My friend has a problem

[Jean_Grey]

One of my good friends has gone through a lot of crap and she's cutting herself and doing other stuff I don't want to say. And just last week a couple of jerks announced it to our whole History class. She went out to the bathroom and started to cry it really isn't her fault and I want to help her but a couple of her other friends tried to get some adults involved but it didn't work because she gets really pissed if anyone gets adults involved. I really don't know what to do. I can't talk to her mom because she basically hates her daughter and wants to send her to a mental institution so talking to her wouldn't help and her stepfather hates her too. I really want to help her before she does any more stupid stuff.

[Metroid_spy]

One of my good friends has gone through a lot of crap and she's cutting herself and doing other stuff I don't want to say. And just last week a couple of jerks announced it to our whole History class. She went out to the bathroom and started to cry it really isn't her fault and I want to help her but a couple of her other friends tried to get some adults involved but it didn't work because she gets really pissed if anyone gets adults involved. I really don't know what to do. I can't talk to her mom because she basically hates her daughter and wants to send her to a mental institution so talking to her wouldn't help and her stepfather hates her too. I really want to help her before she does any more stupid stuff. I hate it when people resort to cutting themselves. I have a friend that used to cut herself. But she fortunately stopped. We kept begging her not to do it. Then she said that she was going to commit suicide on this day in the summer. Since it got that serious we went to tell her mom since her mom is a teacher at the school. We just kept begging her to stop and not to commit suicide. I don't know what else we did, but it worked. Since your friend's mother and father hate their daughter, I don't know who you should look for help. Maybe you could search over the internet on ways how to tell you how to stop one of your friends to stop cutting themselves. I hope your friend stops cutting herself.

[Fresh V]

Man, that must really suck. She has a hard time at school, and even at her house, her parents hate her and want to send her to a mental institution? That's really cruel, and it must be hard for her. I'm not that good at giving advice, but I think she should stand up to the people that make her life bad.

[LightShadow1890]

After reading your post, I'm surpised that her stepfather and her own mom hates her. That's....that's crazy.

Okay, this might not help, but you should try talking to her what the problem is, and sort this out. You might want some advice from a guidance counselor. If you can't sort this out, at least get her to calm down and trust an adult who's experienced and worked with these problems before, like a guidance counselor or a teacher. If that doesn't work....just pray.

I hope your friend will feel better and stop self-multilating herself. Even though it is a way of releasing her sadness and anger, there are many other ways of releasing it. And I hope she could be moved away from the guardianship of her parents.

[solarflere]

I know this is not a favorite choise, BUT, cutting is an addiction, sort of like an eating disorder, not drugs. you DONT come out of it. Period. The only way is through profesional counsling, not mental institution, but a doctor. Protecting her from adult involvment will only make it worse. I speak from experiance. Perents, eather do not exept you have a problem, or think you are crazy.
Persuade her to go to her phisitian, and tell him/her the problem. Be there for her, she will need all the support she can get, since her perents are not providing it. Get her out of the house. and dont let her think about her problems. But a medical intervention is an ABSOLUTE MUST, if she to have a good future ahead of her, I cant stress this enough.

[Shnay]

I can't talk to her mom because she basically hates her daughter and wants to send her to a mental institution so talking to her wouldn't help and her stepfather hates her too.I don't know the people involved like you do, so I was wondering if you could say more about this. Becuase, to me, it sounds like the mother wants to send her daughter to a mental hospital because she loves her daughter. This is a serious mental health problem, and will likely require a good deal of proffessional help to solve. If the mother truly hated her daughter, I don't think she would care that her daughter was hurting herself. But, from the sounds of it, she is very concerned and wants to get her the best help possible. I believe the mother has the right idea.

I'm sorry to say it, but from what I know of the issue, I don't think you and your friends are going to be able to pull her through this alone. If you truly don't think the mother can be trusted, then you're going to have to find a responsible adult that you (and hopefully she) can trust. If there aren't any she trusts, though, I would suggest talking to an adult anyway, as you may have to ignore your friends requests in the interest of her safety (that may feel weird, but, again, I think it's for the best). It's a delicate situation, as she could easily develop further problems if she feels she can no longer trust anyone (the incident in your history sounds like it hurt her a lot). But it's because of the delicate nature of the situation that I think you really need to find someone who is trained in handling these situations.

Perhaps you can beat this without the help of adults, but what happens if you can't? The results could be very serious, and end up causing lifelong pyschological or physical damage. As LightShadow mentions, guidance councilors or teachers may be good people to talk to. There are also resources online that will put you in contact with people who can help you. If you'd like, I could help you find some of these organizations. I really wish you the best of luck, and hope that your friend gets the help she needs.

[ShadowOfAGhost]

well, I'm not sure what to say, so here goes.... the most important thing for her now is for you to be there for her. If she is having a hard time and is a constant source of ridicule, it will be all that much more important for you to be there by her side to support her. dont be afraid to talk with her, because in doing so, you aren't giving her any new ideas, you are trying to help her. no matter how often she may say she doesnt want your help, ignore that. be there always. she needs you. also, get her to join toonzone. the added community setting and group support will be good for her. if she finds more friends, she will be that much happier. before I joined here, I may not have been that bad, but I was always bored with life and down in the dumps, but frankly, since joining, my mood has skyrocketed from a 4 to a 9.9 (out of 10). and yes, prayer never hurts. look up the patron saints against depression and pray an individual prayer to each of them. then, pray to god. pray the rosery, and then pray to each of the patron saints against depression again. end with a personal prayer to god. a few weeks ago a friend of mine (on TZ, but I will not mention names out of respect) was in a deep depression. always sad, never receptive of compliments or praise. I prayed exactly as mentioned above and she has been much happier ever since (I am a STRONG believer in the power of prayer. the more you believe, the better it works.)

Good Luck, and god be with you.

(if anyone is offended by the religios refrences, I sincerley apologize)

[Kagetsu]

"Mental hospitals" aren't like they're shown in the movies. There is one near by and it's really nice. People aren't committed in strait jackets and locked up. They are nice little offices with adult counselers who know what they're doing. What you've discribed is very serious. The most that you will most likely be able to do for her is to be there to talk to. You'd be surprised what having a friend to unload on means sometimes. But (and this will be hard) if she really scares you about something, suicide or running away, you must involve adults.

[Gatomon41]

Support your friend as well when she needs her friends the most. And try to talk to her about getting help. This is serious. Get her help as soon as possible.

[Fone Bone]

"Mental hospitals" aren't like they're shown in the movies. There is one near by and it's really nice. People aren't committed in strait jackets and locked up. They are nice little offices with adult counselers who know what they're doing. What you've discribed is very serious. The most that you will most likely be able to do for her is to be there to talk to. You'd be surprised what having a friend to unload on means sometimes. But (and this will be hard) if she really scares you about something, suicide or running away, you must involve adults.You've obviously never been to a STATE hospital.






I don't know the people involved like you do, so I was wondering if you could say more about this. Becuase, to me, it sounds like the mother wants to send her daughter to a mental hospital because she loves her daughter. This is a serious mental health problem, and will likely require a good deal of proffessional help to solve. If the mother truly hated her daughter, I don't think she would care that her daughter was hurting herself. But, from the sounds of it, she is very concerned and wants to get her the best help possible. I believe the mother has the right idea. Mental hospitals are the LAST place cutters should go for support. I should know as I was in a State hospital for four years. A large percentage of the population hurts or abuses themselves and it's something that if you see other people do in a horrible situation like being trapped with a bunch of people who don't take showers and cruel vindictive staff will seem like a reasonable option to people who witness it. I NEVER used to cut myself but I've done it on more than one occasion once I saw other people doing it to relieve stress in that hellhole. I actually scratched myself with a fork a few years back to draw blood when I was depressed (I was out of the hospital then) and I never would have thought to have done it if I didn't know so many people whose arms were covered up and down with scars.

Jean, Do you want to know what you can do for your friend? Tell her that if she IS sent to a mental hospital she will be surrounded by freaks and child molesters and she should do everything in her power to get better through counselling so she never has to be put through that experience. If she threatens to kill herself tell her how much you love her and how sad and miserable you will be if she dies.

Tell her to get help before she is locked up. There is nothing worse than being trapped in a horrible place for years on end.

[Chris Wood]

This sounds like that movie Secretary. The solution in the film is a little unconventional though.

[Chad Bonin]

This sounds like that movie Secretary. The solution in the film is a little unconventional though.... I always wanted to see that movie.

... what?

[Weatherman]

As bad as it sounds, your friend may be betetr off in a WELL RUN mental hospital for a little while. A couple of my friends have been through a mental ward at a hospital and it while it was a hell hole, it was still what they needed to get themselves pulled back together again. The rigid schedule forced them to reorder their lives and get back on their medications.

Is there no one at all you can talk to about this? A teacher, guidance counselor, other friend's parent, school police officer.....Gte someone to intervene. From the way you phrased one of those things you said, it sounds like she's done something that has even more potential to mess up her life, and that needs to stop ASAP. Stand by her, and get her some serious, professional help as fast as you can. And if she does go into a hospital, don't be afraid to visit her as often as you can. It's one of the few things that brightened my friend's days.

[Jean_Grey]

Mental hospitals are the LAST place cutters should go for support. I should know as I was in a State hospital for four years. A large percentage of the population hurts or abuses themselves and it's something that if you see other people do in a horrible situation like being trapped with a bunch of people who don't take showers and cruel vindictive staff will seem like a reasonable option to people who witness it. I NEVER used to cut myself but I've done it on more than one occasion once I saw other people doing it to relieve stress in that hellhole. I actually scratched myself with a fork a few years back to draw blood when I was depressed (I was out of the hospital then) and I never would have thought to have done it if I didn't know so many people whose arms were covered up and down with scars.

Jean, Do you want to know what you can do for your friend? Tell her that if she IS sent to a mental hospital she will be surrounded by freaks and child molesters and she should do everything in her power to get better through counselling so she never has to be put through that experience. If she threatens to kill herself tell her how much you love her and how sad and miserable you will be if she dies.
Not only does she cut herself she does a whole lot of other things I would not like to mention.


I don't know the people involved like you do, so I was wondering if you could say more about this. Becuase, to me, it sounds like the mother wants to send her daughter to a mental hospital because she loves her daughter. This is a serious mental health problem, and will likely require a good deal of proffessional help to solve. If the mother truly hated her daughter, I don't think she would care that her daughter was hurting herself. But, from the sounds of it, she is very concerned and wants to get her the best help possible. I believe the mother has the right idea.I never thought about it this way maybe I will go talk to her mother but I'm sure she doesn't 'Hate' Her daughter I'm sure she loves her like most moms should.

What I think I'm going to do is talk to her mom with a couple of her friends and I'm definatly going to talk to her about it. Hopefully she stops because all of her friends love her and really care about her and don't want her to get sent off.

Edit: By the way thanks for listening.

[Kagetsu]

You've obviously never been to a STATE hospital. True, it's just a facility dealing with emotional and addiction problems. I guess cutting would probably fall under "a danger to yourself,,," catagory and could lead to a full commitment. It does sound to me like something that won't just go away on it's own and may require medication of some kind. But it's very difficult to do an end run around a parent/guardian without state intervention. Has anyone ever talked to a guidance counseler? They always seemed a little dimwitted to me and I'm not sure they can handle this sort of thing. But where else can someone go just for emotional support in dealing with a friend with problems. I don't feel it's something you should have to face alone.

[Shnay]

Mental hospitals are the LAST place cutters should go for support. I should know as I was in a State hospital for four years. A large percentage of the population hurts or abuses themselves and it's something that if you see other people do in a horrible situation like being trapped with a bunch of people who don't take showers and cruel vindictive staff will seem like a reasonable option to people who witness it. I NEVER used to cut myself but I've done it on more than one occasion once I saw other people doing it to relieve stress in that hellhole. I actually scratched myself with a fork a few years back to draw blood when I was depressed (I was out of the hospital then) and I never would have thought to have done it if I didn't know so many people whose arms were covered up and down with scars.I don't think all pyschiatric hospitals are like this. I won't go into all the details, but someone close to me spent a few years in one, and it completely changed his life for the better. He describes it something that was difficult, but very neccessary and very helpful to go through. It's hard for me to think of what he would be like if he didn't receive the treatment he did.

I also know a young girl who is having a similar problem with cutting herself, and is currently receiving full time counciling (though I believe that's in a special clinic, and not a general pyschiatric hospital). I'm very sorry to hear what you went through, Fone Bone, but I think there are people who can benefit greatly from receiving full time mental health care at a hospital.

I never thought about it this way maybe I will go talk to her mother but I'm sure she doesn't 'Hate' Her daughter I'm sure she loves her like most moms should.

What I think I'm going to do is talk to her mom with a couple of her friends and I'm definatly going to talk to her about it. Hopefully she stops because all of her friends love her and really care about her and don't want her to get sent off.I'm glad you're beginning to think about who to talk to. While I think talking to her mom is a great idea, I also think it's important that you talk to someone who has training in handling these situations (preferably, her mom will find a person like this, but you may have to do it if she doesn't think it's neccessary). The school guidance councilor should have training on this matter, or, at the very least, be able to put you in touch with someone who does. This will definitely be difficult, but I have faith that you will be able to help your friend through this, and that she'll be extremely greatful when you do. She may not appreciate it in the beginning, there's a chance she may be angry at you for trying to help, but in the end, this will be for the best, and she will probably come to realize that.

Edit: By the way thanks for listening.Anytime. I think most people here are happy to try and help in situations like these, even if all we can offer is a sympathetic ear. I've always liked that about the Toon Zone community.

This sounds like that movie Secretary. The solution in the film is a little unconventional though.Secretary has its moments, but from what I understand, it has a pretty limited, "outsider" view of the subjects it covers, and thus feels a bit spurious.

[solarflere]

Speaking from experiance, hospotals are not the answer, when I had "a sertain problem", I went to see a psychologist (therapy) and a psychiatrist (medication). After counsling, and a lot of work, I was michbetter.

She needs to seek profesional help, but not get locked up and loose all hope.
And one more important factor, she needs to realize she needs help for herself (with a friendly advise ofcourse), otherwize she will feel like you betrayed her.

[Fone Bone]

I don't think all pyschiatric hospitals are like this. I won't go into all the details, but someone close to me spent a few years in one, and it completely changed his life for the better. He describes it something that was difficult, but very neccessary and very helpful to go through. It's hard for me to think of what he would be like if he didn't receive the treatment he did. I'm glad your friend got treatment but I still believe there are better ways. His/her experience sounds very dissimilar than anyone I have ever known.

I also know a young girl who is having a similar problem with cutting herself, and is currently receiving full time counciling (though I believe that's in a special clinic, and not a general pyschiatric hospital). I'm very sorry to hear what you went through, Fone Bone, but I think there are people who can benefit greatly from receiving full time mental health care at a hospital.
I disagree completely. Hospitals don't give full-time mental health care. Almost all of them barely have any groups and most people spend the day wandering around the floor feeling scared and depressed. If hospitals actually offered groups on a regular schedule (as a few PRIVATE hospitals do) I'd feel differently but most hospitals, even private ones don't have groups accessable and are just a way to keep undesirable people out of society's hair.

[SuperLuigiBros]

I've tried to cut myself before, but I just didn't have the guts. I'm really sorry, and my best wishes to her for things to get better soon.