Favourite Futurama quotes

[Mr Cat Dog]

I searched the forum, and found a thread that was from 2 years ago or something, so I didn't want to resurrect that one. What are your favourite Futurama quotes? This is one of my favourite Zoidberg quotes:


Professor: Evidence suggests it was no one but our own dear, old Fry!
*everyone gasps*
Zoidberg: I am acting astonished!
Fry: What?! *unfolds arms on shirt and reveals slogan 'I hate Bottles!'*
Professor: Oh it was a well planned crime except for one thing: THIS confession note!
*Note reads: 'Fry confesses!... From the desk of Doctor John Zoidberg'
Zoidberg: Fry you scoundrel!
Fry: Well, I don't really remember it, but I don't have the awareness to defend myself.
Professor: Well I have nothing to do but to charge you the full price for the cost of the materials: Ten dollars!
Fry: Here you go!

[jlaking]

Fry: I've never seen a Super Nova blow up. But if it's anything like my old Chevy Nova, it'll light up the night sky!

- Roswell That Ends Well

[Tzomisx]

Something along this line...

Fry: I cant play without my robot hands
Zoidberg: Sure you can, the musics in your heart!
*Fry starts playing again*
Zoidberg: Your Music's Bad and You Should Feel Bad!

[Luna]

Professor Farnsworth: Yes,it's the apocalypse all right....I always THOUGHT I'd have a hand in it...

#######
(A bunch of crashes is heard)

Professor Farnsworth(off screen): Buddah!!!,Zeus!!!,God!!!!....One of you guys,DO SOMETHING!!!!

(more crashes)

SATAN!!!!...YOU OWE ME!!!!

#######
Bender:You know what cheers me up?...Laughing at other peoples' misfortunes!!!!
#####
Bender:"Blackmail" is such an ugly word...I prefer "extortion" the "x" makes it sound cool...
####
Fry:People always said I was stupid,but I proved them...
#####
Robot Devil: You can't just announce what your characters are feeling!!!...That makes me feel angry!!!!

[Scirel]

Zapp: Stop exploding you COWARDS!

and the whole conversation about the mothership and the hubble.

[David Lucas]

"That first robbery was just practice!" - Roberto (the greatest Futurama character ever)

"Sweet Zombie Jesus." - Farnsworth

"I mean, parrots can talk and we eat them, right?"
"Yeah, maybe he just learned how to talk as a parlor trick, like Fry."
"Like Fry! Like Fry!" -Fry and Bender

[bluedeucedodge]

"Bite my shiny metal ass" ~ Bender

[jlaking]

Kif, Quoting from Zapp's Personal book of pick-up lines: Amy, if I said you said you had a beautiful body would you take your pants off and dance around a little?


-- Amazon Women in the Mood

[PowerZord]

"What happened to the old crew?"< Fry asks the professor
"Ah.. Those poor sons of... That's not important right now! <Professor replied

[Elven Moon]

"And Fry, you've got that brain thing!" Farnsworth

"I already did!" Fry (answering Farnsworth)

"Emotions are dumb and should be hated!" Bender

"People said I was dumb, but I proved them!" Fry

[Lord Dalek]

Everyone good news! It's a suppository! - Farnsworth

[J. B. Warner]

Zapp Brannigan, the king of memorable "Futurama" quotes...

"Kif, the quickest way to a woman's heart is through her parents. Have sex with them and you're in!"

"Why'd you open your bonghole, you smelly hippie? You'd sacrifice this beautiful woman to save a moderately attractive monkey? You must have smoked some bad granola!"

"You win again, gravity!"

[David Lucas]

How could I forget the greatest line in all Futurama history?! The line that, upon hearing, me and my roommate laughed for several hours and declared that with each girl we find attractive, the words of Zapp Brannigan must be unveiled.....

"........I find the most erotic part of the woman to be the boobies."

[MrBananagrabber]

Zoidberg-Christ's "I help those who help themselves!" as he runs off was great.

[Mr Cat Dog]

Fry: I must be a robot. Why else would human women refuse to date me?
Leela: Oh, lots of reasons.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Fry: These new hands are great!! I'm gonna break them in tonight.

[Sir T. Ghostal]

"I'M GREASING UP MY HOOZ-ITS!!"- The Clamps

"I'll wear my hilarious apron."- Fry

"A well calculated move straight out of Sun Tzu's 'The Art of War', or my own masterwork... 'Zap Brannigan's The Big Book of War.'"- Zapp Brannigan

"He was just using the moon as a metaphor for beating his wife."- Fry

Bender: I need alcohol to function properly.
Fry: So whats the cigar for?
Bender: It makes me look cool

"You know Fry, of all the friend I've had.. you're the first."- Bender

Zapp: Look who came crawling back like a bird on it's belly.
Leela: Birds dont crawl.
Zapp: They've been known to!

"...And that's why you'll never make captain, Kif."- Zapp

[ToOn~g@l]

Brannigan: Kif I'm feeling the captains itch.
Kif: I'll get the powder sir



Brannigan: Champaggin??
Leela: Wow Brannigan your a real Coin-assure.
Brannigan: Oh I have studied abroad or two hahahaha!!

Bender: YOu guys go ahead, I'm a few skulls short of a mousketeer reunion.

[Martianinvader]

Robot: "My two favorite things are commitment, and changing myself."
Woman: "OOOOHHHHH!!!" *immediately rushes to the robot and starts kissing*
Leela: "Does that robot have a brother?"

:D Take THAT, unrealistic ladies!

[Tobias]

Professor: What are those horrible orange creatures?

Slurm factory guide: Those are the Grunga Lungas. They work in the factory.

Professor: Well tell them I hate them.

[Queen of Hearts]

Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!

Brain (in the Pride and Prejudice world): I am a gigantic brain!

Fry: Hey, Brain! Think fast!
Brain: I always think fast.

[DarT]

Zap Brannigan: "The best way to get to a girl is through her parents... have sex with them and you're in!"

[jlaking]

Prof.: Where's the device that lets you speed or slow the passage of time?
Fry: Under the seat.[Takes out a bong]

--Bending In The Wind

[Mog]

By far, it's:
Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain, but when you put it in the body of a Great White shark — oh suddenly you've gone too far! -Prof Farnsworth

runner-up:
My hands are huge ... they can touch anything but themselves!&quot; (Touches hands together) &quot;Oh, wait... - Lrrr (After eating a bad hippie)

[Mr Cat Dog]

Another favourite is:

Bender/Coilette: Is it too trampy to go on a first date nude?
Amy: Yes!
B/C: Perfect!

Calculon: I got you this, my sweet. *He hands B/C a remote control*
B/C: A remote control. Is it for a TV?
Calculon: No, my sweet. It's the remote control to my heart. It symbolises how you have the power to sway my emotions.
B/C: Will it work on my TV?

Pure. Bender. Genius. Even if he is a woman for those quotes.

[Timmay]

Robot Devil: "These hands.. they're touching me in PLACES"

Fry: "Heh, yeah they get around"

[AkirQueen]

I think I got this quote a little mixed around, but here it goes:

*Fry and Leela are reading the superpowers gained on the back of the tube*
Leela:...Power to summon the aid of aquatic creatures. Do we have that?
Fry: Let's see...Hey, Zoidberg! Get in here!
Zoidberg:...Screw you!
Fry: Nope, don't got that.

[shany94a]

When Hermes and the Professor's sons bought out Planet Express with their newspaper delivery service ("Route of All Evil", which actually airs tonight, 4/2)...

Hermes (to the sons): "You rotten kids! (Smiles hopefully) Will you be hiring?"

Sons: "No."

Hermes: "You rotten kids!"

Plus Bender's classic line at the end of that ep: "Hey chumps, heard you were on the ass end of an ass-kicking!"

[John Pannozzi]

Farnsworth: And what makes my engines truly remarkable is the afterburner which delivers 200% fuel efficiency.

Cubert: That's especially impossible.

Farnsworth: Not at all. It's very simple.

Cubert: Then explain it.

Farnsworth: Now that's impossible. It came to me in a dream and I forgot it in another dream.

Cubert: Your explainations are pure weapons grade balognium. It's all impossible.

Farnsworth: Nothing is impossible. Not if you can imagine it. That's what being is a scientist is all about.

Cubert: No, that's what being a magical elf is all about.




Cubert: Look Professor. I may be identical to you in every possible way but that doesn't mean I'm anything like you.

Farnsworth: You...wha?

Cubert: I don't want to be an inventor. I want to be something useful like a teacher's aide or a prison guard or a science fiction cartoon writer.




Leela: Please, professor. Give us our jobs back. We deserve another chance.

Bender: Yeah, and if you won't give me another chance, perhaps you'd give one to...[He puts his gorilla mask on.]...Og, gorilla emperor of Earth!

[The ship lands in the hangar.]

Farnsworth: I'm sorry, Og, but I've got a new crew.

[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Farnsworth leans over the railings and Hermes, Amy and Zoidberg get off the ship.]

Farnsworth: So, how was delivery to Fantasy Planet, where everyone's fantasies come to life?

Amy: Great!

Hermes: Organised!

Zoidberg: For one beautiful night, I knew what it was to be a grandmother. Subjugated, yet honoured.



[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender has the gorilla mask under his arm and Farnsworth talks to it.]

Farnsworth: You see, Og? Everything's running smoothly, yes. And with Fry fired, I can finally leave my jigsaw puzzles out without him eating the pieces.





Fry: I'm glad you're all here. I wanted to introduce you to my on-again-off-again girlfriend of the past thousand years, Michelle. [Everyone claps.] Michelle, this is Leela. [Michelle screams.] This is Bender. [Michelle screams.] The professor. [Farnsworth waves. Michelle looks at Fry and he nods. She screams.] Hermes and Amy.

Michelle: Nice to meet you.

Fry: And this is Dr. Zoidberg.

[Zoidberg screams and runs away.]

Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry sits on the couch and Hermes, Bender and Farnsworth stand around him.]


Hermes: Dating you ex, Fry? Have you lost all self-respect?

Fry: All what?

Farnsworth: This can only end badly, Fry. Kids, a house -

Bender: A home invasion by a former roommate.

Fry: But things are different this time. Before, she was demanding and possessive. But now she wants me to do stuff and stay with her all the time.



[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Amy and Michelle sit at the table. Zoidberg, wearing a frilly apron, pours them some tea.]

Zoidberg: There you go, dearies.

[He hums and leaves. Michelle trembles.]

Michelle: It's a relief to meet you, Amy. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to all the strange stuff here in the future.

Amy: I'm from Mars.

Michelle: [trembling] I feel so out of place here. I don't understand why Fry fits in so well.

Leela: [sitting down] Probably because he didn't fit in back in your time.

Michelle: That's true. But I used to fit in really well.

Zoidberg: Then good luck, sister.

[He screams and walks off. Michelle drops her cup and it smashes. Seconds later it reassembles itself. She whimpers.]

[Scene: Applied Cryogenics: Freezer Room.]

Michelle: Don't take this the wrong way, Fry, but your friends are a bunch of freaks.

Fry: Yeah, they're great, huh?

Michelle: I just don't belong here. I don't know anyone, I can't find a vanishing cream that doesn't make me actually vanish. I don't even have a job.

Fry: Oh, right. I was supposed to assign you a job. Let me just get your career chip installed. [He picks up the implant gun.] Hold out your palm. [Michelle whimpers.] What are you scared of? It's just like getting your hand pierced.

[Michelle pushes the gun away.]

Michelle: This world is horrible. Let's start over, Fry. Well go someplace where all we have is each other.

Fry: Ooh, romantic. I'll tell Bender to meet us there.

Michelle: It's not a "there". It's a "then". [She turns a freezer dial to 1000 years.] The future.

Fry: Whoa, whoa, girl. I thought you were talking about one of those motels where the bed is shaped like stuff.

Michelle: I love you. Don't you love me?
Fry: Well, sure. To the extent a man can love a woman. But this seems like a big step.

Michelle: Fry, why must you analyse everything with your relentless logic? Nothing matters but our love.


Fry: You're right. Let's do this now and let's never regret it.

[They climb into the freezer and kiss. They are frozen in a flash.]

[Scene: Apocalyptic Wasteland. The freezer stands alone in a vast desert. The door opens and Fry and Michelle get out and look around. The ruins of buildings burn and there are cracks in the ground.]

Fry: Michelle, I don't regret this. But I both rue and lament it.

[Time Lapse. The pair walk the desert.]

Fry: The year 4000 is severely disappointing. I miss the year 3000 when life was simple and brains flew through space and everyone ate lasers.

Michelle: It's not that bad. Fate brought us together and now fate brought us here.

Fry: No, you brought us here.

Michelle: Whine some more, Fry, I really find that attractive in a man. Now come on, build us a shelter.

Fry: Alright, fine. Everything else sucks. At least we can have a nice place to live.

[Time Lapse. It is dark and Fry is covered in dirt.]

Fry: Ooh, there.

[He is standing in a hole.]

Michelle: You expect me to live in a tiny little hole?

Fry: It'd be deeper, but I'm standing on a gopher.

[Time Lapse. The next morning, Fry and Michelle are woken up by someone poking their faces with sticks.]

Michelle: Oh, look. Some little kids.
Fry: They'll save us. [The kids point guns at them.] We're saved!

[Punisher]

"Sweet Zombie Jesus!"-Professer Farnsworth

[TheGLIVEN]

"I'm Scruffy the janitor."

[CyberCartoon]

From " A fishful of dollars"

Robot Chef: Yo, I haven't got all day what kind of pizza you guys want.
Fry: Uh yeah will have one with everything but anchovies and one with my favorite topping anchovies.
Robot Chef: Invalid Selecton yo what are you talking about?
Fry: Anchovies you know those headless fish?
Robot Chef: Does not comput, Does not comput (Blows up)
Professer: I'm sorry Fry, but the anchovie has been extinct since the 2200s.
Fry: What?!
Professer: Oh my yes fish to death, just about the time you people arrive on earth. Wasn't Zoidberg?
Zoidberg: I'm not on trial here!

[Hakuhatsu]

Can't remember the exact title, but it was where Bender is the Warecar, and it was after the scene where Fry and Leela had welded him to the wall of his apartment and he had tried to run Leela down. The next morning he awakens in the junkyard stuck to the magnet and Fry gives him a cold shoulder for trying to run Leela down instead of himself (supposedly the warecar is supposed to run over it's best friend...). Bender tries to say how he tried and meant to go after Fry, and Fry responds...

Fry: They're just words. Sweet, sweet, words that turn to bitter, orange wax in my ears!

[AndrewSP]

Leela - "Professor?! Where were you at 10PM last night?"
Farnsworth - "Err, where am I now?"

Bender - "Game's over, losers. I have all the money. Compare your lives to mine and then kill yourselves."

Fry - "Fixitfixitfixitfixitfixitfixitfixit...Fixitfixitfixit"
Leela - "I can't! Only the Professor knows how to fix it. We have to wake him up!"
*Crew tries to wake up the Professor*
Fry - "Try shocking him!"
Bender - "Your Social Security check is late! Stuff costs more than it used to! Young people use curse words!"

[jlaking]

Bender: I don't know -- I've got a lot of great memories of my old place. [pushes button] ... And now they're gone.

-I, Roommate

[Bunai]

zapp: whats your name soldier
leela: Lee!-Urr Laaaa La la Lemon

that line just had me laughing. that whole episode is funny.

[Kenshin5000]

*after Leela, Fry, and Bender get fired*

Zoidberg: Yay! Now Zoidberg is the popular one!

[jlaking]

Bender: Ah, computer dating -- It's like pimping but you rarely have to use the phrase "upside your head."
Leela: Bender, this is stupid. Why would anyone come to you for romantic help?
Bender: Hey, don't make me go upside your head.


-- Put Your Head on My Shoulders

[RD!]

[movie statement]
Fry: "I GET IT!"
[explanation]
Fry: "OH, NOW I GET IT!"

[Krypton710]

Zapp: I suppose a good Captian must go down with his ship.

Kiff: That's very noble of you sir.

Zapp: Which is why I'm making you Captian!


"The Breakfast Club soundtrack! I can't wait 'till I'm old enough to feel ways about stuff."

[heyguysok]

Roberto: "Back off, I got hostages!" (grabs Zoidberg)
Zoidberg: "Hooray, I'm helping!"

Fry: "Fear not, for I shall assist ye!"
Hermes: "Robots don't say 'ye'!"
Fry: "Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?"
Hermes: "That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!"
Fry: "I'll show ye!"

- Insane in the Mainframe

Bender: "And so I ask you this one question. Have you ever tried simply turning off the TV, sitting down with your children, and hitting them?"

- Bender Should not be Allowed on TV

Leela: "Impressive, they're busting mad rhymes with an 80% success rate."
Bender: "I believe that qualifies as ill...at least from a technical standpoint."

- Hell is Other Robots

Leela: "Wait a minute... We aren't you gonna kill us anymore?"
Bender: "Yeah, what are you? Chicken?" *bok* *bok* *bok* *bokaww*
Fry: "Shut up you two, we can kill ourselves when we get home."

-Leela's Homeworld

[Andy Mancini]

"I feel like I've been mauled by Jesus." - Fry

"He makes Speedy Gonzales look like regular Gonzales!" - Fry

"That song normally doesn't last three hours, but we got into a serious thing... and then we forgot how it ended." - Beck

"Even in these formal shorts, I feel like a failure." - Bubblegum Tate

"He's not original, he's not a martian, he's not Phillip J. Fry... and since when was he a 'the?'"
"You're ten times the 'the' he ever was." - Fry and Bender

"I'm no good with words. That's why I'm in such a delicate conumdrum." - Adalai

"When you do things right, people will wonder if you've done anything at all." - God

"We cooked our sandals in the dryer and ate them. Now we're bored!" - Monks

"There are many reasons to eat - hunger, boredom, trying to become the world's fattest man - but never for revenge." - Poppler

[Dub]

Nibbler - The only way to say Earth now is through Fry's special mind!
Leela - Now when you say special - **quick cut to commercial**

[Zach]

Fry- As the Vice President of this company, I believe I speak for the entire board as I issue this challenge to Mom: Look at my butt!

Hermes- Jerked pork, jerked lamb, is there any meat this guy can't jerk?

[AndrewSP]

I just remembered another quote i like. It's from "The Honking" when Fry and Leela are bolting Bender to the wall of his apartment.

Leela - "Tomorrow we'll pry you down, have a nice breakfast, and then go hunt down and slaughter that ancient evil."
Fry - "It'll be a rich, full day."

[jlaking]

(talking to the Beastie Boys)
Fry: Wow, I love you guys. Back in the 20th century I had all five of your albums.
Ad-Rock: That was a thousand years ago. Now we got seven.
Fry: Cool. Can I borrow the new ones. And a couple of blank tapes?

[MultipleSifl]

Give me all the remaining dough! And some calendars. And that pen! Break it so that most of the beads are on my end!--Roberto
I hate the people who love me and they hate me!--Bender
I've got a big, big thrist for human blood!--Slurm Machine
A complete sandwich? Ha! You got fleeced. I would have settled for a hard roll with ketchup inside.--Zoidberg
Ugh, it's like there's a party in my mouth an everyone's throwing up.--Fry
Look, everyone wants to be like Germany. But do we really have the pure strength of will?--Amy
Eyesight is for chumps.--Leela
When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all.--God

[jrh31584]

Leela: In my dream Fry said he hid a gift for me in my locker. If it's true then he must still exist in some form.

Farnsworth: Of course he still exists. As a frozen corpse in outer space! Oh, I made myself sad.

[ObeliskNoKami]

*cracks knuckles*

Fry: "Fear not, for I shall assist ye!"
Hermes: "Robots don't say 'ye'!"
Fry: "Relax, mammal! My robotic software shall meet your calculatory needs. What is the meaning of this symbol?"
Hermes: "That's a plus sign, you pointy-haired loony! Quit thinking you're a robot!"
Fry: "I'll show ye!"


Judge: "Counsellor, what evidence do you offer to support this new plea of insanity?"
Counsellor: "Well, for one, they done hired me to represent them."
Judge: "Insanity plea is accepted!"


Zoidberg: "What do you call them?"
Bender: "Well, they are tasty, right? Let's call them tasticles."
Crw: "Eww. Oh my no."
Leela: "We can't call them that..."
Bender: "Why not?"
Leela: "It sounds too much like those frozen Rocky Mountain oysters on a stick. You know, testsicles."


Old Man Waterfall: "Do your worst, you sea devils. I'll make my stand with Old Freebie. You can crush me but you can't crush my spirit!"
Palace of oppression: *crush*
Old Man Waterfall: "Argh, my spirit!"

[Scirel]

Fry: Well, everyone we invited is here.
Zoidberg: Also Zoidberg!

[jlaking]

Farnsworth: "Good news everyone, you know that orphanarium that Leela grew up in"
Fry: "Yeah, we talk about it all the time"
Leela: "REALLY!"
Fry: "NO!"
Bender & Fry: "BURNNNNNNNNNN!"

[KefkaFloyd]

Everyone good news! It's a suppository! - Farnsworth
It's:

Fry: I can't swallow that!

Farnsworth: Good News! It's a suppository.

[Lonestarr]

from "Anthology of Interest I":

Bender: "I'll tell you why I came here. I came to this planet with a simple dream...a dream of killing all humans. And this is how it must end? Who is the real 70 billion ton robot monster here? Not I. Not...I."

[echocharlie]

Any line that begins "Good news, everyone!"

[ToOn~g@l]

This is probably the best Zoidberg quote ever.

Zoidberg: As the candy hearts poured into the fiery quasar a wondrous thing happened, why not. They vaporized into a mystical love radiation that spread across the universe destroying many, many planets, including two gangster planets and a cowboy world. But one planet was exactly the right distance to see the romantic rays but not be destroyed by them: Earth. So all over the world couples stood together in joy. And me, Zoidberg. And no one could have been happier unless it would have also been Valentine's Day. What? It was? Hooray.

[Jp7010]

[movie statement]
Fry: "I GET IT!"
[explanation]
Fry: "OH, NOW I GET IT!"
Announcer: "And now, the lady who MOM-opolizes the robot industry!"
Fry: "I get it!"
Announcer: "MOM!"
Fry: "Ohhh, NOW I get it!"

Also used in the episode Spanish Fry,
Ranger: "Hi! I'm Ranger Park, the Park Ranger!"
Fry: "I get it!"

[Luna]

Here are a couple more....from The Sting....

Leela: Now,remember bees communicate through dance.

Fry: Just like my parents...no,wait,that was hitting...

*******
Leela: Are you saying I'm going crazy?

Professor Farnsworth: No,no....noone's saying that...but I'm certainly thinking it loudly...

*****

[jlaking]

Fry: Bender, what is it?
Bender: What an awful dream...there were 1's and 0's everywhere...and I think I saw a 2.
Fry: Don't worry Bender, it was just a dream...there's no such thing as 2.


- A Head in the Polls

[MultipleSifl]

My nephew says "There's no such thing as two" all the time.

[Harper]

Professor at the stockholder's meeting:

"I vote that your cat smells and is ugly!"

[Tobias]

"I'll show those filthy bastards who's lovable!" - Bender