, then there isn't going to be an affect caused.It's always emtional, mental, or phsycological. It does not matter what anybody thinks. It always changes relatioships or people's attuides.

I have heard terriable and sad stories about premaritial relationships. I've seen the impact of such actions, and most of the time it ends in sadness. I will warn people agian to avoid such action until marriage. Marriage, at least, will put presure on the couple to stay together and not end up in sadness. A true man will always stay by his wife, even when the going gets though.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

It's always emtional, mental, or phsycological. It does not matter what anybody thinks. It always changes relatioships or people's attuides.

I have heard terriable and sad stories about premaritial relationships. I've seen the impact of such actions, and most of the time it ends in sadness. I will warn people agian to avoid such action until marriage. A true man will always stay by his wife, even when the going gets though.
However, it isn't always emotional, mental, or psychological, it is only that way when people make it that way. It may affect your attitude towards someone, but not necessarily in a bad way. As long as you have the maturity to accept it for what it is, there won't be issues.

The problem is when people don't have that maturity.

[starfire0639]

I think that you should only have sex before marriage if you plan to get married to the person. If not, keep your pants on until you are. Literally.....I have to disagree.I see no reason why you should wait and only do the action with the person you suspect your going to marry.Have fun!But be protected.Experience all you want to!But with someone you know and trust.All in all I wouldn't know one thing about the secret dance with another person....hahaha that sounded funny.But seriously I havn't.Duh I'm only 14!!!:shrug: :p


ash

[James]

I have heard terriable and sad stories about premaritial relationships. I've seen the impact of such actions, and most of the time it ends in sadness. I will warn people agian to avoid such action until marriage. Marriage, at least, will put presure on the couple to stay together and not end up in sadness. A true man will always stay by his wife, even when the going gets though. That's a very optimistic viewpoint verging on non realistic.

Marriage puts no pressure on the couple to stay together. It used to, especially when the women was shunned in divorce. Now, if people are unhappy, why should they grin and bear it? Life is too short.

Through age I've seen few people in good marriages, and I've seen a lot of nasty ones where people NEED to get out. I've seen more saddness come from marriages - especially ones betrothed at an early age - than I have through sex.

People who get married early often believe it the answer to life before they have had chance to experience it. I've seen a lot of replies talking about sex and marriage here and I wonder how many have been in a situation to face either. I don't mean that as a put down (i've not been married yet either!), but it's interesting how idealised people's perception is of marriage and how they feel that somehow it has some magic hold that love without a legal bond does not.

The point is the pressure of marriage is as much a break up issue as it is something that holds a relationship together.

And quite frankly, if a marriage is required to hold people together, then those people probably shouldn't be getting married in the first place, if you see what I mean...

Trust me, you'll see as you live your life marrage and happiness do not necessarily go together. Nor does sex and happiness. life isn't that simple on either issue.... as for a true man.. not sure if I know what that is... :)

[PressureCooker]

It's ok to have sex before marriage.

But only on days that end in "Y" and then six ways to Saturday, and twice on Sunday.

Seriously!

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

There's a difference between having sex and making love.

Having a "wham bam, thank you, ma'am" requires no love but trust for SURE; love making requires that both people invloved love each other.

[Fone Bone]

Marriage puts no pressure on the couple to stay together. It used to, especially when the women was shunned in divorce. Now, if people are unhappy, why should they grin and bear it? Life is too short.

:)Okay, I'm just gonna disagree with this statement. With alimoney payments and lawyers fees quite a few couples have a big incentive to stay married. I'm just sayin' even if I'm not saying that's right.

[solarflere]

Is it me or did all of us already got our point across about three times each. Now we are just arguing back and fourth and its not going anywhere.:sad:

[Brainatra]

>>Okay, seriously I'm not trying to sound perverted or anything, but honestly is sex before marriage okay.<<

Well, since some of us can't get legally married (outside of Massachusettes or a road trip to Canada), guess I'd have to take that question to mean "before a lifelong monogomous relationship"... ;-)

But my opinion: whenever two consenting individuals are ready and mature enough for it, and with full knowledge of safer sex and (if heterosexual) pregnancy prevention aspects (condoms, birth control, etc.) of course.

-B.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Condoms also help prevent STDs between a heterosexual couple and a gay couple.

[EinBebop]

Is it me or did all of us already got our point across about three times each.Man, I hate when I fall behind.

[Gatomon41]

"If humans were smart, they do the RIGHT choice, not just the choice that gives them the most happiness."

The world is messed up when people forget the right things, and always consider happy things, even when those things are wrong.

It's a sad day when people break up because they're too unhappy. And I mean true marriages, not arranged ones, marriages based out of feeling and emotion. If people breakup without trying hard to fix the problem, then somethings wrong witht the world.

[The Dark Gundam]

Okay.......wow.....

and now the topic moves to gay sex(no offense to anyone who is gay or bi. I'm actually one of those people who thinks gay marriage should be legal.)

This thread just seems like it's going nowhere, and it seems like we're arguing too much over a very personal thing. Am I the only one getting kind of uncomfortable with this thread?:sweat:

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

"If humans were smart, they do the RIGHT choice, not the choice that gives them the most happiness."
When people stay happily married for eons, that's a right choice that they've made.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

"If humans were smart, they do the RIGHT choice, not just the choice that gives them the most happiness."

The world is messed up when people forget the right things, and always consider happy things, even when those things are wrong.

It's a sad day when people break up because they're too unhappy. And I mean true marriages, not arranged ones, marriages based out of feeling and emotion. If people breakup without trying hard to fix the problem, then somethings wrong witht the world.If neither person is happy, then they should break up. The point of marriage is to share your life with someone you care about, if the two if you don't have a happy life, then the marriage is pointless. Happiness is the entire point of getting married, so if you're unhappy with your marriage, you should get a divorce.

And if choice A makes you happy, and choice B doesn't, then choice A is the right choice.(Unless Choice A means killing or raping someone, or capitalism, but those are the only exceptions I can think of)

[Ben]

Hmm... debate creeping into murky relativistic waters...

Science time! (http://people.howstuffworks.com/love6.htm)

In romantic love, when two people have sex, oxytocin is released, which helps bond the relationship. According to researchers at the University of California, San Francisco, the hormone oxytocin has been shown to be "associated with the ability to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships and healthy psychological boundaries with other people." When it is released during orgasm, it begins creating an emotional bond -- the more sex, the greater the bond. Oxytocin is also associated with mother/infant bonding, uterine contractions during labor in childbirth and the "let down" reflex necessary for breastfeeding.

So yes, sex leads to emotional attachment. Though the great part about being human is that what form that attachment takes is formed by who you are as an individual.

In other news, I now know why I'm so emotionally attached to my computer.



...What?

[Gatomon41]

Marriage? Happy? HAHAHA!

Just kidding. But seriously, Marriage is not just about happiness. It's about love, etc. etc. Mariage is part of a highly complex and deep relationsip. People have different levels of relationship. A married couple should have a very deep relationship toether. A couple will not always be happy in their life, sometimes it will get bad. But they will stay together because of a deep relationship they have. Most of the time...

This "Marriage and staying married only for happiness" stuff only exisits in sugar-coated pop philoshphy. Happiness (which is really confused with pleasure) is not the prime factor in human lives.

[KuwabaraTheMan]

If you love someone, you will be happy with them. If you and your spouse aren't happy with one another, then you shouldn't be married, quite frankly.

[randomguy]

...What? "Oh, that's nasty."
-Cleveland, Family Guy

Anyway, I would disagree with the assertion that sex is always emotional, mental, or psychological to the extent that responsible casual sex is impossible. That's the corollary to the "if you love each other so much, why don't you just get married anyway?" argument. Sex isn't always love, and it isn't always commitment. It can be divorced from emotion, though not easily. Whether or not that's advisable is, of course, a whole other matter.

I figure there's a lot of people out there who aren't up to approaching sex from that angle, though, and that's perfectly alright and perhaps even preferable.

As always, just thinking out loud.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

This "Marriage and staying married only for happiness" stuff only exisits in sugar-coated pop philoshphy. Happiness (which is really confused with pleasure) is not the prime factor in human lives.
The day you get married, I want to know how you feel. You can't speak for every married person. Actually, you can't speak for anyone but yourself.

Just because Marriage A didn't doesn't mean that Marriage B won't work. I suggest you go through marrige before you say things like that.

[zmanjz]

A person must find their own Nindo.


What's right for you?

Would you be ashamed?
would you not care?
Are you ready to be a Mother/Father. (Two of my best friends are fathers well before they intended to be.)

Are you doing it just to get it overwith?

What's important to you?

Any advice I give would only be useful to people walking my path.

Reactions are so different between different people..... the onlything I can say for certain, Is make sure you think things through before you act.

(yet... even then matters of the heart often have nothing to do with "Clear thinking")


So figure out what you want, and why.

[SirLemming]

If sex can be purely for fun, then doesn't that imply that under certain circumstances it would be okay to have sex with your mother? Your sister? Your cousin? The fact that most of us find that idea to be so repulsive suggests to me that any type of sex is more than just the sum of its parts. (Or... the sum of your parts.) If there are certain people that it's wrong to do it with no matter what the circumstance (disregarding apocalyptic critical population scenarios), I think that suggests something.

[solarflere]

Can anyone honestly say that their first time was fun, or that they did it right, or that it was even pleasent the first time? I don't think so. It was not for me. First time is always awkward. Second and third times is a diffrent story. There is no such thing as perfect sex. One partner will always enjoy it more then the other. So it cant be "Fun" the first time.

[Stewie]

If sex can be purely for fun, then doesn't that imply that under certain circumstances it would be okay to have sex with your mother? Your sister? Your cousin? The fact that most of us find that idea to be so repulsive suggests to me that any type of sex is more than just the sum of its parts. (Or... the sum of your parts.) If there are certain people that it's wrong to do it with no matter what the circumstance (disregarding apocalyptic critical population scenarios), I think that suggests something.No it doesn't. I don't see the connection there. Are you saying that we don't have sex with our mothers simply because it wouldn't be fun? I don't understand your logic. Of course it's much more complicated that that. We're not saying that sex is so casual that we do it with anyone and everyone.

Can anyone honestly say that their first time was fun, or that they did it right, or that it was even pleasent the first time? I don't think so. It was not for me. First time is always awkward. Second and third times is a diffrent story. There is no such thing as perfect sex. One partner will always enjoy it more then the other. So it cant be "Fun" the first time.I don't see that this is a relevant response to anything that was said so I'd tend to ignore it, but I have an analogy I like.
Riding a bike for the first time wasn't "fun" the first time either. Then once I figured it out how to balance, it was lots of fun. And sex isn't good all the time (it's not easy), but you try to shoot for a high average.
And wait, it can be fun the first time. In fact, it is definitely fun. It's just probably not good, and definitely not perfect. I don't see that as a reason not to do it though. You can't do it the second time until you do it the first.

[ZorBrak]

Sex is part of a relationship and part of life. I can't stand people who try to act preachy and uptight about it. They make the world boring. Quit it. Life isn't pre-school. We shouldn't all cover our mouths and shield our eyes like sex is some kind of taboo. It's an instinct. It's something that humans find pleasure in. Can we say stress release? Just because I say it should be practiced before marriage doesn't mean I'm suggesting everyone go sleep with everyone in sight by any means. Sex can still be special between two people without them having to stand at a little altar and put some rings on. I'm also not by any means suggesting marriage isn't special. I very much believe in it. But as for sex... It's going to feel good either way. PERIOD.

Some of you are trying to say that ignoring a human instinct is logical? I'd like to be Christian again one day, I'm having trouble with religion at the moment...but there is no way on this earth I'm EVER going to embrace the idea that putting off sex before marriage gets me closer to God. That's just laughable. The bible also says in some parts that it is a forbidden to eat anything from the sea aside from fish. Mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm Scallops!

It's part of a relationship...a relationship without one...or close intimacy is useless, everything seems cold, distant, and boring (Believe me I know). I think avoiding premarital sex is stupid and I will NEVER get in a relationship like that again.

[AndreaBeaumont]

My own personal opinion is this:

I don't see anything wrong with it. Then again I'm not religious.

It just depends really.

1)

a)People who are religious will look down their noses at you.

2)

a)People who aren't will either be against for own personally founded morals having nothing to do with religion.

b)Or they just won't care and think that as long as YOU feel okay with it, what does it matter to anyone else? Why should they care because it's your business?

Personally I'm numero tres.

Moving on to another personal opinion:

There can be sex without love.

There can be love without sex.

There can be both at the same time.

But I personally feel, that in a very very serious relationship(and no one can decide for someone else what that consitutes, but who are we to police other people's bedrooms?), that sex, whether you want to admit it or not, by human nature, is a big part of that relationship. It's yet another place in the relationship you have to be 'compatible' in to make it work down the road.

Whether it's just the pleasure/fun factor.

Or whether it's a deeper expression of your love for the other person.

It just has to click.

...Like a lot of other things in a relationship. I'm in no way saying it's the most important part of a relationship. But I'm not shoving it into the corner and pretending it has no factor in one either.

On to personal opinion/fact number three:

Way back when, when the bible was written and what not, they was no such thing as birthcontrol, condoms, and knowledge of how to both prevent and treat STD's and sexual diseases that used to be fatal. So what's the logical thing to do back when? Say it's evil, immoral, and that you'll go to hell for doing it. To save lives.

The bible:the earliest form of birth control.

With technology and science and the evolution of the knowledge of the human body and disease, the bible, from a non religious standpoint mind you, is still a good 'guide' to developing morals, encouraging and teaching good, I personally don't need it as a guide. My morals are very sound on their own and I need no comfort that there's something AFTER this life, I just live my life for me and the best I can, always trying to be as good as I can be. I need no 'higher power' looming over me to know right from wrong and that I should always choose the former.

Now, with safe sex ed, and condoms and birthcontrol it's virtually impossible to get pregnant when used correctly, and honestly people, the instructions are fairly simple. And if you practice self restraint and safe sex, the chance of getting an STD is relatively low.

Just my two cents and view.

~AB

[Juu-kuchi]

This thread needs some Hesh.

http://www.leola.k12.sd.us/student%20pages/Chris%20Guthmiller/webpage/hesh.jpg

I'm still hashing out my personal belief on the issue. But for now, if you want sex before marriage, please don't be like Hesh.

[Mr. Pedro]

I will say this and only this on this topic.

You have to test-drive the car before you buy it.

[EinBebop]

You have to test-drive the car before you buy it.As long as we're throwing out silly cliches...

Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

[PressureCooker]

Yeah. Why test drive the cow when you can have the car for... no wait. That's not how it goes... Test drive the milk so you can get the cow for free. No... that ain't it either... Don't pull on the cows tail while test driving a car. Yeah... That's the one!

[Warrior Kitana]

Whoa, five pages. Well I'm glad there's a nice and reasonable debate going on here, just as long as it doesn't get too outta control.

No, I'm not a deeply religious person either and I am 18. I don't believe that people should take sex lightly. In my previous high-school, it was like sex was some sort of trend and many people were having just to be having it, no real feelings involved, similar to a one-night stand almost. Once again I blame the media, because I feel that it shoves sex in our faces and makes light of the issue.

I remember even back in middle school that kids felt pressured to have sex. I watch my 13 year old cousin go through the same stage now. What do a bunch of preteens and young 13/14 year olds know about sex. Yeah, they know what the media presents to them, but are they aware of getting pregnant, STDs, or the emotions that come along with it. When I was in 8th grade, I knew this girl in my class and was in the same grade as me, who was pregnant with twins, that's just sad.

I feel that if you're in a loving and nice relationship, you and your partner feel strongly about each other there's nothing wrong with sex. Yeah, I mean I would someday like to get married, but there's no guarantee that after the married, you're certain that you've married the one who's right for you. I do believe that people should have some level of maturity and knowledge about them and use proper protection. I do also prefer them to be more of age, like over 18 as well.

I don't feel that people should have sex because they feel pressured to do it, because they think it's cool, or just to give time some short-lived satisfaction especially when they don't have geniune or real feelings for their partner. They should also be fully aware of the consequences that could result from it.

[solarflere]

Yeah. Why test drive the cow when you can have the car for... no wait. That's not how it goes... Test drive the milk so you can get the cow for free. No... that ain't it either... Don't pull on the cows tail while test driving a car. Yeah... That's the one! I think you got a bit confused here, too much sex talk.:D

[PressureCooker]

I think you got a bit confused here, too much sex talk.:DYeah... it seems to do that to me.:sweat:

But seriously... 8th grade? 8th freaking grade?!?! In 8th grade I was building models and logging on to BBSs, not trolling for chicks. I'm sorry, but this is a sad state of affairs we're in here. I really hate to sound old fashioned but... Good grief! What is wrong with the world?:sad:

[Ajax]

Yeah... it seems to do that to me.:sweat:

But seriously... 8th grade? 8th freaking grade?!?! In 8th grade I was building models and logging on to BBSs, not trolling for chicks. So what... you were like seven years old when you were an eight grade. I mean come on, every guy here (and those who say no are a bunch of liars) has pretty much been "trolling for chicks" every since they found out girls no longer had the cootie.
Nothing is wrong with the world, its just you. (I meant that in a non-offense way)

[PressureCooker]

yup. 7 year olds doing the mattress rodeo is okie dokie.

yup. Nothing wrong with me...

[Chris Wood]

Yeesh, this place is more uptight than a church social.

Just be responsible, then rock'n'roll!

[Antiyonder]

I mean come on, every guy here (and those who say no are a bunch of liars) has pretty much been "trolling for chicks" every since they found out girls no longer had the cootie.
I don't troll for chicks, and I never bought into the concept of cooties either (I didn't even hear of the word until my 3rd Grade class read "Tales Of The Fourth Grade Nothing").

Saying every guy's been trolling for chicks is like saying every girls detest Video Games, Comics and Cartoons. Yet, some of our fellow toonzoners are girls. So, maybe you should think before sterotyping.

Anyway, sorry for going off-topic.

[starfire0639]

In other news, I now know why I'm so emotionally attached to my computer.



...What?.........That made me giggle...sorry just trying to lighten the mood.:sweat:And if its any consolation whatsoever then I,as a girl toonzoner,will say this.There have been tons of times where I spot a group of girls crussing for guys!Now if ya think its only dudes then hey whatever think as you wish.But you'd be thinking wrong.Most of the time the only thing that girls even get from a dude in the mall or wherever is a wink or something.And believe it or not the guys down here are gentlemans meaning they don't use horrindess pick-up lines that even if we assumed we would give them the chance of us listening we'd rather run away and cower.This is off subject but as a girl I think I'm oblegated to do this.And sorry for the other girls on this forum for giving up a secret or whatever the hell you wanna call it.But in truth when it all comes down to it....ya..were all the same..mind ..and libido:anime:



ha I know what that word means!!!

[Weatherman]

Twage, have you been doing things that make Domokuns do bad stuff?:p


While I'm not going to go to the length that SSJ did, I get the feeling alot of people around TZ are more uptight abotu sex then they really need to be. Granted, it is a deep, personal connection that is best shared between two people who are committed to each other, but it's also something that is fun. Sex should be something you enjoy doing with someone you trust. Obviously, just going off and having sex with someone you don't know would be dumb. Just be safe and smart and you should be alright.

Now, if you have your own reasons for abstaining from sex, that's cool. Whatever works for you is whatever works for you. That runs both ways. As long as you're not doing things that could jepordize your health be it physical or mental, it's pretty much your business. I do think, though, that alot of peopel underestimate the physchological impact that sex has on themselves and on their partner(s).

[Ajax]

I don't troll for chicks, and I never bought into the concept of cooties either (I didn't even hear of the word until my 3rd Grade class read "Tales Of The Fourth Grade Nothing").

Saying every guy's been trolling for chicks is like saying every girls detest Video Games, Comics and Cartoons.
That cootie thing was more of a joke. Anyways, if your going to tell me that ever since sixth grade or so that you've never felt differently about girls then that tells me one thing, but I don't wanna say that. And what I meant when I said Trolling for chicks was; checking out girls, wanting to go out with girls, flirting with girls actually talking to girls.
Yet, some of our fellow toonzoners are girls. So, maybe you should think before sterotyping Hey I knew I was seterotyping, but I am really that far off?

[SirLemming]

No it doesn't. I don't see the connection there. Are you saying that we don't have sex with our mothers simply because it wouldn't be fun? I don't understand your logic. Of course it's much more complicated that that. We're not saying that sex is so casual that we do it with anyone and everyone.But why can't you do it with just anyone? That's my point. I don't know how you misinterpreted what I said... What I said was we don't have sex with our mothers, sisters, or cousins because we know that "fun" isn't all that there is to it. It doesn't really have to do with whether or not we think it would be fun. We tend to just completely not consider it, and not due to a physical repulsion. If it were possible to reduce sex to something that has no implications outside of itself, then how come most of us still think that that stuff is wrong under any circumstance?
Some of you are trying to say that ignoring a human instinct is logical? I'd like to be Christian again one day, I'm having trouble with religion at the moment...but there is no way on this earth I'm EVER going to embrace the idea that putting off sex before marriage gets me closer to God. That's just laughable. The bible also says in some parts that it is a forbidden to eat anything from the sea aside from fish. Mmmmmmmmmmm mmmmmm Scallops! For the record, the Bible never directly says "do not have sex before marriage", so don't think that people are just blindly following some ancient scripture. Christians have formulated this idea based on the Bible's general attitude toward the sanctity of marriage.
I find it extremely hard to make the case that you shouldn't ignore your instincts. If we lived by our instincts the world probably wouldn't even exist anymore. You must realize this. Fighting our instincts is the only way we can ever make something of ourselves and avoid hurting others.

[Antiyonder]

checking out girls, wanting to go out with girls, flirting with girls actually talking to girls.I've done that, just not as often as other guys might. I'm the shy/sensitive type. Is there a difference between just talking to a girl and flirting with one?

To be honest, I think I've liked girls even before sixth grade.


Again sorry for the off topic comment. This will be my last one.

[James]

Okay, I'm just gonna disagree with this statement. With alimoney payments and lawyers fees quite a few couples have a big incentive to stay married. I'm just sayin' even if I'm not saying that's right.
I think power and control, and unfortunate shift that often occurs during marriage are more key instigators for a static relationship rather than lawyers.

Unfortunately, it's rare for marriages to be balanced affairs, often one or the other eventually becomes stronger. Sometimes to just a small extent, but sometimes - and more often than I realised when I was younger - to a greater extent.

Of course, non married relationships are prone to such issues, but psychologically - and as FB said - legally, there is an easy escape route. Unfortunately, and what people don't realise, is marriage just by it's nature has an effect on a relationship. Sometimes this can be for ill. Being legally tied can add pressure to the enjoyment factor. Claustrohobia.. some when tied start to relax too much and take it for granted... some go the opposite and do more what they weren't allowed because they know it's now more unlikely the partner will ditch and the first sign of bad behaviour. The power balance effectively shifts...

Sometimes not, of course, but what people don't realise when they are young, that when you marry, the relationship does mutate. Occasionally for the better, but quite often it does shift the relationship. Not surprising as it adds a new set of perameters to the couple. As does having a kid... all factors which are hard to pin down as a dating couple.

In some respects it's best to limit those factors by making sure you are totally comfortable with each other prior to taking that step. That you've had a deal of time together.. hopefully maybe even lived together under one roof.. and yes, having sex takes that unknown factor and pressure out of the equation.. in effect, you live as close to being married as you can so the shift to married couple is as undramatic and psychologically unaffective as possible.

So I agree FB that costs are an issue in holding marriages together - ultimately for the wrong reasons. I've a great deal of tales from couples where they live in fear of their partner, or their partner has slowly dominated and worn their ability to make choices far away...

No marriage isn't always the answer. Nor is sex. What I fear is people percieving both in states which have no bearing to the real world.

[Wanted]

Hmmm... I'm shocked a thread like this got to so many posts.

Really, though, it depends on your age. If you're still in public school, forget it.

[Ben]

Hmmm... I'm shocked a thread like this got to so many posts.

C'mon. It's got the magic word in the title. That catches people's attention better than almost anything.






SEX!

See what I mean?

[solarflere]

I did not expect people to debate this topic for so long, this has to be remembered in the toonzone archives for being the most debated and mature thread, considering the topic.:p

[starfire0639]

SEX!

-giggles-Ok lets add that on the list.If the word sex makes you giggle then your deffintly not ready to have it......ya that was a burn on myself:sweat: And ya...this thread has gotten alotta hits.But thats cus its a widely thought about subject.Therfore somebody brought it up...and people are gonna respond,whether it be in a rash,disturbed or happy way.

[Ickis]

Nope,not in my opinion.(This is my answer to the title of the topic)

[Stewie]

But why can't you do it with just anyone? That's my point. I don't know how you misinterpreted what I said... What I said was we don't have sex with our mothers, sisters, or cousins because we know that "fun" isn't all that there is to it. It doesn't really have to do with whether or not we think it would be fun. We tend to just completely not consider it, and not due to a physical repulsion. If it were possible to reduce sex to something that has no implications outside of itself, then how come most of us still think that that stuff is wrong under any circumstance?The wording of your sentence just happened to get clogged as it entered my brain. I blame my brain. I think it has more to do with not wanting to see our family members as sexual beings. I don't even want to talk about sex with anyone in my family. Especially my mom and sisters. And the thought of doing anything more than that *passes out*...

...Sex is a complicated/personal/confusing/embarassing subject when you're young (and older as well, but it's worst when you reach puberty). Anything beyond "the birds and the bees" was too much for me to sit through comfortably. But when I really take the time to think about it, I don't see sex with family members as morally wrong. It just makes me very uncomfortable. There are other reasons why I think it shouldn't be done (Genetic problems and such). Heck, I thought it was weird that Margot and Richie (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0265666/) got together. (Yet somehow, I find George-Michael and Maeby sweet. Maybe I've been reading too much Fone.)

Ignoring that, people have been having sex with family members for a long time. And just in the crazy parts of Kentucky, Missouri, or Mississippi (I acknowledge the stereotype(s)). Not to say that I think that makes it right, but that there are differing standards. It's more a point to separate the idea of sex before marriage and sex with closely-related family members. To suggest that one is related to the other would be like saying that gay marriage leads to sex with goats. It doesn't.

If we're all done talking about the subject and just gonna talk about the thread, then...
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v241/LogicalTom/fork.jpg

[PressureCooker]

But seriously... 8th grade? 8th freaking grade?!?! In 8th grade I was building models and logging on to BBSs, not trolling for chicks. I'm sorry, but this is a sad state of affairs we're in here. I really hate to sound old fashioned but... Good grief! What is wrong with the world?:sad:Perhaps I should make my point a little more clear... Sex before marriage: OK
I say go for it. Seriously... I say pound anything you can get your hands on. I'm just a little leary of the whole middle-schoolers bumping uglies. Yeah, I thought about girls from about 6th grade on up, but I wasn't diving behind a desk for a quickie in health class.
This isn't the 50's and people are not going to think any less of you for "trying before buying". If you get married to someone who is terrible in bed... you will be living in hell. Say what you want but I won't sugar coat it. Sex is a big part of a relationship, a VERY big part. If the sex is lousy, the relationship will follow that trend. However, if the sex is great, it will usually last a good long while.
But... (and there always is one) relationships can't be built on sex alone. Believe me, I've tried. Yeah, it was fun and all but something was... lacking.

[Chewie33]

Nope, not in any way is sex okay before your married.

[SirLemming]

This isn't the 50's and people are not going to think any less of you for "trying before buying". If you get married to someone who is terrible in bed... you will be living in hell. Say what you want but I won't sugar coat it. Sex is a big part of a relationship, a VERY big part. If the sex is lousy, the relationship will follow that trend. However, if the sex is great, it will usually last a good long while.I really can't buy into that. I mean, you can't always have everything. If I were to meet the girl of my dreams who just makes me feel amazing and everything about us just clicks personality-wise, and we find each other to be the most beautiful people on Earth... Are we really going to be dissatisfied with our relationship just because the sex isn't good? I mean, eventually I guess every relationship fosters dissatisfaction to some extent, but I feel like I'd be okay with it. I mean, after all, sex can never really be that bad, can it? :sweat: I feel like when it's with the person I truly love it'll overcome certain shortcomings...
Which also highlights one of the other good things about avoiding premarital sex -- ignorance is bliss. If you don't have anyone else to compare to, how can you really tell?
And what about when you get old? Obviously, from a physical standpoint, when I'm old I'll prefer having sex with some hot 18-year old than I would with my old wife, but factoring in the whole love thing, I'd be satisfied with my wife.

[Chris Wood]

C'mon. It's got the magic word in the title. That catches people's attention better than almost anything.

SEX!

See what I mean?

Wow! I could just read this post for days.

[solarflere]

I really can't buy into that. I mean, you can't always have everything. If I were to meet the girl of my dreams who just makes me feel amazing and everything about us just clicks personality-wise, and we find each other to be the most beautiful people on Earth... Are we really going to be dissatisfied with our relationship just because the sex isn't good? I mean, eventually I guess every relationship fosters dissatisfaction to some extent, but I feel like I'd be okay with it. I mean, after all, sex can never really be that bad, can it? :sweat: I feel like when it's with the person I truly love it'll overcome certain shortcomings...
Which also highlights one of the other good things about avoiding premarital sex -- ignorance is bliss. If you don't have anyone else to compare to, how can you really tell?
And what about when you get old? Obviously, from a physical standpoint, when I'm old I'll prefer having sex with some hot 18-year old than I would with my old wife, but factoring in the whole love thing, I'd be satisfied with my wife.
Actualy, if you dont know what you are doing, it can be pretty bad. Some of the people I've been with were BAD. but its not worth breaking up with them though.

[Phantasm]

No. Sex before marriage is not okay on many levels, in humble opinion, atleast. I won't get into the whole diseases and unwanted pregnacy problems because enough has been said about that. I guess I'll start by saying that us humans possess this sad tendency to lean towards actions the results of which have us on the same scale as...other creatures on the planet.

One excuse for sex is the idea that the act is very normal and the desire for which is biologically,naturally implanted in us.So it only makes sense that we indulge ourselves in this activity which is basically what we are designed, made to do;seeing as how biologically, the purpose is every organism's existance is to reproduce so that the species doesn't die out. And since we are smarter than the average mammal inhabiting Earth, we can have all the pleasures that come with the act but also save ourselves from the responsibilty of dealing with the result of it. No problem. Except the possible suggestion that we are essentially doing what animals do, with a little bit of tweaking.

With being a Homo sapien comes the natural ability to choose.Other creatures here don't have a choice in many things, sex being one of them.They feel the rush, they succumb to it. When we feel the rush, do we have to succumb to it, even if we have the power to restrain ourselves? But more often than not, we do. Thus making ourselves no better or different than any other organism alive. Perhaps rendering us even worse because even though we have the capability to elevate ourseleves from the bonds of our biological nature, we chose let it to control us.

This kind of contradicts the notion of us being the 'superior' spiecies beacause when all is said and done, we can't even benefit from the natural advantages that we posses.Now, I'm not saying at all that sex is the deciding factor when it comes to catagorizing human beings as superior or inferer to other creatures. Just saying that our free will is the reason we are 'superior' and regardless of this if we do what the non-free willed animal will do...we should just shut up about over embarrasingly exagerated superiority.:shrug: :sad:

[Ajax]

And what about when you get old? Obviously, from a physical standpoint, when I'm old I'll prefer having sex with some hot 18-year old than I would with my old wife, but factoring in the whole love thing, I'd be satisfied with my wife. As regards to what you said last, I'll say this: Its not that you don't like eating green M&M's anymore, but damn, you want to eat some brown M&M's too. You have a very beautiful way of thinking but unless your speaking from experience (meaning you've had a girlfriend for more than two years) then how can you believe in what you just said (if you do then I would of just put my foot in my mouth). I know your talking about a wife, but still, when you live with a women, love is not enough to maintain a relationship, especially after the first six months.:p

[tucsoncoyote]

I've read through 6 pages of Posts... and am amazed at what is going on.. and you know what? i have to laugh at the whole thing.. seriously i do..

Frankly I'm 42, Single, and in some ways I'm happy. why? Easy. I look at Sex as part of a larger experience, and in fact am I sad, that I don't have someone to love me? No not really. I just feel sorry for the whole bleedin' lot..

After all there are little known facts that most people look at when it comes to sex before marriage. and even Sex after marriage.. in fact everyone's right, and everyone is incorrect..

I'm going to tell you guys a little story i had. this was in fact back in High School. and in fact it was My sophmore year. I decided to try my hand at wanting to go out to a dance. I asked many girls if they would like to go out to a dance with me. No sex mind you, just go out and have fun. sadly they all refused. I remember this one girl I asked.. she said to me, "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on the Planet' was her response. So I figured Oh well No one wants to go out with me. so I gave up trying to find romance.

Now Jump ahead to 1990. it's 10 years after I graduated High School. and i run into the girl who had told me she wouldn't have gone out with me if I was the last guy on the Planet.. What happened next Completely floored me..

She actually Admitted she HAD wanted to go out with me. yet she was afraid to ask cause she figured I would be like all the "Other guys" she had dated..

in the End, she ended up going through an Unwanted Pregnancy, Three Marriages, Two of them ending in Divorce. and yet after 10 years time she finally admitted to me one thing.. I was really the guy she wanted.. The guy she wanted but now.. She couldn't have..

so how does this realate to my experience? Well I've always believed in a Go Slow Approach. Never rush a relationship. I've had girlfriend who rushed in, and rushed right back out when they learned I "wasn't that kind of Guy." They wanted someone just for the sex, and in fact I just smile at this.. after all There is a significant someone for everyone (in fact my thoughts on Sex before marrige is that if you are not an adult and are not out of High School yet, don't Try it.. if you are in College, and are still Immature, by all means Don't try it.. and if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend who think sex is just the answer to everything.. Then Really don't try it..

Frankly I've gone thorugh 9 girlfriends already. none of them liked me for who I was. but someday someone will either say, "you know you are kind of Special to me, I want you in my life." It's then that I'll say .. Okay.. but let's take it slow..

After all Sex is really a rush job... Love isn't.. it takes years of Trust, communication, and in fact understanding the other person. That's probably why I say, If I die alone, so be it. it's not worth the effort sometimes to rush blindly into a relationship, get married and in fact end up that the person who says that they love you really doesn't. That's a sad commentary on the way the Sexual Revolution has really affected everyone. Ah well, when the time comes I just hope i die happy. knowing or not knowing if anyone real loves me. After all Sex is just an quick Pleasure act. Love is more than that, it's forever.

:coyote:

[AndreaBeaumont]

Lord when will people open their eyes and realize that "Unwanted pregnancies" and "STD's" are easily preventable.

I mean seriously people, if you're responsible about it, use all the proper protection READILY AVAILABLE to you, then your chances of ending up with an STD or a baby are slim to none.

Only the stupid and irresponsible end up pregnant or disease ridden.

~AB

[Phantasm]

No. There is no guanrantee even if one utilizes all methods of contraception available. One reason for the many cases of unwanted pregnancies is because of the unreliabilty of these products and the sad blinded faith people seem to have in them. I've witnessed people get pregnant regardless of the fact that they were religious users of one form of contraception or the other. :sad:

[William C. Maune]

No. There is no guanrantee even if one utilizes all methods of contraception available. One reason for the many cases of unwanted pregnancies is because of the unreliabilty of these products and the sad blinded faith people seem to have in them. I've witnessed people get pregnant regardless of the fact that they were religious users of one form of contraception or the other. :sad:

While there is no guarantee, the chance is much less than even 1 in 100 with proper uses of such methods. Far more diseases and unwanted pregnancies are caused by lack of use or improper use of such methods. Even among many who do utilize various methods, many don't use them correctly and therein lies a large problem and part of the reason why education regarding proper use and the pros/cons of each method are so important.

[solarflere]

While there is no guarantee, the chance is much less than even 1 in 100 with proper uses of such methods. Far more diseases and unwanted pregnancies are caused by lack of use or improper use of such methods. Even among many who do utilize various methods, many don't use them correctly and therein lies a large problem and part of the reason why education regarding proper use and the pros/cons of each method are so important. Exactly, people need to be educated about many forms of contreseptives. Male/felame condoms are the only STD/STI preventive contraseptives out there( and Dental Dams but that is something else :anime: ). They work 99.9% of the time.

[90'sCartoonMan]

Wow, now that's a lot of opinions. Everyone has their own, and I basically think if you're in your late teens and are knowledgable enough of the consequences and mature enough to think the decision through carefully, then it is okay.

Personally, I have never had sex, and I want to save it for marriage. I don't have any religion basis for that, I just think the idea of waiting for one person is kind of romantic. I know it sounds corny and even a little stupid, I've had friends who are satisfied with not waiting until they're married, but this is just how I feel. Then again, I've never had a serious girlfriend, so maybe that'll change.

[cross blues]

No, I haven't had sex yet and I don't have a boyfriend or anything, but how will I know who "the one" is? I don't want to end up having sex only to regret it later. I also believe if you have geniune feelings for your partner, use safe protection, and are very much aware of the consequences, that it's okay. I feel that you might not even discover who "the one" is even if you are married, I mean look at the divorce rate in the US.

Am I wrong for believing this way? I'm a bit confused and I don't want to eventually make a decision that I may regret. you will never know who "the one" is. you'll just have to make a judgement whether you can trust him or not (when you find a seemingly good guy), but the truth is you can never know exactly what another person will do. guys have lots of tricks... plus they are having sex thrown in their faces too. so even if they may not be overflowing with testosterone and trying to have sex from that, there will still be peer pressure forcing them to prove their manhood by doing it.

I'm not religious, so I have no moral beliefs about sex. but I do know, from having it drilled into my head by good teachers that THERE IS NO SAFE SEX, only safer sex. even condoms (with perfect use) don't always stop STIs. and I'm betting a lot of people don't know the perfect use of a condom either. so chances of disease or pregnancy go up and up with every little mistake that you didn't even know you made.

a major contributor to the high divorce rate is pregnancies at young ages resulting in marriages at young ages. if you don't want to make a decision you may regret, don't have sex. if you're not looking to raise a family yet, there's really no reason to have sex at all. think about it. it's not something you need to do. it's just an animal instinct.

[Outlander00]

Yeesh, this place is more uptight than a church social.

Just be responsible, then rock'n'roll! heh heh heh :p

As far as my belief on the issue...

It first depends on you as an individual... not just physically but mentally and emotionally. We are a very carnal species so when you have that conflicting with this concept of religion and morality, it can be a very big mess to someones head... especially to a young person. You have these little nasty hormones swarming through you while your young, yet you this generalized version of Mr. Mackeys voice saying "Uh, sex is bad, mmmmkay" going through your head, it does a number on a teenager and even into your twenties a bit. Yet, not enough education behind sex or why "sex is bad" or anything behind it makes it worse. Yes you can get HIV and STD's. Yes you can get pregnant. However those educational things we all go through in school dont really encompass the phsycological aspects of sex... whether its before (peer pressure among other things), during or after (the range of emotions that rage afterwards, whether its love, guilt, satisfaction or any other emotions). Theres is much more to it than the hormones and the physiological difference that make sex possible. You really dont understand those things until you are in your twenties and later on. Because of that aspect, you should REALLY be prepared for it yourself, especially when you are a female.

Secondly, its up to you and the one you are with.

Personally, sex shouldnt be restricted to when youre married (how do you expect to when we are just like any other animal), however it is better to be in a stable relationship with another person who you are a) attracted to not just physically but mentally as well and b) you have a bond with... this includes communication between the both of you. The reason is that the experience could be either worthwhile or, in most cases, not very good (in a lot of cases with those who are younger) and traumatizing, especially to a woman. The person doesnt have to be "the one" mind you but if you feel comfortable with the person intimately it would be something to consider. However, again, it involves you and communicating with the one youre with and deciding whether if its the right time for you or not. Trust me... its better when you two are into each other and have talked about it before hand than some one night stand. :p

When it comes to the topic, ultimately, your mind is your best tool so its best to use it. Everything else follows suit. :)


It just seems morally right that way and you get to know your partner better so that you're certain you won't catch AIDS or other STDs.
Yes you can avoid getting STDs from not having sex, however you can still get HIV, even through non sexual interaction (like coming in contact to infected blood or sexual bodily fluids).

[I.R Joey]

I've read through 6 pages of Posts... and am amazed at what is going on.. and you know what? i have to laugh at the whole thing.. seriously i do..

Frankly I'm 42, Single, and in some ways I'm happy. why? Easy. I look at Sex as part of a larger experience, and in fact am I sad, that I don't have someone to love me? No not really. I just feel sorry for the whole bleedin' lot..

After all there are little known facts that most people look at when it comes to sex before marriage. and even Sex after marriage.. in fact everyone's right, and everyone is incorrect..

I'm going to tell you guys a little story i had. this was in fact back in High School. and in fact it was My sophmore year. I decided to try my hand at wanting to go out to a dance. I asked many girls if they would like to go out to a dance with me. No sex mind you, just go out and have fun. sadly they all refused. I remember this one girl I asked.. she said to me, "I wouldn't go out with you if you were the last guy on the Planet' was her response. So I figured Oh well No one wants to go out with me. so I gave up trying to find romance.

Now Jump ahead to 1990. it's 10 years after I graduated High School. and i run into the girl who had told me she wouldn't have gone out with me if I was the last guy on the Planet.. What happened next Completely floored me..

She actually Admitted she HAD wanted to go out with me. yet she was afraid to ask cause she figured I would be like all the "Other guys" she had dated..

in the End, she ended up going through an Unwanted Pregnancy, Three Marriages, Two of them ending in Divorce. and yet after 10 years time she finally admitted to me one thing.. I was really the guy she wanted.. The guy she wanted but now.. She couldn't have..

so how does this realate to my experience? Well I've always believed in a Go Slow Approach. Never rush a relationship. I've had girlfriend who rushed in, and rushed right back out when they learned I "wasn't that kind of Guy." They wanted someone just for the sex, and in fact I just smile at this.. after all There is a significant someone for everyone (in fact my thoughts on Sex before marrige is that if you are not an adult and are not out of High School yet, don't Try it.. if you are in College, and are still Immature, by all means Don't try it.. and if you get a girlfriend/boyfriend who think sex is just the answer to everything.. Then Really don't try it..

Frankly I've gone thorugh 9 girlfriends already. none of them liked me for who I was. but someday someone will either say, "you know you are kind of Special to me, I want you in my life." It's then that I'll say .. Okay.. but let's take it slow..

After all Sex is really a rush job... Love isn't.. it takes years of Trust, communication, and in fact understanding the other person. That's probably why I say, If I die alone, so be it. it's not worth the effort sometimes to rush blindly into a relationship, get married and in fact end up that the person who says that they love you really doesn't. That's a sad commentary on the way the Sexual Revolution has really affected everyone. Ah well, when the time comes I just hope i die happy. knowing or not knowing if anyone real loves me. After all Sex is just an quick Pleasure act. Love is more than that, it's forever.

:coyote:
That really is a very profound story. I can't quite understand why someone would behave like that to a person that they liked. It really is strange.

As for the question that started this thread. I do believe that sax before marrige is wrong.

[Artimus Gigan]

Personaly I wouldn't do it...


on the otherhand I was pretty much concieved in that way

[James]

I think the other point is here, how do you want to live your life?

If you use safe sex, don't have excessive sexual partners you can have a great time. Is there a risk? A tiny one.

I've always hated the literature which says "What safe sex? Don't have sex!"... It's like saying, "don't want to ever die in front of a wheel? Don't drive..."

How far do you live your life by standards of what if? You have far more chance of dying driving your car or going out for a night out than from sex. How far do you not do something because if you are sensible, you MIGHT have some negative reprocussions. You can be in the car with the safest driver in the world but it only takes one idiot to slam into you and BANG, you're dead.

Always keep it in proportion.

I think what worries me is this fear of STDs and pregnancies BEFORE marriage.. and that people say "yeah, like I'll wait until I'm married" because you feel you'll be safe. That's insane. Religious ideology has some meaning behind it, the logic that somehow you'll be less exposed to STD's when married than before hand is non existent. WAY to many idealised beliefs of marriage and WAY too many presumptions on life in general.

People have affairs. Happens quite a lot. These affairs aren't obvious - certainly not when it matters. People contract STDs through marriages a lot. It happens. Marriage isn't a safety net. The fact that people idealise marriage as a perfect bliss and affairs "won't happen to them" make marriages even more dangerous. People are aware of the small risk before marriage but then throw it aside for the idealised belief in a sanctified partnership.

On the whole, most STDs are curable. There are a couple of really nasty ones, yes, but that's life. Risks are there. There are no guarantees. You couldn't be killed tomorrow.

I think a lot of this is moot, as I guarantee that most of the nay sayers here are those who have not been in an issue before marriage where they might have sex. Boys in particular - I think many here who say they'll wait will either have sex or at least want sex and fail to get it (in which case they'll probably again say that they were never interested in sex before marriage.. that's men for you! :)). It's easy to be righteous when it's not there on your doorstep. A girl/guy who you really like, with those chemicals dancing in the air... You'll be surprised how quickly the idea of safe sex becomes appealing....

Nothing wrong with that feeling. Embrace life, be sensible, be yourself and have fun. You get one chance to live your youth, don't throw it away on either fear of the unknown or the "safe haven" of marriage... there is no safe haven in life from anything.. which is why I hate those pamphlets.. they offer answers which aren't realistic or helpful - they just scare instead of educate.

[Chris Wood]

Seven pages of this silliness. Yeesh.

I think T-Rex summed it up best:

"Get it on, bang a gong, get it on"

(the gong being optional)

[Mr. Pedro]

As for the question that started this thread. I do believe that sax before marrige is wrong.http://home.att.net/~dawild/jc.gif

Your loss then. :D

[tucsoncoyote]

That really is a very profound story. I can't quite understand why someone would behave like that to a person that they liked. It really is strange.

As for the question that started this thread. I do believe that sax before marrige is wrong.
I have to Agree about that Joey, I will be honest, Sex is indee wrong provided there isn't love or anything of that nature attached to it. in short Sex is just an act. (and yes Sex Before marriage is rather not right, cause in fact there is no love in sex. Like i said, It's an act.)

as for the first part of the Commen? Well it's true, Why she acted that way is beyond even my comprehension, and what was more interesting is I didn't want to date her, but just to get to know her better as a person first before admitting my feelings.

But you know the Old Saying, "Nice Guys Do finish Last, even if they are a perfect Gentlemen to a Lady."

:coyote:

[PressureCooker]

http://home.att.net/~dawild/jc.gif

Your loss then. :D
I'm sorry... but that was just too damn funny!:)

[MrBananagrabber]

Personally, I don't see a problem with premarital sex. I think the claims that everyone who has premarital sex ends up emotionally unstable and lives a horrible life are ridiculous. So is the idea that guys who have sex before marriage aren’t gentlemen, or that women who do are easy. Sex isn’t evil, you’re not a slut or an animal if you have sex. It’s part of life. What's more important is that people are emotionally, and physically if they're younger, ready to have sex. And even if their body and mind are mature enough, they have to want to have it with someone, nobody would argue that coercion or forcing sex on someone is at all acceptable.

With that said, if two people are comfortable with each other enough to have sex, and they want to, then go for it. Finding out if your partner, or you yourself, have any STIs or HIV is something that I’d suggest to do before you do anything. And using protection, properly, is key. Personally, I think that you owe it to your partner to use protection, just in case you have something you aren’t aware of. Even if you like to just hook up with people, I would just view it as a common courtesy. Maybe that’s just me. People do cheat, or do end up getting diseases other ways, so even if you think you’re “safe”, it can’t hurt to take precautions. No, contraceptives aren’t 100% perfect, but it’s better than nothing.

Sex feels great. Lots of things feel great. So long as you don’t hurt yourself or others with things that make you feel great, I say go for it. Sex is no different, and neither are different types of sex (mutual masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, etc). So long as you take the precautions to understand what you are and aren’t comfortable with, and talk about it with your partner, you’ll be fine. I just don’t think that it’s good to have an irrational fear of sex. Not wanting to have sex, or certain types of sex, etc. is fine, because that’s a choice you made, and it certainly doesn’t make you any less of a mature person, nor does it make you a prude. But the idea that sex is some creepy monster and is purely evil just strikes me as so unrealistic.

Interestingly, many middle aged heterosexual couples report enjoying sex more while they’re older than while they were teens, even after being married/together for decades. They say that even though their bodies may not be as young or beautiful, the stress or competition factor (not to mention the risk of pregnancy) is gone, and it’s more fun. Interesting, right?

[nevermore]

Why do people want sex before marrige? I want an answer to that. I mean, what's the point? Is it fun to know that you may get some terrible disease or get an unwanted pregnancy? Of course it's not!

I'm 14 and already, people are obsessing about it. I am made fun of for not wanting sex. I don't care for it. I don't even like girls in that way! I am perfectly content with just keeping them as my friends and that's the way I want it for now. Maybe in a couple years I'll start looking for a girlfriend, but for now, I'll just stay away from sex and stuff like that. It actually grosses me out.

Sex before marrige can not only harm your body, but it can harm your mind. Sometimes, when people think back on what they did, they realize how big of a mistake they made and they want to forget about it, and sometimes what they try to make them forget could harm them even more. And sometimes, it hurts the other person because they know that they were the cause of it.

I hope that people will realize that sex before marrige is a big mistake and wait for "The one." I highly doubt that there is "A one" for me, but I don't care. I will still stay away from sex. I have a firm belief that will not be budged by people saying that it feels good. I know that sex before marrige is wrong, and that is final. Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go take the anger that I am feeling from this subject out on...I don't know. All I know is that I need to take my anger out on something. I can't believe that people think it's okay. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where's that pencil? I hate the fact that people can be so ignorant to the fact that it is wrong.

Now that I am ranting on aimlessly, I will stop. Just don't even think about sex untill you're married...Great, now I sound like someone's parents! Oh well, at least I know that I'm right.

P.S. I really want an answer to my question at the beginning of this post.

[randomguy]

P.S. I really want an answer to my question at the beginning of this post.Sure thing.

People want sex before marriage not because it's "fun to know that you may get some terrible disease or get an unwanted pregnancy", but because the act itself is pleasurable. People enjoy it, and the risk of getting some terrible disease or an unwanted pregnancy is minimized by the proper use of contraception, particularly if both partners use contraception (which is advisable).

With all due respect, I wouldn't bemoan the "ignorance" of people around here for having a different opinion than you too much. Many of them are older and have the experience that allows them to make their own judgements.

[Stewie]

Why do people want sex before marrige? I want an answer to that. I mean, what's the point? Is it fun to know that you may get some terrible disease or get an unwanted pregnancy? Of course it's not!

I'm 14 and already, people are obsessing about it. I am made fun of for not wanting sex. I don't care for it. I don't even like girls in that way! I am perfectly content with just keeping them as my friends and that's the way I want it for now. Maybe in a couple years I'll start looking for a girlfriend, but for now, I'll just stay away from sex and stuff like that. It actually grosses me out.

Sex before marrige can not only harm your body, but it can harm your mind. Sometimes, when people think back on what they did, they realize how big of a mistake they made and they want to forget about it, and sometimes what they try to make them forget could harm them even more. And sometimes, it hurts the other person because they know that they were the cause of it.

I hope that people will realize that sex before marrige is a big mistake and wait for "The one." I highly doubt that there is "A one" for me, but I don't care. I will still stay away from sex. I have a firm belief that will not be budged by people saying that it feels good. I know that sex before marrige is wrong, and that is final. Now, if you'll excuse me. I need to go take the anger that I am feeling from this subject out on...I don't know. All I know is that I need to take my anger out on something. I can't believe that people think it's okay. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr. Where's that pencil? I hate the fact that people can be so ignorant to the fact that it is wrong.

Now that I am ranting on aimlessly, I will stop. Just don't even think about sex untill you're married...Great, now I sound like someone's parents! Oh well, at least I know that I'm right.

P.S. I really want an answer to my question at the beginning of this post.Oy, just when I think my side of the argument has established it's views as fact and forced all dissenters to agree. Fooey.

I'm not quite sure why you claim to "really want an answer" to the question you started with when you say "I hate the fact that people can be so ignorant to the fact that it is wrong." You may really want to hear our side of the issue again, but I suspect that like so many of us, nothing anyone says can persuade you. I'll endeavor to give an answer anyway.

We want sex before marriage because sex is generally a good thing. You may not like girls in that way, but someday, part of you brain (and therefore your body) will. Or you'll like guys in that way. It's nearly inevitable.
You're right that sex before marriage can harm your body and mind. Sex after marriage can do the same thing. And either way, sex is worth the risk. Especially when you factor in these protections that science has afforded us.

To me, it comes down to this. (I'm not the first in this page to say it. I'm just the next.) Each person has to make their own decision about this. What we should hope for is that we won't be forcing it on someone else. If you don't want sex, don't hav sex. There is societal media-induced pressures of a sexual nature. I think that's just a natural result of sex being so common.
The only other notion I would want to dissuade you of is that of waiting for "The One." That's a complaint from the other direction of the "darn media" argument. Sex is not so closely related to romance. Those areas do often overlap, but it's not a requirement for either one.

With all due respect, I wouldn't bemoan the "ignorance" of people around here for having a different opinion than you too much. Many of them are older and have the experience that allows them to make their own judgements.Second that motion. And it's not as though there really are that many absolutes in this life. I say not even death and taxes are certainties. It's all a matter of perspective, and perception.

[PressureCooker]

With all due respect, I wouldn't bemoan the "ignorance" of people around here for having a different opinion than you too much. Many of them are older and have the experience that allows them to make their own judgements.I'm glad you said that to defuse my reaction. I've had plenty of experience, and my opinion hasn't changed. Perhaps when you get a few more years under your belt you opinion may change... maybe. Some people believe that till the day they die. Don't knock people for their decision... we won't knock yours.

[solarflere]

As long as you are safe about is, there is nothing wrong with it. Its pleasure, its pasion, its anything you want it to be exept wrong or ignorance.

[starfire0639]

Only the stupid and irresponsible end up pregnant or disease ridden.

~AB...Heh.How can you say that without experience on the subject?I'm not saying that you went out partied and got layed and thus your pregnant or have a std or anything.What I'm saying is that how can you souley say that its irresponsiblity that causes such things to happen.A women could be on birth control use a condom and other stuff after the whatever when the two partners are done-don't really know what they do:sweat: -And then even after that she could use millions of contraceptives.And add the fact that she might know the man for years and years and trusts him and yet she can still end up pregnant.I counter your quote becuase its untrue not becuase I think its wrong and I don't agree.Its not true.

Sex as reality today is based on passion and lust and whatever the hell else you wanna say it is.But as the generation of today I'll say to all of you...if you give a damn anyway,that it doesn't fase me!No matter what I'm waiting till I'm ready and no matter what I'm not doing it while I'm still in school and no matter what I'm not going to wait till I'm married to do so!!!I mean god what if I got married when I was 30?.....Heh maybe its just my puberty ridden mind running its mouth right now but hey I don't think that I have to wait that long!But also,I think that when I do do it when I have the thought in my mind that I want to share that most important moment with someone then I know I'll be ready.When I know that sex isn't going to change my life when I know that it isn't the most important thing and when it shouldn't be objected to a relationship.I half agree with everything everyones said.Seeing as half of them said yes and others said no and they gave backbreaking reasons for their conclusions.But I still stick to what I think.No.I don't think you have to wait till your married.Becuase god people,no matter what people are ridden with lust and sex is on the average persons mind at least more times then you think about eating something or going and watching tv.It just is!Sex before marriage is alright in my book.As long as the person is wise to their decision as long as they know what their doing as long as their safe as long as they know their partner as long as they trust the person as long as every last rule of being knowledgable about sex its many risks and what the hell your doing with that dude or duddette in bed is known.....then its alright.And thats all I got to say.


ash

[Fone Bone]

To me, it comes down to this. (I'm not the first in this page to say it. I'm just the next.) Each person has to make their own decision about this. What we should hope for is that we won't be forcing it on someone else. If you don't want sex, don't hav sex. There is societal media-induced pressures of a sexual nature. I think that's just a natural result of sex being so common.
The only other notion I would want to dissuade you of is that of waiting for "The One." That's a complaint from the other direction of the "darn media" argument. Sex is no so closely related to romance. Those areas do often overlap, but it's not a requirement for either one.
Here's the thing: For a lot of people they DO overlap. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do but if both partners don't want the same thing from sex, someone is bound to get hurt. I think it's important for both people to discuss what they want from the relationship before they do anything that even only ONE party will regret.

[Stewie]

Here's the thing: For a lot of people they DO overlap. I'm not saying you're wrong for feeling the way you do but if both partners don't want the same thing from sex, someone is bound to get hurt. I think it's important for both people to discuss what they want from the relationship before they do anything that even only ONE party will regret.As I said, Those areas do often overlap, but it's not a requirement for either one.

I totally agree that both people should talk things over and understand the situation. It just makes sense.
People are bound to get hurt. But not necessarily because they had sex. It will happen any time they interact with any other humans, or don't.

And I don't mean to say that I think "true love" or (even just love) and sex are completely unrelated. Just that finding your one true love being a requirement for sex would mean that humanity would have died out thousands of years ago. When you find someone that you want to spend your life with (or just that special 4 minutes) birds don't sing. Time doesn't stop. Romantic music doesn't start playing. Odds are, there is nothing special about it. It's part of life.

[Kuja's Light]

Saying it's wrong is being foolish. Not all people who have sex before marriage do it just to do it. What if it's a couple who has bben together several years, and feel they want to increase the love and passion between each other?

Gotta think these tings through of course, but it's not all just black and white.

[MrBananagrabber]

Why do people want sex before marrige? I want an answer to that. I mean, what's the point? Is it fun to know that you may get some terrible disease or get an unwanted pregnancy? Of course it's not!

Sex before marrige can not only harm your body, but it can harm your mind. Sometimes, when people think back on what they did, they realize how big of a mistake they made and they want to forget about it, and sometimes what they try to make them forget could harm them even more. And sometimes, it hurts the other person because they know that they were the cause of it.
To answer you main question, why do people have sex before marriage, it is, like others have said, because it's intensly pleasureable, our bodies are made so it will be. It's fun. You can use to as a way to make you and your partner feel good. A lot of people like that.

You're making a jump in logic that once you're married and have sex that you won't get a disease, or end up pregnant when you don't want to be, or have your body or mind harmed, or do something you regret. Marriage will not take away the risks of sex. And I don't mean to trivialize those risks at all, they are serious things to think about. But if you do what you can to minimalize those risks (which most of the time can easily be done by talking to your partner(s). Communication is the most important thing), then there's nothing wrong with having sex. If you don't want to, that's your choice and it's fine, but don't condemn people for making their own decision just because it's different from yours.

[Fone Bone]

As I said,

I totally agree that both people should talk things over and understand the situation. It just makes sense.
People are bound to get hurt. But not necessarily because they had sex. It will happen any time they interact with any other humans, or don't.

And I don't mean to say that I think "true love" or (even just love) and sex are completely unrelated. Just that finding your one true love being a requirement for sex would mean that humanity would have died out thousands of years ago. When you find someone that you want to spend your life with (or just that special 4 minutes) birds don't sing. Time doesn't stop. Romantic music doesn't start playing. Odds are, there is nothing special about it. It's part of life.Gotcha. I can understand this. I personally have WAAAAY too many hang-ups about sex but that's just how I was raised. Whattaya gonna do?:shrug:

[Weatherman]

Gotcha. I can understand this. I personally have WAAAAY too many hang-ups about sex but that's just how I was raised. Whattaya gonna do?:shrug:
Exactly, it's your desicion. Now, if you make a desicion that you know, or at least should know, is detremental to your self-interest, that's different. Plenty of people make bad desicions about sex that have nothing to do with the act itself, but everything to do with the reasons behind it and so on and so forth.

[Alpha Man]

If you can't say "No," what's your "Yes" worth?

[Ben]

If you can't say "No," what's your "Yes" worth?

What does that have to do with the topic?

[Chrono1995]

After a tall cup of coffee and eight pages of reading, I've come to one conclusion: people are just way too afraid of sex.

Sex is an extension of trust and like SJJ, something that needs to be embraced and understood, whether you feel it is morally right to have it before or without marriage. If you feel you can't fully trust your partner until marriage or feel you can't take the next step, it's a simple matter: don't have sex. I could meet a girl tomorrow and get married to her the next day, but I wouldn't have sex with her simply because she doesn't mean jack to me...yet. Sex, ideally, comes with the evolution of a healthy relationship.

And it IS healthy. Besides being a physical activity, it actually assists in giving a greater understanding of your partner.

But here is what annoys the royal hell out of me: people who cry, "Pregnancy and diseases, cover your eyes and run away!" It's thoroughly possible to get an STD while married, or a baby you can't support while you're married. Marriage isn't a cure-all to the possible ramifications and drawbacks from sex.

I was raised in a prominently religious household, and my parents told me the dangers of sex. For 17 years, it was all danger, danger, danger. There was no talk of the love and fun involved. I always knew it was there, but the second the idea began to settle and agree with me my parents came back to say "Do the rump and you die!" Then suddenly I met my first (real) girlfriend, and things clicked immediately. The issue didn't come up until a good six months into the relationship, but when it did, I didn't hesitate.

Thank to said experience, I have a greater understanding of how sex works by itself and within a relationship. Married or not, if there's no trust, then no sex. Bottom line.

[Kurtman]

I don't know really. But I do know it's wrong to get a teenage girl pregnant. Then again,i'm too much of a loner to be concerned about sex or marriage right now.

[Alpha Man]

What does that have to do with the topic?*sigh* If you can't say "No" (to sex), then what is your "Yes" (to sex) worth?

I thought I made that pretty clear. Just think about it. Then answer the question.

[solarflere]

Sex is what you make of it. It’s different for every person whether married or not. But don't drag the unwanted pregnancy and STD/STIs into it. Those could happen in marriage as well. There is no reason the afraid of it, you just have to be smart about it. Having sex does not make you a bad person. It’s a decision you make with your partner. There should be no pressure to have sex neither. If you don't want to, don't do it. If you do want to, don’t hold your self back.

[Ben]

*sigh* If you can't say "No" (to sex), then what is your "Yes" (to sex) worth?

I thought I made that pretty clear. Just think about it. Then answer the question.

I know that, but the topic is "Is sex before marriage okay?" which has nothing to do with whether you can say no to sex. There are lots of umarried people who have better control over their sex lives (able to say "no") than lots of married people do. In fact, in some parts of the world women sometimes become completely unable to say no to sex when they get married.

[Stardust]

It's not a bad thing to have sex before marriage, but I feel that people are irresponsible about it these days. People bring STDs into this kind of topic because it spreads so fast. How does it spread so fast? Because people don't educate themselves or because it's 'acceptable' in society to have sex before marriage, so they do. How can you contain STDs? Wait until marriage or when you have a monogamous relationship. Not by having sex with each boyfriend or girlfriend when you feel you can trust each other. The thing that no ones seems to register until they contract it is that condoms DO NOT stop STDs like the Human Papilloma Virus (HPV).

I don't know what they're teaching in Sex-Ed these days, but I got some new information from my doctor when I came back with an abnormal pap smear. It's a very scary thing for a woman when she comes back with an abnormal pap smear, even worse when the obgyn tells her that she has a possibility of cancer and they have to go through a painful procedure to remove part of the cervix to remove the lesions. I'm in my early 20s and I've had to be the shoulder to lean on when my two girl friends found out they might have cancer, but definately some kind of STD.

Do the schools talk about HPV? Condoms don't protect you from it. There's no way to test it on men, only on females. It can ultimately cause cervical cancer if not treated.

My doctor talks about STDs all the time because of the increasing amount he's seen lately. He told me that when he asks a patient about the number of sexual partners s/he has, he automatically doubles the number. He told me that if I ask my boyfriend the same thing, I should double the number, too. He calls it indirect sex. Having sex with your partner is like having sex with all the people s/he has done the deed with, too.

If you are going to have sex before marriage, get an STD test done and make sure you tell your partner if you have STDs. I'm sure I'm preaching to the wrong crowd because you guys are more intelligent than the average human being, anyway.

[solarflere]

If you are going to have sex before marriage, get an STD test done and make sure you tell your partner if you have STDs. I'm sure I'm preaching to the wrong crowd because you guys are more intelligent than the average human being, anyway. You are right there.
They teach abstinence in High school health classes. But in collage they teach you how to have safe sex. I know because I took the classes. It’s pretty advanced. We learned about every STD/STI that exists right down to crab lice. Some are treatable Syphilis, Gonorrhea, and Chlamydia at an early stage; some are not, Aids, HIV, Harpies, HPV.
The main thing is to know your partner; how many times he/she has sex, with whom, and did they get tested. And then use protection. There are only three contraceptives that protect against STDs. Condoms (male), Condoms (female), and a Dental Dam (oral). Others protect against pregnancy but do not protect against diseases.
The other thing is if you are sexually active, go and get tested in a clinic. I am a frequent blood donor so I know I am clean. I also knew my partners were clean because they either got tested or donated blood with me. It is very important to know your status.

[Chad Bonin]

They teach abstinence in High school health classes. But in collage they teach you how to have safe sex. I know because I took the classes.Not everywhere. High School here taught us protection, as well as abstinence ("If you have to do it, because we know half of you will, use these.").

College here just taught protection. I do remember one boring day in the student center, me and a few others decided to check out the health fair.

Yeah, one hour later we've got a tiny teddy bear in a condom as a hackey-sack.

[Chris Wood]

It's amazing this thread is still going. The answer is yes.

You may now return to the regularly scheduled programming.

[James]

It's not a bad thing to have sex before marriage, but I feel that people are irresponsible about it these days. People bring STDs into this kind of topic because it spreads so fast. How does it spread so fast? Because people don't educate themselves or because it's 'acceptable' in society to have sex before marriage, so they do. That danger of your argument is the presumption that sex after marriage will lead to no risk.

People here seem to think a monogamous sex life prior marriage are somehow different to those after marriage.

I'm seeing a lot of talk about people who are having sex before marriage who are uneducated. There are those people, don't doubt it. However the core group which are having sex are just as educated before as after. They are as monogamous before marriage as they will be after.

Marriage isn't a cut off and that is the real question no one is facing. Is sex before marriage okay? Yes, why? Because marriage is not a cut off line to define sexual behaviour. If you believe it is - as many people seem to here - then you will be at more risk after marriage than before, as people presume that marriage will certainly define monogamy. That if you aren't married, in any relationship, there is more risk.

So the answer to the question, if you are educated, is three fold; sex is fine at anytime provided you are educated; sex is too dangerous to ever have even if you are educated or I see sex before marriage as wrong for spiritual reasons. Any other answer relies on inaccurate perceptions of people having sexual activity prior to marriage and the security of marriage as a monogamous state.

[Matt-a-Tastic]

Yes, so long as you use contraception, or if the women does get pregenant then have an abortion.

I think two people should be either married or enaged when they have kids. Or in any way plan to spend the rest of there lives together (which is what marrige is really).

Marrige before sex is just old politcal correctness, I'm surprised people still bother with it.

[solarflere]

Yes, so long as you use contraception, or if the women does get pregenant then have an abortion.

I think two people should be either married or enaged when they have kids. Or in any way plan to spend the rest of there lives together (which is what marrige is really).

Marrige before sex is just old politcal correctness, I'm surprised people still bother with it. Actually sex after Marriage is an old wife's tale. Believe in the world you live in today. There is nothing wrong with sex before Marriage.
And by the old standards, If a child is conceived before the couple got married, even if they are engaged, technically if will be a bastard child.
But as I said, get with the times. Things have changed. Its not the 80s anymore. Men are not dominant in the house hold, women are in the workforce and sex before marriage is acceptable.

[Gatomon41]

Actually sex after Marriage is an old wife's tale. Believe in the world you live in today. There is nothing wrong with sex before Marriage.
And by the old standards, If a child is conceived before the couple got married, even if they are engaged, technically if will be a bastard child.
But as I said, get with the times. Things have changed. Its not the 80s anymore. Men are not dominant in the house hold, women are in the workforce and sex before marriage is acceptable.Tell that to the messed up families of today.

I've seen the affects of Pre-martial Sex. Broken homes and Families that are not truly families. Children who don't live with their parents at the same time, who really don't have mothers or fathers. Abortions that drive people into depression and violence and suicide.

I wonder if people saying it's OK is a bad sign of Society falling into decadance.

No, Premartial sex is wrong. It's not Poltical Correctness, there is wisdom in the warnings of our elders. It's dangerous and can lead people into a dark and sad path. Open your eyes and see.

[Kuja's Light]

There's a keywork in that last sentance. Can That refers to that, not EVERY couple who has sex will cause hrut

There are couples who have pre-marital sex, and thigns end up fine. It's a huge generalazation to say all cases end up bad.

[Squisheee]

In my own opinion, I think it's wrong. I've grown up my entire life believing that it is wrong, probably because that's how I've been taught.

[Kuja's Light]

I tried not to think exactly like my parents do. So basically, I'm very different from them both, besides religion shouldn't play a part in it, that's what I think.

[MrBananagrabber]

Tell that to the messed up families of today.

I've seen the affects of Pre-martial Sex. Broken homes and Families that are not truly families. Children who don't live with their parents at the same time, who really don't have mothers or fathers. Abortions that drive people into depression and violence and suicide.

I wonder if people saying it's OK is a bad sign of Society falling into decadance.

No, Premartial sex is wrong. It's not Poltical Correctness, there is wisdom in the warnings of our elders. It's dangerous and can lead people into a dark and sad path. Open your eyes and see.
I agree with what Saiya-jinro said, bad things CAN happen, but that doesn't mean they always will. What you're talking about is pregnancy as a result of premarital sex. That is a big risk, and it is absolutely something both parties must be prepared for if they decide to have vaginal intercourse. But it doesn't always happen. Out of curiosity, would you say other types of premarital sex should also be deemed wrong, even if they won't cause pregnancy, and thus no chance of a broken family or deciding to have an abortion?

The effects of premarital sex you mentioned don't have to do with premarital sex alone. Broken homes can result from people who have been married, and often do. Divorces are painful for the parents and children, but they don't mean that the world is over and that no one can ever be happy again. People who have premarital sex can decide to become a "family" if the girl gets pregnant, too.

And as far as saying that people who don't have a problem with premarital sex are decadent, I don't meant o sound rude, but get off your high horse. Disagreeing with their views is one thing, but saying that they're all corrupt, awful people is a huge generalization and pretty insulting.

[Matt-a-Tastic]

Tell that to the messed up families of today.

I've seen the affects of Pre-martial Sex. Broken homes and Families that are not truly families. Children who don't live with their parents at the same time, who really don't have mothers or fathers. Abortions that drive people into depression and violence and suicide.

I wonder if people saying it's OK is a bad sign of Society falling into decadance.

No, Premartial sex is wrong. It's not Poltical Correctness, there is wisdom in the warnings of our elders. It's dangerous and can lead people into a dark and sad path. Open your eyes and see.Jeasus, have I suddenly entered into an allterntive universe were contraceptive tablets, comdoms and abortions don't exist :rolleyes:

[Ben]

This is one of those threads that will continue forever without anything actually happening, isn't it? I wonder why.

Oh, silly me. It has the word "sex" in the title! There we go.

[One Radical Dude]

Okay, that's a load of crap. Saying that it's PC to oppose premarital sex......yeah, whatever. If a person's religion has something stating that it is immoral to become involved in a sexual activity and they follow it, I don't see a problem in that. Yes, I believe it is immoral to do premarital sex, and I'm not going to go against my faith. I do believe that it may cause broken families, abortions, etc...though it doesn't happen to all families.

[Fone Bone]

I was pretty much done with this thread but then I saw this posted.

Yes, so long as you use contraception, or if the women does get pregenant then have an abortion.
Holy crap. I am dumbfounded how ANYONE can say that, even someone who's pro-choice. Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. It is a HUGE deal and should not be taken lightly. If you plan to just not use birth control all the time and get an abortion when it's "required" you are obviously too immature to have sex.

I'm not going to get into an argument about where life begins and if abortion is murder, because honestly, I don't have an opinion (at least one that isn't biased). But abortions should ONLY be used as a last resort, if at all.:shrug:

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Abortions are another topic and I only agree with abortions when:

a female gets raped either by a stranger or gets raped through incest. That's when, for me, abortions are fine.

As for people who have sex and the female gets pregnant but isn't ready, too bad. That's why there are condoms and IUDs and such. They are 99% effective. Or better yet: keep your legs closed.

Tell that to the messed up families of today.

I've seen the affects of Pre-martial Sex. Broken homes and Families that are not truly families. Children who don't live with their parents at the same time, who really don't have mothers or fathers. Abortions that drive people into depression and violence and suicide.

I wonder if people saying it's OK is a bad sign of Society falling into decadance.

No, Premartial sex is wrong. It's not Poltical Correctness, there is wisdom in the warnings of our elders. It's dangerous and can lead people into a dark and sad path. Open your eyes and see.
*shakes head*

So tell me, how do you know that for a fact? Have you had sex and thought, "oh no!! What have I done!! I'm not even married yet. Here I come, Hell!!"

Just stop. You're saying "everyone". We're all DIFFERENT. Just because it has happend around you yourself doesn't mean that it'll happen for anyone else.

My brother was born two months before my parents got married. Nearly 28 years later, my parents are still together. I suggest you do more research on the subject.

[solarflere]

Tell that to the messed up families of today.

I've seen the affects of Pre-martial Sex. Broken homes and Families that are not truly families. Children who don't live with their parents at the same time, who really don't have mothers or fathers. Abortions that drive people into depression and violence and suicide.

I wonder if people saying it's OK is a bad sign of Society falling into decadance.

No, Premartial sex is wrong. It's not Poltical Correctness, there is wisdom in the warnings of our elders. It's dangerous and can lead people into a dark and sad path. Open your eyes and see. That’s the biggest load of crap I have ever heard.

And yes, I am pro choice; I believe it is a woman’s decision if she wants to abort (for what ever reason). BUT it’s not a form of birth control.

And as I said in ALL my other posts through out this huge thread, there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage as long you are smart and safe about it.

Wow, this thread will never close, probably because it has sex in the title or because no one will change their opinion on this very controversial topic. This thread is at a standstill.

[Natey]

That’s the biggest load of crap I have ever heard.

And yes, I am pro choice; I believe it is a woman’s decision if she wants to abort (for what ever reason). BUT it’s not a form of birth control.

And as I said in ALL my other posts through out this huge thread, there is nothing wrong with sex before marriage as long you are smart and safe about it.Pro Choice is deffitally wrong, and do respect but right now its legal to kill children or as the pro choice people say it "its a fetis with no life"

THEN how does the baby kick in the womb??? I also heard a story were a woman was about get a surgey will she was pregnant and they accedentally open part of the womb and a small with full of life came out. while the body was still in the womb.
(the topic of abortion might just get heated "like it did at my school once")

Now sex in marriage is wrong because it was just supposed to be before you were married. in America its not that big of a problem but you might get hiv/aids. But in America what is the chances of that. Then why do i say it wrong because just about 95% of the time nothing bad will happen, i heard on the radio that 8 out of every 10 Teens wished that they never had sex before marriage.

~Nate~

[Natey]

I tried not to think exactly like my parents do. So basically, I'm very different from them both, besides religion shouldn't play a part in it, that's what I think.Your Wrong religion plays a huge part. and it should because thats what you should beleive if you have a religion. But i would say most of it is what you think deep down in your heart.

~Nate~

[James]

Okay, that's a load of crap. Saying that it's PC to oppose premarital sex......yeah, whatever. If a person's religion has something stating that it is immoral to become involved in a sexual activity and they follow it, I don't see a problem in that. Yes, I believe it is immoral to do premarital sex, and I'm not going to go against my faith. I do believe that it may cause broken families, abortions, etc...though it doesn't happen to all families.
Not wanting to single you out, and I appreciate with you it comes more from a basis of faith than deductive choice, but you all realise that abortions and broken familes happen after marriage too? In some respects, the trauma a broken marriage brings to a family can be far worse than a kid who has never had a father at all.

I'm not here to persuade you to advocate premaritial sex, as I said, religion is one of the most rational reasons to be against it. However, people - religious or not - need to get away from this notion that once you get to marriage, you have escaped STDs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions and the one which is more relevant to marriages... broken families.

You can't live your life on such an absolute principle. Marriages aren't a carte blanche escape from the issues of sex. People really need to understand that when they are young, and maybe they won't be in such a rush to get married. We need to educate kids into the issues of marriage as well as sex... and that it's not the blissful haven of the movies... and you have to be as careful during marriage as you do prior it.

[Kuja's Light]

Your Wrong religion plays a huge part. and it should because thats what you should beleive if you have a religion. But i would say most of it is what you think deep down in your heart.

~Nate~
well I'm religionless, ok? I hope that's not a problem with you, so in that case, I don't think of religion in things.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Your Wrong religion plays a huge part. and it should because thats what you should beleive if you have a religion. But i would say most of it is what you think deep down in your heart.

~Nate~
That's a faux pas right there. You cannot tell ANYONE that they're wrong. You can say, "I personally don't agree with you; this is what I think; this is my opinion" but you can NEVER say that anyone is wrong even though what they say/do doesn't sound/look right to you.

Pro choice is NOT wrong to many people.

You mean to tell me if someone gets raped, she's not allowed to have an abortion?

You can get HIV/AIDS through blood transfusions, you know. You can get any form of STD through other means.

You and Gatomon41 seriously need to do some research on the subject.

[Fone Bone]

You mean to tell me if someone gets raped, she's not allowed to have an abortion?
I honestly have mixed feelings on the subject. While I know a rape is a very traumatic experience for a woman there definately women who have been raped who gave birth to kids who turned out to be AOK. I honestly think that outside of incest adoption is probably a better option.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

I didn't word it right.

"If a woman gets raped and she clearly doesn't want the baby, it's wrong for her to get an abortion?"

I think that's clearer now. Personally, women who get raped and do keep the baby are brave. I personally couldn't do that, knowing that the father is a rapist.

For me, it's the betterment of the child. Do you want to know that your father is a convicted rapist? I couldn't handle that. :(

In any case of abuse of any kind, do you want your child to know that your father/mother is a convicted criminal? I couldn't let my child know that but that's my opinion.

[Fone Bone]

I didn't word it right.

"If a woman gets raped and she clearly doesn't want the baby, it's wrong for her to get an abortion?"

I think that's clearer now. Personally, women who get raped and do keep the baby are brave. I personally couldn't do that, knowing that the father is a rapist.

For me, it's the betterment of the child. Do you want to know that your father is a convicted rapist? I couldn't handle that. :(

In any case of abuse of any kind, do you want your child to know that your father/mother is a convicted criminal? I couldn't let my child know that but that's my opinion.I'm adopted and for all I know my birth mother COULD have been raped. It doesn't change the kind of person I am.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

I'm adopted and for all I know my birth mother COULD have been raped. It doesn't change the kind of person I am.Well no. I wouldn't ever say that those kids who get born through rape will become criminals; I just couldn't dare telling them that their father is a convicted rapist. That's all.

I don't generalise. :)

[solarflere]

Pro Choice is deffitally wrong, and do respect but right now its legal to kill children or as the pro choice people say it "its a fetis with no life"

THEN how does the baby kick in the womb??? I also heard a story were a woman was about get a surgey will she was pregnant and they accedentally open part of the womb and a small with full of life came out. while the body was still in the womb.
(the topic of abortion might just get heated "like it did at my school once")

Now sex in marriage is wrong because it was just supposed to be before you were married. in America its not that big of a problem but you might get hiv/aids. But in America what is the chances of that. Then why do i say it wrong because just about 95% of the time nothing bad will happen, i heard on the radio that 8 out of every 10 Teens wished that they never had sex before marriage.

~Nate~ You need to do A LOT of googling on this subject. I AM PRO CHOICE. It’s not wrong, Its legal and you are not putting up a good argument by accusing people that they are wrong. If you are pro life (against abortion) it’s your decision. I am Pro Choice and no one can convince me otherwise, don't even try. I believe that a woman does not have to get raped in order to have an abortion. There were so many deaths of women trying to get an abortion themselves using other means. It’s better if they go to a hospital and let a Professional do it. It is a woman's decision and no one can take that away from her.

As for those stories I also heard a story They are a pro life stories and are bull unless you show me documented prof. A dead body can move all of a sudden because of a nerv reflexes so a baby kicking gives no indications of it being alive. and show me some prof of that 8:10 ratio. I don't beliave it.

[Chad Bonin]

Am I the only one who just has no opinion at all about abortion? I am not female, and thusly do not have an opinion on something that doesn't affect me.

Really, that's my life motto. I do not care what anyone else does, whether it be abortions or be GBLT (heh... giblets) or whatever. It doesn't affect me, you're not hurting another sentient human- do whatever you want. Don't shove your religion down my throat, as I will never mine yours.

[Ben]

However, people - religious or not - need to get away from this notion that once you get to marriage, you have escaped STDs, unwanted pregnancies, abortions and the one which is more relevant to marriages... broken families.

EXACTLY.

And this is coming from someone who has held off on sex for a long time (believe it or not, it has been difficult).

Am I the only one who just has no opinion at all about abortion? I am not female, and thusly do not have an opinion on something that doesn't affect me. It doesn't affect me, you're not hurting another sentient human-

EDIT AFTER HAVING THOUGHT BETTER OF IT: DUDE. The politics ban is bad enough. STOP TEMPTING ME.

[Chad Bonin]

Let me clarify- by mentioning sentient human, I just rule out animals and plants and stuff. Animals may be sentient, but they're not human. I might as well have just said "human being", but wanted to be fancy and throw the word "sentient" in there.

Not that I advocate violence against animals, but I've never understood vegetarianism. You didn't kill the animal, it was going to be killed anyway, and we have teeth designed just for ripping meat to shreds. The cow might know it's got a sledge coming to the head.

[Matt-a-Tastic]

I was pretty much done with this thread but then I saw this posted.
Yes, so long as you use contraception, or if the women does get pregenant then have an abortionHoly crap. I am dumbfounded how ANYONE can say that, even someone who's pro-choice. Abortion is NOT a form of birth control. It is a HUGE deal and should not be taken lightly. If you plan to just not use birth control all the time and get an abortion when it's "required" you are obviously too immature to have sex.*smashs Fone Bone with VERY BIG hammer*
Thats not what I meant AT ALL.

What I meant was if two people had sex once and didn't plan it. Yes I know its not idealistic, but I'm afraid it happens, and if it does I think the women and boyfriend/husband should be ready to raise a child.

So please Fone, next time you get on your stupid moral high-horse at somebody actually read the post first :rolleyes:

[Anime]

IN MY OPINION! I think that most of the people here are referring to and speaking about sex in way too much of the NEGATIVE! Sex is a gift from God, meant to be shared between two people who commit their whole lives to one another... and, here's the key part, NO ONE ELSE!

Yes, SJJ, you make some very valid points, and I might be blowing what you have said waaaaaaaay out of proportion here... I think you speak of sex like it's a handshake or phone call. Sex is more than just a biological act to meet a biological need. You're horny, you have sex. Wrong!

Why do I say it's wrong? Self-controll separates us from the animals. No human being wants to be called an animal, but if you're like the dog next door who humps anything it sees when it's horny. You're no better. That is why AM brought up the point, "If you can't say 'No,' what's your 'Yes' worth?" Your yes is meant for some special. Human dignity, people. That is why you don't have sex before marriage. Treat your spouse with dignity that he/she deserves.

I've looked at both sides of the argument, and I have come to, IMO, the most objective conclusion possible:

Save yourself for your future spouse.

Yes, we all know that life is too short, but that doesn't mean you abandon moral principles like there's no God, no heaven, no hell, no this, no that... you can't act like there's no one else but yourself.

Why did God create marriage?

IMO, it was made as a boundary to show people that sex can be awesome inside that boundary. Outside that boundary, it's horribly destructive. Oop! I'm getting off to the negative.

Back on the +, the question you should ask, IMO, is:

Doesn't your future spouse deserve a physically pure you?

Your wedding night comes, you have your beautiful bride in your arms. She's a virgin, waited her whole life for you. Are you going to be the guy who shares that special bond with her in virginity (just you and her)? Or, are you going to be the guy that says, "Sorry, honey. But I had sex with 50 other women before you. Hehe. But I still love you, and you love me, right? Thanks for waiting. But I didn't wait because I wanted to have fun, and at the time, wasn't thinking about you at all. Hey! Where are you going? Wait!"?

*sigh* this is all in my opinion, and this thread is dedicated to this issue, correct?

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

It's very common for two people to get married while realizing that BOTH of them have had sex prior to meeting each other. I'm constantly surprised how surprised people are about this.

[Ben]

Doesn't your future spouse deserve a physically pure you?

I don't know. I haven't met her yet. For all I know she could be a bit of a jerk.

[MrBananagrabber]

Doesn't your future spouse deserve a physically pure you?

Your wedding night comes, you have your beautiful bride in your arms. She's a virgin, waited her whole life for you. Are you going to be the guy who shares that special bond with her in virginity (just you and her)? Or, are you going to be the guy that says, "Sorry, honey. But I had sex with 50 other women before you. Hehe. But I still love you, and you love me, right? Thanks for waiting. But I didn't wait because I wanted to have fun, and at the time, wasn't thinking about you at all. Hey! Where are you going? Wait!"?

*sigh* this is all in my opinion, and this thread is dedicated to this issue, correct?
People who have premarital sex don't have sex with everything that moves That's a totally different issue.

I disagree with your stated idea that sex is horribly destructive only outside of marriage. Like others have said, it can be just as destructive in marriage.

In your example, I'd be surprised if two people got married and had never talked about their sexual history or views of the importance of virginity. I don't understand how the guy in the example was supposed to be thinking of his wife while he was having sex with other women before he met her. Now, if they were agreed to be in a monogamous relationship and he slept with 50 other women, I'd say she has a right to be annoyed, to say the very least. Cheating on someone and premarital sex are totally different issues.

If you think that being a virgin makes your pure and that's what you want to do and you want to marry another virgin, that's totally fine, more power to you. But implying that people who think differently are amoral sex fiends just seems ridiculous to me.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

I subscribe to: if we're deeply in love and are willing to give oursleves up to each other, either married or not.

I'm almost 25 and still "pure". There are times where I just want to grab a guy and let him have me but common sense kicks in.

Sex and love making are two different things.

As long as my guy and I are ready for the next step, married or not.

[JetMaster5]

Excuse me, if I am overgeneralizing, but from this thread, I gathered that folks who chose no to premaritial sex because of religious reasons. And the folks who chose yes because religion shouldn't play a factor in this debate. So, moving abortion and STD's aside, it really boils down to the never-ending question of "Are you religious or not?"

And if that is true, then...what's the point of this thread? No one's going to change each other's mind because we're dealing with religion, and I'm little worried that this might be another factor to lead to more discussion bans.

[Anime]

So, moving abortion and STD's aside, it really boils down to the never-ending question of "Are you religious or not?"

And if that is true, then...what's the point of this thread? No one's going to change each other's mind because we're dealing with religion, and I'm little worried that this might be another factor to lead to more discussion bans.He is so right! I was attacking this at a strictly moral standpoint, religious or not. That's why I brought up Human Dignity, not the Bible.

But yes, and another question you have to ask yourself is:
"Are you thinking of yourself or your spouse?"

IMO, those you say 'yes' to before marriage are the former, and those who say 'no' to before marriage are the latter.

The two arguments: (the general points made)

The Concerned with Yourselves
Have fun!
It's heathy, and natural (biological)
Use protection
If you're ready, do it.
Sex is fun, so do it.
Why get married? Just do it.
It's your life, so do whatever the hell you want to!
If you're a virgin, you're not cool.
Everyone's doing it! Be cool! Be popular!

The Concerned with Others
-Negative-
Don't do it, you'll get STDs.
Don't do it, you'll get pregnant.
Don't do it, you'll emotionally hurt the other person
-Religious-
God said don't do it until married, so don't do it.
-Virgins until Married-
You're wife deserves to have a "pure" you, she is the one meant to have your virginity, which is a gift from you to her.
Sex is not a handshake.
If you can't say "no," what's your "yes" worth?
Save yourself for her.

The whole point is, this thread won't change anyone elses opinion. You can't. We're all stubborn. We won't change. An "amoral sexual fiend" won't suddenly become chaste. And a chaste person won't suddenly disregard their beliefs and start "having fun."

So... uh...:sweat: Now what?

[creeper]

It's okay to have pre-marital sex. Just don't be an idiot about it(like the rest of my peers). Sex itself is basically for reproduction. So there is a chance that you or your partner can get pregnant(if it's a hetero relationship). I don't know why my peers look so dumbfounded when it happens. I think in our hormonal stupor people forget that they can actually plan a little before having sex. Talk about it with your partner. If their long term get them on birth control(and it most take a good month to kick in so make sure their on it a while before you start). Next take the initiative to put on a condom. Not only are you lowering the risk of pregnancy, but disease also.

Talking to your partner is important too. See where they stand on abortion and the morning after pill and how many partners they have had. Talk about the what if's. You have to be realistic going into things and take responsibiltiy for the chance that thing could happen. You have to ask yourself if you are ready to deal with the consequences. Then and only then are you ready for pre-marital sex. If you can't go through the motions above then you don't need to be having sex,and should probaly wait. I'm not an idiot. I don't jump in bed with whatever walks(believe me I'd like to). It's not worth it all the time.

[Ben]

An "amoral sexual fiend" won't suddenly become chaste. And a chaste person won't suddenly disregard their beliefs and start "having fun."

So... uh...:sweat: Now what?

Now we be thankful that most people don't conform to either of the extremes you define.

[solarflere]

IN MY OPINION! I think that most of the people here are referring to and speaking about sex in way too much of the NEGATIVE! Sex is a gift from God, meant to be shared between two people who commit their whole lives to one another... and, here's the key part, NO ONE ELSE!

Yes, SJJ, you make some very valid points, and I might be blowing what you have said waaaaaaaay out of proportion here... I think you speak of sex like it's a handshake or phone call. Sex is more than just a biological act to meet a biological need. You're horny, you have sex. Wrong!

Why do I say it's wrong? Self-controll separates us from the animals. No human being wants to be called an animal, but if you're like the dog next door who humps anything it sees when it's horny. You're no better. That is why AM brought up the point, "If you can't say 'No,' what's your 'Yes' worth?" Your yes is meant for some special. Human dignity, people. That is why you don't have sex before marriage. Treat your spouse with dignity that he/she deserves.

I've looked at both sides of the argument, and I have come to, IMO, the most objective conclusion possible:

Save yourself for your future spouse.

Yes, we all know that life is too short, but that doesn't mean you abandon moral principles like there's no God, no heaven, no hell, no this, no that... you can't act like there's no one else but yourself.

Why did God create marriage?

IMO, it was made as a boundary to show people that sex can be awesome inside that boundary. Outside that boundary, it's horribly destructive. Oop! I'm getting off to the negative.

Back on the +, the question you should ask, IMO, is:

Doesn't your future spouse deserve a physically pure you?

Your wedding night comes, you have your beautiful bride in your arms. She's a virgin, waited her whole life for you. Are you going to be the guy who shares that special bond with her in virginity (just you and her)? Or, are you going to be the guy that says, "Sorry, honey. But I had sex with 50 other women before you. Hehe. But I still love you, and you love me, right? Thanks for waiting. But I didn't wait because I wanted to have fun, and at the time, wasn't thinking about you at all. Hey! Where are you going? Wait!"?

*sigh* this is all in my opinion, and this thread is dedicated to this issue, correct? One, don't bring religion and god into this, not everyone here is religious.
Two, who says that your wife will be a virgin, are you telling me that if you fall in love and after you are contemplating in marrying her, you find out she is not a virgin you dump her?????
Three, you do realize that rape can happen in a marriage as well. And it doesn't become all honky dory once you are married. And as someone else pointed out, in other countries some married women can't say no to sex, they have to do it if the husband wants this.
Sleep on this for a while.
Four, what if you don't find the ONE, will you die as a virgin? Can you actually swear on that?

[Stewie]

The Concerned with Yourselves
If you're ready, do it.
Sex is fun, so do it.
Why get married? Just do it.
It's your life, so do whatever the hell you want to!I'm sorry if I'm speaking for others, but again, I think you're misinterpreting our position. For the most part, we're not trying to encourage everyone else to have sex. It's more a matter of us thinking that people should decide for themselves. And we don't think people should be made to feel bad or to be told they are wrong for doing it.

The Concerned with Yourselves
If you're a virgin, you're not cool.
Everyone's doing it! Be cool! Be popular!I don't think anyone on this side of the issue in this thread has tried to imply that you are uncool if you don't have sex before marriage. Is it just that you feel uncool? If you feel that you're not cool because you haven't had sex that's too bad. You shouldn't.

The Concerned with Others
Don't do it, you'll get STDs.
Don't do it, you'll get pregnant.
Don't do it, you'll emotionally hurt the other person
Sex is not a handshake.We've already covered those first two. It's a risk but not a certainty at any point, and marriage is not a magic pill that protects you.
I don't know where you're getting the "emotionally hurt" angle. I think that has less to do with the fact that the couple may or may not be married and more to do with a host of other factors completely unrelated to marriage.
It is kind of like a handshake. Maybe you're undervaluing what a handshake can mean.

[James]

It is kind of like a handshake. Maybe you're undervaluing what a handshake can mean.
I love that. Man, that's sigworthy!

[Anime]

Blast you vile woman!LOL! That is the funniest line of all time!!!! Lol!!!!! Stewie!!!!! hahahahahahaha! hee hee! Stu E! I love that show.

But seriously, all I did in the previous postie was lay down the two arguments and state that no one can change another dude's beliefs. You can try. Mwahahahahaha!

Believe me, there was a similar discussion about pot. To make a long story short, the person I spoke too left the room screaming "It's my life! I'll do wut I wanna! Me! My life! Mine!" Seriously, that what she said. Ver-bate-um.(sp)

It all depends on your perspective o sex. If you think sex is just the penis entering the vagina and nothing more, then we all know what your answer to the question "Is sex before marriage okay?" But, if you think sex is something more, you might/will have different answer.

Either way, I think Stewie is hilarious on Family Guy.:p :anime: :p :gir:

[SSJPabs]

I think trying to make the decision for consenting adults is something I don't want to do. I would urge people not to take it lightly and to determine for themselves about it. I think treating it as merely a biological function is incorrect, but treating it also as the be-all and end-all of relationships is just as misguided. That said, sometimes you just need a release and I understand that perfectly.

So what would I do? It would depend on who I was with and what kind of relationship we had. Speaking from experience you can have a fulfilling healthy relationship with sex, and without it.

[solarflere]

LOL! That is the funniest line of all time!!!! Lol!!!!! Stewie!!!!! hahahahahahaha! hee hee! Stu E! I love that show.

But seriously, all I did in the previous postie was lay down the two arguments and state that no one can change another dude's beliefs. You can try. Mwahahahahaha!

Believe me, there was a similar discussion about pot. To make a long story short, the person I spoke too left the room screaming "It's my life! I'll do wut I wanna! Me! My life! Mine!" Seriously, that what she said. Ver-bate-um.(sp)

It all depends on your perspective o sex. If you think sex is just the penis entering the vagina and nothing more, then we all know what your answer to the question "Is sex before marriage okay?" But, if you think sex is something more, you might/will have different answer.

Either way, I think Stewie is hilarious on Family Guy.:p :anime: :p :gir:
Did you even try answering my questions about your ealier post:
who says that your wife will be a virgin, are you telling me that if you fall in love and after you are contemplating in marrying her, you find out she is not a virgin you dump her?????

and

what if you don't find the ONE, will you die as a virgin? Can you actually swear on that?

[Anime]

Did you even try answering my questions about your ealier post?I didn't no I was requiered to.:confused: *shudders*

Oh Look! Family Guy's on! Yay! Woot!

[solarflere]

I didn't no I was requiered to.:confused: *shudders*

Oh Look! Family Guy's on! Yay! Woot! I thought so, you can talk the talk but you can't back up any of your words. Just full of hot air, maybe you should not talk so much if you can't finish an argument.

[Anime]

I thought so, you can talk the talk but you can't back up any of your words.Woah! Insulting someone openly has got to against the rules somewhere....:sweat:

Fine! Gawd! I'll try to answer your questions...:shrug: This is basically what you asked.

1)If your wife is not a virgin, will you dump her?
Hmm. Oh! I got it! Woohoo! That was basically what you were asking. Okay, here I go: the only solution I can find is the chaste one. There's this thingy called secondary virginity. It's were a person admits that they've fallen, they regret it, and from that moment forward, he/she vows to wait until the right person -- and not give up so easily! Though she may not be a biological virgin, because that is something you can never take back. I guess if she were willing to do that whole 2v thing, it'd be like her saying,

"I know that I've fallen. I can't take it back. But because I love you so much, I have waited, I have practiced discipline, all for you... because you are worth it, and I love you. I am a secondary virgin!"

Well, you can't argue with that.:D

2)Can you stand the thought of dying as a virgin?
Well, I suppose to answer this question, it all depends on whether you believe in life after death. This is a religious issue -- so ha! You brought up a religious question! Ha! Victory is mine! Not really, but I try. If you want me to personally answer the question, then yes... I can stand the thought, and if I never met the ONE I'd a virgin. Oop! Here it comes! I can totally predict all the jocks and cheerleaders pointing a finger and screaming the word 'loser' for dying as a virgin. So predictable. Ha. I wonder how many of you actually did think of me as a loser when you read my answer. I'm willing to bet it was most of you. Predictable. Don't deny it. Um... like I said, the second one is a sort of lose-lose question, because it provoke religious and/or popularity status. So, since you brought up a religious question, I will leave on this: I can only hope and pray that God will lead my life in the chaste way to meeting my one true love and BOOYAH! And, of course, there's more to life than sex.

Ten bucks says Solarflare tries to refute what I just said in one way or another. Just try and prove me wrong.

Fifty bucks says someone else will refute what I just said. I'm so gonna win this bet.

[Fone Bone]

*smashs Fone Bone with VERY BIG hammer*
Thats not what I meant AT ALL.Interesting. Perhaps you should have reread what exactly you wrote. Describing abortion in the same breath as birth control I'm sure is a touchy subject for many (myself included).

What I meant was if two people had sex once and didn't plan it. Yes I know its not idealistic, but I'm afraid it happens, and if it does I think the women and boyfriend/husband should be ready to raise a child. It does happen. You're right. My concern was you grouping it with birth control which is one of my "buttons".

So please Fone, next time you get on your stupid moral high-horse at somebody actually read the post first :rolleyes:If I don't get on my high horse I can't fart on him. Then he'll never learn.

Edit: Wow, this thread is getting pretty nasty. I don't think anyone except a select few are trying to shove opinions down anyone's throats. If I contibuted to any of the nastiness I offer a full apology to Matt-a-Tastic.

[Alpha Man]

Did you even try answering my questions about your ealier post:
who says that your wife will be a virgin, are you telling me that if you fall in love and after you are contemplating in marrying her, you find out she is not a virgin you dump her?????

and

what if you don't find the ONE, will you die as a virgin? Can you actually swear on that?I thought so, you can talk the talk but you can't back up any of your words. Just full of hot air, maybe you should not talk so much if you can't finish an argument.Wha--! Nobody answer my question!

"If you can't say 'no,' what's your 'yes' worth?"

Seriously, don't get all heated when your question goes unanswered. If that's allowed, then I will spaz out in 3... 2... 1... !

[solarflere]

Woah! Insulting someone openly has got to against the rules somewhere....:sweat:

Fine! Gawd! I'll try to answer your questions...:shrug: This is basically what you asked.

1)If your wife is not a virgin, will you dump her?
Hmm. Oh! I got it! Woohoo! That was basically what you were asking. Okay, here I go: the only solution I can find is the chaste one. There's this thingy called secondary virginity. It's were a person admits that they've fallen, they regret it, and from that moment forward, he/she vows to wait until the right person -- and not give up so easily! Though she may not be a biological virgin, because that is something you can never take back. I guess if she were willing to do that whole 2v thing, it'd be like her saying,

"I know that I've fallen. I can't take it back. But because I love you so much, I have waited, I have practiced discipline, all for you... because you are worth it, and I love you. I am a secondary virgin!"

Well, you can't argue with that.:D

2)Can you stand the thought of dying as a virgin?
Well, I suppose to answer this question, it all depends on whether you believe in life after death. This is a religious issue -- so ha! You brought up a religious question! Ha! Victory is mine! Not really, but I try. If you want me to personally answer the question, then yes... I can stand the thought, and if I never met the ONE I'd a virgin. Oop! Here it comes! I can totally predict all the jocks and cheerleaders pointing a finger and screaming the word 'loser' for dying as a virgin. So predictable. Ha. I wonder how many of you actually did think of me as a loser when you read my answer. I'm willing to bet it was most of you. Predictable. Don't deny it. Um... like I said, the second one is a sort of lose-lose question, because it provoke religious and/or popularity status. So, since you brought up a religious question, I will leave on this: I can only hope and pray that God will lead my life in the chaste way to meeting my one true love and BOOYAH! And, of course, there's more to life than sex.

Ten bucks says Solarflare tries to refute what I just said in one way or another. Just try and prove me wrong.

Fifty bucks says someone else will refute what I just said. I'm so gonna win this bet. What if she doesn't regret it what if she enjoyed it.
"I know that I've fallen. I can't take it back. But because I love you so much, I have waited, I have practiced discipline, all for you... because you are worth it, and I love you. I am a secondary virgin!"
Are you for real, or is it your fantasy.

As for the second one, I am not talking about other people's oppinion of you. I am talking about can you hold out untill you die without going nuts. Or are you just going to get "bussy in your room" just so you can avoid sex???

Edit:

"If you can't say 'no,' what's your 'yes' worth?" As Ben pointed out, this question does nor relate to the topic. Its not whether or not you can say no to sex, its if is sex ok if you are not married.

[Anime]

What if she doesn't regret it what if she enjoyed it.If you're going to keep bringing up "what ifs" as your "argument" (remembering 3rd grade! gawd!) then I'm not going to go into that.:sweat: Are you for real, or is it your fantasy.I tend to think the glass is half full.
As for the second one, I am not talking about other people's oppinion of you. I am talking about can you hold out untill you die without going nuts.I didn't know you could die from lack of sex!:eek:

"Doctor! We have a situation!"
"Well, what this man says he'll die if he doesn't have sex."
"Quick! Nurse! Get in here!"As Ben pointed out, this question does nor relate to the topic.Yes it does! I think you guys are misunderstanding the question. Saying 'no' to sex is the same thing as waiting till marriage, meaning you save your 'yes' for someone special. With that in mind, think about the question. Try to answer it.

Gawd! How would you feel if I said that none of your questions relate to the topic? Is it because you can't come up with an answer?:confused:

Half the stuff on this thread doesn't relate to marriage itself, but to sex. Let he who not sinned cast the first stone.

[solarflere]

I didn't know you die from lack of sex!images/smilies/eek.gif

"Doctor! We have a situation!"
"Well, what this man says he'll die if he doesn't have sex."
"Quick! Nurse! Get in here!" I meant die from old age with no sex. Can you mke it?

About the other question, I have had sex with 1 person, more than a few times in the course of 2 years, and we are not planning to get married. And I don't know if she is the one. So there is your answer.

[Anime]

I meant die from old age with no sex. Can you mke it?I dunno, how does the Pope do it?:confused: About the other question, I have had sex with 1 person, more than a few times in the course of 2 years, and we are not planning to get married. And I don't know if she is the one. So there is your answer.See? Do you think your opinion is gonna change? I didn't think so.:sweat:

[solarflere]

I dunno, how does the Pope do it?:confused: See? Do you think your opinion is gonna change? I didn't think so.:sweat: You are not the pope! Are you that devoted to finding the one and stay a virgin? And yes my opinion will never change in this subject. it is perfectly fine to have sex before marriage.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Stop adding religion into the subject.

[Nightflower]

If everyone could back up two steps from everybody else and chill out a bit, that would be most excellent.

[Natey]

Stop adding religion into the subject.no, people are devoted to religions and if they are they should believe of most of what their religion is. I a christian believe its wrong. No one will ever talk me out of believing that.
Funny joke anime "doctor this person is going to die because he hasn't had sex" lol but personally i mean sex is good. but it should be waited tell you've found the true one to share it with

~Nate~

[solarflere]

Stop adding religion into the subject. I agree, this should not be about religion.

[randomguy]

Wha--! Nobody answer my question!

"If you can't say 'no,' what's your 'yes' worth?"I think it might have already been covered, actually, but if it'll help out I'll take a go at your question.

The easiest answer: Just because you've had sex before marriage doesn't mean you can't say "no". Believing that sex before marriage is OK is not the same thing as hopping into the sack at every possible opportunity. If you're careful about the partners you choose, only taking that step when you feel you've got an intimate connection with someone who's important to you, then your "yes" is still plenty valuable.

Another answer might be that the value of saying "yes" to sex isn't derived only (or even primarily) from your frequency of sexual activity. In other words, the worth of your "yes" doesn't just depend on how often you have sex. It's also linked to what that sexual activity means to you and your partner. How deep is your connection? How much do you value the other person? If the answer is "a lot", then you'd better bet the sex (or the "yes", whatever) has worth, regardless of how sexually experienced you may or may not be outside that particular relationship.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

no, people are devoted to religions and if they are they should believe of most of what their religion is. I a christian believe its wrong. No one will ever talk me out of believing that.
Funny joke anime "doctor this person is going to die because he hasn't had sex" lol but personally i mean sex is good. but it should be waited tell you've found the true one to share it with

~Nate~
HA!! Contradiction: you say it's wrong to have sex before marriage and then you say "sex is good" and you're not even married.

You don't believe your own religious beliefs. You're changing the topic by adding in religion. You're on the point of trying to convert people.

As I've said before, there's a difference between sex and love making. Love making should only be done with the one you are madly in love with; sex is "wham bam, thank you, ma'am", as my crazy mind loves to think.

[Phantasm]

As I've said before, there's a difference between sex and love making. Love making should only be done with the one you are madly in love with; sex is "wham bam, thank you, ma'am", as my crazy mind loves to think.
I dunno... if "wham bam,thank you ma'am" is the ultimate deifinition of 'sex' and since it will not have anything to do with 'love' which is an essential element of marriage, then that just means that sex before marriage is just that; "wham bam." :sad:Crude and meaningless,degrading both to the people involved and the act itself.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Ever hear people have "meaningless sex"? They have sex for the sake of with no love involved, hence the "wham, bam, thank you, ma'am" reference.

Personally, I don't want to have that. I want to make love to the man of my dreams, the one who is right for me.

[Ben]

You are not the pope!

Speak for yourself. Maybe I should change my name to Ben XVI.

[Superperson]

Love is alot of things, but it's not sex, so the phrase 'make love' really isn't true. Sex is merely a pleasurable activity that God gave for married people to share, using it in any other way is considered unnatural and wrong.

[Chad Bonin]

Speak for yourself. Maybe I should change my name to Ben XVI.Ben Exveeaye?

[Chris Wood]

[Superperson]Love is alot of things, but it's not sex, so the phrase 'make love' really isn't true.

This part I generally agree with.

Sex is merely a pleasurable activity that God gave for married people to share, using it in any other way is considered unnatural and wrong.

"Married people"? I think you mean all adults.

[Casey Mack]

You guys must realize "Marriage" is just a word humans made up. Sex is also a word humans made up, the truth is "sex" before "marriage" is okay cause they are just based on concepts humans decided to make up one day. Do guys actually think dogs call each other dogs? No cause its just a word humans made up, who the hell knows what dogs call each other.

The sky is not actually blue, its just the color we deemd to be "Blue". Their really is no point in beleiveing anything you see or say, cause it could stand for an entirely different thing on some distant planet or cosmos. do you think being on other worlds call sex sex?

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Love is alot of things, but it's not sex, so the phrase 'make love' really isn't true. Sex is merely a pleasurable activity that God gave for married people to share, using it in any other way is considered unnatural and wrong.
Go preach somewhere else. Not many here are religious and some here don't believe in God.

Basically speaking, go preach at another place that has more people who would care.

"Make love, not war"? Doesn't that mean anything to you?

You preachy members are starting to get on my nerves. Just because my brother was born before my parents got married does not mean that they're evil or sinners or are going straight to Hell. This December will br their 28th wedding anniversary.

[Gatomon41]

Go preach somewhere else. Not many here are religious and some here don't believe in God..However, it is a reasonable point some one should point out. If God does exist, and premartial sex offends him, would one offend the Master and commander of the Universe? This is a hyoptheical question.

Basically speaking, go preach at another place that has more people who would care."All possiblities must be considered for all decisions." - Anon.

The religious perspective, while not widely accepted or wanted to be heard from, does provide more datum on the topic at hand.

"Make love, not war"? Doesn't that mean anything to you?.Wait, I thought when they said "Make Love" I thought they meant being nice and happy?:eek:

You preachy members are starting to get on my nerves. Just because my brother was born before my parents got married does not mean that they're evil or sinners or are going straight to Hell. This December will br their 28th wedding anniversary.I doubt your parents are evil. They got married and sound like nice people. OK, premartial sex is wrong, but by the sounds of it, they sound like overall nice people.

[Superperson]

Go preach somewhere else. Not many here are religious and some here don't believe in God.

Basically speaking, go preach at another place that has more people who would care.
If everyone else including yourself can say what they beleive about this situation in this topic then I think I am entitled to mine too, and I'm not throwing it into anyone's faces so just calm down there dude.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

To you and Gatomon41 (espcially you as you're starting to get under my skin. You were close to insulting my parents): go preach to people who care. Seriously.

You'll get more people here who DON'T care.

[Superperson]

To you and Gatomon41: go preach to people who care. Seriously.

You'll get more people hwre who DON'T care.
The question is: why do you care so much to point out every post similair to mine, your doing yourself a favor by not drawing an attention to it thus not prolouging it's effects in anyway...and I beleive the topic question is:
'Is Sex Before Marriage Ok?' And I say it isn't, and I gave my reasons.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

The question is: why do you care so much to point out every post similair to mine, your doing yourself a favor by not drawing an attention to it thus not prolouging it's effects in anyway...and I beleive the topic question is:
'Is Sex Before Marriage Ok?' And I say it isn't, and I gave my reasons.
Adding religion was not the smartest thing to do, thus you were preaching and many of us don't care.

[Gatomon41]

Sailor Chibi Otaku, I'm sorry that I have offended you. That was not my intention to do so. I feel pretty bad about it. I don't like getting people upset. If you wish, I could remove my last post. Agian I am sorry.

[Superperson]

Adding religion was not the smartest thing to do, thus you were preaching and many of us don't care.
No I wasn't preaching, I was just adding something my beleif. And I am not trying to make people feel guilty for having sex before marriage or anything of the like at all nor do I think people who have premarital sex are bad or evil people, so quit youw whining and stop making a big deal out of something that isn't really that big of a deal.

And yes maybe adding anything religeous related in my post wasn't the smartest thing to do, because if I din't I wouldn't have to be dealing with you right now.

[Natey]

Adding religion was not the smartest thing to do, thus you were preaching and many of us don't care.If God doesn;t exsist I would say its ok. But he does exsist and he shows us how he does exsist through miracles I do believe that sex before marriage is wrong.
""""*****THIS IS A RELIGIOUS THREAD******"""""" because religions has to say alot i mean ITS EVEN IN THE GOSH DANG 10 COMMANDMENTS.

~Nate~

[Ben]

Wait, I thought when they said "Make Love" I thought they meant being nice and happy?:eek:

I think she's got you there.

To you and Gatomon41 (espcially you as you're starting to get under my skin. You were close to insulting my parents): go preach to people who care. Seriously.

If you don't care then why are you still posting? You obviously do care or you wouldn't be reacting so harshly (over and over). I don't see anyone insulting your parents. The closest Gatomon came was to say that in her eyes your parents are not perfect. But then again no one's parents are. In fact no one is. The point is, there are going to be people in the world you disagree with. Sometimes you won't be able to convince them they're wrong. Getting all bent out of shape about it doesn't help anyone.

As I said earlier in this thread, I don't think there is an one-size-fits-all answer to this question. It's a question you can only answer for yourself.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

If God doesn;t exsist I would say its ok. But he does exsist and he shows us how he does exsist through miracles I do believe that sex before marriage is wrong.
""""*****THIS IS A RELIGIOUS THREAD******"""""" because religions has to say alot i mean ITS EVEN IN THE GOSH DANG 10 COMMANDMENTS.

~Nate~
Religion was NOT in this thread until someone said "God". That's when religion got into this thread. Before that, it was just a discussion about sex before marrige and if it's right. Tell me where God comes into that? Nowhere.

You're changing the subject. It got changed when the abortion issue got in but adding religion to the mix made the thread change into something else.

Stop preaching.

[Superperson]

Religion was NOT in this thread until someone said "God". That's when religion got into this thread. Before that, it was just a discussion about sex before marrige and if it's right. Tell me where God comes into that? Nowhere.

You're changing the subject. It got changed when the abortion issue got in but adding religion to the mix made the thread change into something else.

Stop preaching.
Uh ok, I hope you know that this subject is intertwined esily with religeon. God comes into it being that he's the one that told humans to not have sex before marriage to begin with, that's why there is any moral dilemma with the situation at all. If God never said that then no-one would probably even think about it, so God has a pretty big part of the situation.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

And know that many here don't believe in God nor are religious.

There's a difference in stating your opinion on why sex before marriage is right/wrong and then preaching about how God said this and that. Yes, you're preaching about God and religion.

[Fone Bone]

no, people are devoted to religions and if they are they should believe of most of what their religion is. I a christian believe its wrong. No one will ever talk me out of believing that.
Funny joke anime "doctor this person is going to die because he hasn't had sex" lol but personally i mean sex is good. but it should be waited tell you've found the true one to share it with

~Nate~Personally? I don't believe sex before marriage is always the greatest of ideas, but it offends me when ANYONE implies that if you do something that is prohibited in the Bible then you are a bad Christian. Man is filled with original sin and if we accept Jesus into our lives and repent we know that he DIED for our sins. We can't help sinning oftentimes. It's what people do. I honestly don't blame Sailor Chibi Otaku for being upset when people try to win arguments of a moral nature of saying that being a Christian means you don't sin. I have a hard time believing ANY Christian on this board has never sinned.

[Leaping Larry Jojo]

Uh ok, I hope you know that this subject is intertwined esily with religeon. God comes into it being that he's the one that told humans to not have sex before marriage to begin with, that's why there is any moral dilemma with the situation at all. If God never said that then no-one would probably even think about it, so God has a pretty big part of the situation.
When you add God and religion to it, and I agree you're entitled to if you adhere to the Bible's rules, then you are to a certain degree condemning those who don't believe in the same thing. The fact is, some people ARE Atheists and they don't believe in the existence in God. And of course, a lot of people do. It really comes down to personal belief, but that's what makes this thread tricky because you CAN'T argue about it without condemning the "other side" to a certain degree.


This thread will end pretty soon because sooner or later someone is going to dare to argue with the Bible, and then this will be another war about religion.

[Superperson]

And know that many here don't believe in God nor are religious.

There's a difference in stating your opinion on why sex before marriage is right/wrong and then preaching about how God said this and that. Yes, you're preaching about God and religion.
That is not preaching that is history, you just blatantly dislike religeon so much that it annoys you to no end anytime it's mentioned in any form apperently.
Even if God was something someone made up, it would still be the reason for the moral dilemma of premarital sex. Just because you don't beleive in God, it doesn't mean anything people say God did or has said has no effect on modern life or history at all is a narrow and sad view point.

[solarflere]

If God doesn;t exsist I would say its ok. But he does exsist and he shows us how he does exsist through miracles I do believe that sex before marriage is wrong.
""""*****THIS IS A RELIGIOUS THREAD******"""""" because religions has to say alot i mean ITS EVEN IN THE GOSH DANG 10 COMMANDMENTS.

~Nate~
This thread is about morals not religion, so don't start changing it. And you believe that God exists, but it does not mean he exists. This is not a fact. It’s a belief. Don't mix those two.

[Phantasm]

That is not preaching that is history, you just blatantly dislike religeon so much that it annoys you to no end anytime it's mentioned in any form apperently.
I have to say I agree. Ignoring the fact that religion is a MAJOR factor in most people's lives will not get anyone anywhere.

And you believe that God exists, but it does not mean he exists. This is not a fact. It’s a belief. Don't mix those two.
For believers God's existence becomes a fact.;) And don't try telling them otherwise since that would be futile.

[Fone Bone]

For believers God's existence becomes a fact.;) And don't try telling them otherwise since that would be futile.I'm not so sure about this. There are a lot of faithful people who question their beliefs in times of crisis. I admire ANYONE who's faith is strong enough to never waver but I personally have been in situations where I have believed God didn't exist or had forsaken me (State Hospital). I'm a Christian but I can tell the difference between a belief and a proven fact. The fact that we don't really HAVE any proof of God's existance is the very place where our faith comes in.

[Phantasm]

The fact that we don't really HAVE any proof of God's existance is the very place where our faith comes in.
Comments like this amuse me to no end.Yes, I guess 'belief in the unseen' can be called 'faith'. But...don't us believers have all the 'proof' we need?

Bible for Christians and Quran for Muslims.
The Prophets/Messengers of God.
The unshakable beliefs that people have held on to for centuries and continue to do so.
Our existence and the universe itself.

[Fone Bone]

Comments like this amuse me to no end.Yay! I'm funny!:D

Yes, I guess 'belief in the unseen' can be called 'faith'. But...don't us believers have all the 'proof' we need?

Bible for Christians and Quran for Muslims.
The Prophets/Messengers of God.
The unshakable beliefs that people have held on to for centuries and continue to do so.
Our existence and the universe itself.It's a little bit harder for me although I certainly do admire your unwavering faith. I wish I shared it but I'm sure I'm not the only person who's belief in God sometimes wavers. One thing I am sure of: I love you Phantasm!:anime:

[solarflere]

My religion is Judaism. I am a person of Jewish faith but I am not Orthodox. That said, i do not follow everything that the Torah speaks of. It does speak of a "higher power" but is has no wording of God or anything like that. In fact the messiah didn't come yet.
What I am trying to say is, I do not speak of my religion in order not to offend others. I am not here to convert anyone and I am not about to be converted neither. I do not have anything against any other religion neither. So I get a bit frustrated whenever somebody talks about other religions so openly and loudly in a public forum. I am sorry if this is offensive but this is how I feel.

And I believe that there is a higher power but I do not consider it a fact. I myself had plenty of doubts about it myself.

[Phantasm]

. One thing I am sure of: I love you Phantasm!:anime:lol!Aren't you the sweetest?!:)
I love u too Fone Bone!

[Chris Wood]

The thing is, whatever the nature of any almighty being (and who knows, there are dozens of version on this planet alone), it seems doubtful that he has time to worry about Dick and Jane getting naughty under the football bleachers. When you are running the entire universe you don't sweat the small stuff.

[Bearpod91]

god's like an imaginary friend for u ppl....i'm an atheist and know for a fact that god is a myth which in other words is just being a story believed to be true but with no facts to prove it so its only held on to by faith which still doesnt make it true.and sex is ok b4 marriage...:evil: