Jackie (Teen Titans fan fic please give a feed back) [Archive]

Raven13

12-01-2004, 04:31 PM

Alright…..just so you people’s don’t get confused the girl in the story has all the same powers as Raven. Also Jackie manly tells the story from her prespective. Also this is my first fic so it is not the best. Hope you like it!!

“Jackie…JACKIE wake up this is the third time is class that you have fallen asleep.” Mr. Conwell yelled in my face.

“O sorry I said I’m just really tired.” I said even though last night I just stayed up all night practicing my powers.

I know that Mr. Conwell had hated me since I had entered Jump City High School. He would send me down to the office anytime just to make me mad. My opinion is that he has hated our family ever since my mom had dated him in High School.

“Jackie this is your third check on your time out sheet.” He had said with pleasure and happiness.

O gosh I thought to my self. That meant that I had to go down to the office and fill out an time out sheet. What is that you ask, well it is the worst ting possible for me. I means that I have to go do to the office and fill out this 2 sided paper for a long time with the principle hovering over me. Also the worst is if you get 3 time out sheets you will have a Saturday detention for 5 HOURS.

So I got up and grabbed the paper from his hand. Then I stormed out the door and started walking. On the way there I then got curious and decided to check out the sheet and se some of the questions.

1. What did you get a time out sheet?

2. Will you do this act in the future?

3. How can you improve your behavior?

As I looked at #1 I was thinking what I should write. I was not very creative but I could think of something fast I guess. Well I had to because I was just about to pull the handle open to the office door.

~ ~ 40 minutes later and Jackie returns to the classroom with her time out sheet filled out and ready to read. ~ ~

“Hmmmmm…… yes ………ok.” I heard Mr. Conwell mumble. “Well very surprisingly good, exept for # 1 you have a ? mark. Well since you can not write your explanation out on paper I think you should explain it in front of the class.”

O no I thought, well I had to then really think of something fast this time. “MY HOUSE CAUGHT ON FIRE.” I screamed it was the best idea that was also a good excuse. Then I could tell that Mr. Conwell was not buying my idea. “and it happened at 2:00 in the morning.” O that was not a good thing I said again to my self.

I then looked around the room and saw that everyone was laughing at me. I saw faces of me and then I saw the snot group. The meanest group of girls in the school and they just had to be in my class. They hated everyone that was not as cool or pretty as them. I then lost control and a desk started to rise with a black around it. It then started to lift above the group off snots.

“AHHHHHHHHH” screams were filling the room very fast and they were all caused by me. Mr. Conwell then try to lower the desk with his hands, but my powers were to strong for anyone. Then I came back to reality.

please give a feed back and i do exept critisem and pointers or things that i have to improve on!!!!:) :anime: :D ;) :rolleyes:

T.T.Raven4

12-01-2004, 04:39 PM

Everyone loves to have Raven's powers. (Don't worry, my dude does too)

Good. I liked how it related to life. There is always a group of people who you just wished were dead, and there's always the teacher that hates you. Good.

No Gripes really pop into my head, so I'll leave you with the, Good chapter, Write more. And in case you haven't noticed, we like to give death threats when we want more, so as you've guessed, WRITE MORE OR FEEL MY WRATH! (Or at least what's left of it :sweat: )

Raven13

12-01-2004, 04:42 PM

haha yea i see u do lol:evil:

well i should be posting more tommarrow i really agree also that it would be awesome to have ravens powers lol :D

Raven37

12-01-2004, 05:06 PM

That was pretty good for your first chapter ever. I definitely liked howyou put in a real life perspective. Very creative. My only gripe is work on your grammer. Everything else is great.:D

-Raven37http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/331/c/4/_raven__by_FreeLancerFox.gif

Matt A

12-01-2004, 05:09 PM

I do believe you said earlier that you were rubbish at writing...on the face of it, I'd say that you share the common delusion that most of us writers on here, including myself, seem to have. In other words, you may think that you're rubbish, but you're blatantly not.

For the most part, I agree with what T.T. said. Perhaps a bit more detail could have been added here and there, but that's just nit-picking. Which we all seem to do a lot.

Raven13

12-01-2004, 05:11 PM

yea not to good at grammer never payed attentiong in english class it probley would of helped now:sweat:

nevermore

12-01-2004, 05:15 PM

Everyone loves to have Raven's powers. (Don't worry, my dude does too)

Everyone does. My character started out like that when I making up his powers. Eventually it somehow got to the shadow powers.

Anyway, great start. better than my starts. Keep this going. Who knows where it will go.

Raven13

12-01-2004, 05:21 PM

thanks yea i think i have a really good idea on where it might be going the starting points r always hard to do and i dont no how good grammer will be but i will try to get more into detail also next time :D

o and please im not ready to die:eek:

Aquagirl15

12-01-2004, 06:08 PM

oooooooo that was good! one thing you should know in the words of my special friend nevermore: death threats are the upmost form of flatterly or something like that.:D so consider death threats a compliment. ;) write more or suffer the wrath of bologna man!!!!!!(don't EVEN ask)

Raven13

12-01-2004, 06:16 PM

Well thanks for the complemint lol yea i think that this might be a really long story yea i kinda knew that death threats were a good thing lol but thanks for the info lol:D

Raven37

12-01-2004, 06:30 PM

JESSIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is soooo my death threat!!!!!!!!!!! Bologna Man is mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Mine! Stick to yours: 'write more or suffer!' Anyway, I can't wait to see what will happen in your next chapter! You've got me wondering already! Write more or suffer the wrath of Bologna Man!!!!!!!:evil: (my death threat!)

-Raven37http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/331/c/4/_raven__by_FreeLancerFox.gif

Aquagirl15

12-01-2004, 06:36 PM

i just did that to make u mad... :evil: anyway WRITE MORE OR SUFFER!!!! there that make u happy?

CaligoRae

12-02-2004, 04:23 PM

Its ok. I just miss the fact that Raven isn't unque:crying: (sp?)But other then that it was great.

Raven13

12-02-2004, 05:01 PM

Chapter 2

When I then came back the desk had suddenly dropped to the ground smacking one of the snots rate over the head. It had to be the leader also……….Lacey. She was very pretty on the outside but not so pretty on the inside. Blonde hair with highlights, very small, and she looked liked a pig the way her nose was shaped. She was the nastiest person that you could ever run into.

Then I decided to run over and pretend that I was concerned about her. “Are you alright I asked her.” But the only thing I heard was crying and there was a gigantic lump on her head. About the size of an egg I had estimated.

The nurse then was called down rate away to look at it. When she had entered the room it looked liked she had just ran the mile. Well as the fat old woman sat down to check Lacey, everyone was staring at me like I had committed a murder. As I backed away my fellow students seemed to grow closer. To save me the bell had rang, and thank the Lord that it was the last day of the week. Now I had some time to practice my powers and maybe never have an accident like this ever again.

I had finally gotten home wanting to go straight to my room and sit there and practice more.

“So honey how was your day at school?” my mom had asked like she knew what happened. She also had the same powers that I had and she had taught me how to control them and the basics. Why I wanted to practice alone was because my mom would baby me and yell at me for doing things wrong.

“Uhhh……. Well it was great and I got an A on my spelling test.” I had lied rate up my throat and she didn’t even know.

“That’s nice……. O and honey don’t forget that Mrs. Johnston I coming over tonight for dinner. O and she is bringing her nice young daughter Lacey. Also don’t forget to meditate tonight I now how your temper can be.” My mom had stated.

“O MY GOSH” I screamed in horror.

“What’s wrong honey.” My mom had said. She actually did not know that I hated her guts and she hated mine. Our parents had been friends for a long time also they had lots of things in common like both of there husbands had left them (both me and Lacey’s father).

As I ran up to my room I suddenly had a vision. At first I did not get the meaning but then I broke it down into parts and I had figured out the meaning.

~ ~ THE VISION ~ ~

~ ~ First there I was in the middle of the city walking. For some reason I was blue and everyone else was white. Then out of the crowd came a gigantic blast of wind and rock. The rocks were hitting me no one else. It was kind of like they knew that I had powers or maybe I was a threat. Then I had used my powers to block it out and all the sudden it was gone. Then I was suddenly in I was in a new city and everyone was blue like me. ~ ~

As I walked to my to my room I just laid in bed until I was fast asleep.

Then the door bell rang and I saw the nightmare of my life we were ready to destroy each other.

~ ~Alright that chapter was kinda dumb because I was blanked out:o and I could not think of anything it was hard:sad: (u guys could of thought of something better probably) but I have a really good idea for the next chapter:anime: . Please give me pointers!!!!!!!!!!!

T.T.Raven4

12-02-2004, 06:59 PM

Ah, nothing smells better than a good Teen Titan's fan Fiction.

This was good. I didn't undertsand the vision, but besides that, it was good. Write more please!!

Aquagirl15

12-03-2004, 08:41 AM

i think i kina understand the vision. like when she was blue she didn't fit in, but then she got to a new city and did fit in. just a thought.... let me know if i'm right.

-Aquagirl15 http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/335/9/b/S_P_L_A_T_by_bren.gif (http://www.deviantart.com/deviation/12762212/)

Crowgirl

12-03-2004, 03:24 PM

Love this!!! Two girls are about to slit each others throats??? Awesome!

I mean, wait, not awesome...

Raven13

12-03-2004, 04:07 PM

haha yea the next chapter is really going to focuse on Lacey and Jackie (the battle):evil: lol:evil:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Sproxie

12-03-2004, 04:22 PM

oooooo I like.... post more soon!

Raven13

12-03-2004, 04:24 PM

Chapter 3

As she walked in the house it seemed as if she was going to start tearing down our house. I also hated her mother as well. She was just like Lacey and just as mean.

“O come in come in I have dinner ready it is on the table. Well we don’t want it to get cold.” My mom had said with joy and excitement. Only if she had known what I was going through when I had my worst enemy at my house.

Then we all sat down and my mom had blessed the food. We all then started grabbing platters and putting tons of food on our plates. Then Lacey looked over at me at that exact moment I had a very severe migraine. It ached so bad through out my head.

“AHHHHH” I had screamed at the table. Then everyone looked at me at a few seconds they just continued eating. For some reason though Lacey kept staring at me but then she stopped, and the pain then went away. I was almost like she was sending a force field or maybe I was doing it my self. No my powers would never reverse the healing power I also had possessed as I thought to myself.

After we were finished eating mom then had to say:

“O Jackie why don’t you take Lacey up to your room and show her around the house.”

O MY GOSH mom how could you do this to me, leave me alone with the biggest jerk in the world I thought to my self.

“Ok………… come on Lacey.” I had said with a shrug and a fist ready to punch her lights out. We were both unhappy to walk up the stairs into my room.

As we got there Lacey had then turned and shut the door behind us.

“I no you did it Jackie.” She had screamed and with anger in her eyes.

“What are you talking about did what.” I had a bad habit of lying all the time about my powers. Maybe she knew though.

“O you no what I’m talking about don’t lie. I know you had something to do with that desk.” She had said with more rage and anger.

“O whatever how could I make a desk rise in mid air? What do you think I had super powers or something!” I had this time screamed it back at her and that really set her off.

She had then pounced on me and started to try to rip out my hair.

“AHHHHHHHH” I had screamed in pain and she had screamed that same thing in anger.

I was actually very tough and I could really hurt someone or even put the in the hospital if I wanted to. This on the other hand was one of those times that I could do that.

I then rolled over top and got up. She had also and we both had our fists ready. I then came at her so fast that a little bit of flight helped me. BOOM I had gotten her in the nose blood was every where. I had then had a continuous punch at her head as she was scrambling around screaming for help.

“HELP HELP HELP” she had screamed with all her might. I was actually winning. Then my fun and enjoyment ended when both of our moms can running through the door.

Alright this chapter was alot better than the last one in my opinion!!:rolleyes: Please give a feedback i only had 2 feedbacks for the last chapter (o yea and Lacey is a real girl at my school but she is not that mean. even though she comes close to it.)

:) PLEASE GIVE A FEEDBACK:)

Raven13

12-03-2004, 05:23 PM

ooooopppss sorry i had 4 feedbacks but please I NEED FEEDBACKS come on peoples:sad:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

12-03-2004, 05:59 PM

Hmm, getting better...

More detail and proof-reading is in order, I think, but otherwise this is a promising start.

Watching petty rivalry between girls escalate into full-blown violence is always fun.

And what's with having a whole family of Ravens? Random, but cool.

Crowgirl

12-03-2004, 06:06 PM

[QUOTE=Welshie's Mate]
Watching petty rivalry between girls escalate into full-blown violence is always fun.
QUOTE]

You should seriously come to my school in Trashland sometime, you'd be suprised what us girls can do to each other. I did take karate for three months...

This is really good, I loved the scene between Lacey and jackie, well drawn out and violent. Just the way I like it.

:evil:

Raven13

12-03-2004, 06:32 PM

thanks for the compliements yea our school is like that but it can out to be one of the top 20 schools in america. Yea that girl in my class (lacey) we r always fighting i mean i try to be nice to her but she is just soo mean.

o and also Welshies Mate u will see at the end how her family comes up and maybe in the next chapter!!!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Aquagirl15

12-03-2004, 07:27 PM

ugh! i hate people like Lacy. one girl like her has a locker by mine. it's a breeding ground for 'popular' people. and by 'popular' i mean total jerks that have nothing but themselves on their minds! :mad: ok now that we've got that settled.. this was very good. i agree that this is a better chapter. GO JACKIE!!!! :D

Raven37

12-03-2004, 07:36 PM

Woo! I liked that! Violence good! You've set an excellent cliffhanger. (Athough cliffhangers are bad. BAD! *makes cross w/ fingers*) Anyway, POST MORE!:D

-Raven37http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/331/c/4/_raven__by_FreeLancerFox.gif

raven54

12-03-2004, 10:32 PM

OOOO!!! i absolutely LOVE catfights that escalate into full-blown fights! they're so funny... ok, the only thing i had a problem with was that the sentences were a little jerky... other than that, good job!

like my Christmas avatar, dudes? well, winter avatar. Jinx is one of the coolest villains!

T.T.Raven4

12-04-2004, 10:27 AM

Very good, but may I suggest Microsoft word or something like that, so it can correct some of the grammatical mistakes? Just a thought, but I had to use it too. Please write more!

Aquagirl15

12-04-2004, 09:11 PM

word is helpful. post more soon or your story will go to the second page. we don't want that to happen!!! :crying:

Raven13

12-04-2004, 09:48 PM

i do use microsoft word so i can save it in there:) . Also to cheack spelling mistakes. Im still trying to figure out how to use the grammer thing (is the green underline thinger right?) o and i dont no if i can post more any soon because i have alot to do for school :mad:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Aquagirl15

12-04-2004, 09:54 PM

that's ok and yes the green i grammer. but sometimes you want to ignor it.:shrug:

Raven13

12-04-2004, 10:13 PM

haha yea i no i really want to ignore it but i dont no how good my grammer is going to be through out the story i will try to pay attention to the green thingers lol

o and i want to thank u raven54 for my avatatr (even though your avatar thing changed and now it has different images):D

:rolleyes: ~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~:rolleyes:

Raven13

12-05-2004, 02:15 PM

Chapter 4

“Jackie get off of her rate now!” My mom had said as she ran over to pull me off of Lacey.

“O my poor baby! Honey are you okay?” Mrs. Johnston had said like it was all, my fault. Though Lacey was still crying and bleeding, I was very satisfied in a way.

“Jane this is enough I will not tolerate my poor baby getting hurt. Even after her Father had left her! How could you do something like that Jackie?” Mrs. Johnston had explained.

Then she left my room, and grabbed all of their things. Then with a gigantic slam of the door, they both had left never wanting to see my mom and me ever again.

Mom then left the room with anger and sadness.

~ ~ That night Jackie got into her bed and tried to go asleep then without knocking her Mother then entered the room. ~ ~

“Jackie………are you still awake?” My mom had said very timidly.

“Yeah I am. Mom I’m sorry what I did today to Lacey.” I had said. “Well see Lacey told me that I had hurt her in class when really I did not mean to but my powers went out of control.”

“O……… have you been meditating like I have told you to do EVERY day?” My Mom had asked with much doubt.

“Uhhhhh……….. No I’m really sorry though I now I should but I have so much going on.” I had said. My mom then came nearer and sat on the bed she then used her powers to get a book. It looked very old and I had never seen it before.

“Do you no what this is?” She said.

“No.” I had answered back

“This is a scrapbook from our past. It has where we were originated form and also it shows our family hero.” My mom had explained. She then opened up the book to a certain page. It was of a girl about my age and she looked a lot like me also.

“Do you know who this is?” She asked.

“Uhh no but she looks a lot like me.” I had said thinking that it was me.

“Well this is your grandmother, or my mom. Her name is Raven. She was a hero to Jump City and as well as a wonderful person. She had the same powers and also you are a spitting image of her. She was part of a group called the Teen Titans, which then got shut down after all of the member got old and could not fight anymore.” I was amazed by what she had told me. That someone with powers like mine actually used then to fight crime.

My mom then told me that there were other members of the Teen Titans. Like Beast Boy, Cyborg, Starfire, Terra, (or she was for a while) and the leader was mainly Robin. She then said that all there descendents had left to tower and now just could still be living at this same town.

Terra was the problem though. Even though my mom had said that my Grandma did not like her but then came to like her I still was not sure. The one thing that questioned me was that Terra must of escaped out of that stone when she betrayed the city. Were her descendents still out there also?

Her last and most important thing that I had seen in that little brown book were I was from. It was a place called Azarath. It looked very dark and peaceful in the picture. I was like that dark and mysterious.

“Someday when you get more powerful Jackie we can both live there. We will never be treated there different and we can use our powers when ever we want to.” My mom had said. Still that same question rang in my head if Terra’s family was still out there. My mom’s last statement was then beware of Terra’s family.

Alright please give a feedback!!! I will really aperciat the pointers or complements!!!!!!:D :) :anime: :p ;) :rolleyes:

Matt A

12-05-2004, 02:34 PM

F**k me! That's the one twist that I wasn't expecting! Bravo to you!

Oh yeah, I suggest that you don't use Word for grammar checking. It goes by the kind of strict rules that primary school teachers try to get you to learn. It's usually better to just ignore them outright.

If you still want to get grammar looked at - which, no offense meant, I suggest you do - then I'd be perfectly happy to proof-read your stuff. PM me if you're interested.

Raven13

12-05-2004, 03:26 PM

Matt A

12-05-2004, 07:42 PM

haha thanks yea i just kind of thought of it ramdomly o and expect a PM:)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~Consider the PM recieved and replied to. Thanks!

Sproxie

12-05-2004, 08:37 PM

Wow, that explains alot :sweat: intersting twist... I like it alot! post soon please!
just one question: Who was Jackie's grandfather?

Matt A

12-05-2004, 08:49 PM

Wow, that explains alot :sweat: intersting twist... I like it alot! post soon please!
just one question: Who was Jackie's grandfather?That is a good question.

Raven37

12-05-2004, 09:24 PM

Wow. I was soooo not expecting that twist. That was a great chapter!:D Oh, and, TELL US WHO HER GRANDFATHER WAS, OR SUFFER THE WRATH OF BOLOGNA MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:evil: (don't ask...):sweat:

-Raven37http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/331/c/4/_raven__by_FreeLancerFox.gif

Aquagirl15

12-05-2004, 10:01 PM

wow! i thought that this was in the same time as the titans not after them! cool twist! this is one story i will totaly read! keep going and really do ignore word w/ the grammer! :rolleyes: WRITE MOR OR DIE!!! :evil: :D

Raven13

12-06-2004, 08:15 PM

thanks yea im now having my work being checked by a member (thanks u no who u r !!) yea i don't no when the next chapter will be writen but soon!!!!!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-08-2004, 05:12 PM

Alright hear is the next chapter it is another one of those boring ones but it has to tie thing up PLEASE GIVE A FEEDBACK;)

Chapter 5

I was very curious about our history. “Mom, can I stay up and look at this for a while?” I asked.

“Yes, but be in bed by 11:00.” My mom said, even though tomorrow was Saturday.

I started at the beginning. The first page had a picture of Raven and my grandfather. He looked as if he was about the same age and from the same place. I then read the caption at the bottom. It said “Raven and Tyler forever they shall love shall live”. So now I know what both of my mysterious grandparents looked like…I turned the next page and saw a picture of the Teen Titans.

Under the picture it had captions about each one. I read through them:

Robin: The leader of the whole Teen Titans. Even though Robin has no special powers he’s one of the most powerful of us all. He’s a great fighter and has also worked with Batman in the past.

Starfire: The only girl in the Teen Titans other than me. Even though she’s from space – from a planet called Tamaran – we have accepted her as a friend and as a Teen Titan. She can fly and she can also fire things called Star Bolts, which she tells me are like an electric shock.

Cyborg: Once was a regular human with incredible strength, but he has told me that ever since his “accident” he’s now half human and half robot. He still has incredible strength but to add on he’s great with mechanical stuff, not to mention having the deadly Sonic Cannon for an arm.

Beast Boy: He’s green and he can change into any living animal or insect. He’s the funny guy in the group, but more often than not is annoying rather than funny. For all that, he’s still my friend…even though it took me a year to stop hating him.

There was no description of Raven, so I guessed that this book had belonged to her. I then read on in the scrapbook. There were pictures of the Teen Titans, among other things, and there was also more on the place called Azarath.

This had fascinated me so much that it had taken me all weekend to finish the whole book. I’d asked my mom many questions about it – without much success – and I’d also been practicing my powers even more.

Then it came to be Sunday night, and I was just reviewing over the book. When I’d finally gotten to the last page I saw something in the far right corner. There was a piece of paper taped on the side: naturally, I got curious and opened it up. The paper read:

Terra has betrayed us all. Though I have become her friend and she had given her own life to save the city I still can never trust her. Cyborg has found a way to renew her life from the rock. Her descendents are still in the city. Beware of them!!! She has sent them to come back for revenge!!! Do not trust anyone.

Raven

The letter ended there. I realized that on the front was an address: it was MY address. Grandma must have been trying to send it to us, but instead she just taped to the last page into the scrapbook. My history and having to hide my powers was all starting to make sense now.

Sadly, school came round again on Monday. The day that no one would ever forget…

HAHA Ciffhanger Give feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Raven13

12-08-2004, 05:13 PM

WHOA sry bout the color that was mixed up really bad sry!!!!!!!! ill try to make it wrie next time!!!!:rolleyes:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Aquagirl15

12-08-2004, 05:18 PM

YAY!! this was a good instalment it kept me wondering. this is good cause if your story didn't keep me wondering you would probably be under the impression that this was not very good. but it was good so don't worry.:D

Raven13

12-08-2004, 05:26 PM

Matt A

12-08-2004, 05:58 PM

You already know my opinions by default, but I'll just say again that this story has massive potential...and you do, too.

Raven13

12-08-2004, 06:12 PM

You already know my opinions by default, but I'll just say again that this story has massive potential...and you do, too.
~thank you~
o and everyone read Welshi'e Mate story (Dwyr Budr) it is freakin AWESOME:D

Sproxie

12-08-2004, 06:24 PM

You already know my opinions by default, but I'll just say again that this story has massive potential...and you do, too.I agree
o and by the way, Cliffhanger = EVIL.
post more soon!

Raven13

12-09-2004, 04:34 PM

Alright please give a feedback about this chapter. I will really apreciete it!!!!:D

Chapter 6

Monday had come and I had just entered Mr. Conwell’s room. It had seemed that everyone one had heard about my fight with Lacey on Friday night. They were giving me weird looks and I heard comments like “look at that freak” and “what a b****.” I felt like that took 1 hour to walk in the classroom and get seated.

“All right kids get out your history books and open it up to chapter 8.” Mr. Conwell had said like he was very exhausted from last night.

As he was talking about the Revolutionary War I was day dreaming about my family. About how interesting it was and also how no one in this whole entire class knows what kind of powers I’m gifted with. I then saw the bald man walking around the room as he was trying to explain the Stamp Act. I had been in the most boring class room for over 45 minutes. I wanted something to happen anything to happen to get me out of this class. Then an announcement came on the speakers….

“INTRUDER ALERT …… INTRUDER ALER…….. BOOM!!!” A gun shot had gone off in the hallway. It had sounded like it was in the office. Was this a lock down drill or was this real. We then took our places in a intruder alert which was usually in the far corner in the class room, far away from all the windows and door. I first had to close the windows before I took my spot with the class.

My class of 20 were all sitting in the corner scrunched up together like sushi. We then heard voices in the hall. They were getting closer to the class room ,and it seemed like they were trying to open every door they went past.

I heard people crying and some saying prayers that we will not die or that we will be safe. Mr. Conwell then realized that he had forgot to lock the door. He was running out of time. The intruder’s then got a lot closer to our room. I thought to myself that if Mr. Conwell does not get the door locked, should I use my powers? Well then the intruder’s busted through the door. They then took a gun to Mr. Conwell’s head and shot his brains out.

The nearest police was about 20 minutes away so they would not be able to come quick enough. The men had black all on them and their faces were covered with a black sock with two eye holes. He then held the gun up to all of us.

“Say your prayers kiddies” The man had said.

I then did some fast thinking. Though the cops had told us before to not be heroes and save everyone this was one of those time I had o be a hero. I did not what my whole class to die. Before he shot I stood up and yelled……………

“AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS” With all my might a gigantic force field had gone around my class. They were all very amazed and shocked. The intruder then decided to start shooting at the force field, but my powers were to strong for him.

When the force field had finally gone down it had revealed me. My eyes were glowing black and the intruder the started to shot again at me. I had blocked every blow and then I had finally got him cornered into the wall. He could do nothing.

I then lifted up my hands and screamed “AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS.” He was lifting in the air with a black glowing rope around him. He was struggling with all his might and he could still not break free. I knew that the cops would be coming soon and he would never escape until I free him.

I then turned around and saw my class staring at me. Lacey of course was jealous, but in a way I was very proud of myself. I looked down at the floor and saw the dead corpse of Mr. Conwell. He was lying there………..motionless. The class then started clapping with joy (all except Lacey).

Then the cops arrived in our classroom……..

HAHA I have made a comeback!!!!:anime: Out of all of the chapters, this is my favorite chapter so far. Please give feedback!!!!!!!:p

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

12-09-2004, 06:16 PM

I'm impressed! You've taken on board a liot of what I said - this chapter moves at a much steadier pace. But still, more commas and suchlike would be useful (For example, "The nearest police was about 20 minutes away, so they would not be able to come quick enough." rather than "The nearest police was about 20 minutes away so they would not be able to come quick enough."). Anyway, that's just being pedantic - you're clearly on your way to becoming a very good writer indeed.

Raven13

12-09-2004, 06:30 PM

Thanks i'll try to proof read when im finished with my chapter next time. The comma's ill will try to improve :D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Sproxie

12-09-2004, 07:17 PM

I think this is my favorite chapter! Great job! i am eagerly waiting for another chapter! a couple more chapters and i might add this to my siganture... :anime:

Raven13

12-10-2004, 02:46 PM

I think this is my favorite chapter! Great job! i am eagerly waiting for another chapter! a couple more chapters and i might add this to my siganture... :anime:
thanks im trying to make the story more interseting so i think it is working LOL:D :) :anime: ;) :p :rolleyes:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-10-2004, 02:48 PM

hey im at school rate now in computer class good thing my teacher does not no im doing this!!! lol o gosh here she comes!!! My friends Say hi to everyone!!!!

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-10-2004, 05:23 PM

haha she cauhgt me and she questioned me bout it i then froze up ,and i alsomost got in BIG troulbe haha but she is a really strict teacher !!! lol (sry Mrs. Ortiz if u r reading this)

O and peoples by the way start writing some reponses cause it is kinda boring talking to my self all the time!!!!

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

12-10-2004, 07:47 PM

Hey, if you want people to post, then start using my "five commenters" rule: you've already read Dwyr Budr, so you should know what that is...

Man, getting caught must have been such a bummer. And I'm being serious there.

Crowgirl

12-10-2004, 10:46 PM

This is GREAT!!!

I loved when Jackie saved her class, and when she looked through the scrapbook. It reminded me of the scrapbook scene in my story....

This, like Welshie's Mate said, has AWESOME potential. I can't wait to see what happens next!

Aquagirl15

12-10-2004, 10:54 PM

awesomeness!!! this is a really really really really really really really really really really really really good chapter. i could have gone on but you get the point. :shrug: the Mr. Conwell dying thing was creepy, but in a good way! ;) very good story you're cookin' up. :D

Raven13

12-10-2004, 11:00 PM

thanks but it might be a while till i get the next chapter out like a week or a few days (i think):evil:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-15-2004, 04:09 PM

Alright this chapter took alot of figuring out, and I deleted so many parts (it use to be alot longer) so I hope you like it!:D

Chapter 7

They ran in and were then startled by the dead body of Mr. Conwell. The intruder was still struggling, but I then soon let him down when the cops had there cuffs and guns ready. The cops were scared by my powers but then again they knew they were good.

After the cops had left the room (though one was still guarding the door) my classmates started to surround me.

“WOA do it again Jackie.” I heard some people say. “Pick me up, pick me up.” Some others were said. Lacey was still mad at me but I just ignored her.

So since I was getting all this attention I then deiced to show off a little. So I made a Black Blot with my hand. Then next I started to pick some people up. As I was being so stupid I then remembered what the note had said from my grandmother Raven.

“O NO!” I screamed. I then ran out of the room towards home. I deiced to fly since I wanted to get there fast. How could I have been so stupid? Now everyone knows and no dout in my mind that I will be making the front cover of The Jump City Newspaper. I knew that my mother had told me to keep my powers a secret, but I got carried away. If all jump city knows about this, terra’s family will know about this!

As I got home to my mother I knew that she had already been told the news.

“HOW COULD YOU DO THIS? Jackie you know that we have to keep our powers a secret, and what do you do, you blow our cover from the Terra family!” My mother had screamed.

“Well mom I’m sorry that I did. But what do expect me to do let the whole class get shot!” I had screamed back.

“No, but the cops were on there way!” She then stated.

“Yes mom I no that but they were going to get to the school in the next 20 minutes!” I had then screamed back. I was so mad that my mom was not even happy that I had saved over 20 people. Though Mr. Conwell died he had no point in life. Though I kind of felt bad for his death.

“Mom I’m sorry I really am, please I mean it was just a few tricks………… Opps!” I had said forgetting that I never told my mom about showing off in the classroom.

“What did you say……. You showed off some tricks in front of people! What Are you now like a show are something?” My mom had asked with sarcasm and anger.

“I’m sorry, I really am okay what else do you want me to say!” I had started to cry out to my mother. I then ran up to my room and slammed the door. I was so mad at myself! My mom though was very angry at me, and I was mad at myself.

I then sat down in my bed, and then I smothered my head into my fluffy pillow. I then started to cry really hard. Why do I have to have powers? I thought to myself. I’m just going to die anyway later on in life. I should just kill myself now!

I was very upset that know one was proud of me, and that Terra’s family was now going to hunt us down. Then kill us one by one. Why can’t I just kill myself now? Why can’t I, I could if I wanted to.

I then looked over to my dresser. I saw a pair of scissors lying there. So I picked then up, and I then started to slice my wrist down in half. There was blood dripping out of the sides, though it really hurt I was so determined to actually kill myself. The pain grew worse and worse, like someone was burning your whole arm.

Then the door slammed open. It was my mother. She had this horrible look on her face.

“JACKIE WHAT ARE YOU DOING!” She had screamed. She then ran over, and took the scissors out of my hand and threw then across the room.

“I’m sorry mom I really am but I just felt that you didn’t love me anymore.” I had said while crying at the same time. My mom then hugged me very tight and then started crying also.

“I’m sorry that I yelled at you, and also I love you very much. You are the only thing that really matters to me, and I would never want to lose you!” My mom had explained.

We then sat there the whole night, crying ourselves to sleep.

Please give a feedback!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:D

Aquagirl15

12-15-2004, 04:30 PM

that was good and i liked it a lot and it was a lot better than some of your updates. that's a good thing cause that means you're improving! :D

Matt A

12-15-2004, 04:34 PM

[sits there in shocked silence]

Christ!

Good to see that you're attempting the heavy sh*t, and a little scary at the same time. From the looks of things, life's about to go rapidly downhill for our protagonists...

Okay, so the spelling and grammar need a bit more work, but aside from that I'm not going to have a go.

Need next chapter now!

Sproxie

12-15-2004, 05:02 PM

Woah......
She slit her wrist???!? ..and her mom is just standing there hugging her?
I think that chapter was Great. So Terra's family is gonna come hunt them down? coool..... :evil:

nevermore

12-15-2004, 07:47 PM

Eww. You like to show blood and other stuff like that doen't you.
*Turns and barfs as Nevermore reads about the slitting.* sorry.

Otherwise it was very good. I still feel a bit sick.

Raven13

12-16-2004, 05:33 PM

Eww. You like to show blood and other stuff like that doen't you.
*Turns and barfs as Nevermore reads about the slitting.* sorry.

Otherwise it was very good. I still feel a bit sick.

haha yea i like a bit of horror in a story i probley should have raed this story like PG-13 cause there is vilonce and blood. but thanks for the compliemnets!!! :D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

nevermore

12-16-2004, 06:56 PM

haha yea i like a bit of horror in a story i probley should have raed this story like PG-13 cause there is vilonce and blood. but thanks for the compliemnets!!! :D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

That wasn't horror, that was...sick.

I know horror.

The slitting is still gross. It should be rated PG-13, but there are many people that wouldn't read it if they knew.

Well, at least it will keep bologna man away, but Iguana Man is hungry for blood.

Post more, or I will let Iguana Man loose!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:

Aquagirl15

12-17-2004, 08:37 AM

ok that's not gross that's sad. there really are girls who do things like that to themselves. i'm not saying you ment it that way but still. i've read tons of stories about girls who drink to cover up their dispare, and girls who try and commit suiside. it's very sad. any way post more soon or i shall paitn your room PINK!!!!!!! :eek:

Raven13

12-18-2004, 09:23 AM

I don't get grossed out by many things I mena they have to be really discusting to gross me out (example would be Cabin Fever) but anyway yes there r lots of people who do slit there wrists also if her mom did not stop her I was going to have her continue doing it!!!! but that wouldn't be good for our protagonists!!!:D

Plus they alredy have enough problems on there hands!:evil: :evil: :evil:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-19-2004, 04:52 PM

Next chapter!!!!!!!!!!!:D

Chapter 8

The following day mom had rapped my arm in many bandages. I could not believe myself that I had done something so stupid! I was quite mad last night, so that could have explained a lot. My mom had then used her healing power on my arm to make it look, and feel a lot better.

School was closed for the day, because of the incident. I never wanted to go back anyway. The newspaper had all the details on the front page, and the daily news had a gigantic story on it. I thought for sure that they would never broadcast or tell about my powers. Sure enough, they did. It seemed though that not many people believed it but, no one could tell what really happened.

Since school was closed, mother had to talk to me.

“Jackie I know you like to live here but, we can not stay here any longer. Terra’s family is hunting us down, and I can feel that they are very close.” My mother had explained.

“But, where will we go……There is no where else unless it is in space or something.” I had said back. A bit disappointed, but it was for the better.

“Remember that picture I had shown you in the scrapbook?” Mom had questioned.

Well there were a lot of pictures in the scrapbook but the only one that would make sense is the picture of Azarath.

“The picture of Azarath?” I had asked.

“Yes, well I was thinking that we could go there. Well it is in another dimension, and only an Azarathen can take you there, so it would be a perfect place to hide and live peacefully.” My mother had answered.

“But you said that I was not very powerful?” I had said.

“Well that can easily change, all you need is some training and some meditating, and you will be the most powerful Azarathen I had ever seen.” My mom had said.

~ ~ Jackie and her mother both had trained throughout the week. Jackie had learned new things. Day by day she had gotten so physically and mentally strong. Jackie had deiced to drop out of school since she gave away her powers. Her mother did not care one bit. ~ ~

~ 2 weeks later ~

I had waked up on a beautiful day, and I felt so good. Training with my mother was over, though I still had to go over a few things with her. Life was wonderful. Even though 2 weeks ago I had thought differently. Since the Terra family had seemed to give up on finding us. I had given up on worrying about them.

I then walked outside and decided to get the mail. When I opened it up it was filled with rocks. I then started pulling out the newspaper, bills and different letters. Then out of the rocks, I had pulled out a very different kind of letter. It was a gigantic rock pallet. It looked like the rock newspapers from the Flinstones. I then turned it over; it had writing on the back.

The writing was the color red. A ghastly stench then rose up nose. It smelled like rusty copper. It then hit me. It was blood.

My heart then jumped, I was not alone. I then deiced to read what was written on it. Though it was quite hard to read the blood had seemed too smeared. The pallet read:

Don’t think that we have not stopped looking for you. We know where you are and where you are going to go. Our grandmother has passed down, a special gift that lies in all 5,000 of us. Some not just from her but from her cousins, aunts, uncles, brothers, and sisters. You dare not come back to Azarath. It is our home now. Home of the Earth movers.

The letter then had ended. My good mood had suddenly stopped. I then raced in and showed my mother the pallet.

“O my gosh! We have to go back to Azarath. We must save our people.” My mom had explained. Then in her hands the pallet turned black and then crumbled to the ground.

“It must had belonged to an Azarathan.” My mom had then said. She then stared to cry.

“It’s ok mom, I don’t know what we are going to do, but once we find a way to save everyone from the horror we will live safely in Azarath.” I had said. It did not seem to calm mom down though.

I then left the house and went back out to the mailbox. There was another letter that I then saw. It was from Azarath. I was so excited. I then ripped it open and read:

My dearest daughter and granddaughter,

Terra’s family has taken over Azarath. We need you to stay at earth and keep us in your prayers. Don’t come back. If you do you will surly become a prisoner or be killed. Though I am a prisoner Terra’s family wants me not to die but to be in pain for the rest of my life. Please listen!

Sincerely,

Raven

Uhhhhhhh........... well this gives me a great start for the next chapter!!!!!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven37

12-19-2004, 04:57 PM

That was really good. I can see a huge plot forming. Please post more!:D

-Raven37http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/331/c/4/_raven__by_FreeLancerFox.gif

Matt A

12-19-2004, 05:27 PM

I'm betting that Jackie and her mum will be heading to Azarath as soon as possible...

If I'm right, then 3 vs. 5,000 seems like very entertaining odds.

Aquagirl15

12-19-2004, 06:27 PM

Raven37

12-19-2004, 06:54 PM

yeah that was great! i would love to drop outta school just LOVE TO!!!! but that is not an option as i don't have weird powers. :sad: anyway this should be intersting and really mysterious. AWESOME!!! :D post more you suffer in a PINK ROOM!!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! :evil:
I have two things I want to comment about your um, well... comment.:sweat: :

1. OUR school isn't that bad Jessie. My band class and your orchestra class are fun.:D

2. i don't have weird powers. Raven's powers aren't weird! You make it sound like Raven and Jackie are weird. (and they're not.):shrug: Although, you may think that considering you also think Raven is simple minded. (And she's not!!!) I'm still mad at you for saying that!:crying: (not really 'mad', but that was still mean!)

Anyways, please post more soon Raven13!:anime:

-Raven37http://fs5.deviantart.com/i/2004/331/c/4/_raven__by_FreeLancerFox.gif

rrarbecy

12-19-2004, 07:05 PM

If you guys don't like blood, then don't read some of the stuff on Fanfiction.net. *shudders*

Aquagirl15

12-19-2004, 07:14 PM

i ment funky! sorry! :crying: ochestra is NOT fun!!!!!! i hate my teacher! he is soooooooooo anoying! sorry just had to get that out. any way yeah... why do i say that w/ nothing esle to say? just to ramble i guess. :shrug:

Raven13

12-19-2004, 07:19 PM

If you guys don't like blood, then don't read some of the stuff on Fanfiction.net. *shudders*
HAHA yes i really agree!!!!! ALot of the storys here have violence and blood!!!!!:evil:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

rrarbecy

12-19-2004, 07:36 PM

HAHA yes i really agree!!!!! ALot of the storys here have violence and blood!!!!!:evil:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~
Not that I don't like violence and blood and torture...Oh wait, we weren't talking about torture...:o

Raven13

12-19-2004, 07:39 PM

Not that I don't like violence and blood and torture...Oh wait, we weren't talking about torture...:o
haha yea i new what u ment but i say that storys have to have some violence but it could be good with no violence anyway (though Teen Titans has violence in it, may not seem it bu tfighting is violence) i do like the blood and gore stuff!!!
(but that is my opinion):D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Crowgirl

12-23-2004, 02:46 PM

I'm betting that Jackie and her mum will be heading to Azarath as soon as possible...

If I'm right, then 3 vs. 5,000 seems like very entertaining odds.
Yup, basically.

That was awesome!!! PLEASE CONTINUE!!!

Maybe the old Titans will help...

Raven13

12-23-2004, 04:56 PM

Thanks for the complemints everyone but naywa y here is the next chapter!!!!!:D

Chapter 9

I then sat down next to the mailbox. My life had gone from good, to horrible in the last 5 minutes. I then glanced over the note again. Raven, in prison? I had said to myself. I remember my mom telling me earlier that Azarath was made up of over 100,000 people. How could this be, 100,000 against 5,000? Was Terra’s family more powerful than I thought? Or did they have some other power that they were possessed with? Many questions, but no answers!

I then walked into the house and showed my mother the bad news. She then took a deep breath, and said nothing. She then walked up to her room, and then I heard the very soft chanting of, Azarath Metrion Zinthos….. Azarath Metrion Zinthos. I then decied to leave her be for the rest of the night.

As the night rolled, in I had gone up to my room and then deiced to meditate for the last few minutes before 12:00 at night.

Peaking through the door was my mother. She had then walked in and then said, “Honey where’re not going to Azarath, I hope you know that.”

“What!” I said very astonished. “Why, we have to save our people, we have to save Azarath! We can’t just leave it be. Once they take over Azarath completely they will come for us next.” I had then explained.

“Yes Jackie I know, but in the mean time we will move and hide………”

“Yeah mom I know, but I don’t want to hide for the rest of my life, from something that I know I am capable of beating.” I had then said.

“Jackie this is final, we can not go back. We will go back when this rein of terror ends, but not now. Anyway to get there you need more than one person to enter……… Well…… Goodnight Jackie. We will be moving here soon, so I hope you don’t mind.” My mom had explained. She had then left the room and turned out the light.

I then sat in my bed very still, thinking on how disappointed I was that we were not going to go to Azarath. I then fell asleep.

~ ~ As Jackie was fast asleep, someone had entered the house. ~ ~

BOOM, something had fallen on the ground downstairs. BOOM……… CRASH!

Things were being smashed against the ground. I then deiced to get up and check it out. As I creep downstairs, I saw 3 men in black suits smashing things against the ground. I was scared at first but then I gathered up some courage, and then screamed “AZARATH METRION ZINTHOS. “

The 3 men were then lifted into the air, but before I knew it I was slammed against the side of the wall, plummeting down the stairs. I felt dizzy for a while then, I came to my senses.

A giant rock was headed rate for my face. I then rolled out of the way, and picked up a table with my powers. The table then smashed into the 3 men. They sat there not moving. Satisfied, I then started to run upstairs to report this to my mother.

At the top of the stairs there I saw stood 10 other men in black. I then got scared, but was ready to fight. I then let out a big black ball of energy. It was headed rate toward all of them. They all leaped away, 5 escaping and 3 getting knocked out. Then in the arms of the last 2 men was my mother.

“MOM wake up, help me!” I had screamed. She almost looked dead but I then saw her flinch. She looked liked she had gotten knocked out, but I was not sure.

Then out of the corner of my eye I saw a huge pilled of rock and dirt heading toward my way. Before I knew it I was covered in dirt, and the rocks had ripped off my skin in various places. I was bleeding quite bad, but then when I looked out the door my mother was being carried away.

I then heard her yelling and screaming but the only thing I could make out that she said was scrapbook, picture, and Azarath.

I then tried to get up, but I just keep falling down. It was two late now to catch up to the kidnappers. I then used my healing power to heal most of my wounds. I could finally stand again. I then ran outside to see if there was any trace of the men that had taken my mother.

There was nothing at all. I then sat down and started to tear up a bit, but I then told myself to be strong and that all will be fine. Or at least I thought it would be.

Then out of the dark cold night came a figure. Then a few feet away from that came another, then another. They looked a lot liked people figures.

I then suspected it was more of those men in black, which turned out to be rock movers. Terra’s family I then said to myself. Mad, I then got ready in a fight position. My hands were surrounded by black then suddenly out of the 3 people came a voice.

“We have been looking for you Jackie”

:evil: ~ I love Cliffhangers ~ :evil:

Matt A

12-23-2004, 05:12 PM

Rock on, soldier! (no pun intended)

From the looks of, World War Three is about to start. I can't wait!

Crowgirl

12-23-2004, 07:46 PM

From the looks of, World War Three is about to start. I can't wait!
Yeah, basically.

I just realized that if Raven is a mother and grandmother, she has to be married. I wonder who she's married to?

Sproxie

12-23-2004, 10:02 PM

I just realized that if Raven is a mother and grandmother, she has to be married. I wonder who she's married to?yea, you never answered that question before....

From the looks of, World War Three is about to start. I can't wait!Yea. This oughta be good. :evil:

Raven13

12-23-2004, 11:10 PM

^ HAHA thanks for the complements!!!:anime:

O and Sporx and Crowgirl in Chapter five it says:

I started at the beginning. The first page had a picture of Raven and my grandfather. He looked as if he was about the same age and from the same place. I then read the caption at the bottom. It said “Raven and Tyler forever they shall love shall live”. So now I know what both of my mysterious grandparents looked like…I turned the next page and saw a picture of the Teen Titans.

HAHA must have not catched that!!:sweat:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-24-2004, 03:41 PM

Rock on, soldier! (no pun intended)

From the looks of, World War Three is about to start. I can't wait!
HAHA yea that what it sounds like from the story!!!! :evil: :evil: :evil:
(but you never no what might happen)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raeofdarkness

12-25-2004, 08:34 PM

Awsome! I Love It! Great! Stupendous! *I Could Go On*

Raven13

12-27-2004, 01:05 PM

^ HAHA thanks I think im going ot get the next chapter out tomarrow or tonight I don't no? (hey ill go work on it now):D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-27-2004, 04:47 PM

Well I could not help but write the next chapter so quickly but here it is. (this story is going by soo fast, but trust me there will be alot more. I think im bout hlf way done.)

Chapter 10

“Why!” I had then yelled out.

The 3 people then got a lot closer. “We have studied you, ever since your incident at your school. We have examined your powers, you have done quite well without special training.” The one person then said.

“What do you mean special training? I have already trained from my mother who is now being stolen by Terra’s family members.” I had then said back, feeling just a bit more reassuring.

“Have you ever heard of the Teen Titans?” The voice then said again.

“Yes my grandmother Raven was a former Teen Titan. Why do you ask?” I then said. Then the three walked out of the shadows. I then saw then clearly. There was 1 girl and 2 boys. They all looked about my age, and 2 in particular were floating in the air.

“We are the 2ed age of the Teen Titans. My name is John and this is my sister Moonfire. Our grandparents just happen to be Robin and Starfire. They both had our mother, and then she had traveled to Tameran and met our father. This over here is Sly. Grandson of Beastboy.” John had explained to me.

“This is amazing, I can’t believe that you all found me. But what about Cyborg’s descendents?” I had then asked.

“Cyborg had children, but his children never did. We all have the exact same powers as our ancestors do, and so does the Terra family. The all must be stopped, they are keeping up Slades destroying power.” John had then said.

“Wait…… Who is Slade and we can’t stop them all, there is over 5,000 people.” I had then said.

“As I recall, the former Titans have done the impossible, o and Slade is an evil menace who had control over Terra but she fought back. Though Terra had seem to come back to the Titans, she then betrayed them again, and was then banned from the city.” John had said.

Well I had a chose, to stay here and watch my family go to pieces, or have the Raven side of the Titans rejoin the Titans. I had to save my family and destroy this evil that was living in Azarath.

“Ok, I will rejoin the Titans, but the only way into Azarath is you have to have more than one person enter through.” I had then replied back.

“Yes we all know that, that is why we came. To have a Titan get us into Azarath and then help us fight.” John had then replied back.

Moonfire then spoke up, “You do no how to get into Azarath, do you?”

I was going to say no, but then I remembered what my mother’s last words were…… Scrapbook, picture, and Azarath.

“Wait here.” I then said as I ran back inside the house and upstairs to my room. I then started searching through my room until I found the scrapbook. I then turned to the picture of Azarath. Nothing was there.

“What is it, what are you looking for.” Sly had said. He was behind me, and the little green fellow grew closer.

“Well I don’t exactly no how to get into Azarath, but I think I have directions.” I then said. “I have no idea where they are on this picture though.”

“May I suggest turning it over.” Sly had then said.

“O that might help.” I then said quite embarrassed.

As I flipped the picture over I then saw writing. It told how to get to Azarath.

“There, now I know how to get there.” I then said out loud. I then raced down the stairs, with Sly following behind me.

“So can you take us to Azarath?” Moonfire said.

“Yes and this is how we get there.” I then said.

I then read the directions out loud. They said to, go to the darkest place where no light is shining then have everyone say, Azarath Metrion Zinthos there times. Then you should be teleported there.

We then listened to the directions and did them all. Before we knew it we were in Azarath. I was ready to destroy the Terra family, and I planned to do it slow and painfully.

Pleas give a feedback:D

Matt A

12-27-2004, 07:16 PM

The New Teen Titans, eh? This should get interesting...

Crowgirl

12-27-2004, 07:27 PM

This should get interesting...
I don't think interesting cuts it. There's another word I can't think of that describes it...

New Teen Titans? Cool! Sly actually seems, well, smart. A lot smarter than his grandfather at least. John seems to have inherited Star's floating ability, as has Moonfire. I would find it interesting (Again, I know there's a different word for it...) if Moonfire has the leadership abilities Robin had, and John is more like Star.

I'd like to see the old Titans though, even if it's not in action.

Can't wait for more!

Crowgirl

Sproxie

12-28-2004, 02:21 AM

I agree with Welshi's Mate, this seems to be getting very interesting. I can't wait to see some action.

I'd like to see the old Titans though, even if it's not in action.
So would I.

Raven13

12-28-2004, 12:56 PM

^ Thanks, but I did find alot of things in my story that I should have fixed. (Yesterday i was running a fever, so I did not fell very well and I probley should have not written anything!)

1. I should have explained the charaters better! (In the next chapter I think the charterisics should come out a bit more)

2. I maybe should have been a bit more detail. (Like when she was upstairs, I should have told a bit more.

Anyway, I thought it was a good chapter. I think in the next I will make some answers come out and secrets will be reveled (well at least i think so) (Also I have to get 2 more comments to start writting the next chapter! So you have to wait a while.)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

12-28-2004, 06:43 PM

Don't worry about the characterisation and detail stuff. Everything made sense without that much of either.

Secrets to be revealed soon! Yay!

Does this count as one of those two comments?

Raven13

12-28-2004, 06:55 PM

Don't worry about the characterisation and detail stuff. Everything made sense without that much of either.

Secrets to be revealed soon! Yay!

Does this count as one of those two comments?
HAHA thanks and this does count as one of the comments!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Crowgirl

12-28-2004, 07:07 PM

Can this count as the last one?

I'm glad that secrets will be revealed, the details will be more abundant, and the character depth will be clearer. But I most want to see the personalities of the 'New' Titans. However, Welshie's Mate is right, the story went on fine without it. But stilll, having it would just make it better.

Can't wait!!!
Crowgirl

Raven13

12-28-2004, 11:05 PM

HAHA better start writting! But let me inform you that it might not be out until after the new year!:evil: But i think this is going to be a long chapter, also a hard one to write.(unless i write it all tonight):D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

12-29-2004, 05:54 PM

Alright i wrote this very fast. I just put out the new chapter jsut a few days ago but since you people want more here is chapter 11. Hope you like it.:D

Chapter 11

The land was very dark. Darker than what it was in the picture. It seemed that in the distance there was a gigantic castle, which seemed to be made from rock.

“There is their castle. I think we should gather as much information as we can before we set an attack on them.” John had said. “We first have to figure out, what killed of so many Azarathens, and second we have to find the heart of this operation. But first, Jackie you have to have on different clothes. Yours are not suitable for the job.”

“What is wrong with my cloths?” I had asked.

“Well just put this on.” John had then told me again.

He then threw me to what looked like a leotard. It was black and it had long sleeves. A cape and a belt were also thrown in. Then on the tag, I saw some writing. It said: Property of Raven. This must have been hers. I then put it on behind a rock. It had fitted perfectly, though I did not like the bathing suit bottom so I slipped on my pair of jeans. Hopefully they approved.

“Jackie come with me, John had assigned us to find out why all these people have been dieing.” Moonfire had said. She was very tall, and she had red hair with green eyes. She could fly just like me, so we would work well together.

John and Sly both went together to find the heart of the operation. Though I wanted to go, I thought it was best to learn your enemy before you fight them. So we both traveled in our different directions.

“O before we start to fly, John suggested that I handed this to you.” Moonfire had said holding out her hand, to reveal what looked like a walky talky with a T on the front.

“What is this?” I asked.

“O it is a communicator that was used by the old Teen Titans. Grandma and Grandpa gave us the extra ones.” Moonfire had said with a smile.

We then took of in the air. It seemed like it was going to be a long flight so we talked a lot on the way.

“So what about Sly, what happened to his attitude? His grandfather seemed to be the jokester of the Teen Titans.” I had asked.

“Well he is quite funny sometimes, but not as funny as his grandfather. I met him once and could not stop laughing for such a long time.” Moonfire had then told me.

“Well what about you and John. You both seem to take your grandfathers leadership, along with your grandmothers flight and powers.” I had then asked again.

“We both are a lot alike. Though he is 1 year older than me, we both share a lot of the same powers. We both also have many martial art tricks too. Though my grandmother says that I seem more like from Tamerain than my brother.” Moonfire had said back.

Before I knew it we had arrived at the castle gates.

“So what are we looking for?” Moonfire had asked.

“Uhhhhhh………… Well I think we are supposed to find out what had killed of everyone.” I had said back, not sure of myself.

“So where do we look first?” Moonfire had asked.

“I really do not no, but that tower looks like a good place to start.” I had said. We both then flew up to the tower.

As we got to the tower window we peaked in. There were a lot of rock pieces in the tower, though I would not blame them because there powers involve moving rock. Then the earth started to shake, Moonfire and I looked at each other. Then they stopped.

“What was that?” I asked.

“Well Terra used to be able to make earthquakes and tremors for however long she wanted them to be. I think since there are so many earth movers here that tremor’s happen daily.” Moonfire had replied back.

That made a lot of sense. So we looked in the window again, and saw someone this time. There were 2 women and an army of men… in black. They were the people who kidnapped my mother. They then started to talk to each other.

“What are they saying, I can’t read lips.” Moonfire had whispered.

“”Yes, but I can.” I said. I had remembered at that moment that I could us my powers to find out what they were saying. I then started to whisper out loud the conversation.

“Did you find her?” The woman had said.

“Yes, we encountered her daughter but fought her of. She is now dead.” The man said.

Moonfire then jumped in, “There talking about your mother… and you. Jackie, they all think you are dead.” I then continued on listening.

“What, she is DEAD! I told you all to get the mother and daughter. You can never trust a man to do a woman’s work.” The woman had said. “O well that is one descendant down, 2 more left.”

“Jackie, their going to kill your mother and grandmother!” Moonfire had said.

“Yes I no, but who is behind this all.” I had then answered back.

Then in the window we saw the 2 women turn around. It was Mrs. Johnston and LACEY. I could not believe it. My worst enemy knew that I had powers the whole time. Even before the intruder at school. I knew I should had killed her when we were fighting.

“Who is it, Jackie do you no who this girl is.” Moonfire had asked.

“Yes, and we have to stop her before she kills my family.” I had then said.

It was enough information that we needed, so we both floated down to the ground avoiding the guards and security light. Then on our way out of town the T walky talky rang. I then opened it up, it was John.

“What is your report?” John had said in a stern voice.

“Well we no who is behind this. It is the Johnston family and we suspect the leader to be Mrs. Johnston and her daughter… Lacey.” I had answered back.

“I’m glad to see that we switched jobs. Sly and I found out what killed all these people. When we were checking out the sewers, we found and old Azarathen that seemed to be hurt. We both ran over and asked him a few questions, and then we tried to help him. He told us that without warning a bomb had come out of the sky. He then said when it hit the ground a reddish smoke came out, it was gas. He then told us that the gas killed over 6,000 people, though some seeked refuge. Last an army came in and killed of most of the last 4,000. Then as we were trying to help the man a bit more, he died.” John had said.

“That is terrible, what are we going to do.” I had asked again.

“Well let’s all meet back outside of the gates, then head of into the land a way’s so they do not spot us.” John had then answered back.

We all then met back where John told us to go. We all then made a plan, and had our jobs and duties to destroy this evil.

Just a tad bit longer than normal!!!!;)

Matt A

12-29-2004, 06:12 PM

Okay, that was cool. Azarath doesn't get used as a location all that often (if at all...) so this should be quite fun.

Oh, and I hate to be a smart alec, but I had suspected some time ago that Lacey would have some heavy-duty involvement in the proceedings. Even so, you still managed to surprise me, so i doff my cap at you, young lady...;)

Crowgirl

12-29-2004, 07:59 PM

Okay, that was cool. Azarath doesn't get used as a location all that often (if at all...) so this should be quite fun.

Quite.

I love how you looked into the character depth a little more, and I loved how Lacey is evil. More girls slitting each others thoats.

I need to get more popcorn.

Crowgirl

Sproxie

12-30-2004, 01:31 AM

Quite.

I love how you looked into the character depth a little more, and I loved how Lacey is evil. More girls slitting each others thoats.

I need to get more popcorn.

Crowgirllol, I agree with them. BUT i have one complaint, the difference betwen, No, and Know. Thats all. Know is like if you know something ( :rolleyes: ) and No, is like an answer. thats all, otherwise it was great.

Raven13

12-30-2004, 05:36 PM

^ Thanks, though I kinda knew that Lacey was an easy guess. When she made the first apperence I knew that some people would guess that right away. O and Sporx I am an AIM person, so I trying toget out of writting like that. Though thanks for pointing that out.:anime:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

12-30-2004, 05:38 PM

Just out of curiosity, what's "AIM"?

Raven13

12-30-2004, 05:40 PM

Just out of curiosity, what's "AIM"?
Instant Messaging:D (I love ur story by the way):)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

12-30-2004, 06:33 PM

Instant Messaging
Right.

I love ur story by the way
:D :D :D

Raven13

12-31-2004, 12:24 AM

^^HAHA, uhhhh well I think i'm getting my next chapter out maybe this week or next.:anime: (Though, I might get a few death threats if i don't write sooner or later)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

01-05-2005, 06:37 PM

Alright this chapter was kinda lame but I need something to tie up the first part and the future parts!:D Anyway I hope you like it.:)

Chapter 12

As we all flew to the front gates for the second time, we all were astonished by what we saw. An army of men riding on gigantic rocks were at the front gates.

“How did they know that we were here?” John had yelled back to all of us.

“John, look!” I had then said pointing to the security camera’s set up around the gates and all over the buildings.

“Why have I not seen them before! How stupid I have been.” John then examined. “We have no chose but to fight.”

“Yes, but what about our plan.” Moonfire had then said.

“Everyone scatter and fulfill your duties. Don’t die and don’t get caught.” John had then said.

I then made a gigantic force field in front of all of us, so we could get away quicker. John flew to the right, Moonfire flew to the left, Sly flew up and over as a bug, and I made a portal that was going to take me to the head quarters of the operation.

As we all flew away the guards were puzzled by where we had gone. Then over an loud speaker we then heard “Find them, and bring them all to me…unharmed.” The voice then stopped. I was standing in front of a tower. It was the one that I and Moonfire had seen.

My duty was to find the blueprints of the operation and then to find Lacey. I was really not specified what to do with her, but I intend to question then kill her. Before I could even set foot inside, a giant rock then came flying at my head.

I then ducked before it could hit me.

“What are you doing here?” I then heard a voice out of the shadows.

“Why do you what to know?” I then said back.

“Well if you belong to the Earth mover’s family you would know that there are 4 intruder’s in the city.” I voice then said again. The person then stepped out of the shadows. It was a guy about my age, maybe a bit older. He had dark brown hair, which was a bit longer. Also he had blue eyes, and there was a golden glow around his hands.

I then thought to myself that he was an earth mover. Quite handsome I would have to add that.

“You still must answer my question. What are you doing here?” He then said again.

I did not what to tell the truth but by the smirk on his face I could tell that he already knew.

“Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” I then yelled. A column that was lying on the ground then started to rise. It was head straight for him. Then it stopped. Black and yellow was now surrounding the column.

“Ha, so you are an Azarathen. I knew it, and let me guess I bet you want to save your mother, grandmother, and all of Azarath for us. Well just to inform you…you can’t. The bomb that we sent destroyed most of Azarath, and we plan to keep it that way.” He had then said back.

We both then dropped the column, then I just glared at him and he glared back.

“What do you want?” I said.

“Nothing… All I want is for you to leave Azarath, and get all of your friends out of here.” He then said back.

“Why aren’t you trying to kill me like everyone else is.” I had then said back.

“Because… my mother is an Azarathen, but my father however is an Earth mover.” He had then said back.

“What… then why do you have the powers of a earth mover and not an Azarathen?” I had then asked back.

“Well, I’m not proud of my family. After I was born my father then killed my mother. My mother however was not related to Raven. When he heard the story of Terra and Raven he thought that my mother was like a terrorist. He then wanted me to carry on Terra’s family side and not my mothers. Terra is my grandmother, and if you are wondering… Lacey is my cousin.”

I was very astonished what I was hearing. I wanted to know this guy a lot better than what I already have. So I deiced to tell him more about me.

“My name is Jackie, and my grandmother just happened to be Raven.” I had then said. As for a while I thought this was all a trick. Then I realized that he really trusted me.

“My name is Travis, and well you already know a lot more about me, than what I know about you.” Travis had then said.

We then sat down together in a corner where no one could find us. We then talked a lot and told about ourselves. I was so caught up into talking about our family’s, life and what happened to Azarath that I forgot all about my mission.

I then stood up and said,”I have to go, I can not stay.”

“Well come with me, I know where everything is in this town. Also I can help stop this. I may be related, but that does not mean that I do not like my family.” Travis had then said holding on to my hand.

We then dropped hands and then I told him,”Ok, but if you ever betray me or try to kill me, I swear on my life that I will slit your throat.” Such harsh words had come out of my mouth. I did not know what had come over me, but I was really in the mood for killing some one.

We then both used our powers to make a portal into the head quarters.

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Crowgirl

01-05-2005, 07:43 PM

Coolieo!

Travis seems cool, yet suspicious. I could totally see him betraying Jackie. But the moment between them was so fuzzy, aww... Also, security cameras? I would think it would be John's instinct to look for those (Robin is his grandfather...), but I wonder who is 'in charge' of the earth movers. Here's my guess for what to come (All you little cheaters can read it if you wanna):

Well, the 'new' Titans find out that Terra is in charge of the army, and eventually set Raven and Jackie's mother free. Then all the other Titans (or at least some of them) will come back to help the 'new' Titans fight. During the ultimate battle, Raven will take Terra, Jackie's Mom will take Lacey's Mom, and Jackie will take Lacey.

Man, I"m gonna need some more popcorn...

Crowgirl

Matt A

01-05-2005, 07:43 PM

Hmm, interesting...

I wasn't expecting you to put in a defector, especially not one so similar to Jackie. Am I correct in sensing a potential relationship here?

We then dropped hands and then I told him,”Ok, but if you ever betray me or try to kill me, I swear on my life that I will slit your throat.” Such harsh words had come out of my mouth. I did not know what had come over me, but I was really in the mood for killing some one.That bit was quite creepy. Genius, but creepy. :D

Raven13

01-05-2005, 07:47 PM

Matt A

01-05-2005, 08:02 PM

Crowgirl

01-05-2005, 08:09 PM

with the spoiler..... grrrrrrr....:evil: maybe ill add a bit more to it so it will not sound exactly like that!!!!
:D Actually, I took random guesses on things, but if I was right...

:D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Raven13

01-05-2005, 10:12 PM

All I can say is that I'd be deeply dissapointed if you did anything as predictable as what Crowgirl suggested (no offence to her, mind :sweat: ), as you've managed to keep the surprises and plot twists coming thick and fast so far. You seem to be able to think sideways without any problems, so feel free to get sick and twisted with what you write. I don't want to ruin it by giving you any suggestions (even though I do have some if you're desperate) but what I will say is that the ending doesn't always have to be happy...
I was not really thinking of what she was thinking but I think I have alot more twists up m sleeve. IOf someone suggest something and I ahve the same idea ill will change my idea or make it better. The begging of that last chapter was very hard. I was going to have someone die but that would have been bad. If I do ever though get sick and twisted maybe I should warn bpeople before the post!!! Trust me you don't know how sick and twisted I cna get!:evil: :evil:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

01-15-2005, 04:19 PM

Next Chapter hope you like it!!!!!! O adn it took me forever ot write this chapter!!!! So many thoughts!:)

Chapter 13

As we both entered in I looked around the room. It was very dark and rocks were everywhere. It was very weird that there were no guards around to protect there leader.

“Where is everyone?” I then asked.

“I don’t know, this is odd that everyone is gone.”

We both then looked around the room. I then saw a staircase in the far right corner.

“Where does that lead?” I then asked him again.

“I really don’t know. I’ve never seen that passage way before. Let’s check it out.”

As we both started walking up the stairs we then heard a loud cheer. As we rounded the corner we then saw a figure in the light. There were 3 figures to be exact. One however was not moving. It was like a statue, or was it? As I got a closer look I then saw that one of the figures was Lacey, and the other was her mother. Then as I looked closer I saw this figure in perfect view.

It was Slade. Somehow Lacey and her mother had recovered him from the lava. I then over heard what Lacey was saying.

“O mother this is the day, this is the day that we get to free our master. We have the whole city waiting so we must hurry.” Lacey then ended and her mother cut in.

“Patience child, you must be patient. The lava however may have killed him, but it turned to rock so quickly that he still maybe alive if we can free him with the same anecdote that Cyborg had left behind in the Titans Tower.”

I was shocked what I was hearing. In the scrapbook I remember it telling about Slade and how the Titans had thought he was gone forever. Was this really happening, he may not come alive.

“Jackie, come on we have to go. Here comes Lacey.” Travis then pulled my arm as we fled down the stairs. All the sudden I then tripped over a small rock.

“Ahhhhhhhh!” I screamed out in pain. I had fallen down and my leg was bleeding quite badly. Travis then ran back to help me. Then I could fell that Lacey was getting closer, so close that it felt like she was rate next to me.

As Travis then helped me up we both ran and got to the bottom of the stairs. We then crouched down by a boulder and waited for Lacey to clear the area before we could leave and bandage me up. I then peaked over the rock and saw Lacey. Around her hands were glowing yellow and she was searching around the room. She then got closer to the boulder that we were both hiding behind. I then held my breath. She was almost rate over top of us. I was shaking and my heart was pounding. I really had no reason to be scared because it was just Lacey. I then heard her turn around and then she left the room.

Travis and I then looked at each other and smiled because we were relieved that we did not get caught. As we both ran to the door, a huge rock then flew in front of the door.

“Ha and you thought you could get away.” Lacey was then standing in front of the staircase with a dirty look on her face. “O and it is also my cousin Travis. Well when did you deiced to join the dark side.”

“Come on Lacey give it a rest, you know you can’t beat me.” Travis then yelled back.

“Arrrrggggg!” Lacey then flew on a rock toward Travis. Travis and Lacey then just started fight. Rocks were flying everywhere. A rock then smacked Lacey in the forehead. She fell backwards, and Travis was still firing rocks all around her face. Blood had covered the ground and Lacey was on the ground, still breathing but down on the ground.

“Come on, let’s get out here.” Travis then grabbed my hand and we both flew out together.

As we flew to a safe place, Travis then ripped some of his shirt to use as bandage to rap my leg in.

“I should have killed her.” Travis had then stated.

“What?” I then asked.

“It would have made everything so much easer, in the future. I just couldn’t though. She was my cousin.” Travis then said in an angry voice.

I then said, “Don’t worry if you could have killed her in just that battle you can kill her anytime. I think though we should stay low for a while.”

“That would be a good idea. Also maybe I can show you around town, so you get to know this place a bit better.” I then agreed.

I then thought to myself that Travis really cared about me. He first saved my life then he is offering me to show me around town. This was very weird in a way, I had felt unsure about him then I knew I could trust him.

Then my communicator went off. It was John.

Please give a feedback!!!!!!:D

Crowgirl

01-15-2005, 04:34 PM

Raven13

01-15-2005, 06:27 PM

Very cool. I like how Travis thinks he should have killed Lacey, but couldn't because they're cousins. Great. Also, Slade's coming back? No....... That cannot be good.

Just watch out for spelling and homynyms, they can kill....

CG
Thanks, Homynyms kill me soooo bad. If you did not notice in the last chapter I had so many mistakes with no/know. Haha see that IM chating languge is still here with me NOOOOOO!!!!!!! I'll try to watch or spelling to!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

01-15-2005, 06:44 PM

Don't worry about that stuff. The prospect of Slade's return overrides everything...:D

Starfire5

01-15-2005, 09:31 PM

Crowgirl

01-15-2005, 09:33 PM

this is amazing...i want more or else i will ...uh..*looks at computer desk* pens! throw some pens:evil:!!!! *phone rings* Hello, uh no ok. yeah yeah i promise no throwing pens....*hangs up phone* Sorry Raven13 no free pens for you.:anime:

StarPens are nothing compared to... *Takes out long, sharp object from behind her back*

CHOPSTICKS!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Starfire5

01-15-2005, 09:39 PM

Yes.. but if we combine the pens and the chopsticks we will rule the world! *evil laughter*

But i still want more!

Raven13

01-16-2005, 08:37 AM

Haha.........now I am going ot go to school tommarrow with penmarks and little puntchering marks all over me!!!!!!!!! haha:D O and everyone thanks for the comments!!! It might be a while till I get my next chapter out, cause I ahve alot of Finals to study for. Plus I have to clean my house because my family is houseing kids from all over PA for a few days. So my house is turning into a hotel for 3 days!! NOOOOO so it might be a while. Jsut thought you would like to know that.:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

02-02-2005, 05:30 PM

Uhhhhh.........well I have not written I a VERY long time!!!! Sorry for the wait but wait no more the next chapter is here!!! Hope you like it!:D

Chapter 14

“Jackie, get out of Azarath rate now!” John screamed.

“What are you talking about?” I then asked back.

“They got us; they got Sly, Monnfire, and I. Don’t come looking for us!”

“Then what do you expect me to do, abandoned this whole job!” I then screamed back into the communicator.

“No…… I want you to gather up every single Azarathen that you can find, or anyone that is willing to help us. Then instruct them to take down the city by force!” John then screamed. I then saw someone come up behind John and smack him to the ground.

“John… JOHN, ANSWER ME!” I then started scream. I then got scared. I wanted to do what John told me to do but I had to go find my friends first.

“Travis we have to go find them, we just have to!”

“But what about what he said, finding others and helping us defeat my cousin.” Travis asked.

“You can do that, I have to go find my friends.” I said barely crying to myself. “If getting back at your cousin is all you want to do then go ahead, or come with me!”

“But Jackie, you don’t understand you have to listen to what he said. He is telling what you should not do! But if you want me to go by myself and save all of Azarath then I will. You can then save your little friends!”

I then got really mad at Travis. All he wanted to do was save Azarath by himself and get all the credit for himself. He was still an earth mover and that is all that mattered now. He was then enemy and I was the protagonist. Well, I was kind of jealous but my friends mean more to me than being a glory hound.

I then flew up into the air without ever looking back. Faintly, I heard Travis’s voice in the background.

“You don’t know what you are getting yourself into Jackie, I warned you but you ignored me!”

I did not care what he said. I was going to find my friends first, and that was that. I think Azarath can wait, for the time being. I mean what could go wrong.

As I flew down towards the ground, I first tried to maybe get a location of where the team was. I then closed my eyes and tried to find them through my powers. First I saw a sewer line, next there was a long hallway leading to a big door at the end. My vision then stopped. Something was blocking my vision to go any farther. Well I could figure out the rest when I got there. I then closed my eyes again and thought of the big door. Then I went through a big black hole leading me there.

When I got there, I tried opening the door. It was locked but I then teleported myself under the door into the room. I then came up behind 2 barrels that were protecting me from anyone seeing me. Then this horrible stench filled my nose. I then peeked over the barrel and I was horrified at what I saw.

There were Azarathens everywhere, alive and dead. Most were alive and they were throwing all the dead corpses into furnaces. There were thousands dead, lying all over the place. I could not believe what I was seeing. I then looked around someone. This horrible place was bigger than I thought. So many floors of furnaces, with now millions of dead people being thrown into them. I just want to vomit it was so disgusting.

I then had a brilliant idea. If I could talk to some of the workers in here I could find out more about this situation. I then could have everyone gang up and fight all the guards in this place. Next we could all escape and then fight the rock movers and save Azarath. Very rough but I’m terrible at making plans. Maybe John will have a better one.

I then wanted to get this plan starting really soon so I called over a young Azarathen a bit older then me and asked her a few questions. She was very surprised that I was here and that I got past the guards so well.

She then asked, “What is your name?”

“Jackie, yours?”

“Rachelle, but Jackie why are you here?”

“I plan to break everyone out of this horrible place, but first I need to now more about what this place is about and why are they burning the people, not burring them?” I then said.

She then answered in a timid voice, “We all do not know for sure but I heard guards talking one day about how many people dead will bring more power to Slade. I do not know who this Slade is but he sounds very evil!”

“SLADE!” I then screamed. “So all these dead bodies still have power in them and they will just make Slade stronger and…… he will have power just like us.”

I was so surprised. Slade will come back stronger than ever! My friends were also around here somewhere but I’ll find them while everyone is battling to get out of this horrible place. I also had to stop the production of the throwing of the dead bodies in furnace.

Rachelle then asked me something unexpected.

Like it??? Very short yes I know

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

02-02-2005, 06:40 PM

Starfire5

02-02-2005, 10:58 PM

whats the question that rachelle asks!!!! I must know!!!!!

Raven13

02-12-2005, 03:51 PM

Like it? Like it? How about love it!:D

The whole "mass genocide" thing was so totally not what I expected, and now that the prospect of Slade's return has been fully fleshed out, so to speak, my interest in this fic has been renewed once again. Well done!:D :D :D :D :D
I actully did not like this chapter very much, but I thank you for the replies!:D I'm still trying to think of more idea's for the next chapter but I only got 2 comments so far , so I need 3 more to actully start writting! Thanks again!!:anime:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

nevermore

02-12-2005, 04:41 PM

Why must you wait? It makes us very disappointed and sad when you don't answer our questions and leave us at deadly cliffhangers...Oh wait. Now you can give us the next chapter. Yay! :D

Crowgirl

02-12-2005, 08:15 PM

DKH

02-12-2005, 08:24 PM

Ditto.

Faethie

03-02-2005, 07:59 AM

Why must you wait? It makes us very disappointed and sad when you don't answer our questions and leave us at deadly cliffhangers...Oh wait. Now you can give us the next chapter. Yay! :D
Exactly! Awsome job so far so don't disappoint..
(Yeah I've been hiding in the shadows all this time:evil: )

Raven13

03-02-2005, 03:39 PM

Exactly! Awsome job so far so don't disappoint..
(Yeah I've been hiding in the shadows all this time:evil: )
Haha!:D I acutlly am kinda stuck on this part in the story so I still have many ideas running through my head. I have some of the chapter written but not alot. I think the next chapter is not going to be very good and it might be quite short.:sad: I'll try to get the next chapter out by the end of this week or something!

P.S. If you have any ideas for the story please PM me and if I use them I will make sure to add your name that you helped me or thought up an idea.

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Faethie

03-06-2005, 07:19 AM

u know what i wasn't able 2 (did u block me?!??!!!)

Raven13

03-07-2005, 03:29 PM

^^^ What do you mean??:shrug: I never blocked you! Do you mean the message you sent me! I got that!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Vivace

03-07-2005, 04:26 PM

The fic LIVES!!! and it's good. Awesomely good.

Raven13

03-07-2005, 05:28 PM

Haha thanks ^^^^

This chapter is told from TRAVIS’S point of view! However I thank you with the help form Vortexgirl, I love your idea of having Travis tell the story for once! THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH!!

Chapter 15

(Remember, Travis is going to tell the story now from his point of view!)

I could not believe it! Jackie had to leave me for her stupid friends! I said that I could help her, but she just had to do it by herself. I saved her life form Lacey! Lacey could have killed her and I could have just let her die. Instead her beautiful purple eyes and lovely personality pulled me away. I had loved her so much, for just those few hours we were together she was the only thing that mattered to me!

~ ~ Travis then picked up a huge rock and smashed it in the ground. He then started pulling his longer hair and then started to scream. His emotions were getting out of hand. Black and yellow lights were coming out of his body. Travis loved Jackie so much that when she left him he got so angry. Then Lacey, (attracted by all the emotion and screaming) appeared and then put her hand on his shoulder. ~ ~

“Calm down I’m here and I will comfort you!”

“Never, get away from me! I don’t have the time. I have to leave. I have to get revenge! She broke my heart and I want to break hers just as badly.”

“Calm down you can break her heart. I know how and if you are so willing to please, come with me.”

“What is in it for me if I follow you and hurt her?” I then asked.

Lacey then thought for a moment then said, “Power, revenge, and…… she will be gone from your life. Think about it Travis. Follow me if you are willing to take the power that is inside of you.” Lacey then flew off on her rock.

“Wait!” I then screamed and thought about it for a while. Do I really want to hurt the one I love? Yes…… I do. She hurt me first so now she needs to leave my life… forever. “Ok what do you want me to do?”

Lacey then stopped on her rock and without turning around she said with a low and dark voice, “Excellent, just………follow me and I will show you.”

I then got up and started to fly toward her. She then started to sing a very soft. It was the song “We are the Champions” from the band Queen. It almost set the mood in a way. I will be the champion. Once I finish my job.

We then keep flying for the past few minutes until I reached this giant tower. It was the same one that me and Jackie had gone into and found out that Slade was being reborn. We then went to the top of the tower into the balcony. The balcony lead into a room. The room was medium size and the walls were made from stone. It had a round table in the center with a lot of chairs around them. The room color was manly yellow and there were many rocks lying around. I then noticed a map on the wall.

“What’ this?”

“O that is the map to Azarath or should I say the Rock mover’s colony.”

I then saw this big building with smoke coming out of it.

“What is this?”

“O that is the building where our soldiers take all the dead bodies and throw them down a shoot to a gigantic fire. That fire melts them all up and then makes power or energy for whatever is needed. However in this case it is for the bringing back of Slade.” Lacey then sat down in a chair.

I then thought how terrible it was, but that building was going to make me powerful!

“Travis, follow me please! Your revenge is going to start rate now.” Lacey then motioned me to follow her into this room.

It was dark and in the middle was a table with straps on it. There were a bunch of glass bottles and different liquids in them.

Lacey then went to the middle of the room next to the table with the straps on them. “Please can you lie down here for a moment?”

“Why, what are you going to do with me?” I then screamed kind of getting scared.

“Don’t be scared Travis, this is just a process that will make you be stronger and smarter. Just lie down here and I will show you!”

I then walked over and lied down on the cold hard table. Lacey then strapped me in so I could not get out. These were no ordinary straps though. These were very strong and nothing could break them even if they had powers.

Lacey then came back over to me with a needle in her hand and which looked to me like a shot.

“You have such great anger, and that is why I could find you. Your anger will make this process so successful. You will fight along side me and my army to whip out everyone here in all of Azarath. This wont hurt a bit.” Lacey then put the shot into my arm.

I then felt nothing at first, but then my blood started to feel very warm. It then got hotter and hotter. I could feel my face going red. I started to struggle but nothing was working. Then my skin started to turn black and my teeth then turned sharp and they got longer. I could feel my whole body changing in some way that I do not know what was happening! I was changing into…… into……… A MONSTER!

“What is happening to me?” I then screamed with my last words that would come out.

“You are getting what you asked for. Power, revenge, and……… what was that last one. O yes, you will have Jackie out of your life!”

I then screamed my last and wished that I had never agreed to do this. Jackie…… Please, forgive me!

So you like it? I have to say that is is my favorite chapter so far! Vortexgirl thanks again for the idea of having Travis tell the story!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

03-07-2005, 07:06 PM

Woah...:eek:

That was so far out of what I was expecting it's untrue. Well done for surprising me once again!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

Ta,
Matt A

Faethie

03-08-2005, 09:30 AM

Raven13

03-08-2005, 03:39 PM

(I dunno what happened b4 the email said it was sent 'unsuccessfully' but whatever..:confused: )

Once again, we're not disppointed (at least I'm not...) great job. I wasn't sure how you were gonna pull it off, but you did an awsome job. KEEP ON WRITIN!!!:D
Haha that is ok, but you did help me and I thank you for that! Yeah I was not sure if I was going to pull it off either!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Faethie

03-08-2005, 03:40 PM

WRITE AGAIN SOON!! I hate waiting.....

Crowgirl

03-08-2005, 04:18 PM

That was really good and totally unexpected. Travis turning into a monster.... pretty cool! :D

Buh, buh, buhhh..... :p

Raven13

03-10-2005, 03:49 PM

Thanks for the comments. however once I think about it alot the monster idea was kinda bad but good in a way! I have plans for his transformation and stuff but you will just have ot wait for teh next few chapters!:D I might get the next cahpter out though next week or so!:anime:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

RavenofAzerath~

03-22-2005, 07:59 PM

Raven13

03-25-2005, 01:37 PM

* gets up from comouter and looks in closet*
hmmmmmmmmmm.....................:shrug:
*you diddnt base this "monster" of yours on Fred did you??:confused:
Uh-oh:eek:
I diddnt say that:sweat:
* waves hands around in circular motion*:o
this is alllll a dreammmmm, goooooo back to sleeeeeeeeppp
* nods off*:yawn:
zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......................
Who is Fred by the way???? Well I'm sorry for keeping everyone waiting but I will have the next chapter out here pretty soon! I know it has been along time but I have ALOT of thigns to do for school!:)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

03-25-2005, 02:26 PM

Well I got the next chapter out sooner than expected so here it is!:D

Chapter 16

Rachelle then asked,”Jackie, you look a lot like the great Raven of Azarath, however you look exactly like her!”

“Well, she is my Grandmother and these are her clothes that I’m wearing!” I then answered back really surprised.

Rachelle was stunned. “Jackie, if you did not know this Raven and her daughter are here. They are trapped in this place with me. On some floor, that I do not know! Also there are 3 oddly looking people. They were all captured and put here to work.”

I then remembered John, Moonfire, and Sly! How could I have forgotten them! They were my best friends; well Travis was to until he wanted to be a glory hound. I felt bad for leaving him though. I hope he is ok and I hope that he did not run into any trouble. Well he couldn’t have though, he knows this place really well! I was still worried and wondered where he was.

I then asked,” Do you know where they are?”

“Yes, I do. All of them are here in that building over there.” Rachelle then pointed to a small shed like figure with steel walls and big locks hanging from the door.

“Ok, are you sure they are in there?” I then asked just to make sure/

“Yes, of course! I saw all 3 of them dragged in there. But, please be careful! Guards are everywhere and they are all very good fighters!” Rachelle then said to me.

As me and Rachelle were talking I forgot that guards were everywhere and they were walking around constantly. I was to busy talking with her until she screamed.

“Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!” I then looked behind her and saw this man with a yellow shirt and black pants on. He had a long spear and it was sinking into Rachelle’s flesh.

I was horrified at what I was seeing!

“That will teach you from what you have done. Running away to talk with your friend!” The man had screamed that whole sentence.

I then looked at Rachelle. She was lying on the ground, she was not fully dead but then she whispered a few last words to me. “Run…………” Then she fell over and I could see that she was breathing no longer.

I then looked up and saw that the man was smiling at the dead girl. He almost forgot I was there until I got up put my hood on and started to run away. Yes, I am a coward but I had to get out from behind those barrels before I was trapped. Then I turned around and saw that he was rate behind me. I stopped and he stopped dead in his tracks.

We were both standing there, waiting for each other to make the first move. Then I saw from behind his back he had his spear. He then pulled it out and flung it at me. I just held up my hand a wall of black came in front of me. I then saw him lift his hands and rocks then flew up in the air. They were very big but nothing that I could not get away from.

He then dropped his hands and the rocks came plummeting down to the ground on top of me. I jumped up in the air and did flips and turns avoiding each rock. Then when I landing on both feet I shot out a huge black vortex, which smacked him to the end of the wall. While I was fighting I had a crowd of people watching me. Not to mention I had a few guards that were backing away when I was finished.

The guards were now scared of me and I liked it. I could feel so much power over my body. Then a few of the brave guards came out of the crowd. They were floating on rocks and they had rocks in there hands ready to fire at me. I was surrounded but I could take them. I knew I could.

Then they all fired. I again held of a shield and once I took it down I was shooting out of my hands black bolts of fire. They were electrifying and they burnt skin very easily.

When I was finished most of the guards were injured very badly or dead. It was a short battle but I had to make things short because I was on a time limit to free my friends.

All the guards were down and it was time to go finally see again John, Moonfire, and Sly. I then transported myself to the steel shed and inside were all 3 of my friends.

“JACKIE!” Moonfire screamed with delight. “Where have you been? We have all been waiting for you!”

“How did you know that I was going to come?” I then asked.

John the spoke up, ”Well when I told you not to come save us because it was to dangerous, usually in the superhero world don’t means come!”

I then smiled and hugged John. “Alright please no more cuddliness I want to get out of here and I think everyone else wants to also!” Sly then said to me.

“Alright I will get you all out but first guys, I need you to do me a favor!”

“I will do anything! Just say what you need and I will direct the “Teen Titans” to help!” John then said with a proud voice.

“Ok, well can you get all of these people out of here unseen and then prepare them for war?” It was a lot to ask but I had to go on another mission for myself. “O and if you find my mother and my grandmother, tell them that I am still alive and I love them both very much.”

“Can do, everyone got your plan and what we must accomplish?” John then asked. “Ok then, TEEN TITANS GO!”

Lame ending yea I know but I promise the next chapter will be better!:)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Faethie

03-25-2005, 02:41 PM

YA-HOO!!!! The long awaited chapter is here!! alleluia (oops, it's good friday, I shouldn't say that but what the heck)

Anyways, great chapter. John was awesome:D-very much like Robin. You know, Sly doesn't seem a lot like BB though:crying: oh well, he still is cool. And moonfire acted like star too.....very cool!:D
Keep up the good work!
Later,
Faith

ShadowOfAGhost

03-25-2005, 03:54 PM

I should have started reading this before, just finished chapter 1 and will continue to read. I will give one big update once I am caught up.

Crowgirl

03-25-2005, 05:52 PM

That wasn't a lame ending at all! I loved how the last words werre Robin's catch phrase, it was nice to see somebody else say them. :p

I loved that chapter, it was pretty cool. I liked how they all got scared of Jackie when the guards were fighting her, sweetness. But we get to see Raven. YAY!!!!!!!!!! :anime: :D

Rock on!!

Ciao,
CG

Matt A

03-25-2005, 07:00 PM

I agree with what she said. Bad pun and all.;)

Ta,
Matt A

Crowgirl

03-25-2005, 07:13 PM

I swear on my life that was an accident, I really do. :sweat:

Raven13

03-26-2005, 03:47 PM

Thanks for the comments! I'm sorry that I did not get the chapter in for a while but I had alot to do with school and stuff! Just to et everyone know I'm really bad at making up fight sences! But I'll try to do my best, just like William Hung from American Idol!:) I should get the next chapter out by next week or something!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

04-02-2005, 08:04 PM

Well here's the next chapter hope you like it!

Chapter 17

I knew I could trust John with just about any mission that was thrown in front of him. I remember the scrapbook that belonged Raven. I remember the description of Robin, it had said that he was the leader and I could see that John had inherited leadership from his grandfather.

I then got everyone out of the small steel shed. People were still staring at us as we walked around. I could tell that John was examining the place before he went to work.

“Your going to be alright, aren’t you?” Sly asked me with a sad face.

“I hope so, I really hope so.” I then said back to him.

“What are you going to do anyway? What is this secret mission of yours?” Sly asked.

“I have a few things to take care of between me and Lacey.”

“Oh, I see!” Sly said. I could tell that he was very depressed. He is not a lot like his Grandfather and I could tell he needed someone to cheer him up. I could not take him with me! It would be way too dangerous.

“Well I better get going!” I then said. I was said to leave the team behind but I had to. To save Azarath and everyone with it!

I then transported myself to the outside. It was deader than what I had ever seen before. No one was around. I could not see a guard in sight. It was way to strange. What was happening out here?

I then started to walk towards the main tower where Lacey and her mother had been. I then started to hear loud voices until I came to a gigantic crowd. There were thousands of people there. All the guards were standing around and all the rock movers were cheering and screaming. I then looked up to the tower and saw Lacey and her mother there. Then I saw a creature. It was standing next to Lacey. It was huge. It did not faze me at all because I had bigger things going on.

I then deiced to creep into the crowd. No one would notice me. Then I had a second thought. I was wearing Ravens old outfit with jeans on, and everyone else had on a yellow shirt with black pants and a black mask on. I would definitely be seen. Then I could sense someone was behind me. I turned around and saw 3 men. There hands were glowing yellow and were in the air. I then looked up above my head and saw a big rock floating above me.

I then rolled out of the way and got up to my feet. The three men then started to lift rocks up in the air and were firing them all at me. Then huge rock round figures were shooting up in the air. I then started to run. They were shooting up in front of me but I was inches ahead of each one. Then I got smacked rate in the face with one. I fell onto the ground. The last thing I saw was the 3 men. They came over and picked me up.

I must had been out for only about 3 minutes because when I woke up I was in the middle of the crowd. All the people had yellow beams around there hands ready to fight. I then looked in front of me. There was Lacey standing with the beast rate next to her.

I estimated the thing about 15 feet tall. The creature had long sharp teeth and it reminded me of a giant black wolf. Except it had long claws and it was a lot scarier.

Lacey then started to speak,”Well, well what do we have here? An Azrathen?”

“What are you planning to do?” I then screamed at her. I then lifted myself up to the ground and black then surrounded my hands. It was a stupid question.

“Well I thought you would already know. You had 3 friends who came along and told you everything they could find out, and you met a “special” friend here. So I should be asking what do you know.” She then asked with a smirk on her mouth.

“More than what you think! You’re not going to get away with this!” I was scared and angry at the same time.

“Jackie, you just don’t understand do you? I blew up most of the Azrathens here and all the lucky ones are now working for me!”

“You might what to rethink that statement!” I had said. I knew that John, Moonfire, and Sly would come through and free all of them.

“Well since your so confident that you are going to defeat me and my army, first your just going to have prove yourself.”

“What do I have to prove?” I then asked. After I said that the beast came out of the crowd. It back was hunched up, and then the beast stood up and let out a piercing roar.

“This here is Virus. He is the strongest creature ever made and he has powers. Just like me and you. If you can defeat Virus I will make a deal with you. If you kill him I will leave and let Azarath be free. But if he kills you, you won’t care! Because you will be…dead!”

“Bring it on!” I then said with confidence. Though Virus was 3 times the size of me and a lot stronger than me, the more I looked at him the more ways I could figure out how to beat him.

Lacey then raised her hand and yelled, “Virus…… ATTACK!”

Poor Jackie, has no idea what she is getting herself into!:sad:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

04-03-2005, 08:28 AM

Quite.

Well, this'll be eventful at the very least...

Starfire5

04-03-2005, 04:37 PM

O.o
And the battle begins.....*dramatic theme plays in the backround*

Mya

Crowgirl

04-03-2005, 09:47 PM

Buh, buh, buh.......

But if he kills you, you won’t care! Because you will be…dead!”

That was funny! :p

Faethie

04-04-2005, 09:29 AM

Raven13

04-07-2005, 05:06 PM

wowzers...great chapter.

yeah, "But if he kills you, you won’t care! Because you will be…dead" was seriously very funny (well, to me, anyhow; i guess not to jackie lol)
and I'm starting to wnder about Sly......poor dude, I feel his pain. I'm grounded. Thats what I call being depresssed. lol:sweat: :p
YEAH!!! After so many days of not being on the computer I finally got to cheak how my story was doing!:D Haha yeah I liked that to. Because I mean if she does die it wont matter to her anyway!:anime: Wow, I still need 1 more post before I can post the next chapter! (Or more, becuase I LOVE feedbacks!!:) ) THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE COMMENTS!;)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

RavenofAzerath~

04-11-2005, 06:56 PM

hey, Raven of Azerath.......

why does that sound so familiar??:confused:
good god being slow is tiring..........:yawn:
GO JACKIE!! BEAT THE SNOTTY CRUD OUT IF VIRUS!!:D
WHO CARES IF HE WAS ONCE A GUY!!:D
KILL EM!!:evil:
dont say anything.:mad:
and fred:eek:
*growling comes from closet*
one minute:sweat:
*throws cow in closet, closet rattles*
Fred is hungry, but he'll have a stomachache in a minute:shrug:
WRITE MORE!!

ShadowOfAGhost

04-13-2005, 07:38 PM

Is fred the evil monkey who lives in your closet? (cookie points for whoever can name the show that's from)

well, I'm all caught up, so, as promised, here is my review!

You have a great idea going here, a massive familly feud (sorta). it's like the Hatfields and the McCoy's! :D (please someone say they know what I'm talking about...)
you are doing well not just with the idea of it, but with the progression and development of plot. it does seem to go a little bit fast, but thats okay
now for a few things that could use work...

The wording and word choice. the way you describe things and actions is kind of weak and could use a good deal of work. practice will help though. Read over each chapter two or three times OUT LOUD after you finish writing it. this will help you find what is weak and needs the most work.
you use the word "then" too often. try not to use one particular word very frequently, it makes the writing weaker and is bad for the overall sound of the chapter. For example: I then deiced to creep into the crowd. No one would notice me. Then I had a second thought. I was wearing Ravens old outfit with jeans on, and everyone else had on a yellow shirt with black pants and a black mask on. I would definitely be seen. Then I could sense someone was behind me. I turned around and saw 3 men. There hands were glowing yellow and were in the air. I then looked up above my head and saw a big rock floating above me.

I then rolled out of the way and got up to my feet. The three men then started to lift rocks up in the air and were firing them all at me. Then huge rock round figures were shooting up in the air. I then started to run. They were shooting up in front of me but I was inches ahead of each one. Then I got smacked rate in the face with one. I fell onto the ground. The last thing I saw was the 3 men. They came over and picked me up.

I must had been out for only about 3 minutes because when I woke up I was in the middle of the crowd. All the people had yellow beams around there hands ready to fight. I then looked in front of me. There was Lacey standing with the beast rate next to her.
instead try to rearange the words, you could try using other phrases for different things as well. to show you:
I decided to creep into the crowd. No one would notice me. But, then I started having second thoughts. I was wearing Ravens old outfit and jeans, everyone else wore yellow shirts with black pants and black masks. I would definitely be seen. I sensed someone was behind me, and in turning I saw 3 men. Their hands were glowing yellow and held high in the air. I looked up, above my head I saw a big rock floating above me.

overall, you could use work with your diction, but the plot is golden! :)

Raven13

04-15-2005, 03:32 PM

Haha don't worry I know what you mean by those 2 familys!!:D Thanks for the critisim to I like it better when people tell the truth and REALLY give me what is wrong with my story! I had just noticed that I had been saying "then" alot when I just decied to read over my story. Thanks for also pointing that out to me. O and just to get it out of my system..... then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then then. Ok I think im good!:)
O and I'll try to use a thesaurus or something so it won't so weak. Once this story ends I have a great idea for the next one! Trust me I will do alot better on that one also!:anime:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

RavenofAzerath~

04-18-2005, 06:22 PM

wellllllll, i am completely oblivious to what movie that is from, but no, Fred is not a monkey. thats why i asked if she based Fed on Virus......hey.......

did you???

Raven13

04-24-2005, 03:46 PM

wellllllll, i am completely oblivious to what movie that is from
I knew someone would find out the movie!:D Resident Evil 1 and 2 ROCKS!
Well I'm trying not to make it excatly like it but the main idea is!:)

Just to let everyone know I'm taking a VERY long break off the computer because the computer is starting to get boring after a while! Sorry if the new chapters are not up in a very long time. I know you will forget everything, just scan through all the chapters if you do.;) Sorry, but I need a vacation, I mean I can't be writting every week. It just gets boring after a while!:shrug: :)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

04-24-2005, 07:00 PM

That sucks, but needs must, as they say...

We'll miss you!:crying: :crying: :crying:

Ta,
Matt A

Faethie

04-25-2005, 12:07 PM

That sucks, but needs must, as they say...

We'll miss you!:crying: :crying: :crying:
Definately! *hugs* We'll miss you a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

RavenofAzerath~

05-01-2005, 06:37 PM

* watches as Raven13 is hugged*

srry, but i have cow blood all over me from feeding Fred and i dont think you want blood all over you.....still, i know the nessesity of a break, so take your time...:D

Raven13

05-20-2005, 04:27 PM

Well FINALLY my break is over but I still have softball to do so I might not be on for very long until that is over. Well at the end of this chapter there is a bad word. Well it is not a bad word for me but if you think it is, well just don't read the last sentance. O and May 23 is my BIRTHDAY! YEAH I'M TURNING 14 FINALLY! However here is the long awaited chapter!

Chapter 18

I looked over at the horrible beast as he ran full speed at me. I held out my hands in front of him and said, “ Azarath Metrion Zinthos!” A black wall came out of me and Virus hit it. I had already observed that he was not the smartest thing around but I should never let that fool me. Before he got up I walked over to the side and then I started to levitate.

Virus got up from the ground and saw me in the air. He then pounced at me, but I was too high for him to reach. Then, my eyes turned white and black energy was surrounding my hands. I had this energy all in one giant ball and it was in my right hand. I then threw it at Virus and hit him right in the forehead.

This is way too easy, I said to myself. I thought this horrible beast would bee one of the toughest challenge that I would have to face. As I was thinking I flew down a little bit, just enough so Virus could get me. He then lept in the air and got my cape by his tooth.

“AHHHHHHHHHHH” I screamed with all my might. I was being thrown around like a little girl throws her rag doll around. I swung back and forth and up and down. My head was hitting the ground with full force and I could feel the blood just running down my face. Finally my cape ripped at the bottom and I was thrown into the air across from our fighting area.

I lay there for a while, and I could not open my eyes. I had a pounding headache and I could hear people laughing at me. I tried to get up but my muscles seem like they were not working properly. Finally I got enough strength to lift myself to my feet and to open my eyes. The crowd around me was astonished that I lived through that thrashing. I forgot about everything around me and reminded myself of my friends, my mom, and Raven. Then I had a small voice in my head that reminded me of Travis.

As I was reminding myself of all these wonderful memories I started to levitate. Black energy started to surround my whole body. All my anger was filling up into this black vortex around me. Then, I threw my hands at Virus and my ball of anger shot toward him. It hit him on the left leg but that was enough to knock him to the ground and give me enough time to make my next attack.

I glanced over at Lacey to see how she was handling this. I could tell on her face she was horrified and angry. Her anger just gave me more power. I then landed on the ground and waited for Virus to get up. When he finally did he shook his head and then saw me. We were both standing there, motionless, ready for one of us to make the next move. Suddenly he jumped in the air and before he could get to me I rolled out of the way. I then shot a few energy balls at him but that would not stop him.

He then started to run for me but I had my back turned. When I turned around I saw him only feet away from me. So I threw out my hands and picked him up in the air. I then flipped him over into the main tower where Lacey lived and her evilness all started. Then the bottom started to shake and the tower was falling.

“RUN, IT’S COMING DOWN!” I heard someone out of the crowd scream. People were scrambling around to get out of the way. I then flew into the air and got out just in time. To bad Lacey was not in that tower. It then hit the ground with full force. People were trapped under it but they were Earth movers so I didn’t care. Then all the smoke and dust finally cleared.

Not very many people lived but there was still a good amount. I then saw Lacey come out from the crowd. She then flew up to me on a rock.

“Very impressive Jackie, I thought you were too weak, but I guess I was wrong.” Lacey had said in a snooty voice.

“Leave Azarath! Remember your deal; if I win you leave Azarath and everyone goes free.” I said with a determining voice.

“Oh, well to me it looks like you lost Jackie.”

“What do you mean? I did exactly what you wanted me to do. I had to defeat Virus and I did! Leave………… NOW!” I was getting really frustrated.

“Well what I mean is you lost. Travis accepted to join me because of some little fight you had with him. So, he came here and he had an ‘Extreme Makeover”. To bad you killed him.” She had said with a smile on her face.

All my thoughts were rushing in and out through my head. No I didn’t I did NOT kill the boy I LOVED! My heart then felt like it stopped. Lacey still had that smile on her face and I just could not take it anymore. I could not believe the truth she was telling me.

I then pointed my hands at her and opened my mouth. The only words that came out were” Lacey………… go to hell!”

So what did you think? Hope that break did some good to this story!

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

05-20-2005, 06:16 PM

Yup, it did wonders! That was a quality fight scene, and what was better was that you ended it with some supreme mass destruction, a bittersweet tone and the promise of Lacey finally getting her ass handed to her on a plate. That's all the things I like to see.:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

For your informatio, "hell" is not a rude word. Words like "sh*t", "*****" and "c*nt", on the other hand, most definitely are.:evil: :evil: :evil: :sweat:

Matt A,
The Grand Vizier Of Shock

Raven13

05-24-2005, 03:43 PM

Thanks, the fight scene was really hard to right because I wanted Virus and Jackie to be almost even while making there punchs at each other. The next story will be even harder because of the fight scene between Lacey and Jackie.:sweat:
This story is almost coming to a end, maybe 3 to 5 more chapters. Once this one ends it might be a while before you see another one of my storys. :D
Thanks again for the comment!

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Crowgirl

05-24-2005, 04:12 PM

Matt A

05-24-2005, 06:39 PM

The next story will be even harder because of the fight scene between Lacey and Jackie.:sweat:
Lacey is finally to get her butt kicked! Woohoo!!!!!!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

This story is almost coming to a end, maybe 3 to 5 more chapters. Once this one ends it might be a while before you see another one of my storys. :D

Bugger, and bugger.:crying: :crying: :crying: :crying: :crying:

Um, which one is the 'c' word? :confused:
The forum's automatic censor-thingies bleep it out, so all I can tell you is that's it's still the single most obscene word in the English language. Hence why I use it all the time.:evil: :evil: :evil:

Oh, and you are way too nieve for your own good.:p

-Matt A-

PS: Happy Birthday from me too!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

Raven13

05-24-2005, 07:26 PM

Thanks for all the comments and Happy Birthdays! Yeah 14 FINALLY!!!!:D Yes and sadly I am getting to the end of the story! Maybe a sequel, you never know!;)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

05-25-2005, 06:21 PM

Sounds good to me!:anime: :anime: :anime:

-Matt A-

Faethie

05-25-2005, 07:23 PM

YOU KILLED HIM!!!!!!:eek: :eek: :eek:

cool:evil:

And please make Lacey go to hell. Lacey! GO TO HELL!!!!!

Cant wait for the next chapter, and Happy Bday!:D
And go for the sequel!!!:D

faith

RavenofAzerath~

05-26-2005, 07:35 PM

yeah-YEAH!!!

LACY!!GO TO FRIGGIN HELL YOU FRIGGIN PREP!!

ha ha, that was fun.

14? i'm jelous. I thought it would be l8r. ah well,

DIE LACY DIE!!!

Raven13

07-07-2005, 04:44 PM

Well I have been away for a VERY long time! I think the last time I signed in was in May sometime!:sweat: Well II just started working on my next chapter so it should be up here in a couple of days! Sorry It took so long!:D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Matt A

07-07-2005, 06:48 PM

You're back! Woohoo!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

New chapter incoming! Woohoo!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

-Matt A-

Faethie

07-08-2005, 09:03 AM

You're back! Woohoo!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime:

New chapter incoming! Woohoo!:anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: :anime: Of course I agree with him!
WOOT-WOOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!:D
yayayayayayayayayayayayayayyyyy!!!!!!!!!!! *hugs Raven13* yay you're back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

RavenofAzerath~

07-08-2005, 10:07 AM

finally

Crowgirl

07-08-2005, 01:03 PM

Duh nuh nuh nuh! Duh nuh! You're back! Duh nuh! Nuh nuh nuh YAY!! :anime: :anime:

Raven13

07-12-2005, 01:38 PM

Haha yeah!!!!!!! I'm back!!!!!!! Well the new chapter should be out by today!:D Or tommarrow!;)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

07-12-2005, 02:10 PM

Again sorry for the wait but here it is CHAPTER 19 :D

Chapter 19

Then from my hands came out a giant black energy wave straight toward her. It knocked her of the floating rock to the ground. I then flew to the ground and lifted her into the air. Then I started to squeeze her harder and harder until she could barley breathe. She was gasping for air over and over again. I loosened the grip I had on her and let her drop to the ground. I thought it was not fair for Lacey to die rate away. I wanted her to suffer more.

Lacey raised her head and her eyes were glowing yellow. I knew a rock was headed for me so I put a barrier around me. The rock then smashed into the side. Then, I let the barrier drop and I looked straight into Lacey’s eyes. I could tell she was begging for mercy inside herself but she does not deserved to be saved. I picked her up with a black energy force and threw her into the side of the wall. Over and over again I just picked her up and smashed her into another wall. My fun was then interrupted by a familiar voice.

“Jackie?” I heard the soft voice say. I then turned around and saw my Mom! Dropping Lacey quickly I ran up to her and hugged her.

“Mom I missed you so much!” I said barley crying.

“I have too, and I am very proud of you! Your friends told me all your accomplishments and I saw that little fight between you and that monster.” My Mom said cheerfully.

I then thought about Travis,”Mom that monster was my friend. His name is Travis and Lacey transformed him into a horrible beast.” I could tell my mother was speechless. Then I remembered Lacey. I left her with know body watching her! I turned around and she was gone.

“Mom did you see where Lacey went too?”

“No I was talking to you!?!?!”

Looking around everywhere along with about 1,000 rock movers to my right I could not find her anywhere! Then a shadow came over me and my Mom. I the looked up and noticed a giant boulder hovering about 1 ft over me and my Mom. It then suddenly dropped but it was way to late for me to even use my powers. After a few seconds of standing there I looked up and saw the boulder was surrounded by black energy. It had been stopped. The rock was thrown out of the way revealing my Grandmother (a.k.a. RAVEN)! She still looked incredibly young, almost 25 or 30. She had a white leotard on with a white cape. She then floated down and we both stared at each other for a few seconds. I had never met my Grandmother ever in my life! She was almost a spitting image of me, except a lot older.

“Jackie, I am very please to meet you. You have made me so proud.” She said.

“Thanks, but why is this the first time that I had ever seen you?” I said.

“Well ever since the Titans split up and started families of there own, I came back to Azarath. Then when I had your mother I sent her to earth to start a regular life.” Grandma said. It was so hard to talk to someone that I had never met before. I was very happy that I finally got to meet my Grandmother and I knew that I would be able to hear some fascinating stories from her past life. Then I remembered………… Travis was still under the rock! He could be dead by now!

“Sorry Grandma but I’ll be rate back!” I said leaving her and my Mom standing there clueless.

I was running to the pile of ruble as fast as I could. When I finally got there I started to lift up rocks with my powers and throw them out of the way. It seemed as if the pile of rocks would never end. Then out of nowhere came John, Moonfire, and Sly. They also started to destroy rocks and move them out of the way. I just looked over and smiled and they smiled back at me. All 4 of us kept digging and digging until I finally moved my last rock. It was Travis. He was back in human form and he was covered in black and blue spots and blood. He was not breathing.

Not one of my favorite chapters:sweat: but it tells what happens! Let me know how you like it?;)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

RavenofAzerath~

07-13-2005, 04:42 PM

erm......was "rate" supossed to be "right" cause it seemed kinda weird...........thats about it really.and no offence, but you seemed to use "I" and "Her"alot.you might wanna use their names once in awhile to not make it seem so reapeated.

helpful critisism...thats all.....

RoA~
Chocolate Rocks My Sox!!

Matt A

07-14-2005, 06:56 PM

Harsh, but probably fair. So, all three generations of the Raven family are finally together...but where's the father and grandfather? It'd be interesting to meet them too.;)

I wonder if Travis will survive...and if Lacey will finally get what's hers. Based on Jackie's views, she undoubtedly will.;)

Good work!:anime: :anime: :anime:

-Matt A-

Faethie

07-15-2005, 06:41 PM

RavenofAzerath~

07-16-2005, 12:13 PM

well...come on!! we're not gonna wait forever!! or maby we'll have to....who knows...

RoA~

Raven13

09-09-2005, 10:25 PM

Sorry for the INCREDIABLY LONG wait but I'm afraid your going to have to wait a bit longer. My computer just got destoryed by a trojin virus. All of my story was deleted! My brainstorming for the next chapter, and it has been so long that I've forgot what I was going to do for an ending. So once we get our computer running again and everything put back into place you should see the next chapter soon. :D

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

09-09-2005, 11:46 PM

Well I guess the next chapter came out alot earler than expected! I had a writting buzz!:D So here it is Chapter 20!

Chapter 20

I quickly started to use my power to heal him but it was no use. He was already gone. I had absolutely no hope left for Travis. I just had to admit it, he was gone. Tears’ started to run down my face as I look at his mangled bloody body. I look back at my Mother, Grandma, John, Moonfire, and Sly who were are now standing together staring at me. Suddenly, a large gasp of air came from behind me. I turn around and look at Travis. His eyes are wide open and he is sucking in air like there was none left.

“Travis!” I screamed. I knelt down to hug him. “But… how?” I asked him softly.

Travis started to stutter something I could not understand but then he said,”I…I…don’t know. All I rem………remember is being in a room…… with…LACEY!” Travis screamed Lacey and then lifted his hand to point behind me. I turn my head and find her all beat up floating on a rock.

“That’s right I haven’t destroyed you yet!” I yelled to her.

“Well then, come on you coward once and for all!” She yelled back.

Travis needed help before I could fight Lacey again. I looked around and I spot my Mother and Grandmother. They would be perfect.

“Mom… Grandma, come here!” I yelled. They flew over quickly. “Can you please take care of Travis? Ask him what happened if you can get anymore out of him and try to heal some of his scars.” I explained very quickly.

I then stand up and look at the evil face of my opponent.

“Are you ready?” Lacey asks with a smirk on her face.

“For anything!” I say.

She then lets out her hands with yellow energy coming toward me, and I let out my hands with black energy coming from me. I let all my energy flow out of my hands, I then start to madder. I start to think of all she has done to me. My energy is growing as I think more and more. My eyes close and then I open them to reveal 4 glowing red eyes. Lacey adds more energy and her force gets stronger. I only had a little bit of energy left before I would shutdown and have to meditate more. My hands shoot out and I scream with rage at Lacey. Black surrounds her whole body and her yellow energy stops. The black force field starts to enclose her and Lacey starts to disappear from her feet up.

Suddenly the ground starts to shake and as this is happening Lacey’s head disappears. The force field that enclosed Lacey then exploded and everything went black. I could see that the rest of the rock movers also disappeared. I held up my cape to block the dust. When the shaking and the blackness was all over the only people left were my family, The Team, and Travis.

Then, from behind buildings and ruble came out a few people. More and more people started to come out and they started to crowd around all of us. Those people all turned out to be Azrathens. There were 1,000’s of them, but they were all quiet. It was like someone ripped off there mouths.

Grandmother then stood up and walked over to me. “Jackie you have made me proud, you remind me of myself when I was a young girl like you.”

“Why is that?”

She put her hand on my shoulder and said softly,” Because, you saved the world just like I did when I was your age.” Grandma then turned around and shouted to the crowd of people, “Fellow citizens, meet your heroine!”

It was still silence, then out of no where there was a small applaud. I turn around and see Travis standing up clapping his hands. John joins in, so do Moonfire, Sly, Mom, and Grandma. Then the crowds of people start to clap also. Suddenly all of Azarath is applauding so loud that I could not even hear my self think. I look around and smile, then I start to wave my hand in the air slowly. Everyone then stops clapping and waits for something else to happen.

I float up in the air and make sure that everyone can see me.

“Thank you for your kindness. Uhhh the evil is gone and the rock movers are gone. You have no one else to control your lives. You can worry no longer about if you’re going to live the next day. Start rebuilding the city and start getting back to your old and past lives. Find your families rebuild a new life! Together you can accomplish anything!” The Azrathens then start to clap loud again and then I yell, “GO… start your life, make it worth it! Use your powers to help you and we will provide other needs that you need.”

They all start to scatter and some fly away. I can tell that Azarath already has a bright future ahead of them.

I float to the ground and my Mom comes up and hugs me. “You did great up there!” She whispered into my ear. We then release and I walk over to the Team and Travis.

“So I suspect your staying here in Azarath?” John asks me.

“My Grandmother and my Mom are, but where would I live if I came to Earth?”

“With us!” Sly said with his always cheerful voice!

“Where do you guys live?”

“Let’s just say that it’s not the most common house you see on a island everyday!” Moonfire mentioned.

“Do you have room for me?”

“Tons of room!” John says.

“Ok well then I guess I’ll be moving in with you if you don’t mind.” I said.

I then turn to Travis and look at him. He deep blue eyes stare back and blood and bruises still cover his face.

“How did you ever live through that?” I ask him softly.

I liked this chapter alot! It was one of my better ones! Sorry you waited for a long time! I have a great ending to this story though so I can't wait to write the next chapter! COMMENTS PLEASE!!!:D

Faethie

09-10-2005, 02:02 PM

nice ending. short, but sweet. cool :D

RavenofAzerath~

09-10-2005, 06:30 PM

???????????????????????????????????????

whats gonna happen to travis????

~Sano

Raven13

09-10-2005, 07:01 PM

Thanks! I was acctully going to write alot more than I did! I would tell what happened to Travis and then I would just finsh the story! So you might expect maybe 1 or 2 more chapters! I really don't know!:D

P.S. In my signature is my My Space. There is a picture of me if you want to cheak it out! (I'm really 14 not 16!;))

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Crowgirl

09-11-2005, 09:24 AM

nice ending. short, but sweet. cool :D
I do agree, but it seemed a bit... anti-climatic, in a way. BUt I did really like this story, bravo!!! :)

Matt A

09-11-2005, 02:50 PM

Uhhh...as Deprise just said, it's not over yet.;):anime::anime::anime:

That was an interesting way to beat Lacey. I like it when people avoid the expected titanic duels, and in this case the alternative method of dispatch was actually quite class. Jackie fitting into the Raven family tree by going completely and utterly mental at her opponents...;):anime::anime::evil::evil:

It'll be just as interesting to see what you do with what's lef of this story. I doubt that it'll be predictable.;):anime::anime::anime:

-Matt A-

Crowgirl

09-12-2005, 02:29 PM

Uhhh...as Deprise just said, it's not over yet.;):anime::anime::anime:
Oops, my bad. :sweat:

Raven13

09-12-2005, 05:25 PM

Haha that's ok! :D I'll try to get the next chapter up soon but it seems that I'm going to have alot of homework this week! So it might be awhile. O yea again if you want to see a picture of me here is the link:

www.myspace.com/faivre (http://www.myspace.com/faivre)

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~

Raven13

11-05-2005, 03:56 PM

Sorry for such the long wait!!!This os the end of my story so hope you like it!:D

Chapter 21

Travis looked at me and said, “Maybe it was, because you had hope and……” He paused. Travis lunged forward at me and our lips locked. My heart jumped and I closed my eyes enjoying every moment of it! Sadly, we stopped and I just smiled at him as he smiled at me.

“John………… we’re ready to go home!” I said happily. His head nodded and I was just about ready to leave. I looked back at Mom and Grandma.

“Goodbye…… I’ll come back and visit I promise!” I said quickly.

John, Moonfire, Sly, Travis, and I all left Azarath together. We had finally gotten to earth and when I saw what I was going to live in for the rest of my life I was shocked.

“See I told you it was not the most normal thing people live in!” Moonfire said.

And it wasn’t! People usually don’t live in a giant T, but it worked. I was happy and I was with someone that I love. I had my friends, and I could prove to anyone that 1 person can make a difference!

We all walked into our home and Moonfire showed me to my room, or what used to be my grandmothers room. It had a really big window and it was very dark……just the way I like it! I also had my own bathroom and a huge walk in closet. Travis’s room was rate next to mine. He used Cyborg’s old room, which still had a few weights in it, but Travis made a few adjustments.

Everything was perfect it was the way things used to be, well with different superheroes. I had my whole life to look forward too. I also had numerous bad guys out there waiting to get there butt kicked…………… by the Teen Titans!

THE END!!!!!

Very short yes I know, but I'm finsihed with it! Ummm just to let you know I don't think there is going to be a sequel. Oh wait heres a sequal....

Jackie lived in the tower for the rest of her life and fought crime and saved the world form evilness numerous times!

There we go! Oh but if you would like to write a sequel just ask me and I'll prolly let you!
Ummmmm...... I think I might have another story out. It will also probably be better than this one. I think of this story as like a begginer story! If I do write more they will be better! But this is the end! I am finshed! Hope you enjoyed it!;) :D :) :anime:

~ ~ Raven13 ~ ~