In Love:age Difference

[cyborg]

how you ever loved a girl but there an age difference 14 - 16
im afraid she wont like me a guy that not in her age group I want her to like me
but I cant force her to IM SO CONFUSSED:o

[Cartman]

Well, just be kind, polite, and unselfish. That should help out in any relationship. BTW, I don't find the ages of 14 & 16 to be that big a difference. When I first read the title of the post, I thought it was something like 30/24 or something like that.

[Tienshin]

Its perfectly natural to fall for someone who is older, and in this case where the difference is a couple years I tend to think the ages are negligible. The only real factor involved is when the age variation is marked by societal segmenting, i.e. a freshman in highschool versus a person in eigth grade. In that instance the perception of maturity is much stronger and people tend to want to date at least in their same "demographic".

[Mynd Hed]

1.) This probably won't do any good to say, but if you can, try to lighten up about it. You're both still very young, and the word "love" shouldn't be in your working vocabulary yet. If you like her and she likes you, go out, have fun, and try to get her back by 11, but trust me, it'll be a lot simpler if you don't let it get any more serious than that.
You've got plenty of time to get serious later in life-- most people don't really have a serious relationship where the L-word is involved until their last couple years of college, if then. There are plenty of fish in the sea and plenty of time left to go fishing, so try not to pile too much emotional baggage on one person quite yet.
Think of your love life (if any) right now as like a scrimmage soccer match-- play your best game, get some good practice in, get to know your opponent, but don't worry too much about the score.

2.) I have found that, as far as high school romances go, while an age difference of one year or less is the ideal, a gap of two years can often work as well, while a gap of three years or more is to be avoided except in the most extreme circumstances. That's just based on my own and friends' experiences in high school, though-- individual results may vary.
Of course, that's bound to change as you grow older-- when you're in high school, two years' difference can seem like a lot, whereas if the guy is fifty and the girl is fifty-two, it's next to nothing.

So ultimately, just try to relax, keep your mind on the big picture, and remember that even though whatever happens might seem like a big deal now, it's going to seem like small potatoes in twenty years.

[Romanesque]

I don't see a difference of only two years as being all that significant at any age. Of course, I'm in the dark when it comes to modern high school social expectations... though, outside of you and the other person, who cares what your peers think?

--Romey

[Chibi Kageboshi]

i'm 18 and my boyfriend turns 20 soon... i dont have a problem.

[Nightflower]

As a fun fact, I heard of a rule for age differences that basically says that the age gap is appropriate as long as it's no more than "Half your age plus six". Since half of 16 + 6 is 14, you're good to go. ;)

[zmanjz]

As a fun fact, I heard of a rule for age differences that basically says that the age gap is appropriate as long as it's no more than "Half your age plus six". Since half of 16 + 6 is 14, you're good to go. ;)
Hmmm... 24/2 = 12... 12+6= 18

Wow, that really does work

[RD!]

Aren't age "laws" sort of broken once you hit the 30 year mark?

[zmanjz]

Aren't age "laws" sort of broken once you hit the 30 year mark?
Hmmm... 30/2 = 15, 15+6=21


I see no problem with a relationship between a 21 and 30 yearold

[WingZombie38]

86/2=43+6=49 Hmm... I think it might not apply after a while.

As far as the age difference in question I see nothing wrong. It's only 2 little years.

[James]

I've never understood why people get so upset over age when for the majority the differences between a man and woman are far greater than any difference of years will bring. If we are going to claim age makes things impossible - maybe we should give up the whole hetrosexual thing altogether...

Where you are in life can be of help I think.. and that can give a wide range in ages as peoples place in life isn't connected nescessarily to your age..

My only issue with 14-16 is that there is a lot of growing up to do there, and teenage brings much confusion and strong feelings to both parties - I think regardless of the age gap, a healthy amount of cynicism is good - your body and mind will try and confuse you with things that probably aren't true.

Love I think is hard to truely find in your teens. You've yet to discover yourself let alone how you truely relate to others.. Have fun, just don't get too deep is always my advice.

[ZorBrak]

For some reason girls tend to like older guys I notice. They always give "maturity" as an example which I personally think is just an excuse because they don't know why O_O because yeah don't try to tell me a college frat boy is any more mature than a male in his late highschool years lol. Nor do guys know why girls tend to do this. I tend to like girls my age or maybe even a year older myself because well..I don't like immaturity either lol (they tend to mature earlier), but it kind of works against me since girls usually won't even consider a guy younger than them. It's a stupid natural tendency but I can't explain it :rolleyes: .

[Avery]

Typically, teenage girls like guys who are older because, *yes*, they are more mature. Sorry. Even frat boys. This is, of course, a generalization, and there's always people who are different. Not to mention, teenage girls are mentally more mature than guys are. That part of our brains develop before you guys do, though by late teens the difference is usually negated.

[GCFyouthcamper]

my advice to you is to focus on developing a friendship with her first. you can't go wrong with that. just be aware that girls are smart and can easily tell when a guy likes them. you may not want to reveal that right away, at least not until she's more comfortable with you.

just to give you some hope, let me share some age-gap relationships i know:

my 18-year-old best friend has a 20-year-old girlfriend, and she loves him so much.

another best friend of mine is 17 and his almost-official girlfriend just turned 21 today.

and the one that takes the cake... my grandpa's brother got married to a much younger woman. Their age gap was a friggin' 18 years. Of course he was in his forties already then.

[Antiyonder]

Let me get this straight. The majority of girls are looking for a perfect fairy tale romance and they have the nerve to say guys are immature.

Part of being mature is being able to cope with the fact that not everything is perfect.

For the reference, I know not all girls are like that.

As for saying girls mature faster than girls, pure sexist. That's just like saying that all guys 16-21 read porn, smoke and drink. I can honestly say I never did any of that (no offense meant to those who do).

Sorry for going off topic. It just really bothers that no matter how different I am, I'm going to be judged for the fact that I'm a male.

[ZorBrak]

I must partially concur with what Anti is saying, I think it's immature for girls to expect a perfect "mature" guy. There's def. some concrete ideas in society that are just pain inaccurate. It seems to me more that a large number of females look in the wrong places in their teen years because many of them are in their own immature states and from their personal experiences they tend to generalize about guys in certain age ranges. Everything is subjective in love and war kids, there's really not any concrete statements you can make about tendencies for either sex aside from that both have some maturing to do in their teen years, some more than others.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

how you ever loved a girl but there an age difference 14 - 16
im afraid she wont like me a guy that not in her age group I want her to like me
but I cant force her to IM SO CONFUSSED:o

You do NOT under ANY circumstances force ANYONE to like you. That's your biggest mistake right there.

Secondly, why are you wanting a relationship so bad? School comes first. Graduate high school then think about getting a girl later.

Thirdly, it's kids like you that toss around the word "love" like it doesn't mean anything and give it a bad name. You abuse "love" so bad that it's not even funny.

About the "mature" stand point. I've always been into older guys, mature or not.

The age factor only becomes a point when someone in the relationship is an adult and is dating someone who's underaged.

[Nightflower]

Sorry to butt in here like this, but let's not let this discussion devolve into blatant generalizations about the opposite sex, and bitterness from past experiences with the aforesaid.

I'm glad everyone's having fun with the age rule. :p

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

I have yet to be in a relationship and it's teens like this one who say to others (mostly adults) that love isn't worth it because their puppy love teenage romances didn't work to their standards, so thank you for screwing around with something as serious as love. :rolleyes: :mad:

There are SOME of us (me included) in this world who takes love seriously.

[Chris Wood]

A gap of less than 5 years is nothing at all, and 10 years or less should be workable. Once you get over 10 years I think it starts getting a bit risky.

[Clayface]

The importance of the age difference really depends on where you're at in life. For example, I'm 28, out of college, working in the "real world", etc. I couldn't even begin to imagine dating someone who was still in college - the lifestyles, and the mentalities are just far too different, and I don't think I'd be truely happy with someone that's still in that stage of their life.

[guinaevere]

A gap of less than 5 years is nothing at all I disagree. 21/16, 20/15, 19/14, 18/13 In these cases, the older has a very good idea of what they're getting from the other person, and the younger is too young to understand that they're being manipulated and used. I know that's going to offend some of the younger crowd here, but I have to be blunt. You've still got a lot to learn. We all have, for that matter.

You do NOT under ANY circumstances force ANYONE to like you. That's your biggest mistake right there. At first I was going to say that not only does on DO not, but CAN not force another to like you... But thinking about how often people (usually women) will manipulate others, I realize I'm wrong...

Thirdly, it's kids like you that toss around the word "love" like it doesn't mean anything and give it a bad name. You abuse "love" so bad that it's not even funny. &
There are SOME of us (me included) in this world who takes love seriously. I see where you're coming from Chibi, and I do respect what you're saying. Yes, love, true Love encompases so much more than attraction and being crazy over someone. Yes. I agree completely with where you're coming from.

But I also think you're underestimating the feelings that many kids have. Too many adults make the mistake of dismissing the emotions of kids in jr high and high school... 'it's just puppy love' or whatever. Okay, it may be the case, but those kids are hurting like hell at the time. I think it's unfair to just write off their feelings with a label.

About the "mature" stand point. I've always been into older guys, mature or not. Atta grrl!!! :D

[Nightflower]

The importance of the age difference really depends on where you're at in life. For example, I'm 28, out of college, working in the "real world", etc. I couldn't even begin to imagine dating someone who was still in college - the lifestyles, and the mentalities are just far too different, and I don't think I'd be truely happy with someone that's still in that stage of their life.
Dang! ;)


(tencharlimit)

[Clayface]

Dang! ;)


(tencharlimit)

LOL! :o
Ah, you know you'd be the one exception to my rule. ;)

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

At first I was going to say that not only does on DO not, but CAN not force another to like you... But thinking about how often people (usually women) will manipulate others, I realize I'm wrong...

I know a guy my age who I am so madly in love with (have been for about two or so years). I did the wrong thing by forcing him to love me the way that I love him. Now? There's no chance that he and I will ever happen because I let my emotions get in the way.

As I've said before, the only time the age becomes a factor is when one is an adult and the other is underaged. My brother's girlfriend is five years older than him. It'll be two years this year since they've been dating. She was born in 1972; him in 1977. That's what he needed, an older woman. His ex is the same age as me. She broke up with him after 1 and a half years. That was a while ago. They both realised that she needed more growing up to do. Oh how I HATED her for mucking up his feelings!! :mad: I was so bitter towards her for a good six months. Then, I let it go. I love her once again. :)

[Kury Wagner]

I agree with most of the people on here. It's alright as long as it's legal. I still remember hearing about that 10 year old girl who got pregnant by her 16 year old boyfriend a few years ago. Even when they both are under the 18 age, it still could be wrong. :shrug:

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

I agree with most of the people on here. It's alright as long as it's legal. I still remember hearing about that 10 year old girl who got pregnant by her 16 year old boyfriend a few years ago. Even when they both are under the 18 age, it still could be wrong. :shrug:
O_O!!

Whoa.. and just.. wow.. I am in shock..!! That is so WRONG. I take it she had the baby?

[Mynd Hed]

I've never understood why people get so upset over age when for the majority the differences between a man and woman are far greater than any difference of years will bring. If we are going to claim age makes things impossible - maybe we should give up the whole hetrosexual thing altogether....
I don't think that anyone has stated that a significant age gap makes things IMPOSSIBLE. An age gap is just one more obstacle-- it doesn't have to be an insurmountable one, but it needs to be acknowledged if it's going to be overcome.

I see no problem with a relationship between a 21 and 30 yearold
I don't see any moral or ethical problem in theory-- the two people in this situation have every right to make their own decisions, and if they think they can make it work, more power to them. But I see a whole host of potential pragmatic problems. A 30-year-old, unless he/she has very wealthy and generous parents, has been living on his/her own and supporting him/herself for several years, whereas a 21-year-old is probably about halfway through college and only beginning to really, seriously think about what he/she is going to do with his/her life. This is bound to lead to a lot of disparity in the way the two people view things like personal finances, responsibility, obligation, etc. There are plenty of other similar examples of troubles their age gap might cause them.
Now, if the two people are committed to one another, they can overcome problems like that-- IF they are willing to deal with those sorts of difficulties as they come up. On the other hand, if they think that their love will automatically conquer all and expect their relationship to sail along smoothly with no extra effort to overcome the problems that an age gap can cause, they're in for a rude awakening. It's one thing to acknowledge that a relationship with a significant age gap CAN work. It's an entirely different thing to say that all that matters is love and that an age gap is entirely immaterial. The former is hope, a great virtue. The latter is foolish romanticism and blind optimism, something that has probably killed more relationships than anything else in history.

[Kury Wagner]

O_O!!

Whoa.. and just.. wow.. I am in shock..!! That is so WRONG. I take it she had the baby?
I don't know. It's been like three years. But, they weren't going to let her, because her body is still growing, and it would be harmful to her.

[Eddie G.]

O_O!!

Whoa.. and just.. wow.. I am in shock..!! That is so WRONG. I take it she had the baby?Sadly people that young having sex isn't that uncommon especially in some low income areas, honestly the whole idea of so many ten years old being sexually active is sad.

I kind of have a question, is it weird if a guy goes out with a girl who's older?

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Good to know that action was taken for the 10 year old.

Sadly people that young having sex isn't that uncommon especially in some low income areas, honestly the whole idea of so many ten years old being sexually active is sad.

My sexual urges began at that age but I never acted upon them. I'm glad I didn't. 14 years later, I'M READY!! :D :D :anime:

I kind of have a question, is it weird if a guy goes out with a girl who's older?

Look at my post about my brother and his girlfriend. :)

[Kury Wagner]

I kind of have a question, is it weird if a guy goes out with a girl who's older?
My mom is three years older than my dad. :shrug: If that helps. And they've been together for 21 years, this year!

[Chris Wood]

I disagree. 21/16, 20/15, 19/14, 18/13 In these cases, the older has a very good idea of what they're getting from the other person, and the younger is too young to understand that they're being manipulated and used. .
:D
Um, all of your proposed pairings involve minors and are thus illegal, albeit very kinky. What I meant was that for serious relationships, which of course means adults, a difference of under 5 years is nothing.

Oh , and the dynamic you described happens to people of all ages, unfortunate though it is.

[Mynd Hed]

Um, all of your proposed pairings involve minors and are thus illegal, albeit very kinky.
Only if one assumes that we're talking about sexual relationships, Mr. Freudian Mind. (-:

[James]

I don't think that anyone has stated that a significant age gap makes things IMPOSSIBLE. An age gap is just one more obstacle-- it doesn't have to be an insurmountable one, but it needs to be acknowledged if it's going to be overcome.

My point is, relatively, I think the issue of age is made more an issue than it actually is. Any relationship has big issues, gender alone is a far greater one when it comes to differences. Essentially, ageism is just tribal age groups disliking crossing the age zones. Young people don't like older people stealing stock, consider younger people too vacuous to really appreciate more experienced people. I agree there are issues that probably will arise, but I don't think this is a genuine arguement for most people. People don't like the thought of two ages getting together, be it because it visually repulses them or doesn't fit in with their social frame.

But I see a whole host of potential pragmatic problems. A 30-year-old, unless he/she has very wealthy and generous parents, has been living on his/her own and supporting him/herself for several years, whereas a 21-year-old is probably about halfway through college and only beginning to really, seriously think about what he/she is going to do with his/her life. This is bound to lead to a lot of disparity in the way the two people view things like personal finances, responsibility, obligation, etc. There are plenty of other similar examples of troubles their age gap might cause them.

My point is the issues in relationships are relative again. An issue as you described above could cause the same disfunction as another totally different issue of people the same age. What is relevant is - as you said - whether the parties are willing to work through it together.

If both parties offer something the other enjoys, then they will try to make it work regardless of the odds. I think the question of age is more to do with social expectations of those not involved rather than any major concern for those who are.

[Mynd Hed]

I think the question of age is more to do with social expectations of those not involved rather than any major concern for those who are.
A valid point, but social expectations can be another big obstacle, especially if one or both parties' family doesn't approve. In this sense, it's much like an interracial or homosexual relationship. That doesn't make it right, but it's a problem both parties need to acknowledge if they want to make it work.
And yes, other obstacles that have nothing to do with age, such as a significant religious or philosophical disparity, could be just as problematic. The thing is, any relationship is going to have a number of potential problems endemic to intimacy between two people, and that's why if it is going to have the additional problems of an age gap or religious difference or what have you piled on top of that, the two people involved will have to be prepared to take some serious time and effort to make it work.

[cyborg]

its allright I told her I loved her and were going together so much power that word poses it just makes them melt in your hands hum:cool:

[Kury Wagner]

its allright I told her I loved her and were going together so much power that word poses it just makes them melt in your hands hum:cool:
Good! I wish you all the happiness in the world (that's not being used)! :anime:

[Fone Bone]

I dated a girl six years younger than me a couple of years ago (I'm 28.) She used me and manipulated me badly. People of different ages are in different places in life. It's best to try to stick with folks your own age.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

I dated a girl six years younger than me a couple of years ago (I'm 28.) She used me and manipulated me badly. People of different ages are in different places in life. It's best to try to stick with folks your own age.

You're both adults and just because SHE didn't work for you doesn't mean that another 28 year old who's dating a woman six years younger than him won't work.

One problem I have is that I don't look my age or sound my age. People think I'm 17 (my 24th birthday is this August), so guys are careful around me. I'm legal!! I swear!!

[Fone Bone]

You're both adults and just because SHE didn't work for you doesn't mean that another 28 year old who's dating a woman six years younger than him won't work.

One problem I have is that I don't look my age or sound my age. People think I'm 17 (my 24th birthday is this August), so guys are careful around me. I'm legal!! I swear!!
That's very true. I was just giving advice based on my personal experiences. If the relationship had been a good one I suppose I'd be giving the opposite advice!:eek:

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Circumstances notwithstanding, I hereby dub thee "Mud" for your atrocious ramblings that have hindered- no wait.. looking at your signature, you like Calvin and Hobbes. I hereby pardon thee on all accounts.

If the first part of my post makes no sense, I have done my job to confuse you and to make it look like I'm mad at you, which I'm not. I just got a cramp in my leg early this morning and it still hurts. I'm trying to make a funny.

It just bothers me that many people use "everyone" or "everything" or "everybody" in the context that it is indeed "one and all". Different strokes for different folks.

[Fone Bone]

I actually feel the same way. Nobody has met every single person on this planet and can judge what everyone is thinking. However our life experiences inform all that we become. Or all that I become. Man, this is confusing. Suffice it to say, some people let their experiences define how they see the world. It's somewhat limiting, but understandable.

If you love Calvin and Hobbes, you should read Bone.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

"Calvin! Go do something you hate. Being miserable builds character."

Something to that affect. I think I have that strip.

I have yet to have any experience in the Relationship World, so I can only go by with what I see.

<3

[Fone Bone]

"Calvin! Go do something you hate. Being miserable builds character."



<3That strip had me doubled over with laughter. Especially Mom's reaction. Read Bone now.

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

The antelope and the bird call ones had me in stitches!! :D I'll see if I can get my hands on "Bone".

Whoops.. back on topic..

[Fone Bone]

The antelope and the bird call ones had me in stitches!! :D I'll see if I can get my hands on "Bone".

Whoops.. back on topic..The first trade paperback is called "Out From Boneville". It's a must read.

And may all your romance wishes come true, you wonderful Canadian.:)

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

Oh, I'll let you people know the day I get a boyfriend. That would be a nice birthday present. My birthhday's in August. Will it happen then? I.. don't know.. *just tired of being alone* :(

[Fone Bone]

Oh, I'll let you people know the day I get a boyfriend. That would be a nice birthday present. My birthhday's in August. Will it happen then? I.. don't know.. *just tired of being alone* :(
It won't be forever. Things will get better.:)

[ElBarto]

As a fun fact, I heard of a rule for age differences that basically says that the age gap is appropriate as long as it's no more than "Half your age plus six". Since half of 16 + 6 is 14, you're good to go. ;)hmmmmm what if your one? .5+6=6 1/2 a 1 year old with a 6 and a half year old that makes sense:shrug:

[James]

hmmmmm what if your one? .5+6=6 1/2 a 1 year old with a 6 and a half year old that makes sense:shrug:

Maybe the requirement the youngest should be able to do the math to be part of the couple... :)

[Chris Wood]

Only if one assumes that we're talking about sexual relationships, Mr. Freudian Mind. (-:
Well, what can I say, XY chromosomes = one track mind.

Anyway, if it's still platonic, it's not really a full-fledged serious relationship yet is it? Age can be an issue for serious relationships, but I don't think it has much affect on platonic relationships. You can be friends with anybody.

[Romanesque]

Well, what can I say, XY chromosomes = one track mind.

Anyway, if it's still platonic, it's not really a full-fledged serious relationship yet is it? Age can be an issue for serious relationships, but I don't think it has much affect on platonic relationships. You can be friends with anybody.

So, you posit that any sexless relationship is inherently platonic?

--Romey

[Sailor Chibi Otaku]

It won't be forever. Things will get better.:)

Are.. you hiding something from me? Could it be that.. you have my future man in your grips and are not willing to let him go until the right time? Do I have to come over there and snatch him away from your clutches?!?!?!

(Don't mind me. I've been up for 12 hours so far)

"Scientific progress goes 'boink'?"

@Desslar: me=woman. Me=one track mind. Just sayin'. :p :evil: